Cast Blog: #RHOBH

My Sobriety Today

Kim explains why she wanted to talk to Taylor and her behavior in Paris.

Hi everyone!

I hope you're all having a great week! I'd like to start with something light, like how I noticed the turtles on the wall. I've been to my sister’s home a million times, and I had never noticed the TURTLES before! I was surprised to see them, and I had no idea that my girlfriend Tiffany had gifted them to her. What can I say. . .TURTLES! I love Tiffany. I love turtles! Yay!

Let's talk about how Kyle and I ended up at Taylor's! When Taylor called my home the night of my party, which from what I understand Taylor said she didn't feel it was important to show up to a nose party. Which I agree. A nose party? What she didn't know is, this wasn't just a nose party. This is the first place I've had to call home in so long I can't even remember. I have been working on putting my home together, all along keeping in mind the day when I would have my special friends together. I've been working on decorating my house and putting my garden together. I wanted to include all my friends -- from childhood on up -- and I have been working on this since the day I moved in. It was a perfect summer night to get all my friends together and this was a chance to celebrate the life changes I've made, and for them to see my home, and an opportunity for them to see how I live, AND for them to see my new nose. It was a little bit of everything, but it was very important to me. And that's what Taylor didn't know.

I was surprised by the sound of her voice on the phone, and that she was with a man we really didn't know! When she didn't know Kennedy's whereabouts, we all were very concerned. It wasn't that we were concerned about Kennedy's safety, Kennedy was here with us. I was more concerned with Taylor's state of mind.

Believe me, I know I am no Dr. Drew. Many would say it's the pot calling the kettle black, and I totally understand that. My intent was not to be judgmental or hypocritical, but to reach out as a friend, as others have done for me in the past. Taylor and I have discussed this before. I felt scared, as I don't want her to end up where I did! I've been really, really scared for Taylor. And we've discussed that between Taylor and I. Being an alcoholic in recovery I recognize some of Taylor's behavior as a red flag! As a friend I would like to help! We called Taylor and headed over to see her. I was so nervous and I told my sister on the way there that I didn't know exactly what to say, but I know I have to say something! When I sat down with Taylor, I wanted to cry because my heart went out to her. I understand where she's at and what she's going through. I opened up and told her how it affected me and my children and family. I was so relieved when she reacted the way she did and she was responsive! I was very glad we did it and I was just so relieved! You walk out the door to today I took the biggest sighhhh! I said to my sister on the way home, "Did I do that the right way???" I hope Taylor's OK with me because I care for her and Kennedy so much!

So I get a call. . .do you want to go to Paris? Well naturally, I'm a little hesitant to go on a trip with the girls!?! But then I thought YES! So exciting! This is the first trip I've been on in awhile where I'm together. I'm sober. I got a passport and driver's license! Aha!

So I started packing. . .I packed until 3 am! I was too afraid to go to sleep and miss the plane. The car picked me up and it was off to the airport! It was nice being on-time at the airport and being prepared with my passport and my driver's license in hand! It was also really nice sitting with my sister and being able to discuss with her some of the issues and things I used to do when I was drinking. It was such a relief for both of us. It feels so good not to have to keep secrets from each other any longer! As time goes on and things come out, the air gets lighter and lighter, and things get easier.

I felt so bad when Marisa called and we got the news. Such a tragedy and my condolences go to her and her family! Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers.

The flight to Paris was long (15 hours!) but they gave us pajamas, and we played some games to pass the time. I tried to sleep as much as I could, but didn't have much luck.

Everybody decided to meet down in Brandi's room for fireworks. I came out on the deck at Brandi's room that night, I was exhausted. I just didn't feel like myself. When Kyle called my room I told her I would be right up. I didn't feel so good. My stomach was hurting and I felt nauseous. I didn't know why. I barely slept the night before we left L.A. It had a been a long day of travelling. Still something felt wrong. I just wasn' myself and I had trouble focusing and staying alert. I was on 24 hours of no sleep.

What you didn't see is the morning after our first day, I called a doctor to come check on me. It turns out I had brought the wrong medication with me on the trip!! I had been taking it since I left L.A. Throughout the entire stay in Paris, I just didn't look or feel right. I wasn't my spunky self and my personality just wasn't me. It wasn't until I returned home that I was aware of this.

When I got back home after our trip, I slept for two whole days. Looking back on the trip, I felt lethargic and I really hadn't been myself. Every day I take more steps in my recovery, and I'm in such a better place. Looking back on this really frightened me, and watching this makes me realize how much I value my sobriety today. It makes me much more cautious, and it's not something to take lightly.

I really put a lot of thought into this blog. I take my recovery very seriously, and I just want to be very clear about this. This is my life and I love it. I am sober and it's unfortunate the way it looked, but I am proud of who I am today. And I am very grateful to all whom I have inspired, as you have been an inspiration to me.

Thank you!

Love,
Kim

Eileen: Kim Is Acting Completely Unhinged

Eileen talks about arriving in Amsterdam, the drama that has already taken place, and her fears for the rest of the trip.

I was thrilled to arrive in Amsterdam…that is until the about five minutes in, when Lisa R. filled us in on what happened on the plane with Kim.

