Cast Blog: #RHOBH

Housewives Actually Go Wild

Kim: Kyle Should Be Worried, Not Embarrassed

Brandi: Kyle Wants to Help When There's an Audience

Kyle: This Was Brandi's Master Plan

Lisa R.: It Felt Just As Awkward As It Looked

Lisa V.: Kim's Demeanor Was Questionable

Eileen: Brandi Loves to Stir the Pot

#RHOBH Spoiler Alert: Disgust and a Push

Yolanda: I Would Like to Apologize

Brandi: I Won't Make Excuses

Kim: I Wanted to Hold Kyle

Lisa V.: I Want Max to Be Ambitious

Eileen: Being a Stepmom Is Challenging

Lisa R.: Lots of Transition Happening

Kyle: We Are an Emotional Bunch

#RHOBH Spoiler Alert: Surprise and an F-Bomb

Lisa V.: A Naughty Child Shouldn't Be Rewarded

Kyle: Brandi Was Rude and Offensive

Eileen: It Felt Like an Attack

Lisa R.: It Was Shocking and Unprovoked

Kim: Brandi Is Brandi

7 Faces We All Made During This Week's #RHOBH

Brandi: Lisa V. Was Making Me Uncomfortable

#RHOBH Spoiler Alert: Shock and Tears

4 Questions We All Asked During #RHOBH

Lisa R.: Portia Is My Spirit Animal

Eileen: Brandi Showed Us How Not to Make Amends

Yolanda: I Took One for the Team

Lisa V.: Yes, Love Is a Big Word

Kyle: Moments Like These Are Frustrating

Lisa V.: I Won't Erase the Past

Brandi: I Don't Enjoy Anger or Grudges

Eileen: I Could Feel the Tension at Kyle's

Lisa R Reflects on That Bittersweet Episode

Yolanda: These Are Teaching Moments

Kim: My Heart Felt So Big

Kyle: Kim and Monty's Relationship Is Unique

Lisa V.: I Needed an Uncomplicated Friendship

Brandi: Kim Is a Survivor

Lisa R.: I Couldn't Be More in My Element

Eileen: Brooke Was a Gorgeous Bride

Housewives Actually Go Wild

Ep 5: Bravotv.com's Editor tries to make sense of the literal mud-slinging, arm wrestling, and do-si-do-ing in Ojai.

Let's be real Housewives fans. We've probably said that the girls have gone wild before. I'm sure I've put the phrase on this fair website countless times. Surely, it could have been used about Season 2's Game Night or the Malibu Beach dust-up or Season 1's Dinner Party from Hell.

However, tonight's episode was the actual closest approximation to the Joe Francis-coined usage of the term I've ever seen.

The ladies were loose! They were driving golf carts around at not-street-safe speeds. They were arm wrestling! They were flinging water at each other. It was like the camp counselors had gone to the city for the day and left the kids unattended. In short: they were adorable.

Let's try to make sense of all the good times, shall we?

Everyday I Write the Book
Of course, we didn't begin this episode in a good place. Instead we began with STFU-gate, and the ladies reacting to Brandi's outburst. Kim and Brandi took their tete-a-tete to the ladies room and managed to keep their goodwill flowing, but the rest of the gals were aghast about Brandi's language (despite Lisa mentioning that Brandi saying the "f-word" is basically the equivalent of her taking a breath).

Once everyone manages to get back to the table, Brandi apologizes for her language (not her interjection) and then deflects by changing her subject to her book deal. . .Perhaps they should have stuck with the prior conversation.

Yeah, sometimes meditation just isn't enough. Those pesky chakras just won't get into line between Taylor and Brandi. Maybe an autographed copy of her future tome will smooth things over?

Shut Up and Drive
The next morning the gals head out for some athletic endeavors. Before they head off to hike, we check in on Lisa and Brandi's twin beds. As you'd imagine, they're having a precious argument about who snores more disgustingly. Once they move off of their mutual piggy snores, Lisa tries to explain what a "gift" Brandi's comment was. Brandi explains that she's got some other axes to grind with Adrienne at the moment, leading me to believe that STFU was an all encompassing put-down.

Next the ladies lay eyes on the two most glamorous golf carts in the land. Did you know Bentley golf carts are able to off-road? As it turns out they are. Also, Kyle Richards is still afraid of most modes of transportation.

Next, the 'Wives attempt to play badminton. Surprise: they ladies skills are questionable. Not as Lisa's choice of footwear, but pretty underwhelming in the serve department.

Their Name is Mud
After all that fitness, the gals deserved to relax. So off to a soothing spa treatment they went. Kim has found her spiritual renaissance in clay. You can't get closer to God than letting the only thing between you and full nudity be clay, she remarks. Taylor remarks that this new sober Kim is just as wacky as the old one. Honey, I could have told you Richards was an individual all the way through years ago.

And then the rubdown begins. I say rubdown, without fear of over-stating anything because this was the most vaguely Sapphic thing we've put on the airwaves in some time. But before things could get actually sexual, the whole process devolved into a towel-throwing, water-spilling fight for the ages. For a second I thought someone had changed the channel and Porky's was on.

