Cast Blog: #RHOBH

Don't Take Marisa So Seriously

Marisa's fed-up with the tiffs between Lisa, Kyle, Brandi, and Adrienne... and she's not jealous of Yolanda.

So last week I took some flak for my comments about Yolanda. Let me clarify. . .I was simply having fun with Yolanda's persona. . .without malice or mean spirit. While I don't know her well, what I do see is a wonderful woman who adores her children and husband and lives an immaculate lifestyle. If Saturday Night Live did a Stepford skit on how perfect her life is, it would be funny and perhaps might even include a tipsy Housewife spilling wine on her white pants. Nobody would think twice about it, and haters wouldn't be emerging from the woodwork to accuse Lorne Michaels of being bitter and jealous of Yolanda's life. The point here is that everything I say (or write) should be taken with a giant salt lick. . .not too seriously and not too literally. Hopefully over time you will learn to know me better and understand my personality.

With that being said, let's enjoy this week's episode. . .

A gremlin causes Kyle's auxiliary wardrobe rack to collapse, which Mauricio finds quite amusing, but he's also unsympathetic to her plight and tells her to get rid of the excess apparel. I can relate; Dean would tell me the exact same thing. Mauricio, looking good in purple, primps one last time before his deep concern sets in over Kyle's anxiety brought on by tension with Lisa. Kyle aims to fix this and Maseratis over to Villa Rosa. . .

After pleasantries are exchanged, Lisa and Kyle talk in circles as they attempt to make amends and find a way to broker peace amongst all the feuding women. Their meeting concludes with a tepid truce. . .I'm not buying that it will last. For what it's worth, I understand Lisa's being miffed at Kyle not defending her, but at the same time, Lisa is strong enough to fight her battles on her own. . .

At the equestrian center with Brandi and Yolanda, we learn that Yolanda can only afford one horse for her daughter to train with when all the other kids in the neighborhood have two or three! I was wrong about Yolanda's life -- it's not perfect. Brandi makes me laugh (or cackle like a hyena as Dean would put it) when she says she would "implode" if she signed the gag order from Adrienne. . .I like this woman and agree with Yolanda that Brandi has done all she can to diffuse the situation. Yolanda then tees off on Adrienne unmercifully. . .and a billion people in China are also wondering, "Who in this world is Adrienne Maloof?"

Off to Lisa's lovely tea party where Brandi is first to arrive. Ken drops a wicked line about all women being the same size when lying down in bed. . .which may in fact be true, but the same thing cannot be said about men. Brandi becomes a little nervous and excited at the sight of Peter/Jax, the beefcakes from SUR hired by Lisa to work the event. Taylor arrives next with a present for Lisa, a vibrator, always an appropriate gift for a ladies' tea. After Brandi takes Taylor on a tour, I arrive and it's time for me to be misinterpreted. . .again.

It begins when Brandi brings up my "nice husband" (which she has a penchant for doing) and Taylor tries to put words in my mouth about Dean which I've never said. . . I respond to that effect but add in jest that it would be nice to have "a change" after having sex with the same person for 16 years. . .and meanwhile, Jax of Peter/Jax just stares off into space. Saying what I said doesn't mean that I'm doing it. . .it just means that I said it. I call bullshit on any man or women in a long term relationship who say they haven't thought (at least once) of making whoopee with someone new.

Adrienne, Kyle, Faye, and Camille turn up and we're almost ready for tea with the ladies! Unfortunately, Kim calls to bow out after taking a vicious canine uppercut to her surgically repaired schnozz. We all take our seats and, to no one's surprise, Lisa has out done herself. . .the arrangements look beautiful and there's a gift for each of us on our chair. I'm really loving Mrs. Vanderpump! As Lisa sits at the head of the table and extends an olive branch to all the women I can't help but think how similar their situation is to the conflict in the Middle East. . .maybe, just maybe, there will be progress. Of course not.

Not before long, the conversation shifts from Taylor's gymnastics (emphasis on "ass") to lies and lawsuits. Despite Lisa's sidebar to keep the afternoon civil, the rabble-rousing Taylor brings up the infamous "letter" from Adrienne to Brandi. . . and here we go, yet again.

I could almost hear the late Rodney King saying, "Can't we all get along?" Neither Adrienne nor Brandi gives any ground on this subject, each repeatedly denying the other's accusations. Twitter and a chef named Bernie get a few nice shout outs but nothing is resolved, and Brandi abruptly leaves ending the festivities. Having not been privy to all the particulars of this tiff, it's difficult for me to cast judgment. . .but if I had a gun to my head and had to, I'd say Adrienne was being less than truthful.

Until next week. . .

xx
Marisa

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Brandi: You Can't Confirm What Didn't Happen

Brandi questions some of the ladies' motives, plus gives an interesting update on her relationship with LeAnn. 

Hey, My Bravoistas!

I’m in my American Airlines' seat 36 hours later, flying back home from NYC, thankful to be on a safe path home. My prayers go out to the families and loved ones of the downed German airliner in the French Alps this morning. I cannot imagine the pain being experienced by these families at this moment, which shockingly has led me to add a new person into my flight prayer today...my children’s stepmom. Don’t get me wrong--not everything is yet copasetic, but my children love her, so she is now in the “flight prayer,” differences aside. Now on a happier RHOBH note, last night’s WWHL with Andy was sooooo fun! No drama for once!

NEWS FLASH! Please watch for my new Sonoma County Chardonnay “Unfiltered Blonde,” to launch in April!

