And here we are once more, the penultimate episode of this arduous journey.
Now to relive it and watch it, it is not an option for me. It was a harrowing experience, but I garner snippets from my husband as he relays the story, relays the story interspersed with angry expletives as he sees how this unfolds.
I have a strong sense memory as I recall how I felt sitting on that yacht for hours, frustrated, hurt and tired of the continual lambasting from ED and LR. Kathryn Edwards I have come to know much better since, and I adore her. She was between a rock and a hard place and might have succumbed to pressure from the group.
We all have seen the footage of LR avidly displaying the diagnosis of Munchausen's on her phone. I, in her defense, tried to minimize it, attempted to defend her actions to YF at EJ's barbecue. How she can attempt to pass the blame, deflect from her own actions beggars belief. She says she is enraged by Yolanda socializing with Kim and BG. Enraged...that speaks volumes.
Now then, we should now revisit and remind ourselves of Amsterdam, how she smashes a glass, goes to strangle Kim, tells her she loves her, then sends "f--- you up" texts. These are all the rantings of someone who is not playing with a full deck.
So, she turns her attentions to me. She is obviously motivated by Soapy, to funnel her aggression in my direction,"Come on LR...attack!" Soapy in the wings, salivating with LR center stage, trying desperately to deflect from her own actions and Sudsy prompting her.
But the real issue here is the importance of two words and how they can radically change the meaning and inference of a sentence.
I want to kill you, I DO NOT want to kill you...I wish Kyle would've understood that, or even given me the benefit of the doubt and drawn her opinion from my sentiment all season, that I was firmly by her side.
So two months later, two months...WTF? LR has clarity, she reiterates a conversation that at the time was apparently innocuous, obviously propelled by somebody who has another agenda, somebody that evidently no amount of apologies will ever suffice. She...being ED.
I apologized to her once more as I was tired of her nasty accusatory assertions. I was still mystified as to where her anger came from--the initial conversation in the Hamptons had provoked no reaction until 36 hours later.
At the time I liked Eileen, found her a little boring and certainly didn't take her to task for leaving abruptly in the Hamptons, but it was never my intention to hurt her when I mentioned casually "the affair." It had been discussed last season, and I didn't believe it to be particularly sensitive. Now I have a vastly different perspective as I have witnessed the venom that has spewed from this woman as she tries to manipulate LR to attack me.
With hindsight, after seeing so much nastiness where I have never retaliated, I would have asked her how she felt screwing some other woman's husband. That actually, in retrospect, speaks volumes.
I can't begin to explain how those days felt. Many tears were shed on the phone. I did not want to get on that boat, even the journey home (26 hours) being ignored, is all a form of silent bullying, something I would never be a party to. I have tried to reason, tried to remain calm, tried to make sense of a senseless situation.
Now I realize I gave too much credence to their antagonism, just by virtue of the fact that I sat their and endured it.
Guilt of their actions with regard to Munchausesn and infidelity is their motivation.
I thank you for your indomitable support. No, as LR has said, I didn't play the victim. The victim would be better played by a C-list actress who would depart in floods of tears. I sat there.
I bid you all a good week. Life has moved on, and my focus has shifted to more important matters...As always remember my mantra love and laughter supersedes all.