Cast Blog: #RHOBH

Party Lines - Ep 1

Bravotv.com's Editor ponders the guest list of Lisa's party, Portia's birthday, and of Kim's prom date's camper.

Hello my favorite 90210 lovers. It’s here. We’re back to our favorite zipcode. I hope you have enough diamonds, rose, and money (though know that only gives you more money) on hand to enjoy this season. Let’s recap the premiere shall we!

Trading Spaces
We open at Lisa’s new home, which is ridiculous. I can’t find enough words to talk about how phenomenal this house is. Every window looks out onto the most gorgeous views and Bob Ross happy trees I’ve ever seen. Everything is light and bright and amazing. And even more wonderful is she’s using the house as her hangout pad for she and her new BFF Brandi. And Brandi knows that all good housewarming visits start out with a nice gift -- like a bedroom version of slip and slide for Ken to use. The question is what did she bring Giggy? Hopefully a blindfold, lest he see his parents getting to familiar and get scared for life.

But it wasn’t just a tequila gun drop-off visit, Lisa and Brandi also discuss her upcoming party at Villa Blanca. It’s going to be a great chance to get everyone together, except for Adrienne. Lisa’s still upset about some of the accusations A threw at her during the reunion and so she neglected to invite her. As Brandi mentions, this surely won’t go unnoticed.

And it doesn’t. Over lunch with Paul, Adrienne gets a call from Taylor who drops that Lisa’s having a shindig coming up. Adrienne’s not interested in holding a grudge and she thinks the whole thing is a bit petty. While shopping the gals discuss the situation further, Adrienne thinks it’s a little mean girl of Lisa to not invite her, especially since she thought they were past all that.

Meanwhile in other gifts news, Mauricio continues to be the most perfect man in the world by dropping off a Maserati for Kyle in the front yard. Just another day in Beverly Hills. The last car-like thing my boyfriend got me was a magazine featuring a couple of ads for nice sedans.

Yo Yolanda
OK, let’s start talking about Yolanda. Anyone who starts her tenure on Housewives picking lemons casually in their own backyard wins me over immediately. Plus if Lisa Vanderpump calls you a force to be reckoned with, you couldn’t be a slouch. I also appreciate her commandment of love notes. Listen to the woman or she’ll toss that lemon basket right at your head David.

I’ve Got a Boot, and I Can Hear
Oh sweet precious Kim Richards. Welcome back. Welcome back into our lives. Welcome back from rehab. I believe I speak for everyone when I say, we are so happy to see you and can’t get enough of you. Who cares if you don’t know what a boutineer is? You know the way into my heart and that’s all that matters! And now I know that you got your first kiss at the prom -- and that you avoided sultry times in the camper.

Party Lines
As Brandi and Lisa continue to discuss the party (and as Kim and Kyle talk prom promises of celibacy) we get a better handle on how things have been since last season. Basically everyone is still testy with each other. Brandi’s nervous to see Taylor and Kim. Kim’s still struggling to forgive Kyle. Brandi’s dogs don’t love Giggy. Will all be resolved at Villa Blanca?

Before that Kyle and Portia are trying to set the guest list for Portia’s birthday. Portia gives Lisa a ring and, surprise, Brandi’s there too. Lisa thinks this is a great chance to mend some bridges, which probably not a bad idea. Let’s build a whole bunch of bridges y’all.

Hot Drinks
And finally it’s time for the big event. Surrounded by angels and dry ice drinks, Lisa celebrates all things Villa Blanca. Kim arrives! She’s at a party on time! The ‘Wives all start to meet and mingle. Brandi immediately offends Yolanda with a joke about the narrow pool of lovers in the 90210. Then Kim slightly snubs Brandi in favor of Yolanda. Kim refuses to commit to Portia's party. Typical Bev Hills party -- lots of drama.

After the gals discuss their horoscopes and Brandi's sexual conquests, a gift arrives. An arrangement, neigh, a living thing. A large peace offering in the from of a sapling from Ms. Maloof. Is it an olive branch? Or was it meant to be a bit more cunning and cruel? We'll have to wait for the rest of the season to play out to see.

