Well hello to you all. I sit here having just left New Orleans' Mardi Gras, where I was lucky enough to be the monarch of the parade. It proved to be the experience of a lifetime, so I hazily try to recall the episode a few days before. I will give it my best shot...
When Kyle comes over, I am happy to see her as I marvel at the full circle this journey has taken. I understand clearly that she is having a troubled time reconciling the demise of her relationship with Brandi and the closeness between her sister and Brandi. It was all was a little difficult to digest. I urge her to ignore her differences, set aside any feelings--it was a recent and volatile friendship and her sibling was of much more importance. Kim, we see later, openly admits she has feelings of loneliness and that her situation at home with Monty and his battle against cancer has been trying and stressful.
Brandi, when talking to Kim, seems intent on dissing the relationship with her sister, as if to cement their friendship at the expense of the sibling relationship.
I am sure Kim has many avenues of support via her children, family, and friends, but any unhappiness in one's life is multiplied when we are at odds with a close family member. I know from conversations with Kyle how protective she is of Kim and how this dynamic between the two of them is so upsetting. Brandi, when talking to Kim, seems intent on dissing the relationship with her sister, as if to cement their friendship at the expense of the sibling relationship.
I myself have had disagreements with my brother, and I am only too aware of the feeling of inner peace when our close relationships are harmonious. It gives us the strength to battle the obstacles life has to offer.
The reluctance to be involved in any sort of intervention with Kim was not, as Lisa misunderstood, that I am afraid of her. I just don't feel justified in immersing myself into a situation that, for one, I didn't witness her breach of sobriety. I have gently probed before, and the result was not a pleasant experience, so unless I thought she was in imminent danger, I was reluctant to have any involvement whatsoever. Of course I would be a sympathetic shoulder, but that would be the extent of it.
So it was my birthday, and I was perfectly content to spend the evening with Ken, Mohamed, and Shiva, having seen my children for lunch in the day. But not to be, it is rather difficult to surprise me, I admit, so I suppose Pump would be the perfect situation, as I am there most evenings and wouldn't dream they could organize anything under my nose...I loved seeing everybody there. Much fun was had for sure.
I understood in retrospect why Ken invited Brandi. He wouldn't want to exclude anybody, and she is part of our circle. However, the last few social occasions have resulted in altercations, punctuated with expressions such as, " I will knock your f---ing teeth out" or such like, and I understood his need to gently remind her that behaviour of that kind was in no way acceptable. If that is hard to comprehend, then maybe somebody else should explain it, as I am at a loss.
The evening was relaxed, and seating, I imagine, was strategic. I sat next to Brandi for a second, and I do think there was a moment when maybe she felt some sort of regret as to what had transpired between us, so I jokingly retorted that yes, she should sing as her penance. What should she sing she asked? ...Mmmmm now that would be easy: "Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word." Now that may be a good place to start. She understood the playful banter and obliged.
It was lighthearted, and, for that moment, our relationship took on the same jovial, easy-going rapport as before. I actually found her singing very funny. Then Kyle, Lisa, Kim, and I were happy to make utter fools of ourselves, and I don't particularly understand the constant age references from Brandi as Kyle is only a couple of years older than her anyway. I have a challenging time comprehending the repeated need for aggression between some...For some it may be easier to lash out, to attempt to sully a reputation than show little remorse and expect when you realize maybe you just made a mistake, you have a smidgen of guilt, and hope that all will be well. We can't rewind the tape and erase feelings, we cannot "un-know" instances that have hurt us, but we can move on with a different expectation from that person as we compartmentalize the relationship. We pack it into a different cerebral chamber and understand the place it belongs--a place that can no longer hurt us.
A footnote as I close off is any negativity about my dear friend Mohamed I will always vociferously defend. It is not a strange relationship, as Brandi commented. It is one that is secure and supportive, sometimes with its differences that are discussed and resolved, a deep friendship that is respectful of each other and our partners. That is what I strive for in this complicated scenario, as we muddle through the pitfalls of a life displayed on reality television--knowledge that as we venture forward we have loyalty and trust, coupled with humor that for sure will see us through. I will sign off as I am traveling home after an incredible week with memories and moments firmly etched in my mind.
Have a good week ahead. Until then as always...Love, Lisa.