Cast Blog: #RHOBH

Housewives Actually Go Wild

#RHOBH Spoiler Alert: More Fighting and a Peeping Tom

Kim: Kyle Should Be Worried, Not Embarrassed

Brandi: Kyle Wants to Help When There's an Audience

Kyle: This Was Brandi's Master Plan

Lisa R.: It Felt Just As Awkward As It Looked

Lisa V.: Kim's Demeanor Was Questionable

Eileen: Brandi Loves to Stir the Pot

#RHOBH Spoiler Alert: Disgust and a Push

Yolanda: I Would Like to Apologize

Brandi: I Won't Make Excuses

Kim: I Wanted to Hold Kyle

Lisa V.: I Want Max to Be Ambitious

Eileen: Being a Stepmom Is Challenging

Lisa R.: Lots of Transition Happening

Kyle: We Are an Emotional Bunch

#RHOBH Spoiler Alert: Surprise and an F-Bomb

Lisa V.: A Naughty Child Shouldn't Be Rewarded

Kyle: Brandi Was Rude and Offensive

Eileen: It Felt Like an Attack

Lisa R.: It Was Shocking and Unprovoked

Kim: Brandi Is Brandi

7 Faces We All Made During This Week's #RHOBH

Brandi: Lisa V. Was Making Me Uncomfortable

#RHOBH Spoiler Alert: Shock and Tears

4 Questions We All Asked During #RHOBH

Yolanda: I Took One for the Team

Lisa R.: Portia Is My Spirit Animal

Eileen: Brandi Showed Us How Not to Make Amends

Lisa V.: Yes, Love Is a Big Word

Kyle: Moments Like These Are Frustrating

Lisa V.: I Won't Erase the Past

Brandi: I Don't Enjoy Anger or Grudges

Eileen: I Could Feel the Tension at Kyle's

Lisa R Reflects on That Bittersweet Episode

Yolanda: These Are Teaching Moments

Kim: My Heart Felt So Big

Kyle: Kim and Monty's Relationship Is Unique

Lisa V.: I Needed an Uncomplicated Friendship

Brandi: Kim Is a Survivor

Eileen: Brooke Was a Gorgeous Bride

Housewives Actually Go Wild

Ep 5: Bravotv.com's Editor tries to make sense of the literal mud-slinging, arm wrestling, and do-si-do-ing in Ojai.

Let's be real Housewives fans. We've probably said that the girls have gone wild before. I'm sure I've put the phrase on this fair website countless times. Surely, it could have been used about Season 2's Game Night or the Malibu Beach dust-up or Season 1's Dinner Party from Hell.

However, tonight's episode was the actual closest approximation to the Joe Francis-coined usage of the term I've ever seen.

The ladies were loose! They were driving golf carts around at not-street-safe speeds. They were arm wrestling! They were flinging water at each other. It was like the camp counselors had gone to the city for the day and left the kids unattended. In short: they were adorable.

Let's try to make sense of all the good times, shall we?

Everyday I Write the Book
Of course, we didn't begin this episode in a good place. Instead we began with STFU-gate, and the ladies reacting to Brandi's outburst. Kim and Brandi took their tete-a-tete to the ladies room and managed to keep their goodwill flowing, but the rest of the gals were aghast about Brandi's language (despite Lisa mentioning that Brandi saying the "f-word" is basically the equivalent of her taking a breath).

Once everyone manages to get back to the table, Brandi apologizes for her language (not her interjection) and then deflects by changing her subject to her book deal. . .Perhaps they should have stuck with the prior conversation.

Yeah, sometimes meditation just isn't enough. Those pesky chakras just won't get into line between Taylor and Brandi. Maybe an autographed copy of her future tome will smooth things over?

Shut Up and Drive
The next morning the gals head out for some athletic endeavors. Before they head off to hike, we check in on Lisa and Brandi's twin beds. As you'd imagine, they're having a precious argument about who snores more disgustingly. Once they move off of their mutual piggy snores, Lisa tries to explain what a "gift" Brandi's comment was. Brandi explains that she's got some other axes to grind with Adrienne at the moment, leading me to believe that STFU was an all encompassing put-down.

Next the ladies lay eyes on the two most glamorous golf carts in the land. Did you know Bentley golf carts are able to off-road? As it turns out they are. Also, Kyle Richards is still afraid of most modes of transportation.

Next, the 'Wives attempt to play badminton. Surprise: they ladies skills are questionable. Not as Lisa's choice of footwear, but pretty underwhelming in the serve department.

Their Name is Mud
After all that fitness, the gals deserved to relax. So off to a soothing spa treatment they went. Kim has found her spiritual renaissance in clay. You can't get closer to God than letting the only thing between you and full nudity be clay, she remarks. Taylor remarks that this new sober Kim is just as wacky as the old one. Honey, I could have told you Richards was an individual all the way through years ago.

