This week is a rough one. I actually cried after watching it. In some ways this episode was harder for me than the Season 1 finale. I say that because that scene in the limo with my sister Kim, as difficult as it was, was what I was feeling. I'm not proud of how I went about it. I also knew the audience didn't know our history or why I was so upset, so that made it more difficult. But, I also think that anyone who has a strained relationship with a sibling knows that nobody can get you more worked up!
However, in this episode, as I watch, I don't feel like myself. I can see that I was nervous from the moment I walked in the door. I didn't know Dana or Brandi very well, and I was uncomfortable. Plus, I was also expecting my sister at any moment. Spending time with Kim makes me nervous at times. Our relationship was on the mend and still shaky. .
When Kim arrived, she seemed a bit out of sorts. I had a previous cell phone conversation with her on my way to Dana's where she told me she was extremely stressed and anxious. We went into the bathroom to fix her hair/make-up and to sort of regroup. That's all that was going on in the bathroom that night.
Later, when we started playing games, Kim whispered (I now realize, not quietly enough) that she didn't like Brandi. I did not realize Brandi heard this, which is why I later said, "What are you talking about?" I think at this point in my relationship with Kim, I would have stood by her no matter what she said or did because I was so traumatized by our fight last year. Watching myself laugh like that I was thinking, “Oh, my gosh, all I needed was a broom and a wart on the end of my nose!" Sometimes the dynamics are so tense in the group that you get caught up in that.
When we were playing the game "Celebrity", I honestly wasn't trying to exclude Brandi from the questions. I just knew the fastest way to get the answer. Since the name on the card happened to be my ex-boyfriend, C. Thomas Howell. I knew Kim could answer that fast if I asked "Who is my ex-boyfriend?" In watching, I see how that came across. It makes me sad because I am not a mean person, neither is my sister Kim, and this whole night felt mean-spirited. I am disappointed in myself that it got so out of hand. If this was typical of my behavior, my husband would never tolerate it. I have always taught my kids to treat people the way they want to be treated. I guess they will be skipping this episode!
When Brandi made the accusations about my sister, I got really defensive. We have gone through too much, and I couldn't sit there. I do have a lot of fire in me and could use some lessons on how to handle things more calmly. But accusing someone of doing "drugs"?! My sister is not on drugs.
I had to laugh when in the midst of all this fighting, Dana yells out "Kyle, make it stop!" in regards to Brandi. Have we all gone mad!?!
I also want to say that I actually did offer to help Brandi down the steps when we first arrived. Dana ended up helping her down.
It was a welcome relief to see Jason and Pandora telling Lisa that they are getting married. They are such a beautiful couple. I know Lisa has been waiting for this day for a long time. In watching the episode I was thinking, “Why couldn't I have been there instead of at Game Night!?!”
Well, next week the drama continues. . .
Until then. . ..
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