Cast Blog: #RHOBH

Brandi: I Didn't Really Want to Murder Joyce

But Brandi did want to knock her teeth out, and she still does not believe that her husband should have gotten involved in the drama.

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. Like me I'm sure many of you can't wait to start new year of 2014 off fresh and with a clean slate.

This episode brought many smiles to my face. I thought it was so cute to see Carlton and her mother-in-law interact the way they did. I also applaud Carlton for keeping the romance and sexiness alive in her marriage. As someone who was in a 13-year relationship, I know how important it is to keep things fresh and sexy. To her, I say Bravo.

It was so cute when Yolanda called me for advice about covering a zit, because out of all the girls I seem to be the only one that still gets them and have become an expert at covering them up. Backstage at a fashion show long ago, a makeup artist taught me that a drop of Visine temporarily takes the red out of a pimple. That way you can get through your date night or even a fashion show. Yolanda and David are so cute and sweet together, and that book she gave David was super sexy. Her body is just insane.

Watching Kim with her son and talking about their dog was very endearing. It almost felt like the conversation might have been more about him then Kingsley. But as a mom myself I know how hard it is watching your babes get older. They will always be babes in our minds.

Kyle asked me if I would model in her charity fashion show and if I could ask some of my model friends to donate their time also. When it comes to kids or animals, I will do just about anything to help. I asked a few of my best friends that were former runway models if they would be willing to help. And, of course, they obliged. When we arrived to the fitting, Joyce and a friend were already there. I decide to be the bigger person and say hello and introduce her to my friends Jennifer and Etirsa. Kyle has known both Jennifer and Etirsa through me because I have brought them as dates to many of these ladies' events over the years.

Jennifer and Joyce start immediately speaking Spanish, and, while I know it's not an actual secret language, I'm annoyed and almost feel like I want to pee on Jenny to mark my territory. I have no problem being cordial to someone I am not fond of for the sake of the situation.

David Lerner's clothes were super sexy and I thought everyone looked great in them. I am in no way a size zero. Because I have a long torso, things sometimes fit me weird but I'm a Size 4 and very healthy.

I laughed out loud when I saw the gangster Barbie part, as I super smacked on my gum. I think I'm going to pitch it to Mattell. I can picture it now: Barbie with some big chains and maybe a grill.

It was interesting to me when Joyce said you can never be to thin to rich or to sexy. . .It seem to roll off of her tongue very easily without any prompting. This is almost the same saying as Joyces opening tagline, which she's complained about. Hmm. Interesting. That's just like how adamant she was about not being able to swim -- but now she says she actually can swim just not that well. Lie much?

I think we will start to see some more of the former Miss Puerto Rico's true colors coming out. Joyce saying you never be too thin really bothered me, because in fact you can. Young women have enough problems with eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia, and then to have an ex-beauty queen perpetuate that one can never be to thin is just wrong. I think that Joyce may have a problem. Maybe instead of focussing on what she thinks my issues are, she should take a closer look at herself and her own issues.

Lisa invited me to SUR and I really didn't want to go. My kids had just come back to me after ten days of being away, and I had just missed them so much that I didn't want to leave their side. Lisa insisted it was important to her that I come, so I begrudgingly accepted. When I arrived she told me Joyce was coming (which I did not know) and that she wants us to try and move past our issues. . .I was really not in the mood for this tonight.

Joyce comes to dinner late and kisses everyone hello -- completely snubbing me. Then she also tells Mohammed he is the only reason she came. I can already tell this isn't going to be a fun dinner and really wished I had stayed home with my kids.

After Mohammed told Joyce that Lisa is the the most wonderful woman he's ever met in Beverly Hills (something I found odd, considering his fiancée was sitting next to him and the mother of his children across from him), we get into a fight. Joyce once again calls me a racist, bully, etc. etc. Even her husband joins in to gang up on me.

Joyce's husband should not have involved himself in that way. He wasn't around for any of the issues. While a man should stick up for his wife -- that should never involve yelling at another woman. Did I really want to murder the ex-Miss Pureto Rico? No, but in my head, I was imagining knocking one of her fake teeth out in my head.

As Joyce was going on and on, she said something to me that really stands out. She said she knew why I brought one of my best friends (Etirsa) to Kyle's fitting. I honestly think that remark was the most racist remark ever. I have friends, ex-boyfriends, an ex-husband, and even children from all different ethnic backgrounds. Although I made an insensitive, stereotypical joke, there is nothing racist about me. I also want to add for my entire life I was teased about my name. I was called "vodka" or "gin," asked if my mom was drunk when she named me, and even asked if I was a stripper and that was my stage name. Teased!!! Not bullied -- and you know what I'm a stronger person for it.

As Joyce and her husband continue to gang up on me, the f bomb starts flying out of my mouth, per usual when I lose my temper and am arguing with two people at once. These people are exhausting and why is this grown ass man screaming at me? I'm frustrated and I start to get emotional. It's about time to go. All Joyce does is exaggerate EVERYTHING -- just as you saw when she mimicked Lisa's hair flip. So lame!

Read more about:

Kyle: Kim and I Will Never Agree on This Matter

Kyle clarifies the Kingsley issue and responds to Brandi's most recent accusation. 

