The amazing support and love I have experienced throughout this journey has been overwhelmingly wonderful. I don't have the words to express the sincere level of appreciation I feel. Thank you doesn't seem to be enough but do know that I am very thankful and so humbled by your love and support. This gift you have given me is one of the most amazing gifts I have ever received. You are awesome!
This experience has been my greatest teacher. I've learned so much about life, people and to face and confront the one thing I have worked to avoid throughout my life - conflict. It is a satisfying experience to finally get to the point that I understand and give myself permission to have a voice and an opinion. I clearly realize that I can be a nice person and yet set clear, firm boundaries. I can be a nice person and call out inappropriate behavior for what it is - inappropriate! I am a stronger woman now that I was when the Season began. The beauty is that your encouraging words and kindness affirmed and reaffirmed my growth process and transformation. For that I will forever be grateful.
The Reunion felt like a much needed group therapy session. Throughout the Season, a lot was left unsaid and even more pushed to the side to be rationalized. Hurt, resentment and disgusted feelings had been building for months. Friendships were completely severed.
I went into the Reunion wanting to say my peace and find peace in return. It broke my heart to seeCary hurt as deeply as she was. She felt and in reality was attacked by the insensitive, mean-spirited gossiping about her marriage. I was pleased that Cary was given the opportunity to confrontLeeAnne. While it was nice to see LeeAnne apologize after much deliberation, I found it laughable that she apologized to Cary while attacking me. It seemed to me that she skirted taking ownership making accusatory remarks for why it was ok for her to gossip before finally gave up and said the words. I wish she would take ownership, apologize, change her behavior and then move on. After a while the words "I apologize" seem insincere especially when we are asked to excuse it because of her past with the knowledge that the apology is only good until we make her mad again. She definitely owed Cary and Mark an apology.
I wanted to go to the Reunion, talk about my issues with LeeAnne and move on. When she interrupted my sentence, started clapping at me and telling me to listen to her, I felt like she was once again attempting to belittle and talk down to me. I am an educated woman and do not appreciate this. When I told her I would listen and she could talk, of course, she had nothing to say. She wanted to lead the conversation and be in control. She was trying to put me in line.
I'm sorry that LeeAnne experienced a painful childhood. I understand how difficult it can be to forgive, let go and move forward. I understand that it is a process and sometimes feels like two steps forward and three steps back which can be distressing. I appreciate and applaud LeeAnne for getting help. I believe that therapy and change are healthy, wonderful gifts one can give to themselves. Her anger and insecurities appear get the best of her. It’s sad to watch her lash out, hurt and emotionally injure others along the way only to apologize by blaming her past. She gets her anger and hurt out in a couple of hours and is over for her but this leaves others devastated and trying to make sense of it for days or weeks to come. I do think that people can change and I pray she finds peace and healing in her journey.
Now about my family...Travis and I are doing great. We are working as a team and still go to therapy occasionally to check in. I am a strong believer in making time for the priorities in your life. There is nothing more important to me than my family. I have never felt closer to my husband than I have during this journey. Thank you Travis for being my rock, I am a lucky girl.