Cast Blog: #RHOBH

The Maloof Hoof

Episode 13: Bravotv.com's Associate Editor ponders shoe lines and cotton candy.

If you're here for the shoe exchange I’m very sorry to disappoint you, but Adrienne has no more heels to hand out. Instead I can offer you this recap. And it's practically of BOGO quality.

Eating High Cotton
We open with Lisa having vodka cocktails in the kitchen. Well, sort of. Lisa arrives late to see the finished wedding invites -- and those crazy boxes are delightful. Kevin Lee you are a mad genius! "Fab-u-less" as you would say.

After admiring Pandora's box for a little while, the gang moves to the kitchen to try out eats and drinks for the reception. While Lisa just wants "somebody who's going to mix drinks," that's not possible. Kevin is only going to present her with people who make ridiculous cocktails with dry ice that can be poured onto their heads. Racks of lamb! Cotton candy!

Yes cotton candy, which leads Lisa to add another impressive impression to her repertoire -- an incredible spot-on performance of Taylor eating cotton candy circa Season 1. Oh Vanderpump, you incredible actress you. Don't ever change. However, the best part of the performance was Ken mentioning that Lisa's mouth "wasn't quite as big" as Taylor's. Zing!

Nailing It
Brandi, Taylor, and Kyle walk into a nail salon. . ., or as it turns out, just Brandi and Kyle walk into a nail salon. Taylor bailed on their day of hands only beauty, leaving those two to become besties at the salon.

And magically, they sort of do. The manicures go on as easy as a quick dry topcoat, even if Brandi suggested the next girls' outing was learning how to give "blow jobs" from a porn star. Maybe Brandi's efforts to court the 'Wives are a touch misguided. She might be better with the potato sack races Kyle suggested. Actually that sounds too dangerous? How about just food Brandi? A tea party -- no, no, no. Just a table with food and things sans séance. No psychics. No tea. Just plain toast. Perhaps an unbuttered toast party is just the thing to get everyone back on the same page.

Shoe Horn
While Lisa is having crazy people pour dry ice created cocktails on their head and Brandi and Kyle are pondering sexual techniques, Adrienne is planning her shoe line. That's right -- the business impresario is adding yet another endeavor to her belt. She's planning a line of shoes, and debuting a few at a fashion show at her home to benefit Step Up.

At her design meeting, Adrienne brings a smattering of hoofs she adores, which begins to really let you in on how much she hoards heels. They asked her to show her one favorite and she presented roughly 20 pairs. Oh Adrienne, you're one cat skeleton and creepy music sound away from hoarders. Look at the banquet table full of shoes she offered Kyle.

Thankfully, someone manages to shuttle the shoes into a closet in time for the big fashion show, which is a hot ticket. The whole affair is over capacity. Russell even attends! And of course Taylor and Camille are both there -- sacre bleu -- for their first post-tea party meeting.

But Camille and Taylor aren't the only ones having tension. Adrienne's still harboring a grudge against Lisa choosing to Viva Las Vegas without her at Pandora's bachelorette party

Sadly, I don't believe harboring Lisa's relatives is the right way to heal this feud. And even though the ladies seemed to come to a consensus, this tiff doesn't appear to be over. It's was the Sandra Lee of makeups (semi-homemade, zing! Learned it by watching Ken Todd).

And then the big Camille/Taylor confrontation finally happens, like all lady tiffs, outside of the bathroom. Camille emerges from the loo, only to end up face-to-face with Taylor. Surprisingly, it's very tame. They talk about disco balls and excuse themselves, managing to follow the old Housewives axiom, "this is not the time or the place." But when will that time/place be?

With that incredible spirit of goodwill in the air, the fashion show goes off perfectly. The Kevan Hall clothes look incredible. Adrienne's shoes look divine (once you lift up the dresses to see them). Paul adorably films the whole thing on his phone.

But the questions is: will a VanderPump come out of nowhere to steal the Maloof Hoof’s (Lisa's words) thunder?

Next week fingers will be pointing at Brandi's "wedge but no bra party." Slip into a forgiving top and tune-in.

Lisa V.: Lisa R. Took the Bait

Lisa V. talks about the explosive dinner in Amsterdam and why she understands where Brandi is coming from with the hypocrisy comment.

