Cast Blog: #RHOBH

Housewives Actually Go Wild

Kim: My Heart Felt So Big

Kyle: Kim and Monty's Relationship Is Unique

Lisa V.: I Needed an Uncomplicated Friendship

Brandi: Kim Is a Survivor

Eileen: Brooke Was a Gorgeous Bride

Lisa R.: I Couldn't Be More in My Element

Brandi: I Felt Like a Grown Up

Yolanda: I Was Doubting My Parenting Skills

Lisa V.: A Scare Can Be the Ultimate Lesson

Kim: The Call No Parent Wants to Get

Eileen: Yeah, Vincent and I Bicker Sometimes

Lisa R.: My Heart Ached for Yolanda

3 Clues to Next Week's Episode

Brandi: Not a Good Time for My Phone to Die

Lisa V.: Hindsight Is 20/20

Kim: The Words You Never Want to Hear

Yolanda: 50 Is the New 30

Eileen: A Long Career Is the True Award

Kyle: An Invite to a Party Isn't the Answer

Lisa R.: God Bless Michael Bolton!

Quiz: How Well Do You Remember Episode 3?

11 #RHOBH Reactions That Sum up Our Lives

Kyle: I Would Take A Road Trip Over a Plane

Lisa: When You Reach Out, You Are Rewarded

Kim: Brandi and I Always Seem to Have Fun

Yolanda: A Homemade Meal Goes a Long Way

Brandi: I Was Surprised Adrienne Was So Receptive

The Real Story Behind Lisa R.'s Depends Ad

3 Clues to Next Week's Episode

Quiz: How Well Do You Remember Episode 2?

3 Times the 'Wives Were Just Like Us

Quiz: How Well Do You Remember Episode 1?

Kyle: Brandi Was Looking for Trouble

Lisa's First Impression of the Ladies

Yolanda: Fasten Your Seat Belts

Q&A: How Are Camille, Adrienne, and Taylor Now?

Lisa: Kyle and I Have Always Had a Bond

Brandi: Lisa Made Up With Everyone But Me

3 GIFs You Have to See From Next Week's Ep

Things You Will Always See at a White Party

Housewives Actually Go Wild

Ep 5: Bravotv.com's Editor tries to make sense of the literal mud-slinging, arm wrestling, and do-si-do-ing in Ojai.

Let's be real Housewives fans. We've probably said that the girls have gone wild before. I'm sure I've put the phrase on this fair website countless times. Surely, it could have been used about Season 2's Game Night or the Malibu Beach dust-up or Season 1's Dinner Party from Hell.

However, tonight's episode was the actual closest approximation to the Joe Francis-coined usage of the term I've ever seen.

The ladies were loose! They were driving golf carts around at not-street-safe speeds. They were arm wrestling! They were flinging water at each other. It was like the camp counselors had gone to the city for the day and left the kids unattended. In short: they were adorable.

Let's try to make sense of all the good times, shall we?

Everyday I Write the Book
Of course, we didn't begin this episode in a good place. Instead we began with STFU-gate, and the ladies reacting to Brandi's outburst. Kim and Brandi took their tete-a-tete to the ladies room and managed to keep their goodwill flowing, but the rest of the gals were aghast about Brandi's language (despite Lisa mentioning that Brandi saying the "f-word" is basically the equivalent of her taking a breath).

Once everyone manages to get back to the table, Brandi apologizes for her language (not her interjection) and then deflects by changing her subject to her book deal. . .Perhaps they should have stuck with the prior conversation.

Yeah, sometimes meditation just isn't enough. Those pesky chakras just won't get into line between Taylor and Brandi. Maybe an autographed copy of her future tome will smooth things over?

Shut Up and Drive
The next morning the gals head out for some athletic endeavors. Before they head off to hike, we check in on Lisa and Brandi's twin beds. As you'd imagine, they're having a precious argument about who snores more disgustingly. Once they move off of their mutual piggy snores, Lisa tries to explain what a "gift" Brandi's comment was. Brandi explains that she's got some other axes to grind with Adrienne at the moment, leading me to believe that STFU was an all encompassing put-down.

Next the ladies lay eyes on the two most glamorous golf carts in the land. Did you know Bentley golf carts are able to off-road? As it turns out they are. Also, Kyle Richards is still afraid of most modes of transportation.

Next, the 'Wives attempt to play badminton. Surprise: they ladies skills are questionable. Not as Lisa's choice of footwear, but pretty underwhelming in the serve department.

Their Name is Mud
After all that fitness, the gals deserved to relax. So off to a soothing spa treatment they went. Kim has found her spiritual renaissance in clay. You can't get closer to God than letting the only thing between you and full nudity be clay, she remarks. Taylor remarks that this new sober Kim is just as wacky as the old one. Honey, I could have told you Richards was an individual all the way through years ago.

And then the rubdown begins. I say rubdown, without fear of over-stating anything because this was the most vaguely Sapphic thing we've put on the airwaves in some time. But before things could get actually sexual, the whole process devolved into a towel-throwing, water-spilling fight for the ages. For a second I thought someone had changed the channel and Porky's was on.

