It's game night in Beverly Hills, pals. I hope you brought your intimate knowledge of the friends and former flames of the Richards sisters, because the only clues we're giving are relevant to Kim’s dating life. So come along. I've got a plate full of meringues, and I promise not to hide your crutches. Let's play, "Top 3 Moments of This Episode" Pyramid.
Before we get to the battle royale, let's address the Lisa Vanderpump portions of this episode that warmed the cold cockles of my heart. First, we open with Lisa making potato salad, which, really? I didn't know British people ate potato salad, let alone did I imagine Lisa would ever eat something so mayonnaise-based. Also, she has the largest pepper grinder in the world. It's appropriately sized for giants to grind seasoning with. I think it's three times the size of Giggy. Anyway, while Ken works the half-tuck and sips coffee, young Maximus drops a bomb -- he loves his girlfriend. Lisa's hyper-interested. Who is this woman who has stolen his heart away?
There's no time to address though because another child proves to be deep in love! Lisa's hosting a dinner party for Pandora and Jason and Jason's fam after their big trip to New York City. Also in attendance – Kim Richards' former suitor, Martin, who was unfortunately not a clue at game night. After Lisa takes a seat in her enormous chair, Jason stands up to make another one of his patented "I love Pandora"-speeches, only to reveal what we've been waiting for since the season premiere -– it's finally not a fake proposal!
Lisa is verklempt. Ken has nothing to say, adorably. If you paid attention in the preview you caught that the inspiration for Franck Eggelhoffer from the Father of the Bride is planning these nuptials. Buckle up, folks, this is going to be exactly the sort of understated affair Lisa is known for (similar to her not-too-large-at-all chair she sat in at dinner).
After Dana and Taylor make some snacks while wearing aprons (price not disclosed), the ladies gather for game night at the Wilkey abode. Things are all set -- the Dominoes food towers are lined up carefully, Dana's wearing Valentino shorts, the furniture has been moved conveniently out of the way. And then the guests start pouring in. Brandi hobbles in to make awkward conversation with Kyle. Camille and Taylor arrive to save Kyle and Brandi from certain turmoil.
But where's Kim?
No worries, -- she's here just in time to utter the best/most confused line of the season (thus far): "Pam. Dana?"
You can't blame the woman. She tells us roughly a hundred times this episode how little she likes new people (remember she already told us she also does not like new restaurants). How can she be expected to keep it all straight? Plus, calling Dana 'Pam" is their thing now. So excuse her if she needs to fix her makeup in the bathroom a hundred times while drinking her McCafe out of a real glass. That's just how this night is going to be.
And now a breadstick break. . .
I’m really hungry. . .
Kim, Kyle, and Taylor?
Now that we've eaten, er, something, and learned to never take liquid liner out with us (thanks, Kyle!) the games can really get going. Here are a couple of important things we learned over the course of game night.
1. If you don't like the team you’ve been assigned, just blurt out the names of the people you'd rather be paired with -- Dana: "Kyle, Kim, and Brandi." Kim: "Kim, Kyle, and Taylor?" I don't understand how this didn't work for her. . .
2. Don't play with sisters, let alone sisters that were child actresses together. Unless Brandi had memorized their IMDb pages beforehand, she had zero chance of knowing even slightly what those clues meant.
3. Winston Churchill is not black, despite Brandi's beliefs.
4. Do not mess with Kim Richards. She will hide your crutches. Also, Kyle's tone when saying "That's the Kim I know," seemed to imply that maybe she's pulled this sort of tricky maneuver before, so maybe don't cross Kim Richards when you have some sort of walking aide she could hide.
5. Do not stand up and tell someone "you first" pointedly. It is not going to go well. . .
Yup, that happened.
Remember when Adrienne and Brandi went to lunch and Adrienne was like, "Let's show people your fun side Brandi"? This wasn't it. Sure, this side might be fun for the viewers at home, but the 'Wives don't seem amused. Bonus points to Camille for right off the bat saying that Brandi does not know what she's getting into. And neither do we, because the fight won't finish up until next week.
Until then, leave your guesses for who Brandi thought Winston Churchill was in the comments.