Cast Blog: #RHOBH

Hawaiian Shirt Day

Episode 17: Bravotv.com's Associate Editor talks tater tots, Aloha wear, and bull mastiffs.

And we're back. After some holiday-ing and what not, it's finally time to return to the White Party. Yes, time in Beverly Hills has slightly stood still, and we've returned to the aftermath of Kyle asking the Armstrongs to leave. Like Camille, take your coat off and stay a while, we've made arrangements so you can be here -- and we've got a mariachi band dressed in all white to cheer you up.

And the award for most optimistic reaction to the White Party Kerfuffle goes to. . .
Kim Richards, duh. When Lisa explained that Taylor had been denied entrance, she chuckled and retorted "At least it wasn't me this year." God bless you for seeing the bright side Kim Richards.

After the ladies talked out their feelings, the cloud over the party lifted a bit. Brandi and Camille discussed their Vegas makeout -- which surprisingly Paul did not find sexy (someone show that man the tape of them dancing and ask him again). The dancing really got underway -- I've been waiting all season to see Kim do that helicopter thing with her ponytail. In fact, Kim and Ken mugged down a little bit on the dance floor, so take that world. Ms. Richards flaunts your disapproval with dance (as all disapproval should be flaunted).

Best Hawaiian Shirt
Despite Giggy's amazing Hawaiin shirt, he was not packed for the 50th state, which is really a shame. I guess he is sensitive to the sun. Let's just hope he didn't spend the time left alone consulting with Cedric "the life coach." I feel for some reason Cedric would steer him away from wearing such vibrant prints.

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Breakfast: The Most Important Meal of the Day
I have to point out a small delightful moment contained in this week's episode. Once the ladies were checked in at the airport, and awaiting the arrival of Ms. Richards they, like any weary traveler, got something to eat.

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This was hands down the most food I have ever seen a group of Housewives take down. It was some sort of French fried Festivus. There were loads of tater tots, multiple egg sandwich options, etc., etc. If you have ever said, "Oh those Beverly Hills ladies never eat," here is your proof to the contrary. At one point, Camille was literally wrist-deep into some fries. If you're holidays were anything like mine, you ate a shame meal somewhat similarly, tucked into a pleather seat and dealing with the best your chosen terminal had to offer. Stars, they are  sort of like us. It was the elite travel lounge. But still -- tater tots. You're welcome readers, you now have a great icebreaker for the next time you meet a Housewife ("Adrienne, I love tater tots too!").

Anyway, as it turns out Kim Richards is unable to locate a non-expired driver's license, keys, or her passport. So her little fib about getting her license renewed means that she's not going to make this particular plane out. Sorry Kyle! Kyle instructs her there is a 6 pm option, and immediately regrets that she didn't tell her the flight wasn't at 3 pm. Paul's taking that later flight as well, so at least she has someone to eat tater tots with later.

Then the gang boards the plane, with delicious drinks in tow. Camille mentions a delightful cocktail called "16 ounces of Freedom," but laments she doesn't have the just as enjoyable "8 inches of Freedom" on hand for her arrival. Again, I'm no TSA Agent, so I don't know the regulations on flying with that sort of thing. I instruct you to check the pamphlets in your seatback pockets for more information if you need help understanding her reference.

The Plane, The Plane, or The Can, The Can
On leg two of the travel, the gang transfers to their second plane, which may or may not be a shop vac.

Teensy is the ideal adjective here. Once on "teensy" Brandi explains her typical pre-flight diet. While she can no longer "roofie" herself, she can take a Xanax, prop up her cankle and hope for the best. Kyle follows her patented game plan of holding her copy of the Zohar and freaking the F out.

Once they've safely sailed the soup can to the ground, the gang changes to automobiles and finally loads up on a bus to the beach, or as Brandi calls, it "C--k and Beach." Yes, she's really racked up the frequent flyer miles with her in-flight cocktail and is feeling divine. Divine like making sweeping generalizations about the member sizes of men who drive red Ferraris -- including Adrienne's brother. Sorry men of America who drive red Ferraris, Brandi has some firm stereotypes about you. Feel free to prove her wrong if you dare.

Best in Show
After what might have been Lisa making an exception about her usual sex schedule, the gang reassembles for sunset cocktails and copious Glanville flirting. While I respect Camille’s knowledge of the island chains, I do think Ken could have gotten this information from Wikipedia or the concierge desk, as opposed to from a mini-dissertation from Ms. Donatacci whilst Brandi hung all over him. I'm just saying Lisa might have preferred that method of learning.

