Cast Blog: #RHOBH

Vegas Is Their Oyster

Ep 11: Bravotv.com's Editor ponders stripping classes, Suzanne Somers, and more.

Hello my little empowered women. Are you feeling ready to strip your inhibitions away? Or are you regaining your womanhood through chocolate souffles? Either way we've got you covered.

Looking More Pulled
We open this episode with a surprise visit from Suzanne Somers. Suzanne is seeing the European bellini half-full, thanks to a pretty strict anti-aging regime of pills and sex. And she wants darling Lisa to have those same attitudes for her life, even if that means learning to swallow some things.


Merry Christmas

Next we see Brandi getting her stripper legs with Sheila Kelley, who you might recognize from such amazing programs as Sisters and being a heinous liar on Lost. Now, instead of spending time torturing Desmond, she's working on tormenting those how hate to dance. Brandi needs to perfect her strip moves in order to teach her Night School for Girls. In order to bring women closer to their fully female empowered self, Brandi needs to up her sass. How does one do that? You start by getting your sexy and and creating a concave shape with your body. 

Once that is going well, you take it to the pole, and you hope that you get descriptors like "WHAT-ever" and "Merry Christmas." I know I did.

Eight Days a Week
Next we see the delightful lady Yolanda (she is a lady) making souffles for dear David Foster Wallace. She will head Vegas shortly, but only after her man has been properly satiated with chicken and chocolate. While their relationship might be a touch old-fashioned or intense for some, (My boyfriend wishes I bothered to bake anything that didn't come in a roll. Holla Slice n Bakes) if it works for those lovebirds who are we to judge?

Baginas and Exes
Next we see a brief glimpse of the Maloof/Nassifs at Kyle's daughter's graduation. Adrienne is glad Faye stepped up to the plate and defened her. Faye on Fire is apparently a favorite of Ms. Maloof. No relation to Alicia Keyes of course.

After that it's off to Vegas to hear the women bond over divorce, the proper term for your lady business, and mollusks. It seems Kyle's not what you would call an adventerous eater.

It was delightful to see the women cutting loose and enjoying each other's company. These are the kind of dinner parties the gals should get to have. You know the kind where no one yells at anyone.

The Nose Knows
Meanwhile, back in Beverly Hills, Kim is working to get her life back in order. So she's hanging pictures and hoping to hang herself a new nose. Yes, Kim is ready to change her whole life and that starts with the nose. Do you change your life without changing your face? Well then you aren't really changing your life.

I do deeply respect Kim's decision to not let Paul do the surgery. I hold deep grudges against people that spill things on my clothes and ruin them. Let alone people that ruined my face!

While Kim is busy working on her schnooze, her sister is getting ready to work on her "inner sexy." Yes the ladies finally make it to pole dancing class. But while we get the build of of Brandi's inspirational speech, we'll have to wait until next week to see how their actual twirling goes. (Spoiler alert: it's amazing.)

Until then, leave your favorite name for "bagina" in the comments please!

Lisa V.: How Many Scenarios Can We Excuse?

Lisa Vanderpump tries to make sense of what happened at the reunion and gives us an update on her life since. 

And here we have it...the final episode as the curtain drops on Season 5, the last part of this intriguing trilogy...

Firstly, it is almost too complicated to dissect, but let's try to have a better understanding of the complicated dynamic that materialized this season...

I think upon reflection, it has been pretty obvious after months of filming the intent of some to insert themselves into an already fractious situation. Kim obviously felt bolstered by BG, much to her detriment, as she became a victim of her own volatility. I doubt since filming has wrapped whether there has been much interaction between BG and Kim. It would surprise me greatly if this supposedly close relationship is still flourishing.

What concerned me this season was the manipulative attempt by BG to undermine Kyle and to validate any negativity that Kim was feeling.

Lisa Vanderpump

There's not a lot to say that hasn't been said, really, but what concerned me this season was the manipulative attempt by BG to undermine Kyle and to validate any negativity that Kim was feeling, salaciously stating what a wonderful friend she was and how totally unsupportive Kyle has been. I don't believe the years of dealing with a sibling struggling with alcoholism, supporting financially when needed, should be ignored--also the emotional toll it must have taken on the family. This is a family that has many offsprings who love each other dearly, and that should be paramount. BG has no idea of any history, just a few short months under the glare of reality television.

Also in this final segment, it baffles me once again as to the arrogance as to state what is off limits. How many scenarios can we excuse? Dogs? Children? House? Sobriety? Our business became your business when we entered into your living room. We should strive for transparency, and we should deal with consequences as we profit from the benefits.

I have grown close to Lisa and Eileen and enjoyed them immensely, not always understanding Lisa's actions, but always believing it came from a place of concern, even if sometimes, like in regard to the text she sent, it was a little impulsive. Her anger got the better of her, and for that, I believe she was sorry. I am not making excuses for her, but I am resolute in the belief that provocation sometimes creates a day of reckoning.

My suggestion of putting a band aid on a situation is one of experience. Sometimes we reach for the unreachable, especially when it comes to relationships. Furthermore, we have to accept that idyllic relationships are not always obtainable, but what we should not accept is that the whole family infrastructure, which can be so delicate, would possibly be fractured--weddings missed, birthdays ignored, and all of life's moments punctuated, documented with regret.

So that is what I hope for this season, that the devious trifling is never rewarded by the success in the breakdown of any relationship. Last year, as I sat on my own, aghast at what had transpired, I hoped for a clearer picture, and now I have one, as I think you all do.

Snippets of downtime that have been aired this reunion--cups of tea requests, diarrhea jokes, pussy to the bathroom jokes, didn't know a Flex but definitely knew a Ford--are a great way of also demonstrating that there are giggles in the face of adversity.

Lastly, I would like to say a huge thank you to all of you, who have sent messages of love and well wishes in what has proved to be a trying week. The surgery has been a reminder of how sometimes the indomitable support of those close to you is so valuable, and I appreciate it tremendously. My children by my side, friends, and family are the icing on the cake. Thank you to you all. Ken is doing much better and is well on the way to full recovery.

I have appreciated your comments and enjoyed interacting with you.

Much love as always, 

Lisa

Read more about: