Cast Blog: #RHOBH

Kim's Not Dr. Drew

Taylor shares her struggles with alcohol and admits that she did find some good advice in Kim's intervention.

I've been told the truth will set you free. . .here it goes. I went through about nine months where I was drinking to cope with the pain and the memories. I was drinking to forget, to stop the recurring images in my head, to relax enough to try to sleep at night. I quickly discovered that one glass of wine made it a little easier, two would help me forget, three, four, you get the point.

I was self-medicating and the sad truth is that I didn't know another way to get through the days -- and nights. I was confronted with the truth that the life I thought I had was only an illusion. What I finally realized was that "pain waits for you." I would medicate for a day and the next morning all the emotions would come flooding back -- not to mention the massive headache.

Thankfully, I had an amazing support system and they helped me realize that it was time for me to feel my emotions and let the healing begin. I know Dr. Drew. And Kim, I love ya but, Dr. Drew you are not. I know people who have been in "recovery" for many years. Someone very close to me has been sober for 20 years. One thing I know from talking with him over the years is that persons who are in recovery don't point the finger at others. They focus on their own sobriety. They are there for friends who ask for their help but they don't diagnose and offer treatment plans for others.

When I made the decision not to attend the "nose party," I gave Kim the courtesy of a phone call. I told her the truth about what I was doing and why I wouldn't be coming to her party. I was having fun and yes, I was "tipsy." If I had a nickel for every time Kim "no-showed" for events with no call and then made up some silly excuse as to why she didn't show, I could pay all my attorney fees. Kim and I don't socialize outside the other ladies. She doesn't spend enough time with me to be evaluating anything about my life. I care for her and am deeply happy that she is having success with her sobriety, finally.

As long as I’m putting it all on the table, I owe Yolanda an apology. When she and I met, I was in a bad place. I was in no state of mind to be making new friends. I was watching my life fall apart and looking at her perfect life wasn't helping. I was convinced that I would never love or trust another man again and here she had two successful marriages and a beautiful family. It had nothing to do with Yolanda. My emotions were raging and I was like a snake in the corner, striking at everything. I am sorry, Yolanda.

The grieving process carries with it a myriad of emotions. One of these emotions is anger. Dealing with a grieving person who is going through anger is extremely challenging. During this time, the person has misplaced feelings of anger and envy, check. The anger comes out in different ways and is often unexpected, check. At times, the person may feel anger toward himself or herself, and other times the anger is directed toward others, check.

Anger was by far the hardest stage for me because I couldn't figure out what I was angry about or whom I was angry at, it made no sense to me. Imagine "road raging" 24 hours a day, not pretty. I have never been an angry person and during the beginning of Season 3, I was agitated and angry. It was an awful way to feel and I know it was a dreadful experience for those around me. To compound the problem, I had begun a new prescription for my anxiety. The agitation I was feeling got so depressing that I started to research the medication and found that the number one side effect was. . .agitation, great!

So. . .I did take some of Kyle and Kim’s advice. I did three things. I decided Kyle was right and it was time to leave the house. I needed to let go of that final piece in order to move on with my life. I took Kim's suggestion and went to the mountains for the winter. I have taken that opportunity to heal and to spend time with Kennedy enjoying the simple things. Finally, I went cold turkey off my medication. Not recommended but, I am a bit of an extremist -- in case you haven't noticed.

Surprisingly, I started to sleep, I started to love, and I didn't need to medicate with alcohol. I want to feel everything that my new life has in store for me. I am happy and healthy. Kennedy is happy, laughing, and singing everyday. I'm coming home to Beverly Hills as a new woman with my past behind me and a new life in front of me.

Until next week! Big kiss from my big lips.

xx

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Kyle: Kim and I Will Never Agree on This Matter

Kyle clarifies the Kingsley issue and responds to Brandi's most recent accusation. 

I don't want to write this blog. I didn't even want to watch this reunion, to be honest. There. I said it. But here I go....
Let's just dive right into the text message from Lisa Rinna to Kim.
I was very shocked to hear about that text. There is no excuse for that. I believe Lisa R. knows that. I can understand Kim being upset about that. I am sure she was taken aback, as we all were when we heard it. However, I don't think Lisa Rinna is a dangerous person. She just made a really bad choice.


