Let’s get to the nitty gritty. I hope you had plenty of chamomile tea on hand to help you deal with the stresses of this episode. It was a doozie. . .
This I promise you. . .
We open with Kyle finally meeting Kim's mystery man -- and boy do the mysteries just keep unfurling. Apparently Kim is a Jonas Brother, because she makes her men wear promise rings. That's a big step for a relationship your sister didn't even know existed. Kyle attempts not to let Kim and Ken know she's upset by pointing out her allergy to long-haired dogs and her mother's less than ideal painting skills. After what might be the tensest new significant other meet and greet since Kate Middleton met the Queen, Kyle excuses herself and gives her sister a hug, not forgetting to mention that Kim is "so small and tiny and little and childlike." Undertones, much?
Kim says this is one of the first things she's done for herself in a while. Hopefully Kyle's nagging bad feeling is just her former motherly instincts sneaking up on her. At least she can take them out on her dog baby (please tell me you thought that was as hilarious as I did).
Don't Spill the Beans
Oops. If you don't see someone in the hotel lobby, don't ask them why they aren't in the hotel lobby. . .
Yes, the Vanderpump got Vandersnubbed. Taylor chose not to have her at the table at her business luncheon, and Lisa was hurt. She was already putting out a teacup for Taylor at her tea party, only to find the gang was all there without her. Surely, this won't get brought up at the tea party. . .
Alert: this cannot go unmentioned -- Lisa puts Giggy in a pram. Giggy has his own pram, not stroller, pram. They are English. Noted. And now back to your regularly scheduled programming.
The Price of Tea in Beverly Hills
Turns out, yes, yes the snub will be brought up at the tea party. After discussing Camille and Kelsey's state of affairs, Lisa attempts to track down Kim (and does her impression again when she finds she's not coming), mentions her lack of culinary skills, and then drops that she knows she wasn't asked to yesterday’s luncheon. . .
As you saw, things devolved pretty quickly. There are a lot of metaphors thrown around (pots, fires, etc.), the room got involved, Camille gave some amazing reaction faces, and then Lisa's ego and iPad background is called into question. . .
Never has a desktop background been so integral to a Housewives fight. These women never fail to surprise me. What's next? "Your ego is out of control, have you seen your screensaver?" "Are you kidding me, you know my screensaver has been the flying toasters since I got AOL."
Taylor gets especially upset and it's heartbreaking to see her so badly craving Lisa's attention -- particularly since Lisa seems to have never meant to withhold it from her.
I do want to give a special trooper award to Paul -- some birthday present! He comes to pick up his wife and he gets involved in this hen fight (cue Taylor's chicken impression). However, he gives all the support (and medical know-how) he can through that closed gate. You're a good man Dr. Nassif!
Since Taylor has stormed out, the women get to chatting about her marriage -- particularly what they’ve been told about it. Taylor comes back in to mention that Paul's waiting outside, and the fighting restarts. Taylor wants everyone to be honest and that's when Camille gets real honest. . .
Just like every tea party you've ever had, right? It's a tension-filled scene, obviously, and one that will get sorted out but you'll have to wait until next week to see how it turns out. Have you ever had a tea party go so terribly wrong?