Hello again. How crazy was this one?
So as we join the ladies in Amsterdam, I meet Lisa and Eileen for some tea in the lounge. I was reticent to be involved in this potential confrontation. I had voiced my concerns gently to Lisa, expressing my thoughts on discussing sobriety with Kim--it was a land mine that I wanted to avoid. Anyway, we go to dinner...I actually cringed as I objected to Yolanda's stance on prostitution, my caustic remark in interview, but that, in the grand scale of things, flew under the radar. However, I am sure in situations where there is no choice, maybe prostitution is understandable, but in a cosmopolitan city like Amsterdam where there are a plethora of choices--maybe even menial--but choices nonetheless, whilst preserving our dignity, they would be mine.
So the dinner progresses. I once again don't agree that we have superficial conversations in Beverly Hills as Yolanda said. Maybe some do, but I am sure my character is the same as when I was in the heart of the English countryside, or wherever I lived.

Lisa took the bait, and therefore became somewhat culpable in this whole scenario.

Lisa Vanderpump

So things start to heat up...Lisa categorically says, "I apologize for getting in your business." That should have been the end of it, but no, Kim was gunning for her and was not going to back down. She was on a mission. I adore Lisa, and I don't stand in front of her and condone her actions (any physicality does not sit well with me), however, there comes a time when one might just snap, especially when you are defending the good name of your family, their integrity in a public arena against the aggressor, being Kim, who is hinting at insidious rumors. I urge Lisa to challenge her later over the spiteful intimation regarding Harry. I was absolutely of the mind that it was empty rhetoric, designed to incite Lisa. But Lisa reacted to it. Lisa took the bait, and therefore became somewhat culpable in this whole scenario.


Once again Kim lambasts Kyle for not defending her. How could Kyle defend her mean-spirited remarks? Calling Eileen a beast? I mean, have you all met Eileen? Really?
Lisa absolutely apologized to Kim in her attempt to intervene in regard to her sobriety. As she emotionally conveyed that her sister had died from some sort of abuse, either alcohol or drugs--I am not sure, it didn't even resonate with Kim. Lisa also stated she had witnessed alcoholism in Harry's family where loved ones were lost. Kim ignored Lisa's point that there was no mal intent, that it was coming from a place of concern. Yes, a place that was public, but we all understand that if we sign up to do a reality show, then our reality is displayed. If we have something to hide (skeletons in a closet), be sure they will come jumping out like a frigging jack in the box.
The enormity of the situation was pretty emotional. Each and every one of us astounded as to what we had witnessed. The most fascinating part when watching this is the fact that in the aftermath of the emotional explosion, one conversation between Lisa and Kim, which we obviously did not witness, all feelings were buried. A band-aid was put on the wound, and we were supposed to pretend as if it never ever existed. I think It was a double-edged sword: One side wonderful that everything was buried under a little Dutch rug, and we could enjoy the sights of Amsterdam; the other side being there was obvious feelings that were festering. My attitude was that I would've rather enjoyed the trip and dealt with whatever residual feelings upon our return.
I have to say it was pretty hilarious that out of all the men and all the windmills, we found one of Yolanda's ex-boyfriends. What a gift that we giggled over, enjoying the playful banter as we teased her.


All was sailing along pretty smoothly until the pot shop. I make no pretenses of anything whatsoever. We are in a public forum, we are all aware of that. My children are grown, and I understand the reticence to partake in whatever was on offer, but then let's not go there in the first place. Let us not sit in the middle of this bar and start hurling accusations designed to embarrass.
I do understand to some extent what Brandi is saying regarding hypocrisy. If you do it, own it, but in all the years I have known Kyle, I don't ever recall seeing her smoking. Brandi persisted, but the caveat here is we are all too often the victims of her behavior. When she drinks, things often become aggressive...as you will see next week.
I know this is only a blog, and in my attempt to further explain the complicated dynamics, it could well turn into a book, so I will leave you here and hope you all have a fruitful week.

I am leaving NY after speaking at the United Nations--an overwhelming experience. It was snowing, so East Coast, stay warm! As always...Love, Lisa.

 

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