Now onto Amsterdam and the space cake talk. Brandi went after me in Amsterdam regarding the space cake, because she doesn't like me and wanted to deflect from her own behavior once again. This was her big chance to say something about me, calling me a hypocrite for not partaking in the space cake. I have said it before, and I will say it again: I NEVER said I haven't smoked pot. I HAVE. It's just not my thing. I have a lot more fun having a few margaritas. Kim knows that. I would have appreciated her chiming in there. Also, I have NOT eaten a pot brownie or a space cake ever, and my husband had warned me that it would not suit me well, knowing my personality. You cannot gauge exactly what you're ingesting, and it wouldn't be smart. I didn't want to have a bad experience and "freak out," so to speak. Brandi herself wasn't partaking, because of her own reasons (which had to do with her divorce, as she explained), so wouldn't that make her a hypocrite then? WHY did she care if I did or did not choose to? Because she wanted to jump at the chance to make me look bad, since her behavior and her drinking had been front and center. Her drinking was out there, because she puts it out there, and she has nobody to blame but herself. If I HAD chosen to eat a space cake, she would have jumped on that, too. Anything to divert from her own actions which she was comparing to ours. All of us may have a few drinks, but NONE of us behave like her when we drink.
I only address this because it was on television. Her opinion of me is completely irrelevant to me. I only cared, because I am a mother, and her trying to make me out to be something I am not is reckless, as is everything else she does.
Ok. Enough of that. She beat that non-event to death. I think we can move on now.

Now this is the hard part...Kim and I had not spoken since Nov 1st. We both knew the situation with my daughter, Alexia, and Kim's dog, Kingsley, was bound to come up at the reunion. We don't get to pick and choose what we want to talk about.
Alexia had spent the night at Kim's house on Halloween. The next morning, Kingsley bit her. While scary, at first it didn't seem that serious. However, what the first doctor failed to notice was that the tooth had pierced the bone and also broken it. Five days later, we found out that her bone was infected and she needed surgery to clean out the bone. Kim was upset, because I had posted pictures from the hospital. Like I said at the reunion, I NEVER said her dog bit Alexia. Never mentioned her OR her dog. TMZ ended up finding out that it was Kim's dog, and she blamed me, because I posted the pictures from the hospital. I did not do that to hurt my sister in any way or to "get Instagram followers," like she suggested. With all of my family coming and going at the hospital, people were bound to find out and talk.


We were all with Alexia at the hospital trying to distract her and have fun. As any mother would do. We were all trying to make the best out of a bad situation. We invited family and friends to visit and tried to keep her spirits up. In hindsight, I wish I hadn't posted that picture, but I certainly didn't mean to hurt Kim. She posted a picture when she was in the hospital this year. Yolanda and Camille have done so regularly. And where is her responsibility in all of this? However, I do feel bad about what it has led to. And I've told her that. I also felt terrible because I know she loves Kingsley, but I also love my child. It was a difficult time for all involved. I didn't blame Kim personally regarding the dog and was willing to drop it and move forward, yet she was too angry with me regarding the Instagram post to be able to do that.
I wish that since I was willing to let go of my anger regarding my daughter being bit and what she had to go through that she could have let go of being upset about the Instagram post. I HAVE to believe she knows I did NOT do that to hurt her.
For Kim to throw out that she would say something about Alexia ( like she did to Lisa R. regarding Harry ) nearly took my breath away. But her dog is off limits?
So there you have it.
I don't even know what to say or do anymore. Clearly, we will never agree on this matter. And now we have more issues to work through, like my hurt and anger over Kim threatening to say something about my child. I know she loves Alexia, and it was just her being angry and "in the moment," but it's going to take me some time to get past that. All I know is I am glad I don't have to relive all of this again on TV. Now I need to take a step back .
Hopefully, time will heal my relationship with Kim. Time and having an open and honest relationship.
It's been a very difficult season. That's for sure. Thank you all for watching.
XO,
Kyle

P.S
Some things I would like to clear up:

A) I NEVER asked for Kingsley to be put down. I love all animals and know how much Kim loves Kingsley. That was never part of our argument.

B) Brooke's wedding : Brooke did a small ceremony at my sister Kathy's house (part of it aired this season), so that Monty would be well enough to walk her down the aisle. The wedding we were referring to at the reunion is her actual "big wedding " coming up. And NO, I did not do anything "unspeakable" or "unforgivable" at the wedding at Kathy's house like Brandi has (once again) put out there. It was a beautiful, perfect day that Brandi Glanville is now trying to throw negativity on. She was NOT EVEN THERE. On top of everything else Brandi has done, she now wants to turn that beautiful day that my family celebrated into something to lie and gossip about. Shame on her.

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