OK, Kitty Cats

Episode 14: Bravotv.com's Associate Editor pours herself some Cheetos and ice water and watches the wedge-but-no-bra party unfold.

OK, kitty cats,

Has anyone else noticed the theme of this season seems to be. . .themed parties? Our girls are either exponentially more popular this year, or it's just prime shindig season. There have been so many parties with varying themes – camel parties, séances, teas, and now, a wedge-but-no-bra party. However, the ladies seem to be operating under that old axiom: "It's someone else's party, and I will yell loudly and make a scene if I want to."

Cinco de Mauricio
Despite Mauricio's Mexican heritage, he was having a hard time dressing for his Cinco de Mayo party. It was precious seeing him struggle with his outfit (handsome people have problems too, y'all!) In the end he pulled it together (brown and brown is fine!), and the margaritas flowed like wine. This party basically had everything you could ever want: Mexican food, Mauricio, and recently fixed up faces (Estella!) . We also learned that Estella now can't move her head and her neck independently because of the work she had done. Eh, range of motion is overrated anyway.

Moment of Ken
God bless this man. First he had to move away from England to escape pewter goblets, as Lisa told the wedding planner. (Aside: I think that's why the Pilgrims left as well. "We must escape the religious tyranny and pewter goblets! How can we live in a land like this?") Then Lisa makes Ken work and build a new Sur when the poor man just wants to retire, and finally adding insult to injury Lisa skips that class on, um, pleasing gentlemen.

God Bless you Mr. Todd.

Dress Code: Bra Optional
Brandi, being the conscientious lady that she is, decided to throw a party that all of the ladies could attend, as a sort of "pay it forward" for all their shindigs. However, as Adrienne explained, over lady-like cuts of pizza, there's some tension between Taylor and Camille. They did fine at that fashion show though, so why would this go wrong? When do things ever go wrong in Beverly Hills? Did anyone foresee this being a problem? Course not, right? Housewives never fight at parties, particularly not when they have lingering animosity. Darling Kim doesn't go to the party because Brandi doesn’t exist. How can you to go a party thrown by a person that doesn't exist? Instead she sits in her laundry room, drinking ice water and eating Cheetos. That seems like party enough to me.

The rest of the ladies head out. Camille brings some gal pals (including D.D.!) and Kyle and Taylor head off a touch later, singing a little ditty called "I've Got Your Back" (that's not a joke that's an actual song they sort of whipped up together. Look at these two carrying on the Housewives musical tradition).

When all the ladies finally arrive, Camille and Taylor have this hug -- and it's a hug. It looked really good, but then Taylor said she wasn't feeling it. Despite what you learned in kindergarten, hugs can't cure all.

Immediately the chatter turns to shoes (surprise), and the gals gab about wedges – and lack of bras. Nipples are in this season. Instead of the "blow-job classes," Brandi decided to go with a belly dancing tutorial. Bet you can guess who excelled at this skillset. However, everyone, myself included, surely must have been surprised by Kyle’s handling of a laser pointer. . .

Perhaps Brandi had those on hand for the kitty cats. Where were those kitty cats? And it was with that little green light that the party took a turn. Well, not exactly, but it wasn't long after that Taylor excused herself outside, before returning and making a comment that really drove D.D. to the edge.

God bless, Linda Thompson (mother of Brody Jenner!), for trying to talk some sense into our gals. "Look at this big white ocean. This ocean is going to be here long after we're all gone." Unfortunately, even a beautiful body of water could not distract them from the disagreement. And then bad went to horrifically worse when Brandi decided to remedy the situation by sending Taylor home.

And so Taylor and Kyle head off into the night with Taylor nearly burning the limo up with her wildly lit cigarette (In all my years of life I’ve never seen a cigarette do that. It flamed up like a Roman candle. That pack was faulty somehow). Here's hoping the gals don’t have any "fun parties" for a few days so they can cool down.

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