Cast Blog: #RHOBH

Don't Take Marisa So Seriously

Kim: Kyle Should Be Worried, Not Embarrassed

Brandi: Kyle Wants to Help When There's an Audience

Kyle: This Was Brandi's Master Plan

Lisa R.: It Felt Just As Awkward As It Looked

Lisa V.: Kim's Demeanor Was Questionable

Eileen: Brandi Loves to Stir the Pot

#RHOBH Spoiler Alert: Disgust and a Push

Yolanda: I Would Like to Apologize

Brandi: I Won't Make Excuses

Kim: I Wanted to Hold Kyle

Lisa V.: I Want Max to Be Ambitious

Eileen: Being a Stepmom Is Challenging

Lisa R.: Lots of Transition Happening

Kyle: We Are an Emotional Bunch

#RHOBH Spoiler Alert: Surprise and an F-Bomb

Lisa V.: A Naughty Child Shouldn't Be Rewarded

Kyle: Brandi Was Rude and Offensive

Eileen: It Felt Like an Attack

Lisa R.: It Was Shocking and Unprovoked

Kim: Brandi Is Brandi

7 Faces We All Made During This Week's #RHOBH

Brandi: Lisa V. Was Making Me Uncomfortable

#RHOBH Spoiler Alert: Shock and Tears

4 Questions We All Asked During #RHOBH

Lisa R.: Portia Is My Spirit Animal

Eileen: Brandi Showed Us How Not to Make Amends

Yolanda: I Took One for the Team

Lisa V.: Yes, Love Is a Big Word

Kyle: Moments Like These Are Frustrating

Lisa V.: I Won't Erase the Past

Brandi: I Don't Enjoy Anger or Grudges

Eileen: I Could Feel the Tension at Kyle's

Lisa R Reflects on That Bittersweet Episode

Yolanda: These Are Teaching Moments

Kim: My Heart Felt So Big

Kyle: Kim and Monty's Relationship Is Unique

Lisa V.: I Needed an Uncomplicated Friendship

Brandi: Kim Is a Survivor

Eileen: Brooke Was a Gorgeous Bride

Lisa R.: I Couldn't Be More in My Element

Don't Take Marisa So Seriously

Marisa's fed-up with the tiffs between Lisa, Kyle, Brandi, and Adrienne... and she's not jealous of Yolanda.

So last week I took some flak for my comments about Yolanda. Let me clarify. . .I was simply having fun with Yolanda's persona. . .without malice or mean spirit. While I don't know her well, what I do see is a wonderful woman who adores her children and husband and lives an immaculate lifestyle. If Saturday Night Live did a Stepford skit on how perfect her life is, it would be funny and perhaps might even include a tipsy Housewife spilling wine on her white pants. Nobody would think twice about it, and haters wouldn't be emerging from the woodwork to accuse Lorne Michaels of being bitter and jealous of Yolanda's life. The point here is that everything I say (or write) should be taken with a giant salt lick. . .not too seriously and not too literally. Hopefully over time you will learn to know me better and understand my personality.

With that being said, let's enjoy this week's episode. . .

A gremlin causes Kyle's auxiliary wardrobe rack to collapse, which Mauricio finds quite amusing, but he's also unsympathetic to her plight and tells her to get rid of the excess apparel. I can relate; Dean would tell me the exact same thing. Mauricio, looking good in purple, primps one last time before his deep concern sets in over Kyle's anxiety brought on by tension with Lisa. Kyle aims to fix this and Maseratis over to Villa Rosa. . .

After pleasantries are exchanged, Lisa and Kyle talk in circles as they attempt to make amends and find a way to broker peace amongst all the feuding women. Their meeting concludes with a tepid truce. . .I'm not buying that it will last. For what it's worth, I understand Lisa's being miffed at Kyle not defending her, but at the same time, Lisa is strong enough to fight her battles on her own. . .

At the equestrian center with Brandi and Yolanda, we learn that Yolanda can only afford one horse for her daughter to train with when all the other kids in the neighborhood have two or three! I was wrong about Yolanda's life -- it's not perfect. Brandi makes me laugh (or cackle like a hyena as Dean would put it) when she says she would "implode" if she signed the gag order from Adrienne. . .I like this woman and agree with Yolanda that Brandi has done all she can to diffuse the situation. Yolanda then tees off on Adrienne unmercifully. . .and a billion people in China are also wondering, "Who in this world is Adrienne Maloof?"

Off to Lisa's lovely tea party where Brandi is first to arrive. Ken drops a wicked line about all women being the same size when lying down in bed. . .which may in fact be true, but the same thing cannot be said about men. Brandi becomes a little nervous and excited at the sight of Peter/Jax, the beefcakes from SUR hired by Lisa to work the event. Taylor arrives next with a present for Lisa, a vibrator, always an appropriate gift for a ladies' tea. After Brandi takes Taylor on a tour, I arrive and it's time for me to be misinterpreted. . .again.

