Episode 5: Bravotv.com's Associate Editor discusses options beyond the anatomical term for penis and the Dana's boy wonder.
Welcome back Bev Hills lovers, we're getting into the thick of it now, and this episode for me was a delight. There are a lot of laughs here. Kyle breaks out in that strange vaudeville joke voice I love so much. Camille has a few great zingers about princess marriages and people with money. The Bickersons are adorable. Even Chef Bernie has returned to make snide remarks about Lisa!
But like all jokes (particularly offensive ones), not everyone is laughing. Let's jump to the big three moments of the week.
Two Boobs and a Tiara
I've got to give some major props to our editors for taking us right from Taylor saying, "Dana's not afraid of an entrance," to showing our new friend of the Housewives opening the door wearing a full length gown and a tiara. A tip of the hat to you production.
Kyle mentions there are "two boobs and a tiara staring me right in the face." And it's true -- subtle this girl ain't. There's a legion of people helping her try on wedding regalia. It was two birds holding ribbons short of the opening of Snow White. Then when Kyle and Taylor head back to sit and wait for her, fanned across the table are just a few leaflets out of Dana's child. Just pick up a pamphlet on your way out to get his full stats and info. And, why wouldn't there be? Dana's child is a genius.
I'm meeting him for pilates tonight. He’s really helping me work on my core.
Later over dinner at Villa Blanca, Kyle describes this luncheon to Lisa:
Kyle: "She had a tiara on, too."
Lisa Vanderpump: proving that sometimes all you need is one word to make your point.
After that Mauricio makes a joke about the baby speaking Thai, and Lisa does the most adorable laugh/faux run I've ever seen. We had to make a GIF of it, because I mean really:
Now you're going to need to store up good feelings for the rest of the dinner. After Ken mentions he remembers Dana because "she's the chubby one," the topic of Taylor comes up. Kyle's trying to explain that maybe Lisa shouldn't always bring up that she and Taylor aren't good friends to Taylor, Lisa say she's just being honest, Ken says Taylor doesn't have any friends. Not good. Overall, the conversation was far less productive than one of Dana's son's art classes. . . Fully C—ked
I’m going to recap Adrienne’s BBQ in just a moment, but let's just take this a little interlude to go ahead and present: The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' euphemisms for penis.
Hopefully Sherman will take the world by storm as the new option. Insert Cast-Covered Foot in Mouth
Once Adrienne was able to call everyone without the dogs barking, the bbq was finally a go. All of the girls were there -- except Lisa who was talking about the Royal Wedding with Dr. Drew and Kim who didn't want to come without kids to jump in the bounce house. Brandi hobbled in on her crutches. Portia wore the most precious swimsuit. Dana had sunglasses that cost a full year of college tuition. It was shaping up to be a delightful day. After Brandi and Camille spent some time bonding over their divorces (Brandi compared herself to a D-list version of Camille, just FYI) things got a bit awkward.
Or I should say Brandi got a bit awkward. First her son had trouble understanding pool etiquette.
Then she discussed the amazing, new, dieting craze sweeping the nation.
Then she dropped the C-bomb (see above), and finally she made a joke about Brandi's husband having girlfriends across the U.S.A. All in all she was about four for four on feet in the mouth. And it doesn't look like she’s holding anything back next week either. Adrienne mentioned that everyone says something stupid once and the while, but it seems like to the other gals, Brandi is always saying stupid things. Stupid things about how they all she thinks she’s a slut. . .
And next week doesn't seem to be any better.
Well that looks just like any game night I've ever had. . .