Cast Blog: #RHOBH

Vegas Is Their Oyster

Ep 11: Bravotv.com's Editor ponders stripping classes, Suzanne Somers, and more.

Hello my little empowered women. Are you feeling ready to strip your inhibitions away? Or are you regaining your womanhood through chocolate souffles? Either way we've got you covered.

Looking More Pulled
We open this episode with a surprise visit from Suzanne Somers. Suzanne is seeing the European bellini half-full, thanks to a pretty strict anti-aging regime of pills and sex. And she wants darling Lisa to have those same attitudes for her life, even if that means learning to swallow some things.


Merry Christmas

Next we see Brandi getting her stripper legs with Sheila Kelley, who you might recognize from such amazing programs as Sisters and being a heinous liar on Lost. Now, instead of spending time torturing Desmond, she's working on tormenting those how hate to dance. Brandi needs to perfect her strip moves in order to teach her Night School for Girls. In order to bring women closer to their fully female empowered self, Brandi needs to up her sass. How does one do that? You start by getting your sexy and and creating a concave shape with your body. 

Once that is going well, you take it to the pole, and you hope that you get descriptors like "WHAT-ever" and "Merry Christmas." I know I did.

Eight Days a Week
Next we see the delightful lady Yolanda (she is a lady) making souffles for dear David Foster Wallace. She will head Vegas shortly, but only after her man has been properly satiated with chicken and chocolate. While their relationship might be a touch old-fashioned or intense for some, (My boyfriend wishes I bothered to bake anything that didn't come in a roll. Holla Slice n Bakes) if it works for those lovebirds who are we to judge?

Baginas and Exes
Next we see a brief glimpse of the Maloof/Nassifs at Kyle's daughter's graduation. Adrienne is glad Faye stepped up to the plate and defened her. Faye on Fire is apparently a favorite of Ms. Maloof. No relation to Alicia Keyes of course.

After that it's off to Vegas to hear the women bond over divorce, the proper term for your lady business, and mollusks. It seems Kyle's not what you would call an adventerous eater.

It was delightful to see the women cutting loose and enjoying each other's company. These are the kind of dinner parties the gals should get to have. You know the kind where no one yells at anyone.

The Nose Knows
Meanwhile, back in Beverly Hills, Kim is working to get her life back in order. So she's hanging pictures and hoping to hang herself a new nose. Yes, Kim is ready to change her whole life and that starts with the nose. Do you change your life without changing your face? Well then you aren't really changing your life.

I do deeply respect Kim's decision to not let Paul do the surgery. I hold deep grudges against people that spill things on my clothes and ruin them. Let alone people that ruined my face!

While Kim is busy working on her schnooze, her sister is getting ready to work on her "inner sexy." Yes the ladies finally make it to pole dancing class. But while we get the build of of Brandi's inspirational speech, we'll have to wait until next week to see how their actual twirling goes. (Spoiler alert: it's amazing.)

Until then, leave your favorite name for "bagina" in the comments please!

Lisa R.: I Am Done With Kim Richards

Lisa Rinna discusses her confrontation with Kim and dispenses some advice from her experiences this season.

We did it. We managed to get through Season 5 of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills without anyone going to prison! It got close at times, but thankfully, we did it. I went into this promising myself I would tell the truth, own my sh--, and always, ALWAYS come from a place of authenticity. Much like everyone else, I am human, and I make mistakes. Sometimes, I act on emotion before really allowing myself time to process, and that can lead me to say or do things that I’m not always proud of. But I make sure to own what I say and do, learn from the mistake, and hopefully grow into a better person because of it.

So, we start off with an emotional glimpse into my family life. It’s time to take down the beloved swingset we have loved and heavily used for nearly 13 years. There were so many wonderful memories attached to that swingset that we will cherish forever and how what a poignant representation of the end of our girls’ childhood as we know it. I wish we could have given it to another family to use and love as much as we did, but unfortunately it was made of wood and had become a hazard by this point. It was just too dangerous to pass along to another family, or else that’s exactly what we would have done. Watching my family during this transitional phase only reiterates just how important each of them is to me. I am fiercely protective of my husband and girls and will not tolerate anyone trying to falsely tarnish the love we all have for one another. The fact that this was even attempted that first night in Amsterdam was both an injustice and violation to my family and me. As a matter of fact, it’s such an injustice, that as we all saw, my inner Dalai Lama moved aside to let my inner gangster take over!

