Cast Blog: #RHOBH

Owned: Camille vs. Lisa

Ep 12: Bravotv.com's Editor ponders pole dancing skills, Babs laundry tips, and the battle over partial ownership.

Hello my favorite pole dancers and part-owners. Let's jump right in because we've got loads to cover.

Pole Position
Finally the time has come for all our ladies to take their turn at the pole. I have to say I could not have been more excited about what delightful dances we were about to see. The women have been really getting their groove on this season (see the tumbles in Ojai), so I had high hopes for their steps here.

Of course Brandi had practiced, so she had a slight advantage. Next up: Kyle and Camille. Knowing that a) Kyle can do the splits at the drop of a hat and b) that Camille once shook it for ClubMTV, I had a feeling this was going to be good. Yet, Camille tried to demure like this was going to be so hard for her. And of course it wasn't. She found her inner sexy as though it was right out in the open. No inner sexys hidden in haystacks here. This episode gets 10 bonus points for Camille dancing. Also Kyle tried to slide down the pole like a fireman, so that deserves a barrel of accolades in and of it self.

Then it was time for our foreign friends to hold an embassy summit on the pole. And Lisa and Yolanda were as splendid as you can imagine.

ATTITUDE.

Also as it turns out, a feather boa works magnificently as a belt. Stripping diplomas for everyone!

Buy a Nose
Back in the car, Kyle receives a phone call from her darling sister. Kim has news, but she's not sure If it's news for the whole car (whole car news is the most revealing news of all). You see she maybe forgot to tell Kyle that she was getting her nose done until today. . .which happens to be the day of her surgery. She's still a little scared about going under the knife. But she knows God doesn't mind a slight improvement if it's for the greater good -- so charging ahead. Plus her doctor is very rested (she checked) so everything is great!

And it goes swimmingly. She's bummed she's sans sister, but surely Kyle will be home to help her recover soon enough.

Meanwhile, also back in Beverly Hills, Adrienne is honing her business skills -- which she points out does not include pole dancing. She's working on her handbag line and also ensuring that Paul's desk and his back are slightly less disheveled. She takes Paul in for some laser hair removal on his back, which truly he takes like a champ. Sure he whines a bit, but it's a laser y'all. If you people heard me when I'm getting my eyebrows threaded you'd think you were mistakenly watching the beginning of Zero Dark Thirty. He'll endure be her own hairless mini-Mauricio in no time.

Ms. Deeds (Or Who Owns What)
All that pole dancing surely worked up an appetite, so next we see the ladies sitting down to a nice dinner (after discussing when Camille sold her private plane and why her arms are so weak). Also of note: Yolanda drinks straight tequila. There's not even a lemon squirted into there, so if you thought this woman was a light weight you are sorely mistaken.

Oh yes, and there's lots of talk of the kind of socks people wear during sex scenes. Oh, and garment cleaning trips from Barbara Streisand (white wine + red wine = cleanliness).

Of course, it wouldn't be a dinner with the Beverly Hills gang without some hot button topics coming up. First off is Kim's surgery. Everyone is a bit worried because it's a little soon in her recovery for Kim to be on pain medication. Brandi's friend Jennifer is there, and is worried all of this could awaken the beast.

But how do you transition out of such a touchy subject? If you're Camille, you bring up how you feel bad about Adrienne. . .and that doesn't go over splendidly. Surprisingly, Yolanda is very vocal about Adrienne's choice to stay home, and then things get into the reunion from Season 2. Brandi says that Adrienne wanted to meet before the reunion to discuss how they were going to "go after" Lisa (a point that Camille denies knowing). After lots of back and forth about if Camille is lying or if Brandi is lying about what she knew, Camille tries to leave dinner. Kyle, who this season seems to be designated to do as much, tries to get Camille to stay.

When she comes back in, Camille brings up Pandora's bachelorette party and the snub that was Lisa's choice of hotel. This leads Brandi to drop that it's not like Adrienne owns the whole Palms anyway –- which leads Camille to ask how much of SUR is really Lisa’s.

But really, Yolanda just wants to know why they’ve wasted three dinners talking about Adrienne and having Kyle defend her. She just wants everyone to shush so she can get on her private plane and get back to David. Camille just doesn't want to get put on the spot. And Brandi, well I'm sure she just wanted to have an incident free dinner. Also, at the end of the day, these women own more than any of us, so what's really the matter?