Oh Baby
After a much calmer dinner where the ladies discuss Yolanda's baby lamb treatments and the details of several of the women's childbirths (yes, really). The gals get head back to the room for some cocktails, shots of Patron specifically. Kim and Yolanda retire to bed, not before Kim accidentally tells Brandi she loves her, which might have been one of the most delightful Freudian slips in history. Let it come true God! Please let Kim love Brandi.

After that, things went like you would expect --- some arm wrestling and full press wrestling. Note: Adrienne cheats. Also, in case you're doing this at home, Taylor gave us her tips so you can wrestle like a Real Housewife.

This then devolved into gymnastics and underwearing switching. Did anyone else see Adrienne change clothes like three times? Woman could not find the proper outfit to flip in. Also, can we believe that Kyle didn't do the splits? Also, what was that knee-high jumping, do-si-do dance the ladies did? What was that? My brain can't even take what just went on. All I know is I wanted to get right out of my chair and do it with them.

But sadly, like cartwheels one must get back on their feet and back to Beverly Hills. And so the ladies pack their exclusively Louis Vuitton luggage and head home. Spending the majority of their car ride forcing Lisa to speak in an American accent. Note: I will now drive in a car with Lisa Vanderpump anywhere.

Sadly the car ride wasn't only a lesson in dialects. STFU-gate once again became the topic, leading Brandi to ponder a sit down, hash-out with Adrienne. However, from the looks of the previews that doesn't come soon enough.

Until then, what was your favorite moment in Ojai? Shots? Yolanda's driving? Kim accidentally professing her love for Brandi? Camille's gymnastic prowess?

 

 

Lisa V.: I Needed an Uncomplicated Friendship

Lisa explains why she invited Lisa Rinna to Palm Springs and her hesitation to invite Max's girlfriend.

Hellooo to all of you. It is such a busy time of year. I have been running around like a chicken with its head cut off! I am sure you are all juggling, too.

So as we settle down and watch this week, I realize why I truly enjoyed this episode as it was one that validates my choice to have been immersed in the crazy world of reality, a documentation of some of the most important and poignant moments of my life. Receiving the star was most definitely one of them. A moment when time stands still and you listen to words of appreciation and support from your loved ones, people that took the time to travel two hours and stand in 115 degree heat was something I didn't take for granted. Their personal journeys that they relayed at dinner made me reflect on why I have stood vociferously in their corner for many years.

I was fortunate enough to have been raised without prejudice of any kind, and I believe my role as a heterosexual woman is an important voice and ally to the gay community.

It really was such an honor to be awarded with the Star on the Walk of Stars. Palm Springs has been so good to me. I have received the Icon award, the key to the city, and the grand marshal of the Christmas parade, and it is mostly due to my indomitable support of the gay community over the years. It is a city where people can safely walk hand in hand, regardless of their sexual preference, and for that, I am thankful. That is a city and a world I would like to live in.

My reticence to have Max's girlfriend come and spend the couple of days with us was one I question: Should I have invited her? The rest of the family were adamant that it was too early. It was a relationship I was most certainly not familiar with and was hardly encouraging as she was thirteen years older than him and worked for me at SUR. I felt her life was in a very different place to his and did not want to encourage that. However, she spent the weekend with us in Palm Springs this weekend and their rocky relationship, one that has been confusing to him and has continued, so time will tell, but it has come to a place where if I want to stay close to my son, I have to accept it.

So back to the matter at hand...

I often find that the way you feel about a friend is largely dependent on how they make you feel. 

Lisa Vanderpump

This was quite early in the season, and I had barely interacted with any of the women: briefly at the white party, a couple of lunches, that was it. So the decision to invite Lisa Rinna was an obvious one. We had seen each other for lunch, Harry was out of town with the girls, and she was, as always, her supportive, enthusiastic self, and I loved having her by my side. I often find that the way you feel about a friend is largely dependent on how they make you feel. Well Miss Rinna is a wonderfully positive person, and I needed an uncomplicated friendship at a time that was, in all honesty, a little daunting and somewhat overwhelming.


Seeing Yolanda struggle to come to terms with Bella's DUI was understandable. I felt for her as the severity of the situation really outweighs the action. It is a careless action often with dire consequences, and I know that a lesson was well learnt from that experience, but then couple it with the history of losing your father at a tender age has to be even more emotionally challenging. It tugged at my heart strings as she tried to hold it together.

Kim's daughter Brooke getting married was a lovely moment to savor, and I totally understood feelings of pride and joy as she relinquished her daughter to the arms of her chosen man, but luckily for Kim as not so often with others, she adores him.



The importance of that relationship as two families intertwine is paramount. We were so lucky with Jason, and I appreciate that every time we are all together, I gained a son.

Happy to see Eileen integrating into the cast. I have such admiration for the dedication to her work. Fifty pages a day! Can hardly remember my own name some days...

Anyway, this episode has such a feel-good factor, I hope you enjoy it before the fireworks start!
As always, Love, Lisa.

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