“The people that piss me off are my greatest teachers.” -Gabby Bernstein
Well, if that wasn’t the weirdest f----ing thing ever, then I don’t know what is. This entire episode was a roller coaster of emotions and, quite frankly, non-emotions. After what happened the first night in AmsterDAMN, I became severely AmsterDAMAGED, and as you can see, I was basically navigating my way around in a walking coma.
I didn’t choose to go shopping with Kim and Brandi. I just chose to go shopping. Period. At that point, I couldn’t give a flying you-know-what if I was with the Pope or Honey Boo Boo. I needed some retail therapy, or else I was going to end up spooning with Yolanda in her bed for the rest of the trip. I think Eileen really nailed it when she said Yolanda’s response to stay in bed was the most sane choice any of us made.
“Forgiveness is not about releasing someone from accountability for their actions, it’s about letting go of our anger and resentment.”
Out of desperation to keep my last ounces of sanity in tact, I made a decision in that moment to move on. Move on for Yolanda’s sake, move on for my own sake, and move on for the other girls' sake in an effort to keep things moving forward. If I didn’t, my only other option would have been to get on the first plane out of there and back home, but Harry had encouraged me to stay and make the best of it, so that’s what I did. I had just lived through a nightmare in a foreign country without my family, and I was feeling terribly vulnerable, confused, and shocked. I compartmentalized everything that I was feeling in order to get through the trip in one piece. The last thing I needed was to be locked up abroad.
The conversation Eileen had with me was such an important one for our relationship. I was so glad she called me out and reminded me that I wasn’t done processing or dealing with this situation, and boy was she right! That is exactly what a true friend does; they sit you down privately and tell you how they feel. I was, and still am, so grateful she took the time and handled the situation the way she did. I also want to give Eileen props on speaking her mind to both Brandi and Kim with so much grace and ease. I’m really, really glad she took the opportunity to do that. She is such a classy chick, and I am proud to have her as a friend.
“No matter what happened even a moment before, the present is always a new beginning” -Marianne Williamson
So, as luck would have it, when I go to Amsterdam and feed my inner gangster a little space cake, he becomes my inner Dalai Lama, which was quite obviously the case when we were on the boat speaking one another’s praises. In that particular moment, I felt empathetic towards a fragile Kim Richards sitting in front of me, and I just felt those were the words she needed to hear at that time. It’s what felt right, and it’s what needed to be said in that very moment.
Wine flows, more sh-- happens, unnecessary slaps are dished out, and I continue to cope as best I can with the Amsterdamage that has been done…It’s far from over.
“Love me when I least deserve it, because that’s when I really need it.” -Swedish Proverb