Cast Blog: #RHOBH

Pole Dancing Isn't Just Sashaying Around

Carlton explains what she looks for in a pole dancer and thinks Joyce should stick to baseball bats.

I had my girlfriends Ancorneil, Tara, and Elizy audition dancers with me for our upcoming Americana pool party -- which we usually do every other year along with our Halloween party. When David and I have parties, it's something that we refuse to do half-arsed, otherwise we don't see the point. Our friends always leave having had a great time, there's nothing worse than a dull party, and god knows I've experienced those. Why inflict that kind of boring pain?

The girls were great, but I really needed a wow factor. My gorgeous friend Lanny made a recommendation -- and in walked Diana Diaz! I swear I heard the angels sing! Could not believe how beautiful and talented she was -- and her insane core strength. When I think of pole dancing, I don't think of sashaying around the pole. If it's done right it's a true art form that is inspiring. Anyone can spin around a pole, even me, but Diana is the real deal. She's a trained dancer and was a pole aerialist with Cirque du Soleil in Vegas and that's the kind of quality I wanted for our party. David and I were in Vegas this weekend at a club called Surrender in the Wynn Hotel and saw the same type of pole dancers literally holding themselves up with one bloody hand with their bodies extended horizontally. It was truly amazing!!!

As far as the gun scene: Waiving your personally loaded gun around like a hairbrush speaks volumes. Oh Tom, the pistol range manager, did not look happy with you as you repeatedly pointed it at him. You should honestly stick to baseball bats. There is such a thing about having respect for a gun and not thinking that you're in your own bad action movie. Guns are not a joke.

It's lovely seeing families embracing their religious traditions. It reminded me of David's grandmother Edith, who was a Russian Jew. She has now since passed, but she loved her celebrations. Every religion seems to have such interesting and unique ways of honoring, and every religion has something beautiful and positive to offer spiritually. No matter what your religious or spiritual beliefs are, one should never be judged based upon that.

It was nice seeing Brandi with her book signing in Sacramento with the support of Yolanda and her family.  Although I don't always agree with some of the things she says I do think Brandi has a good heart and it was lovely seeing her reuniting with her Dad.

Going to the MMA gym was so much fun! Wasn't quite sure what to expect but everyone seemed to be in really good spirits. Lars was our trainer and showed Yolanda how to choke out, which was hysterical. She definitely has some major strength. He may have turned blue for a second I'm not sure.

Tamara and Lars gave us a quick demonstration. She'd kick most men's arse I think. In I went and it was so exhilarating to throw punches. The last time I was in a fight was about 17 years ago thank god, but I'd love to take one of these classes. They really are empowering. Every woman should know some basics.

I think the highlight was watching Lisa having such a fun time, she looked amazing as she snuck in a jab at Lars. And then Brandi who had some really hard punches connected badly and broke her hand. That is such a horrible pain when you break a bone and she totally hid it.

Other than that it was a surprisingly fun day, wish we had had more.

Another week done. . .Next week our wonderful Americana pool party and yet more "innocent" insults and judgements about my faith.

Read more about:

Eileen: Kim Is Acting Completely Unhinged

Eileen talks about arriving in Amsterdam, the drama that has already taken place, and her fears for the rest of the trip.

I was thrilled to arrive in Amsterdam…that is until the about five minutes in, when Lisa R. filled us in on what happened on the plane with Kim.

It’s very disturbing (is this my most-used word of the season?) that Kim is being so vicious. I appreciate Lisa R. warning me that Kim was “coming after me.” But I have to ask, why? Even if she didn’t like my methods, I have been genuinely concerned for her.

It’s very tense when Kim joins us in the lobby. I was just hoping everyone could have a pleasant trip, starting with a nice first meal together as a group.

At dinner, I was really touched when Yolanda shared with us her feelings about what happened with Bella. I loved what she said about showing your true core. I wholeheartedly agree, and I was happy to think we were going to go to a deeper level in our friendships with each other.  I was surprised to hear about Lisa R.’s sister passing away. It hits very close to home. No wonder she’s sensitive to everything happening to Kim and Kyle right now. I think her apology to Kim was beautiful, and it takes a lot of courage to bare part of a painful past. 

