Cast Blog: #RHOBH

Vegas Is Their Oyster

Ep 11: Bravotv.com's Editor ponders stripping classes, Suzanne Somers, and more.

Hello my little empowered women. Are you feeling ready to strip your inhibitions away? Or are you regaining your womanhood through chocolate souffles? Either way we've got you covered.

Looking More Pulled
We open this episode with a surprise visit from Suzanne Somers. Suzanne is seeing the European bellini half-full, thanks to a pretty strict anti-aging regime of pills and sex. And she wants darling Lisa to have those same attitudes for her life, even if that means learning to swallow some things.


Merry Christmas

Next we see Brandi getting her stripper legs with Sheila Kelley, who you might recognize from such amazing programs as Sisters and being a heinous liar on Lost. Now, instead of spending time torturing Desmond, she's working on tormenting those how hate to dance. Brandi needs to perfect her strip moves in order to teach her Night School for Girls. In order to bring women closer to their fully female empowered self, Brandi needs to up her sass. How does one do that? You start by getting your sexy and and creating a concave shape with your body. 

Once that is going well, you take it to the pole, and you hope that you get descriptors like "WHAT-ever" and "Merry Christmas." I know I did.

Eight Days a Week
Next we see the delightful lady Yolanda (she is a lady) making souffles for dear David Foster Wallace. She will head Vegas shortly, but only after her man has been properly satiated with chicken and chocolate. While their relationship might be a touch old-fashioned or intense for some, (My boyfriend wishes I bothered to bake anything that didn't come in a roll. Holla Slice n Bakes) if it works for those lovebirds who are we to judge?

Baginas and Exes
Next we see a brief glimpse of the Maloof/Nassifs at Kyle's daughter's graduation. Adrienne is glad Faye stepped up to the plate and defened her. Faye on Fire is apparently a favorite of Ms. Maloof. No relation to Alicia Keyes of course.

After that it's off to Vegas to hear the women bond over divorce, the proper term for your lady business, and mollusks. It seems Kyle's not what you would call an adventerous eater.

It was delightful to see the women cutting loose and enjoying each other's company. These are the kind of dinner parties the gals should get to have. You know the kind where no one yells at anyone.

The Nose Knows
Meanwhile, back in Beverly Hills, Kim is working to get her life back in order. So she's hanging pictures and hoping to hang herself a new nose. Yes, Kim is ready to change her whole life and that starts with the nose. Do you change your life without changing your face? Well then you aren't really changing your life.

I do deeply respect Kim's decision to not let Paul do the surgery. I hold deep grudges against people that spill things on my clothes and ruin them. Let alone people that ruined my face!

While Kim is busy working on her schnooze, her sister is getting ready to work on her "inner sexy." Yes the ladies finally make it to pole dancing class. But while we get the build of of Brandi's inspirational speech, we'll have to wait until next week to see how their actual twirling goes. (Spoiler alert: it's amazing.)

Until then, leave your favorite name for "bagina" in the comments please!

Lisa V.: I Have Lost My Patience

Lisa V. explains what frustrated her most about the reunion. 

A week has quickly flown by, and here we are as the curtain rises on the first part of this intense trilogy.
The reasoning behind the reunion is for all the feelings that have manifested over the past nine months to come to the surface, an emotional pregnancy born out of the complicated relationship between us women. Feelings that have simmered for many weeks as we witness what each have said then start rising to the top and sometimes boil over.
This was not a demanding season for me. I almost had some sort of reprieve after last year, but I identified with the feelings of trepidation in some others as Andy introduces us. As always, a spark of honesty as I state sarcastically, "My favorite day of the year."
This year I felt drastically different than last. I wasn't of the mind to digest any of the nonsense that potentially would be spewed by some. I felt almost a certain vindication as I knew there were some whom had done an excellent job of exposing themselves.
I felt sympathy for Yolanda as I could see a genuine struggle with composure as Andy asked after her welfare. Life has been challenging of late for her, and I could see that clearly.
I almost giggled as I sat opposite Eileen, who I am certain had never been part of something so intriguing. It is a unique experience, for sure, and one that lasts for often more than nine hours.
I have no idea how Kim and Kyle must've felt opposite each other after not seeing or speaking for many months. The two of them, at times, have appeared as close as any siblings I have known, and then this confrontation in such a public forum has to be somewhat overwhelming. Kim, as we have attested to this season, has the potential of being pretty venomous, and I wouldn't relish being on the receiving end of that.


In regard to BG, I am not apologizing for my feelings of being utterly incredulous at almost everything she says, as she has, over a rather long period of time, created an idiotic perception of what she believes to be reality. She doesn't see things clearly. She doesn't understand why it is offensive to go home and f--- my son Max's best school friend from when we lived in France (he and his twin brother Alex were extremely close for years), then state this young boy has a nice c--k on national television. But then to remark that I was jealous he didn't want to f--- me is a classic example of why I can no longer interact with her, a classless attempt to embarrass me but, in fact, has the reverse effect and ultimately embarrasses herself.


She doesn't comprehend the issue I have with the fact that as she cosies up to Kim, she has this urge to demean Kyle in the process, and for Yolanda to continually defend her, I find exasperating. I knew Yolanda had little stamina and wasn't wanting to press her, but the situation certainly begged the question as to why BG is held to a different standard. I feel protective of Bella and was incensed that BG would liken an unfortunate incident to her own drinking situation, and yes there is one. That is why when BG says she didn't have one, if that is what she chooses to believe, well then I have to enlighten her that unfortunately the ramifications of her indulging are US dealing with her verbal aggression or uncalled for physicality.
I have lost my patience, and after being the victim of her lies, I am in no mood to pussy foot around her. Do I have any issues with her personally? No. As she lay her hands on me, it was the straw that broke the camel's back, and I have nothing further to say, but I have seen the venom that spouts from her, and I will defend vociferously if I have to.
It was a demanding day, and I am as intrigued as you to see this come to fruition.
You never have to worry too much. If you are of good character, all will become evident in the end.
So as we wrap this up, no I didn't have an affair with my trainer (I don't have one), I didn't want to sleep with my son's best friend, and I will watch my back.
Until next week...Love, Lisa.

 
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