Cast Blog: #RHOBH

Pole Dancing Isn't Just Sashaying Around

Carlton explains what she looks for in a pole dancer and thinks Joyce should stick to baseball bats.

I had my girlfriends Ancorneil, Tara, and Elizy audition dancers with me for our upcoming Americana pool party -- which we usually do every other year along with our Halloween party. When David and I have parties, it's something that we refuse to do half-arsed, otherwise we don't see the point. Our friends always leave having had a great time, there's nothing worse than a dull party, and god knows I've experienced those. Why inflict that kind of boring pain?

The girls were great, but I really needed a wow factor. My gorgeous friend Lanny made a recommendation -- and in walked Diana Diaz! I swear I heard the angels sing! Could not believe how beautiful and talented she was -- and her insane core strength. When I think of pole dancing, I don't think of sashaying around the pole. If it's done right it's a true art form that is inspiring. Anyone can spin around a pole, even me, but Diana is the real deal. She's a trained dancer and was a pole aerialist with Cirque du Soleil in Vegas and that's the kind of quality I wanted for our party. David and I were in Vegas this weekend at a club called Surrender in the Wynn Hotel and saw the same type of pole dancers literally holding themselves up with one bloody hand with their bodies extended horizontally. It was truly amazing!!!

As far as the gun scene: Waiving your personally loaded gun around like a hairbrush speaks volumes. Oh Tom, the pistol range manager, did not look happy with you as you repeatedly pointed it at him. You should honestly stick to baseball bats. There is such a thing about having respect for a gun and not thinking that you're in your own bad action movie. Guns are not a joke.

It's lovely seeing families embracing their religious traditions. It reminded me of David's grandmother Edith, who was a Russian Jew. She has now since passed, but she loved her celebrations. Every religion seems to have such interesting and unique ways of honoring, and every religion has something beautiful and positive to offer spiritually. No matter what your religious or spiritual beliefs are, one should never be judged based upon that.

It was nice seeing Brandi with her book signing in Sacramento with the support of Yolanda and her family.  Although I don't always agree with some of the things she says I do think Brandi has a good heart and it was lovely seeing her reuniting with her Dad.

Going to the MMA gym was so much fun! Wasn't quite sure what to expect but everyone seemed to be in really good spirits. Lars was our trainer and showed Yolanda how to choke out, which was hysterical. She definitely has some major strength. He may have turned blue for a second I'm not sure.

Tamara and Lars gave us a quick demonstration. She'd kick most men's arse I think. In I went and it was so exhilarating to throw punches. The last time I was in a fight was about 17 years ago thank god, but I'd love to take one of these classes. They really are empowering. Every woman should know some basics.

I think the highlight was watching Lisa having such a fun time, she looked amazing as she snuck in a jab at Lars. And then Brandi who had some really hard punches connected badly and broke her hand. That is such a horrible pain when you break a bone and she totally hid it.

Other than that it was a surprisingly fun day, wish we had had more.

Another week done. . .Next week our wonderful Americana pool party and yet more "innocent" insults and judgements about my faith.

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Brandi: You Can't Confirm What Didn't Happen

Brandi questions some of the ladies' motives, plus gives an interesting update on her relationship with LeAnn. 

Hey, My Bravoistas!

I’m in my American Airlines' seat 36 hours later, flying back home from NYC, thankful to be on a safe path home. My prayers go out to the families and loved ones of the downed German airliner in the French Alps this morning. I cannot imagine the pain being experienced by these families at this moment, which shockingly has led me to add a new person into my flight prayer today...my children’s stepmom. Don’t get me wrong--not everything is yet copasetic, but my children love her, so she is now in the “flight prayer,” differences aside. Now on a happier RHOBH note, last night’s WWHL with Andy was sooooo fun! No drama for once!

NEWS FLASH! Please watch for my new Sonoma County Chardonnay “Unfiltered Blonde,” to launch in April!

As I look over this past season, all I can say is it’s been an odd one. There were so many fun moments that got lost in the drama and so many weeks of fun you never saw at all. I wish you had, but I'm not in control of everything we get to see. I’d like to remember having fun with Kim “stalking” my now boyfriend J.R. That was such a crazy fun girls' night, Lisa R. being chased by killer bees, Yolanda and her Facetime confusion and meeting her family for the second time this--time in Holland, the Foster Foundation Extravaganza, “singing” at Lisa V.’s birthday party, and Kyle pretending to be a caring sister and owning yachts and planes…haha.
Ok, I’ll behave.

Here we are at the last episode of the season, yet, it seems most are still stuck in the beginning. I wish we weren’t, and I would dearly like to leave “Poker Night” behind. However, one person continues to make it the focal point of every interaction from when it happened and far into the three-part reunion.

