Cast Blog: #RHOBH

The Maloof Hoof

Kim: Kyle Should Be Worried, Not Embarrassed

Brandi: Kyle Wants to Help When There's an Audience

Kyle: This Was Brandi's Master Plan

Eileen: Brandi Loves to Stir the Pot

Lisa R.: It Felt Just As Awkward As It Looked

Lisa V.: Kim's Demeanor Was Questionable

#RHOBH Spoiler Alert: Disgust and a Push

Yolanda: I Would Like to Apologize

Brandi: I Won't Make Excuses

Kim: I Wanted to Hold Kyle

Lisa V.: I Want Max to Be Ambitious

Eileen: Being a Stepmom Is Challenging

Lisa R.: Lots of Transition Happening

Kyle: We Are an Emotional Bunch

#RHOBH Spoiler Alert: Surprise and an F-Bomb

Lisa V.: A Naughty Child Shouldn't Be Rewarded

Kyle: Brandi Was Rude and Offensive

Eileen: It Felt Like an Attack

Lisa R.: It Was Shocking and Unprovoked

Kim: Brandi Is Brandi

7 Faces We All Made During This Week's #RHOBH

Brandi: Lisa V. Was Making Me Uncomfortable

#RHOBH Spoiler Alert: Shock and Tears

4 Questions We All Asked During #RHOBH

Lisa R.: Portia Is My Spirit Animal

Eileen: Brandi Showed Us How Not to Make Amends

Yolanda: I Took One for the Team

Lisa V.: Yes, Love Is a Big Word

Kyle: Moments Like These Are Frustrating

Lisa V.: I Won't Erase the Past

Brandi: I Don't Enjoy Anger or Grudges

Eileen: I Could Feel the Tension at Kyle's

Lisa R Reflects on That Bittersweet Episode

Yolanda: These Are Teaching Moments

Kim: My Heart Felt So Big

Kyle: Kim and Monty's Relationship Is Unique

Lisa V.: I Needed an Uncomplicated Friendship

Brandi: Kim Is a Survivor

Eileen: Brooke Was a Gorgeous Bride

Lisa R.: I Couldn't Be More in My Element

The Maloof Hoof

Episode 13: Bravotv.com's Associate Editor ponders shoe lines and cotton candy.

If you're here for the shoe exchange I’m very sorry to disappoint you, but Adrienne has no more heels to hand out. Instead I can offer you this recap. And it's practically of BOGO quality.

Eating High Cotton
We open with Lisa having vodka cocktails in the kitchen. Well, sort of. Lisa arrives late to see the finished wedding invites -- and those crazy boxes are delightful. Kevin Lee you are a mad genius! "Fab-u-less" as you would say.

After admiring Pandora's box for a little while, the gang moves to the kitchen to try out eats and drinks for the reception. While Lisa just wants "somebody who's going to mix drinks," that's not possible. Kevin is only going to present her with people who make ridiculous cocktails with dry ice that can be poured onto their heads. Racks of lamb! Cotton candy!

Yes cotton candy, which leads Lisa to add another impressive impression to her repertoire -- an incredible spot-on performance of Taylor eating cotton candy circa Season 1. Oh Vanderpump, you incredible actress you. Don't ever change. However, the best part of the performance was Ken mentioning that Lisa's mouth "wasn't quite as big" as Taylor's. Zing!

Nailing It
Brandi, Taylor, and Kyle walk into a nail salon. . ., or as it turns out, just Brandi and Kyle walk into a nail salon. Taylor bailed on their day of hands only beauty, leaving those two to become besties at the salon.

And magically, they sort of do. The manicures go on as easy as a quick dry topcoat, even if Brandi suggested the next girls' outing was learning how to give "blow jobs" from a porn star. Maybe Brandi's efforts to court the 'Wives are a touch misguided. She might be better with the potato sack races Kyle suggested. Actually that sounds too dangerous? How about just food Brandi? A tea party -- no, no, no. Just a table with food and things sans séance. No psychics. No tea. Just plain toast. Perhaps an unbuttered toast party is just the thing to get everyone back on the same page.

Shoe Horn
While Lisa is having crazy people pour dry ice created cocktails on their head and Brandi and Kyle are pondering sexual techniques, Adrienne is planning her shoe line. That's right -- the business impresario is adding yet another endeavor to her belt. She's planning a line of shoes, and debuting a few at a fashion show at her home to benefit Step Up.

At her design meeting, Adrienne brings a smattering of hoofs she adores, which begins to really let you in on how much she hoards heels. They asked her to show her one favorite and she presented roughly 20 pairs. Oh Adrienne, you're one cat skeleton and creepy music sound away from hoarders. Look at the banquet table full of shoes she offered Kyle.

Thankfully, someone manages to shuttle the shoes into a closet in time for the big fashion show, which is a hot ticket. The whole affair is over capacity. Russell even attends! And of course Taylor and Camille are both there -- sacre bleu -- for their first post-tea party meeting.

But Camille and Taylor aren't the only ones having tension. Adrienne's still harboring a grudge against Lisa choosing to Viva Las Vegas without her at Pandora's bachelorette party

Sadly, I don't believe harboring Lisa's relatives is the right way to heal this feud. And even though the ladies seemed to come to a consensus, this tiff doesn't appear to be over. It's was the Sandra Lee of makeups (semi-homemade, zing! Learned it by watching Ken Todd).

And then the big Camille/Taylor confrontation finally happens, like all lady tiffs, outside of the bathroom. Camille emerges from the loo, only to end up face-to-face with Taylor. Surprisingly, it's very tame. They talk about disco balls and excuse themselves, managing to follow the old Housewives axiom, "this is not the time or the place." But when will that time/place be?

With that incredible spirit of goodwill in the air, the fashion show goes off perfectly. The Kevan Hall clothes look incredible. Adrienne's shoes look divine (once you lift up the dresses to see them). Paul adorably films the whole thing on his phone.

But the questions is: will a VanderPump come out of nowhere to steal the Maloof Hoof’s (Lisa's words) thunder?

Next week fingers will be pointing at Brandi's "wedge but no bra party." Slip into a forgiving top and tune-in.

Brandi: Kyle Wants to Help When There's an Audience

Brandi explains why she was trying to get Kim out of Eileen's house.

Newsflash: I'M NOT SOBER, and fantasies are just that--fantasies. I've just about HAD IT with these judgmental women that pretend to be perfect and think they do no wrong. Spa day was fine other than the uncomfortable wine tasting, but I tried to tell some jokes to loosen the mood.


Poker night...Kyle called me and asked me to bring champagne in the car for the ride over to poker night at Eileen's, and we shared one bottle. I generally drink wine, not champagne, and was feeling good. As all of my friends have pointed out to me, it's the third glass that usually takes me to the dark side. Kyle had as much to drink as I did, but it didn't seem to affect her. I guess she must have a really HIGH tolerence. Eileen's house is beautiful on the outside--and it may be a dick thing to say--but creepy on the inside in my opinion. I switched over to white wine, and while there were a few appetizers (one made with kids' frozen mini pancakes and oddly colored salmon), there really wasn't much to eat, and it was dinner time after all.

We sit to learn poker. I'm drunk and hungry, and all these smart women act like it's rocket science. It was ridiculous. Sitting next to Kim, even in my intoxicated state, I see that she isn't herself. I tried to pretend like all was fine but knew that I needed to get her out of there. Kim had been sick for weeks coughing really violently whenever I was around her, and I asked her to go to the doctor, but she said it was just bronchitis. Everyone is noticing Kim isn't herself, and Kyle and Kim go off to the restroom. As Kim came out, she wanted Kyle to leave her alone and to leave. I went over to try and help Kim get the heck out of there. Kim wanted to say goodbye before leaving for some reason, so we went in the kitchen, and I grabbed a slice of pizza, because I was starving. I try to get Kim out of Eileen's house, because it's clear to me that Kyle wants to have this bad situation play out in front of the other ladies. I don't want that to happen, so I try to get Kim to leave. 

If Kyle was so worried and embarrassed about Kim's behavior, then why wouldn't she just let me get Kim home and out of this embarrassing situation? 

Brandi Glanville

Kyle only wants to "help" Kim when Kyle has an audience. In that moment of time, Kim was not in the right state of mind or condition to have any kind of conversation or altercation, yet Kyle persisted, even going as far as getting physical and grabbing me twice, as well as breaking my skin open to keep me from removing Kim from this bad situation. So ask yourself this question: If Kyle was so worried and embarrassed about Kim's behavior, then why wouldn't she just let me get Kim home and out of this embarrassing situation? Even in my intoxicated state, I knew that was the only solution. Kyle, while planes and yachts are nice, if family is everything, how could you treat your sister Kim the way you do?  

Until next time.

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