Welcome to the Recap of Beauty. Here we don't have minor surgical procedures, but we do have a full breakdown on this episode and my telling you that you look pretty. Almost the same thing as Paul's Night of Beauty, really. Anyway, let's channel the spirits of this episode’s séance and recap, shall we?
My Muffin Top is All That
Like all great episodes we begin with a muffin top, as Kyle shows Paul her love handles in hopes that they can be eradicated at his "Night of Beauty." This reminded me, of course, of my second all-time favorite fictitious 30 Rock song, "Muffin Top." ("Werewolf Bat Mitzvah" will always be first.) I understand Kyle being nervous to show off her muffin top, but I'm sure it's "all that, whole-grain, and low-fat," just like Jenna Maroney's.
Those with a categorical knowledge of Housewives procedures will recognize the muffin top machine from RHOA's Kim's laser pizza procedure. It's nice to see the technology is prevalent on both coasts, and even better to see someone using it while not noshing one a few slices in the process.
The rest of the ladies have a few nips and snips as well -- with Lisa and Taylor continuing their troubled relationship. Lisa tries to bring up Russell's email, but Taylor's off in a hurry, so they'll save that tussle for another day.
And then, Kim Richards arrives, after having her consult with Paul from the car. I'll get to her excuses about not attending the séance shortly, but needless to say she and Kyle aren't exactly acting like Casper the Friendly Ghost to each other. Before they get to work (and Kim kicks Kyle out for being too motherly), Kim and Paul discuss her current medications, and how she feels being sober. Honestly, it was really touching to see Kim speak about her sobriety, and it’s great to know that she’s in a good place.
(Hey, you look pretty.)
Lisa Vanderpump, Master Impressionist
Lisa is a talent at many things -- throwing parties and general hostessing, being English, singing reggae songs, having an amazing dog -- but one talent I was not aware of was her ability to perfectly impersonate Kim Richards. Since this episode deals so much with the spirit realm, I do wonder if her skill is mystical in some way. Perhaps she's pulling Kim's spirit right into herself and spitting her excuses out, because look at this. . .
And as if that weren't enough, Lisa proved that she had another trick up her sleeve. Playing a pitch-perfect Allison DuBois at the séance. The woman is practically Darrell Hammond! Someone get her a gig on SNL. At the very least get her a walk on during a Kristen Wiig sketch. Imagine that delight if you will. She’d make a great Target Lady.
(I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again, you look pretty.)
The Spirit Room
If you're a fan of Housewives shows, and I'm assuming you are because you’re reading this, you might have noticed a major trend in the use of psychics. I’m not sure any one class of people supports the psychic arts as much as The Real Housewives do. I personally have never been invited to a séance, and I’ve got to say watching this one in particular, I’m pretty miffed about it -- because it looks awesome.
Big reveals left and right! Lisa's grandmother was at the Dinner Party from Hell, as it turns out, Adrienne's father is watching out for her, Brandi might have another tot in her future, Kyle and Brandi are actually getting along (that’s not even a vision, it's actually true), Kyle was Kim's mother in a past life, and Camille has a new man in her future (and this one has already come true! Kudos Camille!). Not too shabby. Also, now all their spirit friends are buddy-buddy, whether Lisa likes who her grandmother is hanging out with or not.
Frankly, if we could pull out a Ouija board and Stevie-Nicks style flowy top and contact the spirit world to get this much information each week, I would be down.
The last nugget of intel we learn this week did not take a seer. It came straight from Kim's mouth as she finally revealed what she's been keeping a secret from Kyle -- she's seeing someone, has been for a year, and is moving in with him.
Dadgum, as I like to say.
Kyle tries to take the news like a champ, but struggles. It is pretty shocking, and as happy for Kim as she knows she should, she sort of loses it. . .
Which means it's the perfect time to introduce them! Yay!
And so between this big meeting and a tea party that trumps anything tiff you've had with your teddy bears, next week things might get a little intense. I'd suggest you brew yourself a batch of chamomile in advance. But hey, don't forget -- you look really pretty.