Cast Blog: #RHOBH

Owned: Camille vs. Lisa

Ep 12: Bravotv.com's Editor ponders pole dancing skills, Babs laundry tips, and the battle over partial ownership.

Hello my favorite pole dancers and part-owners. Let's jump right in because we've got loads to cover.

Pole Position
Finally the time has come for all our ladies to take their turn at the pole. I have to say I could not have been more excited about what delightful dances we were about to see. The women have been really getting their groove on this season (see the tumbles in Ojai), so I had high hopes for their steps here.

Of course Brandi had practiced, so she had a slight advantage. Next up: Kyle and Camille. Knowing that a) Kyle can do the splits at the drop of a hat and b) that Camille once shook it for ClubMTV, I had a feeling this was going to be good. Yet, Camille tried to demure like this was going to be so hard for her. And of course it wasn't. She found her inner sexy as though it was right out in the open. No inner sexys hidden in haystacks here. This episode gets 10 bonus points for Camille dancing. Also Kyle tried to slide down the pole like a fireman, so that deserves a barrel of accolades in and of it self.

Then it was time for our foreign friends to hold an embassy summit on the pole. And Lisa and Yolanda were as splendid as you can imagine.

ATTITUDE.

Also as it turns out, a feather boa works magnificently as a belt. Stripping diplomas for everyone!

Buy a Nose
Back in the car, Kyle receives a phone call from her darling sister. Kim has news, but she's not sure If it's news for the whole car (whole car news is the most revealing news of all). You see she maybe forgot to tell Kyle that she was getting her nose done until today. . .which happens to be the day of her surgery. She's still a little scared about going under the knife. But she knows God doesn't mind a slight improvement if it's for the greater good -- so charging ahead. Plus her doctor is very rested (she checked) so everything is great!

And it goes swimmingly. She's bummed she's sans sister, but surely Kyle will be home to help her recover soon enough.

Meanwhile, also back in Beverly Hills, Adrienne is honing her business skills -- which she points out does not include pole dancing. She's working on her handbag line and also ensuring that Paul's desk and his back are slightly less disheveled. She takes Paul in for some laser hair removal on his back, which truly he takes like a champ. Sure he whines a bit, but it's a laser y'all. If you people heard me when I'm getting my eyebrows threaded you'd think you were mistakenly watching the beginning of Zero Dark Thirty. He'll endure be her own hairless mini-Mauricio in no time.

Ms. Deeds (Or Who Owns What)
All that pole dancing surely worked up an appetite, so next we see the ladies sitting down to a nice dinner (after discussing when Camille sold her private plane and why her arms are so weak). Also of note: Yolanda drinks straight tequila. There's not even a lemon squirted into there, so if you thought this woman was a light weight you are sorely mistaken.

Oh yes, and there's lots of talk of the kind of socks people wear during sex scenes. Oh, and garment cleaning trips from Barbara Streisand (white wine + red wine = cleanliness).

Of course, it wouldn't be a dinner with the Beverly Hills gang without some hot button topics coming up. First off is Kim's surgery. Everyone is a bit worried because it's a little soon in her recovery for Kim to be on pain medication. Brandi's friend Jennifer is there, and is worried all of this could awaken the beast.

But how do you transition out of such a touchy subject? If you're Camille, you bring up how you feel bad about Adrienne. . .and that doesn't go over splendidly. Surprisingly, Yolanda is very vocal about Adrienne's choice to stay home, and then things get into the reunion from Season 2. Brandi says that Adrienne wanted to meet before the reunion to discuss how they were going to "go after" Lisa (a point that Camille denies knowing). After lots of back and forth about if Camille is lying or if Brandi is lying about what she knew, Camille tries to leave dinner. Kyle, who this season seems to be designated to do as much, tries to get Camille to stay.

When she comes back in, Camille brings up Pandora's bachelorette party and the snub that was Lisa's choice of hotel. This leads Brandi to drop that it's not like Adrienne owns the whole Palms anyway –- which leads Camille to ask how much of SUR is really Lisa’s.

But really, Yolanda just wants to know why they’ve wasted three dinners talking about Adrienne and having Kyle defend her. She just wants everyone to shush so she can get on her private plane and get back to David. Camille just doesn't want to get put on the spot. And Brandi, well I'm sure she just wanted to have an incident free dinner. Also, at the end of the day, these women own more than any of us, so what's really the matter?

In better news, Ken makes Giggy "Giggy-tinis" while Lisa is out of town.

Just Breathe
Now that Kyle is back in the Hills, she can rush to Kim's bedside. Kim's not alone of course. She has her giant dog Kingsley to keep her company. And Kim's new nose is adorable (at least it looks to be from the way the bandages are shaped). And Kim's trying to not take any pain medication. Her doctor even said that he knocked her out with a child's size portion of medication. She's enduring this whole ordeal with an electronic cigarette and a dream. Allison DuBois would be so proud.

However, Kyle's visit wasn't all nose talk. She relayed the events of Vegas back to Kim. Meanwhile Lisa told Ken her side of the story. And the two ladies seem supremely divided. Kyle's leaving matters to Lisa, and hearing how disappointed Lisa feels with Kyle's actions, I don't predict great things. . .Perhaps a sit down at SUR is in order?

What do you think? Will Kyle and Lisa make amends? Can they drink enough "Giggy-tinis" to remember the good times. Did Adrienne really not sue Brandi? Well we’ll have to wait until next week to find out about that last part.

Brandi: You Can't Confirm What Didn't Happen

Brandi questions some of the ladies' motives, plus gives an interesting update on her relationship with LeAnn. 

Hey, My Bravoistas!