And then the rubdown begins. I say rubdown, without fear of over-stating anything because this was the most vaguely Sapphic thing we've put on the airwaves in some time. But before things could get actually sexual, the whole process devolved into a towel-throwing, water-spilling fight for the ages. For a second I thought someone had changed the channel and Porky's was on.

Oh Baby
After a much calmer dinner where the ladies discuss Yolanda's baby lamb treatments and the details of several of the women's childbirths (yes, really). The gals get head back to the room for some cocktails, shots of Patron specifically. Kim and Yolanda retire to bed, not before Kim accidentally tells Brandi she loves her, which might have been one of the most delightful Freudian slips in history. Let it come true God! Please let Kim love Brandi.

After that, things went like you would expect --- some arm wrestling and full press wrestling. Note: Adrienne cheats. Also, in case you're doing this at home, Taylor gave us her tips so you can wrestle like a Real Housewife.

This then devolved into gymnastics and underwearing switching. Did anyone else see Adrienne change clothes like three times? Woman could not find the proper outfit to flip in. Also, can we believe that Kyle didn't do the splits? Also, what was that knee-high jumping, do-si-do dance the ladies did? What was that? My brain can't even take what just went on. All I know is I wanted to get right out of my chair and do it with them.

But sadly, like cartwheels one must get back on their feet and back to Beverly Hills. And so the ladies pack their exclusively Louis Vuitton luggage and head home. Spending the majority of their car ride forcing Lisa to speak in an American accent. Note: I will now drive in a car with Lisa Vanderpump anywhere.

Sadly the car ride wasn't only a lesson in dialects. STFU-gate once again became the topic, leading Brandi to ponder a sit down, hash-out with Adrienne. However, from the looks of the previews that doesn't come soon enough.

Until then, what was your favorite moment in Ojai? Shots? Yolanda's driving? Kim accidentally professing her love for Brandi? Camille's gymnastic prowess?

 

 

Kim: Kyle Should Be Worried, Not Embarrassed

Kim explains why she acted so out of it and why she felt hurt by Kyle.

I think this episode should be renamed “Awkward.” The events that happened were definitely tough on a personal level, but at the same time, I can’t help but have a laugh about it in the end. All I can say is there’s so much more than what meets the eye—let me give you the behind-the-scenes scoop!
From the limo to the spa to the wine tasting, there was literally alcohol everywhere in this episode. But I am so strong in my sobriety today and know how to handle situations like this. I removed myself from the situation and was fine the whole trip. It was AWKWARD only because the people made the situation awkward by constantly checking in on me. While I am appreciative of everyone’s concern, I just want them to trust me when I say, “I’m totally fine. It doesn’t bother me.” Overall, the spa day was perfectly fine and fun.

Before I dive into the meat of the drama, can I just point out the limo conversations?! Here we go again! Every time we’re in a limo, it’s like the real Vagina Monologues. As for Brandi’s sexual fantasy, that was no surprise to me! Hilarious.

I was hurt that all Kyle could say was how embarrassed she was. As a sister, I would be worried, not embarrassed.

Kim Richards

OK—now here’s the back story to the whole poker night debacle. Before the poker party took place, I had been struggling with bronchitis and pneumonia for weeks. I went to the doctor several times because I was in so much pain, so I really was in no shape to go to the spa day or poker night. And I definitely didn’t want to go out when Monty came back to the house before poker night after being gone for a couple days. I just wanted to stay at home with him, but I had to go to Eileen’s with the girls. I took the pain medication from Monty thinking it can get me through the pain I was experiencing. Little did I know, it just made me kind of out of it! But seriously, if I knew the medication was going to affect me in a negative way, I would have NEVER taken it. Careless decision on my part—lesson learned! Also, I was hurt that all Kyle could say was how embarrassed she was. As a sister, I would be worried, not embarrassed. I’m just grateful that Brandi was a good friend and supported me. What I don’t understand is why so many of the girls tried to make me stay when all I wanted to do was go home and rest after it got AWKWARD. Why would anyone want to make the situation worse after me and Kyle’s bathroom confrontation? Sometimes, we all just have to "let it go."

In the next episode you will see that I end up in the hospital with major injuries due to being sick, but because of my history, some people will automatically assume one thing, even though they have seen nothing but strength and courage in my sobority for the last three years. To quote myself, if I may, “I have nothing to hide from anybody.” I’m glad I’m able to tell my side of the story here. Despite all the AWKWARD drama between Kyle, me, and Brandi, I just want to focus on staying healthy, strong, and happy for myself and my loved ones! Until next time!

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