Cast Blog: #RHOBH

The Maloof Hoof

Episode 13: Bravotv.com's Associate Editor ponders shoe lines and cotton candy.

If you're here for the shoe exchange I’m very sorry to disappoint you, but Adrienne has no more heels to hand out. Instead I can offer you this recap. And it's practically of BOGO quality.

Eating High Cotton
We open with Lisa having vodka cocktails in the kitchen. Well, sort of. Lisa arrives late to see the finished wedding invites -- and those crazy boxes are delightful. Kevin Lee you are a mad genius! "Fab-u-less" as you would say.

After admiring Pandora's box for a little while, the gang moves to the kitchen to try out eats and drinks for the reception. While Lisa just wants "somebody who's going to mix drinks," that's not possible. Kevin is only going to present her with people who make ridiculous cocktails with dry ice that can be poured onto their heads. Racks of lamb! Cotton candy!

Yes cotton candy, which leads Lisa to add another impressive impression to her repertoire -- an incredible spot-on performance of Taylor eating cotton candy circa Season 1. Oh Vanderpump, you incredible actress you. Don't ever change. However, the best part of the performance was Ken mentioning that Lisa's mouth "wasn't quite as big" as Taylor's. Zing!

Nailing It
Brandi, Taylor, and Kyle walk into a nail salon. . ., or as it turns out, just Brandi and Kyle walk into a nail salon. Taylor bailed on their day of hands only beauty, leaving those two to become besties at the salon.

And magically, they sort of do. The manicures go on as easy as a quick dry topcoat, even if Brandi suggested the next girls' outing was learning how to give "blow jobs" from a porn star. Maybe Brandi's efforts to court the 'Wives are a touch misguided. She might be better with the potato sack races Kyle suggested. Actually that sounds too dangerous? How about just food Brandi? A tea party -- no, no, no. Just a table with food and things sans séance. No psychics. No tea. Just plain toast. Perhaps an unbuttered toast party is just the thing to get everyone back on the same page.

Shoe Horn
While Lisa is having crazy people pour dry ice created cocktails on their head and Brandi and Kyle are pondering sexual techniques, Adrienne is planning her shoe line. That's right -- the business impresario is adding yet another endeavor to her belt. She's planning a line of shoes, and debuting a few at a fashion show at her home to benefit Step Up.

At her design meeting, Adrienne brings a smattering of hoofs she adores, which begins to really let you in on how much she hoards heels. They asked her to show her one favorite and she presented roughly 20 pairs. Oh Adrienne, you're one cat skeleton and creepy music sound away from hoarders. Look at the banquet table full of shoes she offered Kyle.

Thankfully, someone manages to shuttle the shoes into a closet in time for the big fashion show, which is a hot ticket. The whole affair is over capacity. Russell even attends! And of course Taylor and Camille are both there -- sacre bleu -- for their first post-tea party meeting.

But Camille and Taylor aren't the only ones having tension. Adrienne's still harboring a grudge against Lisa choosing to Viva Las Vegas without her at Pandora's bachelorette party

Sadly, I don't believe harboring Lisa's relatives is the right way to heal this feud. And even though the ladies seemed to come to a consensus, this tiff doesn't appear to be over. It's was the Sandra Lee of makeups (semi-homemade, zing! Learned it by watching Ken Todd).

And then the big Camille/Taylor confrontation finally happens, like all lady tiffs, outside of the bathroom. Camille emerges from the loo, only to end up face-to-face with Taylor. Surprisingly, it's very tame. They talk about disco balls and excuse themselves, managing to follow the old Housewives axiom, "this is not the time or the place." But when will that time/place be?

With that incredible spirit of goodwill in the air, the fashion show goes off perfectly. The Kevan Hall clothes look incredible. Adrienne's shoes look divine (once you lift up the dresses to see them). Paul adorably films the whole thing on his phone.

But the questions is: will a VanderPump come out of nowhere to steal the Maloof Hoof’s (Lisa's words) thunder?

Next week fingers will be pointing at Brandi's "wedge but no bra party." Slip into a forgiving top and tune-in.

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Lisa V.: How Many Scenarios Can We Excuse?

Lisa Vanderpump tries to make sense of what happened at the reunion and gives us an update on her life since. 

And here we have it...the final episode as the curtain drops on Season 5, the last part of this intriguing trilogy...

Firstly, it is almost too complicated to dissect, but let's try to have a better understanding of the complicated dynamic that materialized this season...

I think upon reflection, it has been pretty obvious after months of filming the intent of some to insert themselves into an already fractious situation. Kim obviously felt bolstered by BG, much to her detriment, as she became a victim of her own volatility. I doubt since filming has wrapped whether there has been much interaction between BG and Kim. It would surprise me greatly if this supposedly close relationship is still flourishing.

What concerned me this season was the manipulative attempt by BG to undermine Kyle and to validate any negativity that Kim was feeling.

Lisa Vanderpump

There's not a lot to say that hasn't been said, really, but what concerned me this season was the manipulative attempt by BG to undermine Kyle and to validate any negativity that Kim was feeling, salaciously stating what a wonderful friend she was and how totally unsupportive Kyle has been. I don't believe the years of dealing with a sibling struggling with alcoholism, supporting financially when needed, should be ignored--also the emotional toll it must have taken on the family. This is a family that has many offsprings who love each other dearly, and that should be paramount. BG has no idea of any history, just a few short months under the glare of reality television.

Also in this final segment, it baffles me once again as to the arrogance as to state what is off limits. How many scenarios can we excuse? Dogs? Children? House? Sobriety? Our business became your business when we entered into your living room. We should strive for transparency, and we should deal with consequences as we profit from the benefits.

I have grown close to Lisa and Eileen and enjoyed them immensely, not always understanding Lisa's actions, but always believing it came from a place of concern, even if sometimes, like in regard to the text she sent, it was a little impulsive. Her anger got the better of her, and for that, I believe she was sorry. I am not making excuses for her, but I am resolute in the belief that provocation sometimes creates a day of reckoning.

My suggestion of putting a band aid on a situation is one of experience. Sometimes we reach for the unreachable, especially when it comes to relationships. Furthermore, we have to accept that idyllic relationships are not always obtainable, but what we should not accept is that the whole family infrastructure, which can be so delicate, would possibly be fractured--weddings missed, birthdays ignored, and all of life's moments punctuated, documented with regret.

So that is what I hope for this season, that the devious trifling is never rewarded by the success in the breakdown of any relationship. Last year, as I sat on my own, aghast at what had transpired, I hoped for a clearer picture, and now I have one, as I think you all do.

Snippets of downtime that have been aired this reunion--cups of tea requests, diarrhea jokes, pussy to the bathroom jokes, didn't know a Flex but definitely knew a Ford--are a great way of also demonstrating that there are giggles in the face of adversity.

Lastly, I would like to say a huge thank you to all of you, who have sent messages of love and well wishes in what has proved to be a trying week. The surgery has been a reminder of how sometimes the indomitable support of those close to you is so valuable, and I appreciate it tremendously. My children by my side, friends, and family are the icing on the cake. Thank you to you all. Ken is doing much better and is well on the way to full recovery.

I have appreciated your comments and enjoyed interacting with you.

Much love as always, 

Lisa

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