Cast Blog: #RHOBH

Hawaiian Shirt Day

Episode 17:'s Associate Editor talks tater tots, Aloha wear, and bull mastiffs.

And we're back. After some holiday-ing and what not, it's finally time to return to the White Party. Yes, time in Beverly Hills has slightly stood still, and we've returned to the aftermath of Kyle asking the Armstrongs to leave. Like Camille, take your coat off and stay a while, we've made arrangements so you can be here -- and we've got a mariachi band dressed in all white to cheer you up.

And the award for most optimistic reaction to the White Party Kerfuffle goes to. . .
Kim Richards, duh. When Lisa explained that Taylor had been denied entrance, she chuckled and retorted "At least it wasn't me this year." God bless you for seeing the bright side Kim Richards.

After the ladies talked out their feelings, the cloud over the party lifted a bit. Brandi and Camille discussed their Vegas makeout -- which surprisingly Paul did not find sexy (someone show that man the tape of them dancing and ask him again). The dancing really got underway -- I've been waiting all season to see Kim do that helicopter thing with her ponytail. In fact, Kim and Ken mugged down a little bit on the dance floor, so take that world. Ms. Richards flaunts your disapproval with dance (as all disapproval should be flaunted).

Best Hawaiian Shirt
Despite Giggy's amazing Hawaiin shirt, he was not packed for the 50th state, which is really a shame. I guess he is sensitive to the sun. Let's just hope he didn't spend the time left alone consulting with Cedric "the life coach." I feel for some reason Cedric would steer him away from wearing such vibrant prints.

Breakfast: The Most Important Meal of the Day
I have to point out a small delightful moment contained in this week's episode. Once the ladies were checked in at the airport, and awaiting the arrival of Ms. Richards they, like any weary traveler, got something to eat.


This was hands down the most food I have ever seen a group of Housewives take down. It was some sort of French fried Festivus. There were loads of tater tots, multiple egg sandwich options, etc., etc. If you have ever said, "Oh those Beverly Hills ladies never eat," here is your proof to the contrary. At one point, Camille was literally wrist-deep into some fries. If you're holidays were anything like mine, you ate a shame meal somewhat similarly, tucked into a pleather seat and dealing with the best your chosen terminal had to offer. Stars, they are  sort of like us. It was the elite travel lounge. But still -- tater tots. You're welcome readers, you now have a great icebreaker for the next time you meet a Housewife ("Adrienne, I love tater tots too!").

Anyway, as it turns out Kim Richards is unable to locate a non-expired driver's license, keys, or her passport. So her little fib about getting her license renewed means that she's not going to make this particular plane out. Sorry Kyle! Kyle instructs her there is a 6 pm option, and immediately regrets that she didn't tell her the flight wasn't at 3 pm. Paul's taking that later flight as well, so at least she has someone to eat tater tots with later.

Then the gang boards the plane, with delicious drinks in tow. Camille mentions a delightful cocktail called "16 ounces of Freedom," but laments she doesn't have the just as enjoyable "8 inches of Freedom" on hand for her arrival. Again, I'm no TSA Agent, so I don't know the regulations on flying with that sort of thing. I instruct you to check the pamphlets in your seatback pockets for more information if you need help understanding her reference.

The Plane, The Plane, or The Can, The Can
On leg two of the travel, the gang transfers to their second plane, which may or may not be a shop vac.

Teensy is the ideal adjective here. Once on "teensy" Brandi explains her typical pre-flight diet. While she can no longer "roofie" herself, she can take a Xanax, prop up her cankle and hope for the best. Kyle follows her patented game plan of holding her copy of the Zohar and freaking the F out.

Once they've safely sailed the soup can to the ground, the gang changes to automobiles and finally loads up on a bus to the beach, or as Brandi calls, it "C--k and Beach." Yes, she's really racked up the frequent flyer miles with her in-flight cocktail and is feeling divine. Divine like making sweeping generalizations about the member sizes of men who drive red Ferraris -- including Adrienne's brother. Sorry men of America who drive red Ferraris, Brandi has some firm stereotypes about you. Feel free to prove her wrong if you dare.

Best in Show
After what might have been Lisa making an exception about her usual sex schedule, the gang reassembles for sunset cocktails and copious Glanville flirting. While I respect Camille’s knowledge of the island chains, I do think Ken could have gotten this information from Wikipedia or the concierge desk, as opposed to from a mini-dissertation from Ms. Donatacci whilst Brandi hung all over him. I'm just saying Lisa might have preferred that method of learning.

However, Brandi's inebriated clarity also led to a great discussion about what exactly Kim's new boyfriend looks like.

The next day poolside, Brandi and Camille show us that not only do they have crazy public divorces in common, they also share incredible beach bods. Lisa, on the other hand, protects herself from the suns rays with a sensible caftan and her signature wit. Ken puts on a fedora and tries not to die of a combination of heat stroke and arousal. While Brandi frolics, Lisa and Kyle receive a call. Taylor, who earlier spoke with her therapist about the fallout from the White Party, phones the ladies to let them know that her marriage is over. Wow.

Next week, Kim finally arrives in Hawaii -- and it looks like she paid the extra baggage fee so she could bring plenty of drama.

What did you think of this week's episode folks? Personally I'm enjoying the group's delightfully bawdy vacay so far. Are you? Do you eat tater tots at the airport? Would you date a man that drives a red Ferrari? Would you date a bull mastiff?

Brandi: You Can't Confirm What Didn't Happen

Brandi questions some of the ladies' motives, plus gives an interesting update on her relationship with LeAnn. 

Hey, My Bravoistas!