This episode opens with Rinna tearing down a swing set, but her home interviews are still about what she perceives as Kim’s issues to be, not the actual touching moment of what the swing set tear-down symbolizes or her own family (I can't wait for her daughters to write their Brooke Shields-style memoir when they are age appropriate). LR says she feels sorry for Kim and cares about Kim and wishes Kim well. The truth is a lot less pretty. Some people have been attacking Kim’s sobriety online this week, but we won’t name names. BTW, Kim is sober and not online. She is busy caring for serious ill family members and driving back and forth to doctors and hospitals and being strong for her family.

Next we see Nicky Hilton’s book signing--sister Paris and mom Kathy Hilton are there. Looks like a great party and congrats to Nicky on her style book. Camille looks gorgeous as usual. Kyle angrily flips her hair, because Kim was wearing a shirt that she carries at “her” shop, but didn’t buy it there...whatever. Then Kyle whispers about her sister Kim to Lisa V. and Camille.
Kyle then tells them she is confused and impatient that Kim hasn’t confronted me over her third-hand Lisa R. gossip. She states Kim WILL be hurt and broken hearted over what “I” said… Kyle seems way too overy excited about that happening, which I find kind creepy. Why would anyone WANT their sister to be hurt or in pain?!

The preparations for Adrienne’s party are in full swing next. Lisa V. is fretting it, Kim is casually discussing the intervention GOSSIP with her makeup artist before the party, I’m getting ready and waiting for my friends and my date.

Adrienne’s party is the big finale of our journey this year. Everyone is there, and Adrienne always excels at events. So here we go. First off, my mind was not on the party at all. My father was recently hospitalized, and I didn’t leave his side for two weeks. It was very serious, but I had to return home to my boys. He was still not conscious, but I needed to get home to run my household--a party was the last place I wanted to be, but I had promised. That’s why I decided to bring the few people that I felt I could depend on in that moment. My friends and J.R. have been there for me during my father’s health scare and over more then a month of hospitalization--that was and is what remains what’s important to me.

The party seems like it was fun for a lot of people who weren’t involved in Kyle and Lisa. R.’s drama. I wish I were one of them, but in a way I was. As much as Kyle relished telling Kim the hurtful gossip she heard from LR, what she wanted to happen didn’t happen. There was no argument between Kim and I. We were happy to see each other. We spoke easily. I was busy worrying about my Dad; she was busy with her family.

What we saw on the finale was an efficient Kim quietly confronting Lisa R., then leaving Lisa R.'s table somewhat amused. Lisa R. couldn’t confirm the veracity of her gossip, because I DIDN’T SAY IT. Thanks again to Bravo for showing the truth in a flashback last week.

So, Kim knew who was who and what was what. The entertainment of the night was provided by Lisa R. going radio silent while Kyle begged for corroboration on her dramatic intervention gossip. Watching Yolanda, Eileen, and Lisa V. urge Lisa R. to support Kyle and verify her hurtful gossip was almost amusing. You can't confirm what didn't happen, can you?

In the end, I left the party early. Why? Not because of a past friendship with Lisa V. It's not her that made me cry--I was crying for my father, my dad! I was in no place to be at a superficial party, discussing a superficial incident with a person who was clearly not a friend, not that night. I said I would show up, and I did. After that, I wanted to be with my real close friends and family. Since this party my dad came out of the ICU and after 2 entire months and after a long stressful time I want to thank Dr. Allen Morris and all the doctors and nurses at Mercy General Hospital of Sacramento for saving my dad's life yet agin for the second time in 15 years. He is doing much better and continuing his hope of a full recovery. I am so thankful to all the people who were there for me and continue to be here for my family and I.

THAT is what life’s about, being with the people who truly love and care about you and the feelings are reciprocated.

As you hear, at the end of the finale, I am wistful, yet, wiser, and I think in a stronger place. I love and loved being there for Kim and being Kim’s friend, and I love that she was, is, and has been here for me. Even more so, I'm grateful and blessed to have Yolanda in my life; she is no bullsh--. Even when suffering herself, she is still so selfless. Yo is very special to me, I love her, she gets me, we have fun together, and I value every moment we spend together. I always will. As for the rest, I hope to share laughs and fun again, maybe tears, but hopefully only joy.

Peace Out. (deuces MFs--JK)

XOXO,

B

Please, please consider making a donation, small or large to help a special child’s “wish” come true. It’s just such an incredibly special cause so dear to my heart.

I’ll be walking. Come and join me.

Here’s the link: ‪shar.es/1ftwjL ‬‪ ‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬

Los Angeles Website of Make-A-Wish 

 

 

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