Cast Blog: #RHOBH

Vegas Is Their Oyster

Ep 11: Bravotv.com's Editor ponders stripping classes, Suzanne Somers, and more.

Hello my little empowered women. Are you feeling ready to strip your inhibitions away? Or are you regaining your womanhood through chocolate souffles? Either way we've got you covered.

Looking More Pulled
We open this episode with a surprise visit from Suzanne Somers. Suzanne is seeing the European bellini half-full, thanks to a pretty strict anti-aging regime of pills and sex. And she wants darling Lisa to have those same attitudes for her life, even if that means learning to swallow some things.


Merry Christmas

Next we see Brandi getting her stripper legs with Sheila Kelley, who you might recognize from such amazing programs as Sisters and being a heinous liar on Lost. Now, instead of spending time torturing Desmond, she's working on tormenting those how hate to dance. Brandi needs to perfect her strip moves in order to teach her Night School for Girls. In order to bring women closer to their fully female empowered self, Brandi needs to up her sass. How does one do that? You start by getting your sexy and and creating a concave shape with your body. 

Once that is going well, you take it to the pole, and you hope that you get descriptors like "WHAT-ever" and "Merry Christmas." I know I did.

Eight Days a Week
Next we see the delightful lady Yolanda (she is a lady) making souffles for dear David Foster Wallace. She will head Vegas shortly, but only after her man has been properly satiated with chicken and chocolate. While their relationship might be a touch old-fashioned or intense for some, (My boyfriend wishes I bothered to bake anything that didn't come in a roll. Holla Slice n Bakes) if it works for those lovebirds who are we to judge?

Baginas and Exes
Next we see a brief glimpse of the Maloof/Nassifs at Kyle's daughter's graduation. Adrienne is glad Faye stepped up to the plate and defened her. Faye on Fire is apparently a favorite of Ms. Maloof. No relation to Alicia Keyes of course.

After that it's off to Vegas to hear the women bond over divorce, the proper term for your lady business, and mollusks. It seems Kyle's not what you would call an adventerous eater.

It was delightful to see the women cutting loose and enjoying each other's company. These are the kind of dinner parties the gals should get to have. You know the kind where no one yells at anyone.

The Nose Knows
Meanwhile, back in Beverly Hills, Kim is working to get her life back in order. So she's hanging pictures and hoping to hang herself a new nose. Yes, Kim is ready to change her whole life and that starts with the nose. Do you change your life without changing your face? Well then you aren't really changing your life.

I do deeply respect Kim's decision to not let Paul do the surgery. I hold deep grudges against people that spill things on my clothes and ruin them. Let alone people that ruined my face!

While Kim is busy working on her schnooze, her sister is getting ready to work on her "inner sexy." Yes the ladies finally make it to pole dancing class. But while we get the build of of Brandi's inspirational speech, we'll have to wait until next week to see how their actual twirling goes. (Spoiler alert: it's amazing.)

Until then, leave your favorite name for "bagina" in the comments please!

Brandi: I'm Always Here For You, Kim

Brandi focuses on the positive this week as this season's RHOBH comes to an end.

Hey Bravo Fans,

Today was a fabulous day--t was my baby Jake’s birthday. We got his favorite Oreo ice cream cake, and for our family celebration, it was perfection. I can’t believe he’s already eight. I had to hold back my tears when I realized I will never again use that number eight candle. #mommymoment

It has been a really exciting week for me. My Sonoma County chardonnay, Unfiltered Blonde, launched for pre-sales this week, and despite it being tax season, the first day alone was a huge success. Thank you! The website is up now at www.unfilteredblonde.com. The creation of the wine was an incredibly long and careful process, and I couldn’t be happier or more proud of my finished product. I’m sure you're all as excited as me that this week was the FINALE episode of BATSH-- crazy RHOBH reunion. 

I could talk about the she said, she said, she said… but let’s not and pretend we did. It’s been a long season, kind of centering on one night that really isn’t worth the attention it was given. I’m tired of it, it happened several months ago, I’m sure you’re tired of it. You know why? Because it’s old news and in the PAST! 

Eileen, your house is lovely. Sorry I said otherwise for the sake of a laugh. I really like Vincent, he is super cool, your little boy is adorable, you seem like a good stepmom, and I wish you and your family the very best.

Lisa R., I really loved you on my podcast. You made me laugh and rolled with punches. I really enjoyed our interview, and I enjoyed most of the season with you. I think that’s what I’m going to take away and forget about the rest. I think sometimes you make it harder on yourself with your Twitter feed, but I’m choosing not to engage. I really liked a side of you, and you seem to have a beautiful family.

Lisa V., I had a lot of fun with you and Ken. I will always have a special place in my heart for you guys. I wish Ken the best of health and a speedy recovery. 

Kyle, best wishes on you and your family’s endeavors. My sincerest wish is that you and Kim could be as close as you ever were in the near future.

You are a strong chica and I know your family is better for it. 

Brandi Glanville

Kim, love having you as a BFF. I’m always here for you, and I hope you are always here for me. You are a strong chica, and I know your family is better for it. You are hilarious, and I love our funny talks and text-offs. Laughter is the best medicine. I heart you.

Yo, my dear, dear Yo, I will see you soon. I love you, you are so strong and so brave! I know you are going to kick Lyme disease’s ass! Anything you need, just emoji me.

I want to thank all my supporters for always being there for me regarding all of my other endeavors, including my books, podcast, Celebrity Apprentice, app, my t-shirts, and finally my WINE and for allowing me to be me.

Ok guys, this is the big week. This is the Make*A*Wish Los Angeles Walk for Wishes Walkathon. Me and the boys pledged to try to raise $15,000--I have $12,625 so far. We need $2,375 by Friday at midnight, every dollar counts. Thank you!

I heart you all!

Xoxo

B

P.S.  Here’s my Make*A*Wish YouTube video that I made in my kitchen. youtu.be/DTKMTDs6-R4 

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