Oh Baby
After a much calmer dinner where the ladies discuss Yolanda's baby lamb treatments and the details of several of the women's childbirths (yes, really). The gals get head back to the room for some cocktails, shots of Patron specifically. Kim and Yolanda retire to bed, not before Kim accidentally tells Brandi she loves her, which might have been one of the most delightful Freudian slips in history. Let it come true God! Please let Kim love Brandi.

After that, things went like you would expect --- some arm wrestling and full press wrestling. Note: Adrienne cheats. Also, in case you're doing this at home, Taylor gave us her tips so you can wrestle like a Real Housewife.

This then devolved into gymnastics and underwearing switching. Did anyone else see Adrienne change clothes like three times? Woman could not find the proper outfit to flip in. Also, can we believe that Kyle didn't do the splits? Also, what was that knee-high jumping, do-si-do dance the ladies did? What was that? My brain can't even take what just went on. All I know is I wanted to get right out of my chair and do it with them.

But sadly, like cartwheels one must get back on their feet and back to Beverly Hills. And so the ladies pack their exclusively Louis Vuitton luggage and head home. Spending the majority of their car ride forcing Lisa to speak in an American accent. Note: I will now drive in a car with Lisa Vanderpump anywhere.

Sadly the car ride wasn't only a lesson in dialects. STFU-gate once again became the topic, leading Brandi to ponder a sit down, hash-out with Adrienne. However, from the looks of the previews that doesn't come soon enough.

Until then, what was your favorite moment in Ojai? Shots? Yolanda's driving? Kim accidentally professing her love for Brandi? Camille's gymnastic prowess?

 

 

Lisa V.: Kim's Demeanor Was Questionable

Lisa V. explains why the poker party was reminiscent of the ladies' trip to Paris. 

So once again another week passes, and this episode is the start of a tumultuous ride, where alliances take a different path.

We start with a day trip to the spa. It was a pleasant day, and I don't for a minute believe Kyle intended to embarrass her sister or lead her into temptation with regard to the wine tasting. It was unfortunate circumstances, and I thought Kim reacted accordingly and seemed to deal with it appropriately.The car ride to the spa where we are all confined was a different matter. There we have it: the need to shock once more in Brandi's graphic detail of her fantasy. I don't find anything she says remotely amusing, stimulating, or even vaguely interesting, just always provocative, trying to elicit a reaction.


So off I tootle to Mexico with my family, and we witness the car journey with the incongruous relationship of Brandi and Kyle in the car discussing the success of Kim's sobriety and the path her life has taken.


Then things take a sharp turn as the evening unfolds. That relationship shatters and much is revealed.
I cannot fathom how one can arrive--with the knowledge that every moment will be recorded, documented in front of millions, where they are absolutely positive that interactions in a group setting are required--without one's faculties, albeit due to drink or drugs and not expect people to comment on irrational and volatile behavior.
Now I have utmost sympathy for anyone dealing with addiction, but as we immerse ourselves in this demanding arena, the truth always comes out, so it begs the question, if we have something to hide, where we are defensive, is it wise to test our resilience in our fight against the demands that being a public figure holds us to?
I do recall a similar situation, myself, two years ago in Paris, where Kim's demeanor was questionable, her words were slurring and she was not herself.
I made the mistake of suggesting she had taken a sleeping pill to combat the demands of jet lag, almost hoping that this would be a legitimate and understandable explanation for her bizarre behavior. I was met with an angry response--how dare I insinuate that she was not committed to her sobriety? But her actions spoke otherwise.
My point being is if we subject our friends to questionable conduct, aren't we therefore justified to call it out as Lisa R. did in the car?

I absolutely unequivocally want Kim to be successful in her quest for sobriety, and I am positive each and every one of us feels the same. It was a sad moment to see her slip. I have an uncanny knack of missing these game nights. The last debacle, when a game night was organized, I escaped and after seeing what transpired was thrilled that I was on a much-needed vacation after the months of working my butt off opening PUMP. It was a chance to regroup with Pandora, Jason, my brother, the Gigster, and Ken. Gigster naked on the beach was more pornDOGraphy than I could stand.

Loved seeing those beautiful girls, that I have adored for quite a few years now, as they start their modeling careers in New York.

I have to say I was disheartened to see the animosity at Eileen's house who had obviously gone to a great deal of trouble to create a fabulous evening. She is a sweet woman with a dear of a husband, and I believe they were unprepared for the nastiness that ensued. It was startling, but I understood Kyle's frustration as she attempted to communicate with Kim, only to be blocked by Brandi. Kyle obviously, with years of experiencing situations like this, resented Brandi physically blocking her attempt to reach her sister.
We leave there, and I assume we reconvene next week in the midst of the aggressive altercation that we viewed this week, a rapid downward spiral that creates the rift between Kyle and Brandi, a rift fraught with accusations that lead them into a vortex of negativity in the coming episodes.
So until next week, my dears, hold on tight as it becomes a little bumpy...
As always...Love, Lisa.

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