That’s why I couldn’t believe that Kim exploded.  Lisa R. started with an apology. I think this was about the fifth time she had apologized, actually. She wasn’t attacking Kim, but Kim definitely started attacking Lisa R. I was completely shocked by the level of viciousness, and I interjected. That's when Kim calls me a “beast.” Really? For doing what exactly? Then she hits below the belt about Lisa R.’s “situation at home”—whatever that is supposed to mean—and then tells me to “shut my f---ing mouth”? What am I missing? This isn’t our first night in Amsterdam; this is our first night in Crazy Town.

Then, Kim starts in on Kyle, saying she’s not a real sister. There’s just no excuse for Kim’s abusive and degrading behavior. When Lisa R. tries to defend Kyle, Kim hits again with an insult about Lisa R. It’s just getting worse and worse. Then she brings up this mystery insult about Harry. And that’s when it gets REALLY crazy. Lisa R. is pushed to her breaking point. I do not condone physical violence, but Kim is acting completely unhinged, and it’s actually frightening to see this. Lisa R. is provoked to a point that I'm not even sure what I would have done.

This is the first time I've heard Kim mention her grown children this way. I do have empathy for her and what her family went through, but honestly, aren’t her actions far worse than anything Lisa R. and I have said or done?

If it weren’t for Yolanda, and the amazing hospitality she’s shown taking us on this trip, I would go home. From what she has said, Lisa R. feels the same way. This whole trip just started, and it’s tainted by this horrific behavior. I feel sorry for Lisa R., because I know how frightened she was by her reaction to Kim’s ambiguous accusations against her husband and family. Kim’s slanderous innuendos really pushed her mama-bear buttons. 

Back at the hotel, Lisa R. breaks down. She tells Kyle that she will never speak to Kim again, and after tonight, I don’t blame her. I also feel totally traumatized by this upheaval. From the events tonight, jet lag, and lack of sleep, I get emotional myself. I’m having a really hard time being around all of this over-the-top drama. I could never in my wildest dreams imagine something so explosive happening over something that began out of concern. It’s beyond shocking.

So, the next morning, kudos to Kim, I guess? She went to see Lisa R. She must be there to apologize for her heinous veiled accusations about Harry, right? No! She’s there to explain why she got so heated. If “heated” is even the right word? After everything that happened the night before, the trauma, the insults, is this conversation really enough to just make it all go away? Apparently so, and now I am really confused that everything’s “just fine” again. I’m all for working to resolve conflict, but I can’t help but feel that Kim and Lisa are sweeping everything under the rug. It would be fantastic if Lisa feels that everything was resolved, but does she really? How could she possibly feel that after what happened the night before? That was a traumatizing experience, and I’m not buying it. Where’s Kim’s apology for making that veiled comment about Harry? Where’s Kim's apology to me? To Kyle?

WE ARE STILL IN CRAZY TOWN.

Because of our love and respect for Yolanda, we all manage to compartmentalize what has happened, and we go bike riding. Yeah, we did that, and it was hilarious. Biking along canals and passing windmills was the quintessential Holland experience. Meeting Yolanda’s "first" kiss (or was he?) was cute, too. The people that lived inside the windmills were lovely, and it was a personal highlight for me. Yolanda’s mother is amazing! She’s survived so much, and she’s battling cancer again. She’s such a positive and kind person; I see where Yolanda gets it. I’m truly in awe of her. I also adore her brother, Leo. What wonderful people, and I felt a true connection with them for sure. 

At the “coffee shop,” I’m starting to have fun and things with the ladies have mellowed. Thank God Kim decided not to come. For many reasons, that is probably a fantastic move on her part. I went in adamant that I was not going to have any space cake. But, like I said, I gave in to the peer pressure! It was just a little corner, people! So…we managed to have some fun for about one minute. We leave the coffee shop, and I hear screaming. I turn around to see that Brandi is ranting in the street. Honestly, she has become the biggest buzzkill! And I mean that literally!  She thinks we’re all “hypocrites,” and I’m really not sure why. Kyle was upset that Brandi brought up something personal in front of everybody, and Brandi doesn’t see the difference between her behavior and Kyle’s. So, here we have it: Kim and Brandi, ranting and raving, with not nearly enough space cake in the world to chill them both out.

It’s only our second day of this trip! I’m hoping that if it’s this bad now, it couldn’t possibly get worse, right?

Read more about: