Cast Blog: #RHOBH

The Maloof Hoof

Episode 13: Bravotv.com's Associate Editor ponders shoe lines and cotton candy.

If you're here for the shoe exchange I’m very sorry to disappoint you, but Adrienne has no more heels to hand out. Instead I can offer you this recap. And it's practically of BOGO quality.

Eating High Cotton
We open with Lisa having vodka cocktails in the kitchen. Well, sort of. Lisa arrives late to see the finished wedding invites -- and those crazy boxes are delightful. Kevin Lee you are a mad genius! "Fab-u-less" as you would say.

After admiring Pandora's box for a little while, the gang moves to the kitchen to try out eats and drinks for the reception. While Lisa just wants "somebody who's going to mix drinks," that's not possible. Kevin is only going to present her with people who make ridiculous cocktails with dry ice that can be poured onto their heads. Racks of lamb! Cotton candy!

Yes cotton candy, which leads Lisa to add another impressive impression to her repertoire -- an incredible spot-on performance of Taylor eating cotton candy circa Season 1. Oh Vanderpump, you incredible actress you. Don't ever change. However, the best part of the performance was Ken mentioning that Lisa's mouth "wasn't quite as big" as Taylor's. Zing!

Nailing It
Brandi, Taylor, and Kyle walk into a nail salon. . ., or as it turns out, just Brandi and Kyle walk into a nail salon. Taylor bailed on their day of hands only beauty, leaving those two to become besties at the salon.

And magically, they sort of do. The manicures go on as easy as a quick dry topcoat, even if Brandi suggested the next girls' outing was learning how to give "blow jobs" from a porn star. Maybe Brandi's efforts to court the 'Wives are a touch misguided. She might be better with the potato sack races Kyle suggested. Actually that sounds too dangerous? How about just food Brandi? A tea party -- no, no, no. Just a table with food and things sans séance. No psychics. No tea. Just plain toast. Perhaps an unbuttered toast party is just the thing to get everyone back on the same page.

Shoe Horn
While Lisa is having crazy people pour dry ice created cocktails on their head and Brandi and Kyle are pondering sexual techniques, Adrienne is planning her shoe line. That's right -- the business impresario is adding yet another endeavor to her belt. She's planning a line of shoes, and debuting a few at a fashion show at her home to benefit Step Up.

At her design meeting, Adrienne brings a smattering of hoofs she adores, which begins to really let you in on how much she hoards heels. They asked her to show her one favorite and she presented roughly 20 pairs. Oh Adrienne, you're one cat skeleton and creepy music sound away from hoarders. Look at the banquet table full of shoes she offered Kyle.

Thankfully, someone manages to shuttle the shoes into a closet in time for the big fashion show, which is a hot ticket. The whole affair is over capacity. Russell even attends! And of course Taylor and Camille are both there -- sacre bleu -- for their first post-tea party meeting.

But Camille and Taylor aren't the only ones having tension. Adrienne's still harboring a grudge against Lisa choosing to Viva Las Vegas without her at Pandora's bachelorette party

Sadly, I don't believe harboring Lisa's relatives is the right way to heal this feud. And even though the ladies seemed to come to a consensus, this tiff doesn't appear to be over. It's was the Sandra Lee of makeups (semi-homemade, zing! Learned it by watching Ken Todd).

And then the big Camille/Taylor confrontation finally happens, like all lady tiffs, outside of the bathroom. Camille emerges from the loo, only to end up face-to-face with Taylor. Surprisingly, it's very tame. They talk about disco balls and excuse themselves, managing to follow the old Housewives axiom, "this is not the time or the place." But when will that time/place be?

With that incredible spirit of goodwill in the air, the fashion show goes off perfectly. The Kevan Hall clothes look incredible. Adrienne's shoes look divine (once you lift up the dresses to see them). Paul adorably films the whole thing on his phone.

But the questions is: will a VanderPump come out of nowhere to steal the Maloof Hoof’s (Lisa's words) thunder?

Next week fingers will be pointing at Brandi's "wedge but no bra party." Slip into a forgiving top and tune-in.

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Brandi: I'm Always Here For You, Kim

Brandi focuses on the positive this week as this season's RHOBH comes to an end.

Hey Bravo Fans,

Today was a fabulous day--t was my baby Jake’s birthday. We got his favorite Oreo ice cream cake, and for our family celebration, it was perfection. I can’t believe he’s already eight. I had to hold back my tears when I realized I will never again use that number eight candle. #mommymoment

It has been a really exciting week for me. My Sonoma County chardonnay, Unfiltered Blonde, launched for pre-sales this week, and despite it being tax season, the first day alone was a huge success. Thank you! The website is up now at www.unfilteredblonde.com. The creation of the wine was an incredibly long and careful process, and I couldn’t be happier or more proud of my finished product. I’m sure you're all as excited as me that this week was the FINALE episode of BATSH-- crazy RHOBH reunion. 

I could talk about the she said, she said, she said… but let’s not and pretend we did. It’s been a long season, kind of centering on one night that really isn’t worth the attention it was given. I’m tired of it, it happened several months ago, I’m sure you’re tired of it. You know why? Because it’s old news and in the PAST! 

Eileen, your house is lovely. Sorry I said otherwise for the sake of a laugh. I really like Vincent, he is super cool, your little boy is adorable, you seem like a good stepmom, and I wish you and your family the very best.

Lisa R., I really loved you on my podcast. You made me laugh and rolled with punches. I really enjoyed our interview, and I enjoyed most of the season with you. I think that’s what I’m going to take away and forget about the rest. I think sometimes you make it harder on yourself with your Twitter feed, but I’m choosing not to engage. I really liked a side of you, and you seem to have a beautiful family.

Lisa V., I had a lot of fun with you and Ken. I will always have a special place in my heart for you guys. I wish Ken the best of health and a speedy recovery. 

Kyle, best wishes on you and your family’s endeavors. My sincerest wish is that you and Kim could be as close as you ever were in the near future.

You are a strong chica and I know your family is better for it. 

Brandi Glanville

Kim, love having you as a BFF. I’m always here for you, and I hope you are always here for me. You are a strong chica, and I know your family is better for it. You are hilarious, and I love our funny talks and text-offs. Laughter is the best medicine. I heart you.

Yo, my dear, dear Yo, I will see you soon. I love you, you are so strong and so brave! I know you are going to kick Lyme disease’s ass! Anything you need, just emoji me.

I want to thank all my supporters for always being there for me regarding all of my other endeavors, including my books, podcast, Celebrity Apprentice, app, my t-shirts, and finally my WINE and for allowing me to be me.

Ok guys, this is the big week. This is the Make*A*Wish Los Angeles Walk for Wishes Walkathon. Me and the boys pledged to try to raise $15,000--I have $12,625 so far. We need $2,375 by Friday at midnight, every dollar counts. Thank you!

I heart you all!

Xoxo

B

P.S.  Here’s my Make*A*Wish YouTube video that I made in my kitchen. youtu.be/DTKMTDs6-R4 

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