I’m in my American Airlines' seat 36 hours later, flying back home from NYC, thankful to be on a safe path home. My prayers go out to the families and loved ones of the downed German airliner in the French Alps this morning. I cannot imagine the pain being experienced by these families at this moment, which shockingly has led me to add a new person into my flight prayer today...my children’s stepmom. Don’t get me wrong--not everything is yet copasetic, but my children love her, so she is now in the “flight prayer,” differences aside. Now on a happier RHOBH note, last night’s WWHL with Andy was sooooo fun! No drama for once!

NEWS FLASH! Please watch for my new Sonoma County Chardonnay “Unfiltered Blonde,” to launch in April!

As I look over this past season, all I can say is it’s been an odd one. There were so many fun moments that got lost in the drama and so many weeks of fun you never saw at all. I wish you had, but I'm not in control of everything we get to see. I’d like to remember having fun with Kim “stalking” my now boyfriend J.R. That was such a crazy fun girls' night, Lisa R. being chased by killer bees, Yolanda and her Facetime confusion and meeting her family for the second time this--time in Holland, the Foster Foundation Extravaganza, “singing” at Lisa V.’s birthday party, and Kyle pretending to be a caring sister and owning yachts and planes…haha.
Ok, I’ll behave.

Here we are at the last episode of the season, yet, it seems most are still stuck in the beginning. I wish we weren’t, and I would dearly like to leave “Poker Night” behind. However, one person continues to make it the focal point of every interaction from when it happened and far into the three-part reunion.

This episode opens with Rinna tearing down a swing set, but her home interviews are still about what she perceives as Kim’s issues to be, not the actual touching moment of what the swing set tear-down symbolizes or her own family (I can't wait for her daughters to write their Brooke Shields-style memoir when they are age appropriate). LR says she feels sorry for Kim and cares about Kim and wishes Kim well. The truth is a lot less pretty. Some people have been attacking Kim’s sobriety online this week, but we won’t name names. BTW, Kim is sober and not online. She is busy caring for serious ill family members and driving back and forth to doctors and hospitals and being strong for her family.

Next we see Nicky Hilton’s book signing--sister Paris and mom Kathy Hilton are there. Looks like a great party and congrats to Nicky on her style book. Camille looks gorgeous as usual. Kyle angrily flips her hair, because Kim was wearing a shirt that she carries at “her” shop, but didn’t buy it there...whatever. Then Kyle whispers about her sister Kim to Lisa V. and Camille.
Kyle then tells them she is confused and impatient that Kim hasn’t confronted me over her third-hand Lisa R. gossip. She states Kim WILL be hurt and broken hearted over what “I” said… Kyle seems way too overy excited about that happening, which I find kind creepy. Why would anyone WANT their sister to be hurt or in pain?!

The preparations for Adrienne’s party are in full swing next. Lisa V. is fretting it, Kim is casually discussing the intervention GOSSIP with her makeup artist before the party, I’m getting ready and waiting for my friends and my date.

Adrienne’s party is the big finale of our journey this year. Everyone is there, and Adrienne always excels at events. So here we go. First off, my mind was not on the party at all. My father was recently hospitalized, and I didn’t leave his side for two weeks. It was very serious, but I had to return home to my boys. He was still not conscious, but I needed to get home to run my household--a party was the last place I wanted to be, but I had promised. That’s why I decided to bring the few people that I felt I could depend on in that moment. My friends and J.R. have been there for me during my father’s health scare and over more then a month of hospitalization--that was and is what remains what’s important to me.

The party seems like it was fun for a lot of people who weren’t involved in Kyle and Lisa. R.’s drama. I wish I were one of them, but in a way I was. As much as Kyle relished telling Kim the hurtful gossip she heard from LR, what she wanted to happen didn’t happen. There was no argument between Kim and I. We were happy to see each other. We spoke easily. I was busy worrying about my Dad; she was busy with her family.

What we saw on the finale was an efficient Kim quietly confronting Lisa R., then leaving Lisa R.'s table somewhat amused. Lisa R. couldn’t confirm the veracity of her gossip, because I DIDN’T SAY IT. Thanks again to Bravo for showing the truth in a flashback last week.

So, Kim knew who was who and what was what. The entertainment of the night was provided by Lisa R. going radio silent while Kyle begged for corroboration on her dramatic intervention gossip. Watching Yolanda, Eileen, and Lisa V. urge Lisa R. to support Kyle and verify her hurtful gossip was almost amusing. You can't confirm what didn't happen, can you?

In the end, I left the party early. Why? Not because of a past friendship with Lisa V. It's not her that made me cry--I was crying for my father, my dad! I was in no place to be at a superficial party, discussing a superficial incident with a person who was clearly not a friend, not that night. I said I would show up, and I did. After that, I wanted to be with my real close friends and family. Since this party my dad came out of the ICU and after 2 entire months and after a long stressful time I want to thank Dr. Allen Morris and all the doctors and nurses at Mercy General Hospital of Sacramento for saving my dad's life yet agin for the second time in 15 years. He is doing much better and continuing his hope of a full recovery. I am so thankful to all the people who were there for me and continue to be here for my family and I.

THAT is what life’s about, being with the people who truly love and care about you and the feelings are reciprocated.

As you hear, at the end of the finale, I am wistful, yet, wiser, and I think in a stronger place. I love and loved being there for Kim and being Kim’s friend, and I love that she was, is, and has been here for me. Even more so, I'm grateful and blessed to have Yolanda in my life; she is no bullsh--. Even when suffering herself, she is still so selfless. Yo is very special to me, I love her, she gets me, we have fun together, and I value every moment we spend together. I always will. As for the rest, I hope to share laughs and fun again, maybe tears, but hopefully only joy.

Peace Out. (deuces MFs--JK)

XOXO,

B

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