It’s very disturbing (is this my most-used word of the season?) that Kim is being so vicious. I appreciate Lisa R. warning me that Kim was “coming after me.” But I have to ask, why? Even if she didn’t like my methods, I have been genuinely concerned for her.

It’s very tense when Kim joins us in the lobby. I was just hoping everyone could have a pleasant trip, starting with a nice first meal together as a group.

At dinner, I was really touched when Yolanda shared with us her feelings about what happened with Bella. I loved what she said about showing your true core. I wholeheartedly agree, and I was happy to think we were going to go to a deeper level in our friendships with each other.  I was surprised to hear about Lisa R.’s sister passing away. It hits very close to home. No wonder she’s sensitive to everything happening to Kim and Kyle right now. I think her apology to Kim was beautiful, and it takes a lot of courage to bare part of a painful past. 

That’s why I couldn’t believe that Kim exploded.  Lisa R. started with an apology. I think this was about the fifth time she had apologized, actually. She wasn’t attacking Kim, but Kim definitely started attacking Lisa R. I was completely shocked by the level of viciousness, and I interjected. That's when Kim calls me a “beast.” Really? For doing what exactly? Then she hits below the belt about Lisa R.’s “situation at home”—whatever that is supposed to mean—and then tells me to “shut my f---ing mouth”? What am I missing? This isn’t our first night in Amsterdam; this is our first night in Crazy Town.

Then, Kim starts in on Kyle, saying she’s not a real sister. There’s just no excuse for Kim’s abusive and degrading behavior. When Lisa R. tries to defend Kyle, Kim hits again with an insult about Lisa R. It’s just getting worse and worse. Then she brings up this mystery insult about Harry. And that’s when it gets REALLY crazy. Lisa R. is pushed to her breaking point. I do not condone physical violence, but Kim is acting completely unhinged, and it’s actually frightening to see this. Lisa R. is provoked to a point that I'm not even sure what I would have done.

This is the first time I've heard Kim mention her grown children this way. I do have empathy for her and what her family went through, but honestly, aren’t her actions far worse than anything Lisa R. and I have said or done?

If it weren’t for Yolanda, and the amazing hospitality she’s shown taking us on this trip, I would go home. From what she has said, Lisa R. feels the same way. This whole trip just started, and it’s tainted by this horrific behavior. I feel sorry for Lisa R., because I know how frightened she was by her reaction to Kim’s ambiguous accusations against her husband and family. Kim’s slanderous innuendos really pushed her mama-bear buttons. 

Back at the hotel, Lisa R. breaks down. She tells Kyle that she will never speak to Kim again, and after tonight, I don’t blame her. I also feel totally traumatized by this upheaval. From the events tonight, jet lag, and lack of sleep, I get emotional myself. I’m having a really hard time being around all of this over-the-top drama. I could never in my wildest dreams imagine something so explosive happening over something that began out of concern. It’s beyond shocking.

So, the next morning, kudos to Kim, I guess? She went to see Lisa R. She must be there to apologize for her heinous veiled accusations about Harry, right? No! She’s there to explain why she got so heated. If “heated” is even the right word? After everything that happened the night before, the trauma, the insults, is this conversation really enough to just make it all go away? Apparently so, and now I am really confused that everything’s “just fine” again. I’m all for working to resolve conflict, but I can’t help but feel that Kim and Lisa are sweeping everything under the rug. It would be fantastic if Lisa feels that everything was resolved, but does she really? How could she possibly feel that after what happened the night before? That was a traumatizing experience, and I’m not buying it. Where’s Kim’s apology for making that veiled comment about Harry? Where’s Kim's apology to me? To Kyle?

WE ARE STILL IN CRAZY TOWN.

Because of our love and respect for Yolanda, we all manage to compartmentalize what has happened, and we go bike riding. Yeah, we did that, and it was hilarious. Biking along canals and passing windmills was the quintessential Holland experience. Meeting Yolanda’s "first" kiss (or was he?) was cute, too. The people that lived inside the windmills were lovely, and it was a personal highlight for me. Yolanda’s mother is amazing! She’s survived so much, and she’s battling cancer again. She’s such a positive and kind person; I see where Yolanda gets it. I’m truly in awe of her. I also adore her brother, Leo. What wonderful people, and I felt a true connection with them for sure. 

At the “coffee shop,” I’m starting to have fun and things with the ladies have mellowed. Thank God Kim decided not to come. For many reasons, that is probably a fantastic move on her part. I went in adamant that I was not going to have any space cake. But, like I said, I gave in to the peer pressure! It was just a little corner, people! So…we managed to have some fun for about one minute. We leave the coffee shop, and I hear screaming. I turn around to see that Brandi is ranting in the street. Honestly, she has become the biggest buzzkill! And I mean that literally!  She thinks we’re all “hypocrites,” and I’m really not sure why. Kyle was upset that Brandi brought up something personal in front of everybody, and Brandi doesn’t see the difference between her behavior and Kyle’s. So, here we have it: Kim and Brandi, ranting and raving, with not nearly enough space cake in the world to chill them both out.

It’s only our second day of this trip! I’m hoping that if it’s this bad now, it couldn’t possibly get worse, right?

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