I remember so clearly after shooting this episode how I felt. I wanted to walk away and withdraw from these ladies -- to go back to back to a time where I didn't have to defend myself to them, when I just lived in a cocoon with my family, and I was not up for their scrutiny at every pit stop, when I was not trying to navigate my way through this minefield of emotion. That time seemed like a distant memory. . .Welcome to the tea party from hell.
Oh it was so difficult -- firstly knowing I had deliberately been excluded from the lunch, when generally we all do things together. If the roles had been reversed and it was my friend left out, I wouldn't have been able to accept that without saying something.
Now a point you didn’t see was the fact that I said I would not bring the subject up first at my tea party. I would wait and see if the lunch was brought up. It was casually, but provocatively, mentioned that they all went shopping after. Now I knew, just for my own dignity, that I had to confront it.
I have made no secret of the fact that Taylor and I had our issues. I doubted things, like the $10 million investment her husband had made in the first season, her $50,000 tea party, many things. It's not to say I didn't like her, but I was wary.
I always believed her claims. I never quite knew why anyone would doubt the validity of her experience. When Kyle said people exaggerate their wealth that was totally irrelevant with regard to the other things Taylor had told us.
Who knows what goes on behind closed doors? But it was enough for me to form an opinion of her husband. Could I ever expose their situation? No I don't think I could. But, "How," I asked myself, "can we say it, which many of the women kept reiterating, unless we witness it with our own eyes?"
Now, if for one moment I had believed what she relayed to us was untrue or even exaggerated, would I have never even been in her company. A woman lying about something as egregious as that is a whole different matter.
So I felt compelled to say, "I am not masquerading as your best friend, but if you need a place to stay or if you need help, I am here for you."
I took some heat in Season 1 for being judgmental of Russell’s character, but remember, though he was polite to me, I had formed my opinion, not on vicious gossip (of which there was plenty) but solely based on his wife's direct account of their volatile marriage.
As I watch the footage, I now reflect that her anger and frustration were largely based on her insecurities. Her prior mean conversations with Kyle about me were am attempt to discredit me – talk of tabloid stories, saying I "prey on the weak" and "don't take criticism well." Even though I hadn't heard that at the time, I felt I took the charges reasonably well, as I was criticized and berated in my own home in front of millions with not a friend to back me.
We all navigate our way through a minefield of choices, never really knowing whether the decision we make made -- that could ultimately change the path that our life will take was the right one. Just be bloody sure that you realize that when you open one door another one slams shut behind you.
It's difficult to understand now, because you as the viewer are at a different place than I was. Our stories have progressed, and my heart goes out to Taylor regarding her situation.
So I thank you all for your overwhelming support, which I needed as I felt completely devastated after watching this episode. . .
We are all a product of our environment. We are not born with thick skin. Life gives us that, and mine, after witnessing so many things this season, is justifiably thicker. . .