Cast Blog: #RHOBH

Egg Beaters

Episode 18: Bravotv.com's Associate Editor ponders love, cheese, and burglary.

Aloha Beverly Hills fans! Welcome back to paradise. However that jubilant feeling only lasted until Kyle heard the footsteps of her fellow Richards tootling down the hallway into the room next door. Let's recap shall we. . .

Paul and Adrienne 4-EVA
We rarely get to see the Bickersons acting as lovebirds but the island air seemed to work for them. Suddenly it was all fitness gear and romance as the precious couple wandered the island trails, with Paul butchering the Hawaiian language along the way.

I will say that Paul might be a phenomenal doctor, but he doesn't seem to be much of a herpetologist (His belief that the trail is snake-free because it's "a small trail" is not going to cut it with me. I have heard no proof to the fact that snakes are sizeists. Also, rattlesnakes are just one type of snake. Call me Indiana Jones, but I'm not taking any chances when it comes to these guys).

In the end, Adrienne said she could only stand romance in 10-minute increments, so Paul had to carpe de minutes while he could. Hence when the gang prodded him and Ms. Maloof to kiss after his toast, he kissed her. And if they haven't held hands in a while, this definitely got them back on that level.

I personally disagree with Brandi’s thoughts on the Nassif/Maloof freak number, but I do think they do more smooching than they might let on. You're not fooling me, kiddos. You can also call me Elton John, because I certainly felt the love that night.

Kyle Richards: Women of Espionage
Kim finally arrives and, conveniently, is situated in a room exactly next to Kyle's. While Kim's trying to eat some chocolate-covered pineapples, Kyle is pressed as close to the wall as possible listening in to whatever her ears can pick up. She was mere seconds away from throwing her margarita out and using the glass to get a clearer soundtrack. (I would say she could have drank the entire cocktail, but judging by the faces Mauricio and she made after taking a swig, I think she'd be far less concerned with her detective work after downing a cocktail like that).

Sherlock didn't have to work alone though. Over dinner Mauricio tried to get to the bottom of Kim and Ken's "work" excuse to cover their lateness. However, Kim wasn't exactly letting "the truth set her free."

After that fact finding mission failed, Kyle was forced to do even more detective work when Kim was late for the boat. And so she and Lisa took full advantage of the proximity between the Richards sisters' rooms with a little recon. . .albeit one that could have used a better up and over system.

Oh, Lisa. You're good at so many things, but your climbing skills leave a little to be desired. If Giggy had been there, you probably could have sent him over as spy and saved yourself from getting trapped on the stucco wall. This is why you can't leave home without him (also because of he would have so many great Hawaiian outfits. Giggy in a grass skirt is a missed opportunity I will not forgive).

In the end, the detective skills were no match for Kim not being able to find the bottom of her bathing suit, and in the end Kim and Ken literally missed the boat (har, har, har). Note this joke went over far less well when Kim used it to try and to lighten the mood.

The Captain and Brandi
The friendship between Lisa and Brandi is really making my heart grow multiple sizes bigger. Lisa nearly showing Brandi business to the entire high seas is exactly the sort of playful dramatics I adore. Let’s imagine that on constant loop to Queen’s “Best Friend” all day. And then, Lisa adorably salts Brandi's game when she was trying to lay the mack down on the boat captain.

I think the next step in their friendship is having one of those street portraits of them drawn – the ones with the giant caricature faces. It’d be nice if it was Hawaii-centric too, so then Lisa’s cartoon could have been wearing her precious fedora. Maybe they could frame it and put it in Lisa's SUR expansion somewhere -- at least in one of the bathrooms or something.

What's the Frequency Kenneth?
Post-island day and pre-dinner Kim and Ken meet back up with the group. While Paul prods Kim for information about Ken, everything's very sweet. However, Ken's ESP is a little off. He saunters over and tries to shut the chatter down, which isn't exactly the fastest way to win over new friends. I also want to mention that he plays gatekeeper for Kim cheeses, which is either the sweetest thing a boyfriend can do or the creepiest (I would love a man that shielded me from gouda, and it is sort of sweet he remembers that Kim hates brie).

But we move from dairy to eggs, as eventually Kyle takes her "egg beater" persona and "climbs up the tree" (as egg beaters are known to do) of why Kim is late. 

