Watching Episode 5 reminds me of how I felt walking into this group of ladies: defensive! Clearly there was a lot of cattiness directed at me at the Lollipop Theater charity event (can't a girl wear a heel!?!), so walking into Adrienne's bbq, I definitely had some hesitation about spending time with Kyle, Lisa, and Dana.
I asked Taylor to meet up after the charity event to get to know her better. Despite some initial tension, she was very sweet to me and I had heard through the grapevine that she was going through a tough time and thought we could relate to one another. It seemed obvious during our meeting that she was in a very sad place. Our conversation kept circling back to divorce and therapy, and it seemed clear to me, both by our conversation and her words, that she too could be headed that way. I assumed (which is never a good thing!) that the other ladies, who are far closer to her, were already aware of this.
The bbq was my first chance to meet Camille and I felt we bonded immediately. She has always been so genuine and we have so much in common. I had debated for a while as to whether or not I should bring my boys, Mason (8 years old) and Jake (who just turned 4). As any mom can attest, your youngest is always your little baby and maybe you're sometimes in a little bit of denial about them growing up! And as any mom of little boys knows (because I'm sure raising girls are an entirely different experience), sometimes when they gotta go, they gotta go! Let's be honest: I was a bit intimidated. I was still on crutches, and I already hobbled in with a target on my back. Some of the ladies were very short with me (especially Kyle) and there was a lot of eye-rolling and a good amount of attitude (not to mention a couple of digs about Camille and my, umm, as The Real Housewives of New Jersey would say it, our bubbies). Dana was so busy bragging about her over-the-top sunglasses that she barely acknowledged I was there. I don’t think she earned any points with that.
So there we are: I am complimenting Kyle on her gorgeous family (and I meant it, she has beautiful girls). She returns the compliment, and, as I turn, there is my baby dropping his shorts to take a quick pee. Is that the best etiquette when invited to a friend's house to swim? Of course not. I yelled to stop him, but clearly couldn't move that quickly and frankly, was a bit embarrassed, so I tried to laugh it off.
But as I said, it's not an uncommon thing for boys and he's still so young. Like I said, it's better than peeing in the pool! I wonder how many of the kids did that? Hmmm. Potty training is HARD WORK. Jake has been out of diapers for a while, but it's always a success when they don't go in their pants. And if I did take the time to hobble over there, he would have already moved onto the next thing and wouldn't understand why I was yelling at him. Plus, I think that would probably attract MORE criticism.
I wasn’t going to win either way.
I have been in L.A. for a long time and have gone to pool parties not unlike this one with A-list celebrities, and I can fill you all in on something: even celebrity kids sometimes pee in a bush. Shocking!
And as for my claim to fame: trust me, do you think I ever wanted to be known for having to suffer through a public divorce? It would be much easier if I could be famous for, I don’t know, having an even more famous niece or a sister who was in a movie. What's that saying about glass houses?
Back to the bbq. After the ice was finally broken, we were all having a laugh over what Camille said about her ex-husbands, ummm, package (is that a better word?). Kyle was seemingly naive to what she was talking about (which seemed a little forced to me), so I just said it. It is what it is. Most of the girls laughed, but Ms. Richards deemed it inappropriate (anyone else feel like she's ALWAYS teaching people lessons? She should have been a teacher!). The kids were out of range and it was just a bunch of grown-ups. Sorry if I offended her pristine ears. Maybe dirty talk is something she's never experienced.
I immediately assume (there I go assuming again!) that she is judging me and thinking I’m foul-mouthed and, well, slutty! So I call it out. I’ve never been one to mince my words. I felt they were thinking that and I got so uncomfortable, so I said it. Sue me!
As far as my joke about Dana's fiancé goes: it wasn't nice and I have since apologized. I do think however, that if you say, "I have no idea what my fiancé does or where he goes but he is just always gone," you might deserve a little ribbing. She then said he was visiting his sick mother and I felt horrible. I shouldn't have said it. Done and done. And I obviously feel terribly that she was so ill, but I honestly felt it was timed to make me look and feel worse. Success.
Moral of the story is that I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt and have a good time. And once again, Adrienne and Camille came off as the class acts they are!
Until next time! xx