“Don’t let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.” -Dalai Lama

On to Adrienne’s party…I feel like I need to remind you that I was done, done, DONE with Kim Richards at this point. I went to this party with zero intentions of talking TO Kim, ABOUT Kim, and definitely nothing around Kim’s forbidden topic of sobriety. I have been scolded, yelled at, and thrown really f---ing hard into the lion’s den about it, so for my own sanity and peace of mind I. Had. To. Be. Done.

Rather quickly, it became quite evident that Kim was out to hurt Kyle.

Lisa Rinna

Now keep this in mind as I see Kim Richards walking toward me with a certain look of misguided determination in her eyes. When she sits down and asks me to talk about her sobriety, I honestly think I died a little inside. Was this for real? Was I being set up? What kind of warped reality did I find myself in at that moment when Kim was in front of me demanding I talk about "the situation" yet again?! Oh yeah, no way was I going to become a pawn in her weird little mind game. Rather quickly, it became quite evident that Kim was out to hurt Kyle. Kim was making it very clear that she chose not to believe what Kyle had told her, and she was trying to drag me in to help take down her sister. Let’s be real here for just a moment: We all know Kim doesn’t like, trust, or want to be around me at all, so why does she need my confirmation or validation of the conversation? Kim was going to hear exactly what she wanted to hear, regardless of anything I said, because that’s exactly what she does with everything anyway.

Nope. Not gonna play into Kim’s games for a second. I needed to stay honest to myself by not discussing Kim’s sobriety, and unfortunately that resulted in agitating and pissing everyone else off. Listen, I completely understood that both Kyle and Eileen had their opinions and strong need for me to justify Kim’s questions, but the “she said this and she said that” back and forth was just too much. Like I mentioned in last week’s blog, I did what Brandi asked by going to Kyle with this information, and it was now up to the Richards sisters to figure out.

Until I felt an overwhelming feeling that I wasn’t taking Kyle and Eileen’s side. I wanted to support them, so I confirmed the conversation only because Kyle needed me to. Not because Kim wanted me to. Big difference. So, I put aside my own opinion and point of view to support Kyle, since she felt so strongly about it. Walking over to Kim, only to have her shush me and snap at me and speak to me as if I were a child, was only allowing for more red flags to fly. As you saw, I took it in stride and temporarily buried it, but I really don’t do well with people talking to me in such a disrespectful way.

The two different times I spoke to Kim about it that evening, once with Brandi and once without, I felt the need to remind everyone around me that the conversations we’ve all had about Kim were always from a good place, a place of concern and worry, much like what Brandi and Kim apparently only reserve for their own friendship. I never had any intentions of making Brandi look bad during our lunch conversation, because I really felt she was speaking from the heart about her friend, Kim. It’s just a shame that she didn’t feel the same about my role in the conversation, and, yet again, she denies what was actually said. But I guess you live and you learn, and you slowly start to identify a person’s true colors, which is all just a part of this process.

It’s important to mention that I was also concerned for Brandi and her father. I had reached out to her about her father at that time, because I know how hard it is to have a parent with ailing health, and I was sympathetic to the obvious pain she was in. Though much like I remind my daughters as they navigate their young social lives, it’s important to treat others as you would like to be treated. Speak to others as you would like to be spoken to, and never allow your pain and unhappiness to be an avenue to lash out and hurt others.

I am still left bewildered and baffled with absolutely no closure from that party. I was just kind of left sitting there at the party dumbfounded by the turn of events and also by the way I was treated by Kim Richards. It’s so not OK to speak to people the way she does. That said, I do think Monty is a very sweet man, and I absolutely wish him the best.

So, off we go into a three-part reunion beginning next week. You’ve seen the previews by now, and it’s every bit as crazy as you’re thinking it will be. Lots of tears and screaming and F-bombs, and that’s just from Andy! Just kidding. But seriously, it was a nightmare of epic proportions, like a roller coaster you were trapped on for 10 hours. I’ve never experienced anything like it...

Thank you for reading my blog this season and really making me feel welcomed to the show. I had no idea that I would be embraced by such a great community of fans, so for that, I am forever grateful! Keep tweeting me so I don’t miss you all too much!

“Say how you feel, find your passion, love with every ounce of your bones, stand up for things that matter, don’t settle, don’t apologize for who you are... Be f---ing brave”

Until next time…

XO,

LR

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