In the Bravolebrity Land of Make Believe TV, the One Eyed, Rainbow Colored, Flying Unicorn is King of Candy Mountain! Never before have I ever been engulfed in such a delusional surreal world as on the Real Housewives of DC Reunion set at the National Hysterical Society in DC. I am not here to kick wide-eyed smiling kittens, as that is just piling on at this point and is not how I roll, and who wants to squash the love out of someone who oozes love out of their very pores to begin with? Not this guy! And if that's the kind of love that keeps Candy Mountain sparkling with happy Double Rainbows and protects it's two citizens from reality asteroids crashing into it, it's not for me to judge if it works for them. I believe in a God that protects fools, drunks, and delusional sociopaths with equal fervor, so I am not about to mess with Him either about it!
Having said that, I would like to discuss Rich's Man Rules Violations this season that a lot of you, mostly women mind you, have asked me about. There is a code among men, often unspoken and passed along from one generation to the next through man rituals such as fishing, hunting, golf, and watching NASCAR (hence women's lack of knowledge and understanding on the subject matter, kind of like my feelings). Man Rules have been silently agreed to amongst the vast majority of males on this planet for centuries but perhaps not at Candy Mountain Winery? Man Rules cover a wide range of topics from every day guides to daily life (put the seat down) and rules of the road, to more esoteric and delicate matters such as love, family, and relationships (Never honk your car horn in the driveway to get your wife/GF to move faster).
ManRule: You NEVER accuse someone's child of being investigated by the FBI and further claim that the FBI is monitoring your child's Facebook account and threaten that everyone is going to jail.
See definition of NEVER if this is unclear.
The only exception to this ManRule is if FBI stands for Face Book Investigations and if convicted of a FB crime you will be quarantined in Farmville State Prison...
Love your sense of humor! Thanks for the man rules. I knew they existed just didn't know there were so many!! Love your family.
Love you guys and congrats on what seems to be a truly wonderful union. I love a man who stands up for his wife and children, even better a man who can say he is sorry. Glad to know they still exist!
Excellent! I'm a woman and I follow these rules. You're hilarious and I can't wait to see you and your family next season. I wish Lolly the best with her art. She appears to be a very intelligent, sensitive young woman.
I can't stop laughing. One of the best Bravo blogs ever written! Your blog reminds me of Anthony Bourdain's wit.
I love your Man Rules! I will be letting my teen son know of the unspoken rules! You are funny! You really need to be blogging on Candy Mountain and Man stuff. LOL
You are the man Rich!! I've got to ask my husband to read this. He's going to laugh as much as I did! You and the other real men on this show ( Ebong and Jason) were such a joy to watch. It was so refreshing and inspiring to see such gentlemen who love and protect their ladies.
Rich, My God you are too funny! You should have your own show! Bravo: keep the camera on this man, he will keep them ALL in line! Mary has her hands full with you doesn't she? Best wishes and thank you for keeping it real Rich!
Love Love Love you and Mary. You are the funniest and best looking husband on all of the housewife shows. Mary is good looking as well and yall (can you tell I am from the south) are such a cute couple. Hope your life together continues to be great.
Richard: It took me a second - then I "got it" and I smiled. Priceless my friend. Well done! Best blog ever.
I smell a manrules book coming soon! You are an excellent writer. You are now my second favorite Richard who writes about Bravo...right behind Richard from Gawker.
Best blog ever!!! I'm not sure what you do for a living but it should involve writing, commentary, etc. You were spot on!
Coolest blog Rich. I happened onto it after reading my Andy's daily. To bad they didn't put pics of you guys instead of the general pic. See you for part 2.
I was laughing hysterical the whole time! I love it! Your man rules rock and I think you covered it all.
pure comedy. you gotta right a book. AND, Bravo is insane if they don't give you more airtime in Season II. wlyb?
Man Rule: Never gush compliments on the other man's wife - at least in public - lest he take it the wrong way.
Sorry, I'm breaking this one. I find Mary the most elegant,classy,funny, and centered person in this reality morass, and commend you on a sterling choice in spouses. You both seem very genuine to me and well-grounded. Best to you and yours.
This is the BEST blog I have EVER read here. I laughed until my belly hurt. This definately needs to be a book: "MANnerisms: Man's Guide to Knowing and Understanding the Man Rules & How Not To Break Them"...something like that. Work on it.
I actually choked on my coffee while reading this - hysterical and true! My Mom was a stickler about that horn-beeping (what does he take you for - a hooker? - Do hookers have men beep in their driveways? I never really got that). Anyway,I am a female but I am aware of many of the man rules as many of them directly affect us.
Dear Man Council: Here's one (recently done to my husband and me): Never say you're going to help another guy lift something heavy (like a gigantic tv), have the guy take you and your family out for breakfast beforehand (after Church), then excuse yourself and your family from the table and leave. My husband and I were too "deer in the headlights" to say anything but, boy, did I let loose when we got back in the car. Very unmanly. A manly man would mean "yes" when he said "yes". And, no, he had not forgotten the request as it was the reason we took them out to eat. ---
Great blog post!
I think never make another mans wife cry is one that was mentioned on the show too.
we could also talk about the womens rules that were broken in the reunion show: such as never throwing your marriage into the face of a recently divorced woman. Thats clearly below the belt.
I asked my teenage son if he knew any man rules and he said I am pretty sure I couldnt tell them to you mom, if I did.
Hilarious! Simply hilarious! No wonder Mary still loves you afte all these years.
Man Rule Suggestion: If there is something wrong with your wife's car it is your responsibility to let her drive your car, while you take her car to the mechanic. Especially if there is even a remote possibility that the aformentioned problem may actually cause the car to stall or break down!
I'm a female. Love your man rules. After reading your blog, a line from the movie Say Anything came to mind....Don't be a guy, be a man!! By the way, is my husband at these once a year council meetings? He shares your sense of humor as well as morals and values.
This is a wonderful Idea and I do hope Bravo does this. How wonderful it would be to have such a open perspective blogger on here. Wishing you all the best through all the craziness of life.
Hilarious! I would love to see a show of just the Amons family, I loved the bonus clip of your son and Mary shopping at Safeway. I don't care if people find that boring, that's keeping it real! You and Mary seem to have a great life together, and I hope it remains that way forever
This is by far the best thing I've ever read on this site. Including every cast blog of every housewives show ever. Jason Turner came close too, but that was more on an honesty level. This has honesty in spades and delivers. You should have a show.
Can I suggest an add on to your "Man Rules" list? (Female here so maybe all you males can vote on it at your Vegas gathering)
NEVER, and I repeat NEVER, go on national television and disparaged your own blood mother! EVER, no matter how awful she may be. Every man and woman should know that those issues are strictly forbidden areas - no access given to the general public.