As I look over this past season, all I can say is it’s been an odd one. There were so many fun moments that got lost in the drama and so many weeks of fun you never saw at all. I wish you had, but I'm not in control of everything we get to see. I’d like to remember having fun with Kim “stalking” my now boyfriend J.R. That was such a crazy fun girls' night, Lisa R. being chased by killer bees, Yolanda and her Facetime confusion and meeting her family for the second time this--time in Holland, the Foster Foundation Extravaganza, “singing” at Lisa V.’s birthday party, and Kyle pretending to be a caring sister and owning yachts and planes…haha.
Ok, I’ll behave.

Here we are at the last episode of the season, yet, it seems most are still stuck in the beginning. I wish we weren’t, and I would dearly like to leave “Poker Night” behind. However, one person continues to make it the focal point of every interaction from when it happened and far into the three-part reunion.

This episode opens with Rinna tearing down a swing set, but her home interviews are still about what she perceives as Kim’s issues to be, not the actual touching moment of what the swing set tear-down symbolizes or her own family (I can't wait for her daughters to write their Brooke Shields-style memoir when they are age appropriate). LR says she feels sorry for Kim and cares about Kim and wishes Kim well. The truth is a lot less pretty. Some people have been attacking Kim’s sobriety online this week, but we won’t name names. BTW, Kim is sober and not online. She is busy caring for serious ill family members and driving back and forth to doctors and hospitals and being strong for her family.

Next we see Nicky Hilton’s book signing--sister Paris and mom Kathy Hilton are there. Looks like a great party and congrats to Nicky on her style book. Camille looks gorgeous as usual. Kyle angrily flips her hair, because Kim was wearing a shirt that she carries at “her” shop, but didn’t buy it there...whatever. Then Kyle whispers about her sister Kim to Lisa V. and Camille.
Kyle then tells them she is confused and impatient that Kim hasn’t confronted me over her third-hand Lisa R. gossip. She states Kim WILL be hurt and broken hearted over what “I” said… Kyle seems way too overy excited about that happening, which I find kind creepy. Why would anyone WANT their sister to be hurt or in pain?!

The preparations for Adrienne’s party are in full swing next. Lisa V. is fretting it, Kim is casually discussing the intervention GOSSIP with her makeup artist before the party, I’m getting ready and waiting for my friends and my date.

Adrienne’s party is the big finale of our journey this year. Everyone is there, and Adrienne always excels at events. So here we go. First off, my mind was not on the party at all. My father was recently hospitalized, and I didn’t leave his side for two weeks. It was very serious, but I had to return home to my boys. He was still not conscious, but I needed to get home to run my household--a party was the last place I wanted to be, but I had promised. That’s why I decided to bring the few people that I felt I could depend on in that moment. My friends and J.R. have been there for me during my father’s health scare and over more then a month of hospitalization--that was and is what remains what’s important to me.

The party seems like it was fun for a lot of people who weren’t involved in Kyle and Lisa. R.’s drama. I wish I were one of them, but in a way I was. As much as Kyle relished telling Kim the hurtful gossip she heard from LR, what she wanted to happen didn’t happen. There was no argument between Kim and I. We were happy to see each other. We spoke easily. I was busy worrying about my Dad; she was busy with her family.

What we saw on the finale was an efficient Kim quietly confronting Lisa R., then leaving Lisa R.'s table somewhat amused. Lisa R. couldn’t confirm the veracity of her gossip, because I DIDN’T SAY IT. Thanks again to Bravo for showing the truth in a flashback last week.

So, Kim knew who was who and what was what. The entertainment of the night was provided by Lisa R. going radio silent while Kyle begged for corroboration on her dramatic intervention gossip. Watching Yolanda, Eileen, and Lisa V. urge Lisa R. to support Kyle and verify her hurtful gossip was almost amusing. You can't confirm what didn't happen, can you?

In the end, I left the party early. Why? Not because of a past friendship with Lisa V. It's not her that made me cry--I was crying for my father, my dad! I was in no place to be at a superficial party, discussing a superficial incident with a person who was clearly not a friend, not that night. I said I would show up, and I did. After that, I wanted to be with my real close friends and family. Since this party my dad came out of the ICU and after 2 entire months and after a long stressful time I want to thank Dr. Allen Morris and all the doctors and nurses at Mercy General Hospital of Sacramento for saving my dad's life yet agin for the second time in 15 years. He is doing much better and continuing his hope of a full recovery. I am so thankful to all the people who were there for me and continue to be here for my family and I.

THAT is what life’s about, being with the people who truly love and care about you and the feelings are reciprocated.

As you hear, at the end of the finale, I am wistful, yet, wiser, and I think in a stronger place. I love and loved being there for Kim and being Kim’s friend, and I love that she was, is, and has been here for me. Even more so, I'm grateful and blessed to have Yolanda in my life; she is no bullsh--. Even when suffering herself, she is still so selfless. Yo is very special to me, I love her, she gets me, we have fun together, and I value every moment we spend together. I always will. As for the rest, I hope to share laughs and fun again, maybe tears, but hopefully only joy.

Peace Out. (deuces MFs--JK)

XOXO,

B

Please, please consider making a donation, small or large to help a special child’s “wish” come true. It’s just such an incredibly special cause so dear to my heart.

I’ll be walking. Come and join me.

Here’s the link: ‪shar.es/1ftwjL ‬‪ ‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬

Los Angeles Website of Make-A-Wish 

 

 

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