I’m in my American Airlines' seat 36 hours later, flying back home from NYC, thankful to be on a safe path home. My prayers go out to the families and loved ones of the downed German airliner in the French Alps this morning. I cannot imagine the pain being experienced by these families at this moment, which shockingly has led me to add a new person into my flight prayer children’s stepmom. Don’t get me wrong--not everything is yet copasetic, but my children love her, so she is now in the “flight prayer,” differences aside. Now on a happier RHOBH note, last night’s WWHL with Andy was sooooo fun! No drama for once!

NEWS FLASH! Please watch for my new Sonoma County Chardonnay “Unfiltered Blonde,” to launch in April!

As I look over this past season, all I can say is it’s been an odd one. There were so many fun moments that got lost in the drama and so many weeks of fun you never saw at all. I wish you had, but I'm not in control of everything we get to see. I’d like to remember having fun with Kim “stalking” my now boyfriend J.R. That was such a crazy fun girls' night, Lisa R. being chased by killer bees, Yolanda and her Facetime confusion and meeting her family for the second time this--time in Holland, the Foster Foundation Extravaganza, “singing” at Lisa V.’s birthday party, and Kyle pretending to be a caring sister and owning yachts and planes…haha.
Ok, I’ll behave.

Here we are at the last episode of the season, yet, it seems most are still stuck in the beginning. I wish we weren’t, and I would dearly like to leave “Poker Night” behind. However, one person continues to make it the focal point of every interaction from when it happened and far into the three-part reunion.

This episode opens with Rinna tearing down a swing set, but her home interviews are still about what she perceives as Kim’s issues to be, not the actual touching moment of what the swing set tear-down symbolizes or her own family (I can't wait for her daughters to write their Brooke Shields-style memoir when they are age appropriate). LR says she feels sorry for Kim and cares about Kim and wishes Kim well. The truth is a lot less pretty. Some people have been attacking Kim’s sobriety online this week, but we won’t name names. BTW, Kim is sober and not online. She is busy caring for serious ill family members and driving back and forth to doctors and hospitals and being strong for her family.

Next we see Nicky Hilton’s book signing--sister Paris and mom Kathy Hilton are there. Looks like a great party and congrats to Nicky on her style book. Camille looks gorgeous as usual. Kyle angrily flips her hair, because Kim was wearing a shirt that she carries at “her” shop, but didn’t buy it there...whatever. Then Kyle whispers about her sister Kim to Lisa V. and Camille.
Kyle then tells them she is confused and impatient that Kim hasn’t confronted me over her third-hand Lisa R. gossip. She states Kim WILL be hurt and broken hearted over what “I” said… Kyle seems way too overy excited about that happening, which I find kind creepy. Why would anyone WANT their sister to be hurt or in pain?!

The preparations for Adrienne’s party are in full swing next. Lisa V. is fretting it, Kim is casually discussing the intervention GOSSIP with her makeup artist before the party, I’m getting ready and waiting for my friends and my date.

Adrienne’s party is the big finale of our journey this year. Everyone is there, and Adrienne always excels at events. So here we go. First off, my mind was not on the party at all. My father was recently hospitalized, and I didn’t leave his side for two weeks. It was very serious, but I had to return home to my boys. He was still not conscious, but I needed to get home to run my household--a party was the last place I wanted to be, but I had promised. That’s why I decided to bring the few people that I felt I could depend on in that moment. My friends and J.R. have been there for me during my father’s health scare and over more then a month of hospitalization--that was and is what remains what’s important to me.

The party seems like it was fun for a lot of people who weren’t involved in Kyle and Lisa. R.’s drama. I wish I were one of them, but in a way I was. As much as Kyle relished telling Kim the hurtful gossip she heard from LR, what she wanted to happen didn’t happen. There was no argument between Kim and I. We were happy to see each other. We spoke easily. I was busy worrying about my Dad; she was busy with her family.

What we saw on the finale was an efficient Kim quietly confronting Lisa R., then leaving Lisa R.'s table somewhat amused. Lisa R. couldn’t confirm the veracity of her gossip, because I DIDN’T SAY IT. Thanks again to Bravo for showing the truth in a flashback last week.

So, Kim knew who was who and what was what. The entertainment of the night was provided by Lisa R. going radio silent while Kyle begged for corroboration on her dramatic intervention gossip. Watching Yolanda, Eileen, and Lisa V. urge Lisa R. to support Kyle and verify her hurtful gossip was almost amusing. You can't confirm what didn't happen, can you?

In the end, I left the party early. Why? Not because of a past friendship with Lisa V. It's not her that made me cry--I was crying for my father, my dad! I was in no place to be at a superficial party, discussing a superficial incident with a person who was clearly not a friend, not that night. I said I would show up, and I did. After that, I wanted to be with my real close friends and family. Since this party my dad came out of the ICU and after 2 entire months and after a long stressful time I want to thank Dr. Allen Morris and all the doctors and nurses at Mercy General Hospital of Sacramento for saving my dad's life yet agin for the second time in 15 years. He is doing much better and continuing his hope of a full recovery. I am so thankful to all the people who were there for me and continue to be here for my family and I.

THAT is what life’s about, being with the people who truly love and care about you and the feelings are reciprocated.

As you hear, at the end of the finale, I am wistful, yet, wiser, and I think in a stronger place. I love and loved being there for Kim and being Kim’s friend, and I love that she was, is, and has been here for me. Even more so, I'm grateful and blessed to have Yolanda in my life; she is no bullsh--. Even when suffering herself, she is still so selfless. Yo is very special to me, I love her, she gets me, we have fun together, and I value every moment we spend together. I always will. As for the rest, I hope to share laughs and fun again, maybe tears, but hopefully only joy.

Peace Out. (deuces MFs--JK)



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