Recap: Brandi Reclaims the "C Word"

Ep 3: Brandi gives Carlton a high compliment while the other ladies dissect her doll collection. 

Hello Beverly Hillsians. I hope you've surrounded yourself with your favorite porcelian dolls and your favorite "c---s." Let's recap this week shall we?

We open with some serious Brandi bonding time. How do Brandi and her pal spend the day? Just gabbing whlie B takes a tub.

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On a scale of one to weird: where do you put this? Six? Seven?

Anyway, the sudsy topic was JR. She's used him for his real estate prowress and for "sucking his teeth" (her words), but maybe it's time to stop using him on the regular. Brandi's done her tub thinking and now she's ready to make a clean break. No more playing house with the man that got her one. Later, over some wine, calamari, and double-kisses she gives him the old heave-ho. 

Next we find out a little about Joyce's pagaent past. Did you know she was discovered in a KFC drive-thru? Did you know she lived in the Pretty Woman hotel when she moved to Los Angeles? Did you know she personally told Donald Trump how things were going to go down with regards to a nude photo scandal? Joyce is like a beautiful onion. She's got many layers of backstory under her gorgeous mane. You can chanel your inner Joyce by watching her incredible pagaent tips here (once your inside is in check of course).

Meanwhile, Lisa recovers from her faint and forges ahead with all things Dancing With the Stars. She managed another hot foot, and then takes her elimination like a champ. Also taking it like a champ, Giggy, because how can you not take it like a champ in this outfit. . . 

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Of course a few ladies believed that Lisa wanted to get the old heave-ho -- a fact that Brandi brought up right when they walked in the door of Carlton's. 

Our other new beautiful onion, Carlton is prepping to have the ladies over for lunch. How does one prepare for such an event? If you're Carlton it's by haphazardly moving furniture and stocking your home with beautiful women. If you have Elizy and takeout what else do you need for a lunch?

So the ladies head off to Carlton's gothic palace. First to arrive is Yolanda, which leads to some adorable bonding time. While they gab over Carlton's son's tongue and how he's learned to use it. The other ladies ride along and bond over diarrhea, and their thoughts on Lisa's faint (more on that later). Soon enough the whole coven limo arrives, and is greeted with a housefull of thse other sassy ladies. . .

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Carlton loves dolls y'all. And confessionals you can get busy in. And balls that suck up witch juice. Now we know what to get her for the holidays.

What Carlton doesn't love is questions about her religion, as Kyle find out when she inquired if Carlton had per chance developed her love of crosses over years at mass.

Whatever you think of Carlton's witchy ways (and the best way to ask her about them), you have to agree. . . we could really use an American Horror Story: Coven crossover in our lives.

After the ladies finally decide who should sit at the head of the table, the conversation turns to hot women, Carlton's blood type, hard-ons, sleeping with younger people and Lisa, and the "c word."

To quote Yolanda: It's Brandi babe, let her be.

Finally, once they've addressed the size of everyone's vagina (I'm not kidding they went there), things turned a little more salacious (yes more salacious than vaginas), when Brandi brought up the rumors about Mauricio.

What do you think? Were the ladies just trying to give Kyle their shoulders to cry on? Or were they stirring the gossipy cauldron? Leave your thoughts in the comments.

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