I don't want to write this blog. I didn't even want to watch this reunion, to be honest. There. I said it. But here I go....
Let's just dive right into the text message from Lisa Rinna to Kim.
I was very shocked to hear about that text. There is no excuse for that. I believe Lisa R. knows that. I can understand Kim being upset about that. I am sure she was taken aback, as we all were when we heard it. However, I don't think Lisa Rinna is a dangerous person. She just made a really bad choice.


Now onto Amsterdam and the space cake talk. Brandi went after me in Amsterdam regarding the space cake, because she doesn't like me and wanted to deflect from her own behavior once again. This was her big chance to say something about me, calling me a hypocrite for not partaking in the space cake. I have said it before, and I will say it again: I NEVER said I haven't smoked pot. I HAVE. It's just not my thing. I have a lot more fun having a few margaritas. Kim knows that. I would have appreciated her chiming in there. Also, I have NOT eaten a pot brownie or a space cake ever, and my husband had warned me that it would not suit me well, knowing my personality. You cannot gauge exactly what you're ingesting, and it wouldn't be smart. I didn't want to have a bad experience and "freak out," so to speak. Brandi herself wasn't partaking, because of her own reasons (which had to do with her divorce, as she explained), so wouldn't that make her a hypocrite then? WHY did she care if I did or did not choose to? Because she wanted to jump at the chance to make me look bad, since her behavior and her drinking had been front and center. Her drinking was out there, because she puts it out there, and she has nobody to blame but herself. If I HAD chosen to eat a space cake, she would have jumped on that, too. Anything to divert from her own actions which she was comparing to ours. All of us may have a few drinks, but NONE of us behave like her when we drink.
I only address this because it was on television. Her opinion of me is completely irrelevant to me. I only cared, because I am a mother, and her trying to make me out to be something I am not is reckless, as is everything else she does.
Ok. Enough of that. She beat that non-event to death. I think we can move on now.

Now this is the hard part...Kim and I had not spoken since Nov 1st. We both knew the situation with my daughter, Alexia, and Kim's dog, Kingsley, was bound to come up at the reunion. We don't get to pick and choose what we want to talk about.
Alexia had spent the night at Kim's house on Halloween. The next morning, Kingsley bit her. While scary, at first it didn't seem that serious. However, what the first doctor failed to notice was that the tooth had pierced the bone and also broken it. Five days later, we found out that her bone was infected and she needed surgery to clean out the bone. Kim was upset, because I had posted pictures from the hospital. Like I said at the reunion, I NEVER said her dog bit Alexia. Never mentioned her OR her dog. TMZ ended up finding out that it was Kim's dog, and she blamed me, because I posted the pictures from the hospital. I did not do that to hurt my sister in any way or to "get Instagram followers," like she suggested. With all of my family coming and going at the hospital, people were bound to find out and talk.


We were all with Alexia at the hospital trying to distract her and have fun. As any mother would do. We were all trying to make the best out of a bad situation. We invited family and friends to visit and tried to keep her spirits up. In hindsight, I wish I hadn't posted that picture, but I certainly didn't mean to hurt Kim. She posted a picture when she was in the hospital this year. Yolanda and Camille have done so regularly. And where is her responsibility in all of this? However, I do feel bad about what it has led to. And I've told her that. I also felt terrible because I know she loves Kingsley, but I also love my child. It was a difficult time for all involved. I didn't blame Kim personally regarding the dog and was willing to drop it and move forward, yet she was too angry with me regarding the Instagram post to be able to do that.
I wish that since I was willing to let go of my anger regarding my daughter being bit and what she had to go through that she could have let go of being upset about the Instagram post. I HAVE to believe she knows I did NOT do that to hurt her.
For Kim to throw out that she would say something about Alexia ( like she did to Lisa R. regarding Harry ) nearly took my breath away. But her dog is off limits?
So there you have it.
I don't even know what to say or do anymore. Clearly, we will never agree on this matter. And now we have more issues to work through, like my hurt and anger over Kim threatening to say something about my child. I know she loves Alexia, and it was just her being angry and "in the moment," but it's going to take me some time to get past that. All I know is I am glad I don't have to relive all of this again on TV. Now I need to take a step back .
Hopefully, time will heal my relationship with Kim. Time and having an open and honest relationship.
It's been a very difficult season. That's for sure. Thank you all for watching.
XO,
Kyle

P.S
Some things I would like to clear up:

A) I NEVER asked for Kingsley to be put down. I love all animals and know how much Kim loves Kingsley. That was never part of our argument.

B) Brooke's wedding : Brooke did a small ceremony at my sister Kathy's house (part of it aired this season), so that Monty would be well enough to walk her down the aisle. The wedding we were referring to at the reunion is her actual "big wedding " coming up. And NO, I did not do anything "unspeakable" or "unforgivable" at the wedding at Kathy's house like Brandi has (once again) put out there. It was a beautiful, perfect day that Brandi Glanville is now trying to throw negativity on. She was NOT EVEN THERE. On top of everything else Brandi has done, she now wants to turn that beautiful day that my family celebrated into something to lie and gossip about. Shame on her.

Read more about: