Hawaiian Shirt Day
Episode 17: Bravotv.com's Associate Editor talks tater tots, Aloha wear, and bull mastiffs.
And we're back. After some holiday-ing and what not, it's finally time to return to the White Party. Yes, time in Beverly Hills has slightly stood still, and we've returned to the aftermath of Kyle asking the Armstrongs to leave. Like Camille, take your coat off and stay a while, we've made arrangements so you can be here -- and we've got a mariachi band dressed in all white to cheer you up.
And the award for most optimistic reaction to the White Party Kerfuffle goes to. . .
Kim Richards, duh. When Lisa explained that Taylor had been denied entrance, she chuckled and retorted "At least it wasn't me this year." God bless you for seeing the bright side Kim Richards.
After the ladies talked out their feelings, the cloud over the party lifted a bit. Brandi and Camille discussed their Vegas makeout -- which surprisingly Paul did not find sexy (someone show that man the tape of them dancing and ask him again). The dancing really got underway -- I've been waiting all season to see Kim do that helicopter thing with her ponytail. In fact, Kim and Ken mugged down a little bit on the dance floor, so take that world. Ms. Richards flaunts your disapproval with dance (as all disapproval should be flaunted).
Best Hawaiian Shirt
Despite Giggy's amazing Hawaiin shirt, he was not packed for the 50th state, which is really a shame. I guess he is sensitive to the sun. Let's just hope he didn't spend the time left alone consulting with Cedric "the life coach." I feel for some reason Cedric would steer him away from wearing such vibrant prints.
Breakfast: The Most Important Meal of the Day
I have to point out a small delightful moment contained in this week's episode. Once the ladies were checked in at the airport, and awaiting the arrival of Ms. Richards they, like any weary traveler, got something to eat.
This was hands down the most food I have ever seen a group of Housewives take down. It was some sort of French fried Festivus. There were loads of tater tots, multiple egg sandwich options, etc., etc. If you have ever said, "Oh those Beverly Hills ladies never eat," here is your proof to the contrary. At one point, Camille was literally wrist-deep into some fries. If you're holidays were anything like mine, you ate a shame meal somewhat similarly, tucked into a pleather seat and dealing with the best your chosen terminal had to offer. Stars, they are sort of like us. It was the elite travel lounge. But still -- tater tots. You're welcome readers, you now have a great icebreaker for the next time you meet a Housewife ("Adrienne, I love tater tots too!").
Anyway, as it turns out Kim Richards is unable to locate a non-expired driver's license, keys, or her passport. So her little fib about getting her license renewed means that she's not going to make this particular plane out. Sorry Kyle! Kyle instructs her there is a 6 pm option, and immediately regrets that she didn't tell her the flight wasn't at 3 pm. Paul's taking that later flight as well, so at least she has someone to eat tater tots with later.
Then the gang boards the plane, with delicious drinks in tow. Camille mentions a delightful cocktail called "16 ounces of Freedom," but laments she doesn't have the just as enjoyable "8 inches of Freedom" on hand for her arrival. Again, I'm no TSA Agent, so I don't know the regulations on flying with that sort of thing. I instruct you to check the pamphlets in your seatback pockets for more information if you need help understanding her reference.
The Plane, The Plane, or The Can, The Can
On leg two of the travel, the gang transfers to their second plane, which may or may not be a shop vac.
Teensy is the ideal adjective here. Once on "teensy" Brandi explains her typical pre-flight diet. While she can no longer "roofie" herself, she can take a Xanax, prop up her cankle and hope for the best. Kyle follows her patented game plan of holding her copy of the Zohar and freaking the F out.
Once they've safely sailed the soup can to the ground, the gang changes to automobiles and finally loads up on a bus to the beach, or as Brandi calls, it "C--k and Beach." Yes, she's really racked up the frequent flyer miles with her in-flight cocktail and is feeling divine. Divine like making sweeping generalizations about the member sizes of men who drive red Ferraris -- including Adrienne's brother. Sorry men of America who drive red Ferraris, Brandi has some firm stereotypes about you. Feel free to prove her wrong if you dare.
Best in Show
After what might have been Lisa making an exception about her usual sex schedule, the gang reassembles for sunset cocktails and copious Glanville flirting. While I respect Camille’s knowledge of the island chains, I do think Ken could have gotten this information from Wikipedia or the concierge desk, as opposed to from a mini-dissertation from Ms. Donatacci whilst Brandi hung all over him. I'm just saying Lisa might have preferred that method of learning.
However, Brandi's inebriated clarity also led to a great discussion about what exactly Kim's new boyfriend looks like.
The next day poolside, Brandi and Camille show us that not only do they have crazy public divorces in common, they also share incredible beach bods. Lisa, on the other hand, protects herself from the suns rays with a sensible caftan and her signature wit. Ken puts on a fedora and tries not to die of a combination of heat stroke and arousal. While Brandi frolics, Lisa and Kyle receive a call. Taylor, who earlier spoke with her therapist about the fallout from the White Party, phones the ladies to let them know that her marriage is over. Wow.
Next week, Kim finally arrives in Hawaii -- and it looks like she paid the extra baggage fee so she could bring plenty of drama.
What did you think of this week's episode folks? Personally I'm enjoying the group's delightfully bawdy vacay so far. Are you? Do you eat tater tots at the airport? Would you date a man that drives a red Ferrari? Would you date a bull mastiff?