However, Brandi's inebriated clarity also led to a great discussion about what exactly Kim's new boyfriend looks like.

The next day poolside, Brandi and Camille show us that not only do they have crazy public divorces in common, they also share incredible beach bods. Lisa, on the other hand, protects herself from the suns rays with a sensible caftan and her signature wit. Ken puts on a fedora and tries not to die of a combination of heat stroke and arousal. While Brandi frolics, Lisa and Kyle receive a call. Taylor, who earlier spoke with her therapist about the fallout from the White Party, phones the ladies to let them know that her marriage is over. Wow.

Next week, Kim finally arrives in Hawaii -- and it looks like she paid the extra baggage fee so she could bring plenty of drama.

What did you think of this week's episode folks? Personally I'm enjoying the group's delightfully bawdy vacay so far. Are you? Do you eat tater tots at the airport? Would you date a man that drives a red Ferrari? Would you date a bull mastiff?

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Lisa V.: How Many Scenarios Can We Excuse?

Lisa Vanderpump tries to make sense of what happened at the reunion and gives us an update on her life since. 

And here we have it...the final episode as the curtain drops on Season 5, the last part of this intriguing trilogy...

Firstly, it is almost too complicated to dissect, but let's try to have a better understanding of the complicated dynamic that materialized this season...

I think upon reflection, it has been pretty obvious after months of filming the intent of some to insert themselves into an already fractious situation. Kim obviously felt bolstered by BG, much to her detriment, as she became a victim of her own volatility. I doubt since filming has wrapped whether there has been much interaction between BG and Kim. It would surprise me greatly if this supposedly close relationship is still flourishing.

What concerned me this season was the manipulative attempt by BG to undermine Kyle and to validate any negativity that Kim was feeling.

Lisa Vanderpump

There's not a lot to say that hasn't been said, really, but what concerned me this season was the manipulative attempt by BG to undermine Kyle and to validate any negativity that Kim was feeling, salaciously stating what a wonderful friend she was and how totally unsupportive Kyle has been. I don't believe the years of dealing with a sibling struggling with alcoholism, supporting financially when needed, should be ignored--also the emotional toll it must have taken on the family. This is a family that has many offsprings who love each other dearly, and that should be paramount. BG has no idea of any history, just a few short months under the glare of reality television.

Also in this final segment, it baffles me once again as to the arrogance as to state what is off limits. How many scenarios can we excuse? Dogs? Children? House? Sobriety? Our business became your business when we entered into your living room. We should strive for transparency, and we should deal with consequences as we profit from the benefits.

I have grown close to Lisa and Eileen and enjoyed them immensely, not always understanding Lisa's actions, but always believing it came from a place of concern, even if sometimes, like in regard to the text she sent, it was a little impulsive. Her anger got the better of her, and for that, I believe she was sorry. I am not making excuses for her, but I am resolute in the belief that provocation sometimes creates a day of reckoning.

My suggestion of putting a band aid on a situation is one of experience. Sometimes we reach for the unreachable, especially when it comes to relationships. Furthermore, we have to accept that idyllic relationships are not always obtainable, but what we should not accept is that the whole family infrastructure, which can be so delicate, would possibly be fractured--weddings missed, birthdays ignored, and all of life's moments punctuated, documented with regret.

So that is what I hope for this season, that the devious trifling is never rewarded by the success in the breakdown of any relationship. Last year, as I sat on my own, aghast at what had transpired, I hoped for a clearer picture, and now I have one, as I think you all do.

Snippets of downtime that have been aired this reunion--cups of tea requests, diarrhea jokes, pussy to the bathroom jokes, didn't know a Flex but definitely knew a Ford--are a great way of also demonstrating that there are giggles in the face of adversity.

Lastly, I would like to say a huge thank you to all of you, who have sent messages of love and well wishes in what has proved to be a trying week. The surgery has been a reminder of how sometimes the indomitable support of those close to you is so valuable, and I appreciate it tremendously. My children by my side, friends, and family are the icing on the cake. Thank you to you all. Ken is doing much better and is well on the way to full recovery.

I have appreciated your comments and enjoyed interacting with you.

Much love as always, 

Lisa

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