It begins when Brandi brings up my "nice husband" (which she has a penchant for doing) and Taylor tries to put words in my mouth about Dean which I've never said. . . I respond to that effect but add in jest that it would be nice to have "a change" after having sex with the same person for 16 years. . .and meanwhile, Jax of Peter/Jax just stares off into space. Saying what I said doesn't mean that I'm doing it. . .it just means that I said it. I call bullshit on any man or women in a long term relationship who say they haven't thought (at least once) of making whoopee with someone new.

Adrienne, Kyle, Faye, and Camille turn up and we're almost ready for tea with the ladies! Unfortunately, Kim calls to bow out after taking a vicious canine uppercut to her surgically repaired schnozz. We all take our seats and, to no one's surprise, Lisa has out done herself. . .the arrangements look beautiful and there's a gift for each of us on our chair. I'm really loving Mrs. Vanderpump! As Lisa sits at the head of the table and extends an olive branch to all the women I can't help but think how similar their situation is to the conflict in the Middle East. . .maybe, just maybe, there will be progress. Of course not.

Not before long, the conversation shifts from Taylor's gymnastics (emphasis on "ass") to lies and lawsuits. Despite Lisa's sidebar to keep the afternoon civil, the rabble-rousing Taylor brings up the infamous "letter" from Adrienne to Brandi. . . and here we go, yet again.

I could almost hear the late Rodney King saying, "Can't we all get along?" Neither Adrienne nor Brandi gives any ground on this subject, each repeatedly denying the other's accusations. Twitter and a chef named Bernie get a few nice shout outs but nothing is resolved, and Brandi abruptly leaves ending the festivities. Having not been privy to all the particulars of this tiff, it's difficult for me to cast judgment. . .but if I had a gun to my head and had to, I'd say Adrienne was being less than truthful.

Until next week. . .

xx
Marisa

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Brandi: Kyle Wants to Help When There's an Audience

Brandi explains why she was trying to get Kim out of Eileen's house.

Newsflash: I'M NOT SOBER, and fantasies are just that--fantasies. I've just about HAD IT with these judgmental women that pretend to be perfect and think they do no wrong. Spa day was fine other than the uncomfortable wine tasting, but I tried to tell some jokes to loosen the mood.


Poker night...Kyle called me and asked me to bring champagne in the car for the ride over to poker night at Eileen's, and we shared one bottle. I generally drink wine, not champagne, and was feeling good. As all of my friends have pointed out to me, it's the third glass that usually takes me to the dark side. Kyle had as much to drink as I did, but it didn't seem to affect her. I guess she must have a really HIGH tolerence. Eileen's house is beautiful on the outside--and it may be a dick thing to say--but creepy on the inside in my opinion. I switched over to white wine, and while there were a few appetizers (one made with kids' frozen mini pancakes and oddly colored salmon), there really wasn't much to eat, and it was dinner time after all.

We sit to learn poker. I'm drunk and hungry, and all these smart women act like it's rocket science. It was ridiculous. Sitting next to Kim, even in my intoxicated state, I see that she isn't herself. I tried to pretend like all was fine but knew that I needed to get her out of there. Kim had been sick for weeks coughing really violently whenever I was around her, and I asked her to go to the doctor, but she said it was just bronchitis. Everyone is noticing Kim isn't herself, and Kyle and Kim go off to the restroom. As Kim came out, she wanted Kyle to leave her alone and to leave. I went over to try and help Kim get the heck out of there. Kim wanted to say goodbye before leaving for some reason, so we went in the kitchen, and I grabbed a slice of pizza, because I was starving. I try to get Kim out of Eileen's house, because it's clear to me that Kyle wants to have this bad situation play out in front of the other ladies. I don't want that to happen, so I try to get Kim to leave. 

If Kyle was so worried and embarrassed about Kim's behavior, then why wouldn't she just let me get Kim home and out of this embarrassing situation? 

Brandi Glanville

Kyle only wants to "help" Kim when Kyle has an audience. In that moment of time, Kim was not in the right state of mind or condition to have any kind of conversation or altercation, yet Kyle persisted, even going as far as getting physical and grabbing me twice, as well as breaking my skin open to keep me from removing Kim from this bad situation. So ask yourself this question: If Kyle was so worried and embarrassed about Kim's behavior, then why wouldn't she just let me get Kim home and out of this embarrassing situation? Even in my intoxicated state, I knew that was the only solution. Kyle, while planes and yachts are nice, if family is everything, how could you treat your sister Kim the way you do?  

Until next time.

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