In important life lessons from Housewives, I learned that even if the person you're fighting with is a bad driver (put the cell phone down Kyle!) that's not the best way to diffuse the argument. Also not a great way to smooth the situation over telling the person you don't care. 

And so, Kim and Ken leave without so much as an "aloha," cutting the trip even shorter than their late arrival did.

Next week the castara continues at Lisa's Sur opening, when Kim and Kyle try to have a sit-down and (surprise!) Cedric drops by. And as if you need another reason to watch, you find out what Sur stands for. Don't Google it! Wait until next week's episode and be surprised and until then leave your guesses in the comments.

Lisa R.: I Am Horrified By the Way Kim Treats Kyle

Lisa R. talks about what drove her to throw the glass.

Have you ever put a bunch of ingredients in the blender, hit power on only to realize that you forgot to put the lid on, so it sprays everywhere? This is exactly how my brain feels after this episode. There has been so much going on and so much building up that finally everything has just exploded into a million pieces.

What a relief it was to see Eileen and Lisa V. arrive in Amsterdam. It was only a tiny calm before the storm, though, because sh-- hit the fan almost immediately. As I watch the show today, there are so many little details and nuances that I'd forgotten in the months since the trip.

As soon as we sat down for dinner, you can see how aggressive and extremely discontent Kim Richards was sitting among us, waiting for the slightest thing to provoke her anger. She looked at whoever was speaking with disdain, just waiting to challenge them. Yolanda was a gracious hostess, though, and tried to make the best of what appeared to be a rocky beginning to the night. I, for one, found Yolanda's suggestion that we each discuss something in our lives that has moved us deeply to be heartfelt and touching.

As I spoke of my own sister dying at age 21 of a sleeping pill and alcohol overdose when I was six years old, I really allowed myself to become vulnerable among these women. I trusted each of them to let me tell my story and perhaps allow my words to be a bonding experience, so I took the opportunity to once again apologize to Kim for overstepping a boundary of hers. Had I known that sharing a story so deeply rooted inside of me would cause Kim to lash out at Eileen, Kyle, and myself, I would have never opened my mouth and allowed us to be left open to her uncontrollable anger and spiteful words.

The insults she continued to hurl at Eileen were terribly disgusting and hurtful. To sit there and insult her physical appearance, call her a “beast,” and tell her to shut her f---ing mouth was just beyond. I mean, even to this day, all I can do is stare in wide-eyed horror and shake my head in disgust. As for Kyle, I wouldn’t presume to get in the middle of family matters, but I am horrified by the way Kim treats her. I can only hope they find a way to settle their differences because this is just so NOT OK.

I'm just glad that I didn't strangle her on the spot, mainly because I hear the food in jail sucks and orange is not my best color! 

Lisa Rinna

Again it was Yolanda who tried to bring a little dignity and class back into the conversation. Unfortunately, Kim twisted what Yolanda was trying to do into a deflection away from her own behavior and onto my husband and me. Where on earth did that come from? I am fiercely protective of my marriage and my family, and I'll be damned if I let someone as disturbed as she create false rumors about my husband. I think it's plain to see that Kim crossed the line. That was my "DO NOT F--- WITH ME" moment. You have just met my inner gangster! I'm just glad that I didn't strangle her on the spot, mainly because I hear the food in jail sucks and orange is not my best color! The crazy part is Kim has met HH once. One time. And that was the night of the poker party when she had taken one or two or 20 of Monty’s pain pills, so who knows what on earth was going through her mind when she met him or during that car ride from hell.

Look, I own the fact that I allowed myself to be provoked, and it was uncool to break a glass in the restaurant. It was not one of my finest moments, but there's only so much my inner gangster can take before she goes postal. It was all very draining, and by the time we got to our conversation the next morning, I was really over it and not looking for another fight. Besides, we were in Amsterdam for God's sake, and it was beautiful and I wasn't about to let Kim, of all people, ruin my short time there, so I stopped reminding Kim that I had, in fact, come directly to her with my concerns and just took the high road.

Chaos and anger aside, I really loved being in Amsterdam, especially with such a wonderful and generous tour guide as Yolanda. Riding bikes through her quaint village to the windmills was refreshing, cathartic, and good for the soul. The cake eating was pretty funny and then, of course, more drama ensued, which I couldn't get away from fast enough. I was in survival mode already just trying to get through the evening, let alone another five days.

More from Amsterdam next week...

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