Man Rule Refresher
Rich Amons has a few more Man Rule lessons to share.
Greatly appreciate all your very kind comments on my first attempt at Bravo blogging last week. It's fun to be able to just say whatever you want without any basis or need to fact check, just like a real blogger! It was a lot of fun to read your comments as well, thank you for taking the time to respond. And time now for Round 2 of the RHWODC Reunion Show!
While I did take some heat from some unnamed members of my Man Council for outing a few of our Man Rules and Rituals (and especially the Vegas Offsite), I feel I did it for the betterment of Reality Show Society and in the interest of helping the Man Rules underprivileged, who were not entrusted with the "Code" to see the error of their ways. I would always rather ask forgiveness than permission, so please find it in your hearts, Man Council, to forgive my numerous transgressions or I will default, as is my right, to my "Sorry, but I am not sorry" veto of any sanctions brought against me.
In that light, after viewing the RHWODC Reunion Show Part Deux, "someone" would appear to need a refresher course and some additional Man Rules and Regulations laid out for him in the interest of assisting him in getting into some big boy pants and out of the pull up over 200 Lb. diapers.
Man Rules Refresher: Say it aloud with me, "When asked a Yes or No Question, Please give a Yes or No Answer!"
Failure examples include:
Do you own the home featured on the show and on Bravotv.com?
Did you send your Financial Statement over in disappearing spy ink to Stacie to protect your privacy?
Did you donate any more wine than the one sparkling wine bottle you sabraged onto Lynda's badonkadonk for Paul's birthday party?
Man Rule: Look people in the eye when you are talking to them.
Failure to do so will give off the perception that you are either hiding something or not telling the truth. Eyes are often called the window to the soul and failure to maintain eye contact is disrespectful to the person you're lying, I mean, talking to.
Exceptions: You have no soul.
See also: If you can fake sincerity, the rest is easy.
Man Rule: Your wife should never have to tell you to apologize.
Especially to another woman. If you're unable to recognize you have just screwed the pooch big-time with a member of the opposite sex, you should be quarantined for the duration with a 24-7 ration of Oprah and Dr. Phil reruns until properly sensitized. In the case of disagreement, yes, women should encourage men to apologize in an abundance of relationship caution, but to be "told" you have to apologize indicates your internal filters need to be recalibrated and tuned up for life outside the cave.
Exceptions: Guy's Night Out (GNO)
I am not apologizing while getting my drink on, "Sorry For Partying" rules are in effect while men are in their "If I had feelings they would be hurt" zone. Women, we need this precious downtime from shouldering responsibility for always being wrong under the Hilary Clinton Act (HCA) that declared the #1 Rule that was obvious to women for centuries, "Men are always wrong," which was amended recently to add HCA #2 Rule: "When in doubt, see Rule #1."
See also: Darwin's Guide to Evolutionary Relationship Building
Man Rule: You can't blame everyone else for your mistakes and failures.
Making mistakes and encountering failure is just an unavoidable fact of life, even on Candy Mountain. When you run the sparkly rainbow unicorn right into the neighbor's new car, do you take the walk of shame up to their door and confess and leave a note with correct contact info, or do you slink away and blame those drunken high school kids playing mailbox baseball again the next morning when you see your neighbor at the coffeehouse?
Eventually you run out of people to blame and there is just you. Let's circumvent years of irresponsible behavior and just own up to our mistakes and learn from our failures going forward. One of the great parts of the real world we live in here in the US is that people recognize mistakes are part of life and don't keep score for long, but they do judge and punish those that show no remorse or the inability to see the connection that their actions have caused harm to others.
See: The guidebooks to most major religions, such as the Bible (all versions), Koran, Common Sense for Dummies, etc.
Again, this season's Man Rule infractions are far too numerous and the space allotted by Bravo too small to address all of them.
After some quick research, "The Donald" is my new reality show role model, he pulls it all off brilliantly while maintaining his day job and fully employing all his children, AND still maintains a single digit handicap, much respect to Mr. Trump. Call me if you ever need a 4th to play golf on the Potomac!
Again, people, please hook my daughter Lolly up with any interesting opportunities in the art, music, and animal/equestrienne areas as she is passionate about all three. Follow her on Twitter @lollyamons and please remember, her Dad is the Total JackHole of the Millennium and she deserves a break or two.
Please also follow my favorite Housewife, Mary Amons, on all she is doing (which is a lot!) at www.labelsforlove.com and follow her on Twitter @maryamons. She is really the one who laid it all out there this season for the world to opine on, and I think she did a great job and represented our little part of the world very well in light of a social black swan of epic proportions that dropped in uninvited and whisked the show off to Candy Mountain. There are some very funny Mary and family video pieces that we hope you get to see on BravoTv.com in the near future. It was a pleasure to work with everyone at Bravo and Half Yard, they were great to us, and we appreciate it.
Yes, it's not generally thought to be the wisest of decisions to throw in with a reality tv show, but Mary, Bravo, and their team did a great job capturing a little taste of what I love about our town and the little Amons clan that puts the FUN in dysfunctionally functional! Thank you for watching this season and hope to hear from you here on BravoTv.com, Facebook, or on Twitter @richamons. Mazel and good things, people!