Cast Blog: #RHOBH

Owned: Camille vs. Lisa

Ep 12: Bravotv.com's Editor ponders pole dancing skills, Babs laundry tips, and the battle over partial ownership.

Hello my favorite pole dancers and part-owners. Let's jump right in because we've got loads to cover.

Pole Position
Finally the time has come for all our ladies to take their turn at the pole. I have to say I could not have been more excited about what delightful dances we were about to see. The women have been really getting their groove on this season (see the tumbles in Ojai), so I had high hopes for their steps here.

Of course Brandi had practiced, so she had a slight advantage. Next up: Kyle and Camille. Knowing that a) Kyle can do the splits at the drop of a hat and b) that Camille once shook it for ClubMTV, I had a feeling this was going to be good. Yet, Camille tried to demure like this was going to be so hard for her. And of course it wasn't. She found her inner sexy as though it was right out in the open. No inner sexys hidden in haystacks here. This episode gets 10 bonus points for Camille dancing. Also Kyle tried to slide down the pole like a fireman, so that deserves a barrel of accolades in and of it self.

Then it was time for our foreign friends to hold an embassy summit on the pole. And Lisa and Yolanda were as splendid as you can imagine.

ATTITUDE.

Also as it turns out, a feather boa works magnificently as a belt. Stripping diplomas for everyone!

Buy a Nose
Back in the car, Kyle receives a phone call from her darling sister. Kim has news, but she's not sure If it's news for the whole car (whole car news is the most revealing news of all). You see she maybe forgot to tell Kyle that she was getting her nose done until today. . .which happens to be the day of her surgery. She's still a little scared about going under the knife. But she knows God doesn't mind a slight improvement if it's for the greater good -- so charging ahead. Plus her doctor is very rested (she checked) so everything is great!

And it goes swimmingly. She's bummed she's sans sister, but surely Kyle will be home to help her recover soon enough.

Meanwhile, also back in Beverly Hills, Adrienne is honing her business skills -- which she points out does not include pole dancing. She's working on her handbag line and also ensuring that Paul's desk and his back are slightly less disheveled. She takes Paul in for some laser hair removal on his back, which truly he takes like a champ. Sure he whines a bit, but it's a laser y'all. If you people heard me when I'm getting my eyebrows threaded you'd think you were mistakenly watching the beginning of Zero Dark Thirty. He'll endure be her own hairless mini-Mauricio in no time.

Ms. Deeds (Or Who Owns What)
All that pole dancing surely worked up an appetite, so next we see the ladies sitting down to a nice dinner (after discussing when Camille sold her private plane and why her arms are so weak). Also of note: Yolanda drinks straight tequila. There's not even a lemon squirted into there, so if you thought this woman was a light weight you are sorely mistaken.

Oh yes, and there's lots of talk of the kind of socks people wear during sex scenes. Oh, and garment cleaning trips from Barbara Streisand (white wine + red wine = cleanliness).

Of course, it wouldn't be a dinner with the Beverly Hills gang without some hot button topics coming up. First off is Kim's surgery. Everyone is a bit worried because it's a little soon in her recovery for Kim to be on pain medication. Brandi's friend Jennifer is there, and is worried all of this could awaken the beast.

But how do you transition out of such a touchy subject? If you're Camille, you bring up how you feel bad about Adrienne. . .and that doesn't go over splendidly. Surprisingly, Yolanda is very vocal about Adrienne's choice to stay home, and then things get into the reunion from Season 2. Brandi says that Adrienne wanted to meet before the reunion to discuss how they were going to "go after" Lisa (a point that Camille denies knowing). After lots of back and forth about if Camille is lying or if Brandi is lying about what she knew, Camille tries to leave dinner. Kyle, who this season seems to be designated to do as much, tries to get Camille to stay.

When she comes back in, Camille brings up Pandora's bachelorette party and the snub that was Lisa's choice of hotel. This leads Brandi to drop that it's not like Adrienne owns the whole Palms anyway –- which leads Camille to ask how much of SUR is really Lisa’s.

But really, Yolanda just wants to know why they’ve wasted three dinners talking about Adrienne and having Kyle defend her. She just wants everyone to shush so she can get on her private plane and get back to David. Camille just doesn't want to get put on the spot. And Brandi, well I'm sure she just wanted to have an incident free dinner. Also, at the end of the day, these women own more than any of us, so what's really the matter?

In better news, Ken makes Giggy "Giggy-tinis" while Lisa is out of town.

Just Breathe
Now that Kyle is back in the Hills, she can rush to Kim's bedside. Kim's not alone of course. She has her giant dog Kingsley to keep her company. And Kim's new nose is adorable (at least it looks to be from the way the bandages are shaped). And Kim's trying to not take any pain medication. Her doctor even said that he knocked her out with a child's size portion of medication. She's enduring this whole ordeal with an electronic cigarette and a dream. Allison DuBois would be so proud.

However, Kyle's visit wasn't all nose talk. She relayed the events of Vegas back to Kim. Meanwhile Lisa told Ken her side of the story. And the two ladies seem supremely divided. Kyle's leaving matters to Lisa, and hearing how disappointed Lisa feels with Kyle's actions, I don't predict great things. . .Perhaps a sit down at SUR is in order?

What do you think? Will Kyle and Lisa make amends? Can they drink enough "Giggy-tinis" to remember the good times. Did Adrienne really not sue Brandi? Well we’ll have to wait until next week to find out about that last part.

Lisa R.: Insinuations Are Dangerous

Lisa R. gives us her final thoughts on the season and shares what she's learned since being on the show. 

Welcome back to The Hunger Games Part 3: MockingCray.

Well, we have finally reached the end (or have we?), and the CRAY is definitely showing, isn’t it?

I have a few final thoughts to wrap up Season 5 of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills:

-When you put out a claim or accusation about somebody, you need to be damn sure you can back it up. Insinuating something about someone based on something that you
"heard" is creating a negative that you can’t prove and also has the potential of never truly going away. This is just dangerous. Shame on you, Kim Richards. I’ll pray for you.

-Apparently I say the word F--- a lot.

-I’ve learned some new words by being on The Real Housewives this season: homewrecker, hypocrisy, and eggbeater. So, that’s exciting, I guess.

-Deflection is not becoming on anybody. I came into this with no expectations and a commitment to be true to myself. I have learned over the course of this season that it’s never too warm to wear your flack jacket in Beverly Hills, because a few in our group tend to not own their actions, but rather, toss their bombs onto the rest of us.

-Oh, and I guess I say the word F--- a lot.

-But apparently, Lisa Vanderpump says PUSSY a lot. So, there you go!

-When I am really angry with someone and have not fully dealt with it, you should probably know that if I am left alone, chances are I may express my anger through a text or tweet. Is this good behavior? Probably not, but I own this behavior. I recognize it, and I own up to it, and I work on bettering myself from it. Can Kim and Brandi say the same?

When you put out a claim or accusation about somebody, you need to be damn sure you can back it up.

Lisa Rinna

-I LOVE the Bravo fans. Who knew that this vast community of Housewives fans was so fabulous? Well, I suppose you all knew that, and now I know it, too. I wish I could personally thank each of you for being so welcoming and supportive of me this season.

-F---. Is it really over?

Until we meet again…In the meantime, just remember, it’s only true when it comes from MY lips. And this goes double for #WhatDidHarryDo.

XO,

LR

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