Oh boy. Where do I even begin? I was so excited about finally being in Amsterdam. I was hoping I could just forget about what was going on between Kim and me and just have fun.
We arrive to dinner on our first night there, and we are not even there for five minutes when Yolanda suggests we all go around the table and share something to bring us all closer. Yolanda started with Bella's DUI. I know that was a difficult time for Yolanda, and she had never discussed what had happened with anyone from the group before, and I know she wanted to get that off her chest. When it was Lisa Rinna's turn, she decided to share losing her sister to a drug and alcohol overdose. The mood was quiet and everyone was attentive and taking it all in. After Lisa shared her story, she then apologized to Kim. I was hoping Kim would just say, "Thank you,” and it would all be over. But when Kim started in with Lisa, once again, I immediately went into panic mode. I had no idea what was about to ensue. As things escalated, I truly went into in shock. I couldn't believe what I was hearing and seeing. I was pleading with my sister to stop. Kim was saying I should be defending her, but I could not defend someone that was behaving in such a manner. Sister or not. If my sister had handled the situation with Lisa R. the way we had discussed, in a nice, calm manner, I would have supported her. I have taught my children to stand up for what is right, and I couldn't bring myself to stand up for that behavior. I didn't know what my sister expected from me. How can I defend and support her when she's calling Eileen a "beast" and saying "shut your f---ing mouth" or threatening to reveal something about Lisa R's husband (who didn't sign up for this show)? People's families are off limits. You just don't do that.
When Lisa R. lunged across the table at Kim, it was startling! I have never seen that side of Lisa. I would have never guessed she could get to that point. Then Lisa threw the glass! I couldn't believe what was happening. Lisa was wrong to go after Kim like that. Absolutely. It was scary to be in the middle of this. I can't explain why my instinct was to run out of there. I didn't even have time to think. I just wanted to get as far away as possible. Even as a little girl, my instinct when something scared me was to run and hide. In that moment, I felt like a child again. It was so incredibly upsetting. I didn't know what was going to happen next, and I didn't want to be there.
Kim has not defended me once when Brandi has said mean and hurtful things to me that weren't true.
After I ran out, the others soon followed. Everyone was crying and in shock. Watching my sister say to Brandi, "Wow, I can't believe Kyle," I just don't even know what to think or say about that. I will never understand what I did wrong or how she could have expected me to defend that behavior. Kim has not defended me once when Brandi has said mean and hurtful things to me that weren't true. Yet she wanted me to defend her verbal attacks against Eileen and Lisa R.
Back in our rooms, all of us were so emotional and in awe of what just happened. I have to say that I am embarrassed about how emotional I am. I'm just wired that way, and lately it’s just been too much. It's hard to navigate through my relationship with my sister in front of the cameras. For so long our relationship has been difficult but private. To have these moments play out in front of everyone is distressing to say the least.
The next day I woke up thinking, "How are we going to get through this day?" When I heard Kim and Lisa R. "made up," I was dumbstruck. How on earth can they even pretend to be OK after what happened the night before? I'm all for trying to make the most of a bad situation, but that was one of the worst things I've ever seen between "friends." I couldn't just pretend everything was OK as much as I wish I could have. Apparently, Kim and I both decided we would both ignore each other completely.
In spite of the tension, I did enjoy seeing this beautiful country and visiting Yolanda's mother who was sweet and gracious. Side note: That day, I lost my wallet when it fell out of my pocket while riding my bike, and I fell off the bike that was too big for me. Good times! With my good luck streak, I should have known to stay home that evening.
However...we did decide to head out to the "pot shops." Some of the women decided they would try a space cake, and some of us didn't want to. I don't know why Brandi thought it was hypocritical of us not to have a space cake. SHE wasn't having any because her lawyer told her she couldn't. So if some of us didn't want to, either, why did she care? I NEVER said I had never tried pot. It's just not my thing and doesn't agree with me. And since I've never eaten it, Mauricio warned me it wasn't a good idea. But why was Brandi so insistent on ruining what started out as a fun evening? Once outside, she was screaming about the women saying she was a bad mother, an alcoholic, etc. I tried to diffuse the situation by calmly telling her that I never said she was a bad mother, but she didn't want to hear anything I had to say. In typical Brandi fashion, she had to make a scene, screaming nonsense that came out of the blue. Nobody was engaging with her except me. I finally realized that she was dead set on making this another big fight, and I didn't know where that would lead us. This wouldn't be the last argument on our trip to Amsterdam. Not by far.
Until next week…
Thanks for watching!