Well, what was your favorite moment RHOBH fans? Was it Kim telling us tales of love? Yolanda's lemon basket? Ken threatening us with a tequila gun? Leave your thoughts in the comments.

Lisa R.: I Am Horrified By the Way Kim Treats Kyle

Lisa R. talks about what drove her to throw the glass.

Have you ever put a bunch of ingredients in the blender, hit power on only to realize that you forgot to put the lid on, so it sprays everywhere? This is exactly how my brain feels after this episode. There has been so much going on and so much building up that finally everything has just exploded into a million pieces.

What a relief it was to see Eileen and Lisa V. arrive in Amsterdam. It was only a tiny calm before the storm, though, because sh-- hit the fan almost immediately. As I watch the show today, there are so many little details and nuances that I'd forgotten in the months since the trip.

As soon as we sat down for dinner, you can see how aggressive and extremely discontent Kim Richards was sitting among us, waiting for the slightest thing to provoke her anger. She looked at whoever was speaking with disdain, just waiting to challenge them. Yolanda was a gracious hostess, though, and tried to make the best of what appeared to be a rocky beginning to the night. I, for one, found Yolanda's suggestion that we each discuss something in our lives that has moved us deeply to be heartfelt and touching.

As I spoke of my own sister dying at age 21 of a sleeping pill and alcohol overdose when I was six years old, I really allowed myself to become vulnerable among these women. I trusted each of them to let me tell my story and perhaps allow my words to be a bonding experience, so I took the opportunity to once again apologize to Kim for overstepping a boundary of hers. Had I known that sharing a story so deeply rooted inside of me would cause Kim to lash out at Eileen, Kyle, and myself, I would have never opened my mouth and allowed us to be left open to her uncontrollable anger and spiteful words.

The insults she continued to hurl at Eileen were terribly disgusting and hurtful. To sit there and insult her physical appearance, call her a “beast,” and tell her to shut her f---ing mouth was just beyond. I mean, even to this day, all I can do is stare in wide-eyed horror and shake my head in disgust. As for Kyle, I wouldn’t presume to get in the middle of family matters, but I am horrified by the way Kim treats her. I can only hope they find a way to settle their differences because this is just so NOT OK.

I'm just glad that I didn't strangle her on the spot, mainly because I hear the food in jail sucks and orange is not my best color! 

Lisa Rinna

Again it was Yolanda who tried to bring a little dignity and class back into the conversation. Unfortunately, Kim twisted what Yolanda was trying to do into a deflection away from her own behavior and onto my husband and me. Where on earth did that come from? I am fiercely protective of my marriage and my family, and I'll be damned if I let someone as disturbed as she create false rumors about my husband. I think it's plain to see that Kim crossed the line. That was my "DO NOT F--- WITH ME" moment. You have just met my inner gangster! I'm just glad that I didn't strangle her on the spot, mainly because I hear the food in jail sucks and orange is not my best color! The crazy part is Kim has met HH once. One time. And that was the night of the poker party when she had taken one or two or 20 of Monty’s pain pills, so who knows what on earth was going through her mind when she met him or during that car ride from hell.

Look, I own the fact that I allowed myself to be provoked, and it was uncool to break a glass in the restaurant. It was not one of my finest moments, but there's only so much my inner gangster can take before she goes postal. It was all very draining, and by the time we got to our conversation the next morning, I was really over it and not looking for another fight. Besides, we were in Amsterdam for God's sake, and it was beautiful and I wasn't about to let Kim, of all people, ruin my short time there, so I stopped reminding Kim that I had, in fact, come directly to her with my concerns and just took the high road.

Chaos and anger aside, I really loved being in Amsterdam, especially with such a wonderful and generous tour guide as Yolanda. Riding bikes through her quaint village to the windmills was refreshing, cathartic, and good for the soul. The cake eating was pretty funny and then, of course, more drama ensued, which I couldn't get away from fast enough. I was in survival mode already just trying to get through the evening, let alone another five days.

More from Amsterdam next week...

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