In better news, Ken makes Giggy "Giggy-tinis" while Lisa is out of town.

Just Breathe
Now that Kyle is back in the Hills, she can rush to Kim's bedside. Kim's not alone of course. She has her giant dog Kingsley to keep her company. And Kim's new nose is adorable (at least it looks to be from the way the bandages are shaped). And Kim's trying to not take any pain medication. Her doctor even said that he knocked her out with a child's size portion of medication. She's enduring this whole ordeal with an electronic cigarette and a dream. Allison DuBois would be so proud.

However, Kyle's visit wasn't all nose talk. She relayed the events of Vegas back to Kim. Meanwhile Lisa told Ken her side of the story. And the two ladies seem supremely divided. Kyle's leaving matters to Lisa, and hearing how disappointed Lisa feels with Kyle's actions, I don't predict great things. . .Perhaps a sit down at SUR is in order?

What do you think? Will Kyle and Lisa make amends? Can they drink enough "Giggy-tinis" to remember the good times. Did Adrienne really not sue Brandi? Well we’ll have to wait until next week to find out about that last part.

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Lisa V.: How Many Scenarios Can We Excuse?

Lisa Vanderpump tries to make sense of what happened at the reunion and gives us an update on her life since. 

And here we have it...the final episode as the curtain drops on Season 5, the last part of this intriguing trilogy...

Firstly, it is almost too complicated to dissect, but let's try to have a better understanding of the complicated dynamic that materialized this season...

I think upon reflection, it has been pretty obvious after months of filming the intent of some to insert themselves into an already fractious situation. Kim obviously felt bolstered by BG, much to her detriment, as she became a victim of her own volatility. I doubt since filming has wrapped whether there has been much interaction between BG and Kim. It would surprise me greatly if this supposedly close relationship is still flourishing.

What concerned me this season was the manipulative attempt by BG to undermine Kyle and to validate any negativity that Kim was feeling.

Lisa Vanderpump

There's not a lot to say that hasn't been said, really, but what concerned me this season was the manipulative attempt by BG to undermine Kyle and to validate any negativity that Kim was feeling, salaciously stating what a wonderful friend she was and how totally unsupportive Kyle has been. I don't believe the years of dealing with a sibling struggling with alcoholism, supporting financially when needed, should be ignored--also the emotional toll it must have taken on the family. This is a family that has many offsprings who love each other dearly, and that should be paramount. BG has no idea of any history, just a few short months under the glare of reality television.

Also in this final segment, it baffles me once again as to the arrogance as to state what is off limits. How many scenarios can we excuse? Dogs? Children? House? Sobriety? Our business became your business when we entered into your living room. We should strive for transparency, and we should deal with consequences as we profit from the benefits.

I have grown close to Lisa and Eileen and enjoyed them immensely, not always understanding Lisa's actions, but always believing it came from a place of concern, even if sometimes, like in regard to the text she sent, it was a little impulsive. Her anger got the better of her, and for that, I believe she was sorry. I am not making excuses for her, but I am resolute in the belief that provocation sometimes creates a day of reckoning.

My suggestion of putting a band aid on a situation is one of experience. Sometimes we reach for the unreachable, especially when it comes to relationships. Furthermore, we have to accept that idyllic relationships are not always obtainable, but what we should not accept is that the whole family infrastructure, which can be so delicate, would possibly be fractured--weddings missed, birthdays ignored, and all of life's moments punctuated, documented with regret.

So that is what I hope for this season, that the devious trifling is never rewarded by the success in the breakdown of any relationship. Last year, as I sat on my own, aghast at what had transpired, I hoped for a clearer picture, and now I have one, as I think you all do.

Snippets of downtime that have been aired this reunion--cups of tea requests, diarrhea jokes, pussy to the bathroom jokes, didn't know a Flex but definitely knew a Ford--are a great way of also demonstrating that there are giggles in the face of adversity.

Lastly, I would like to say a huge thank you to all of you, who have sent messages of love and well wishes in what has proved to be a trying week. The surgery has been a reminder of how sometimes the indomitable support of those close to you is so valuable, and I appreciate it tremendously. My children by my side, friends, and family are the icing on the cake. Thank you to you all. Ken is doing much better and is well on the way to full recovery.

I have appreciated your comments and enjoyed interacting with you.

Much love as always, 

Lisa

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