Mary Schmidt Amons

Mary regrets her comment at the gay marriage meeting.

on Oct 6, 20100

My apologies for the radio silence in writing my blog. These past few weeks I've been swamped with back to school nights, shuttling kids to practices, child sport spectating, packing lunches, flipping pancakes, carpool, Labels for Love event planning, press travel for RHDC between LA and NYC, and just trying to keep it together! No complaining here, but this fall the Amons Family schedule has been over the top crazy!

On that note, what else really needs to be said and written about the "Reason for the Sah-LIE Season?" I don't believe I can add much of anything to what every major news outlet in the world, beginning with our own beloved Washington Post, has covered with this tale of con. I am now just waiting and watching along with all of us and pondering to myself...will this week's final episode close the book once and for all on what I consider to be one of the largest culturally embarrassing events ever to occur in our Nation's history. I can only hope, pray, and watch with baited breath that justice will be served, security will be tightened, and the TRUTH WILL PREVAIL.  

On the top of my list of things to discuss from Episode 7 is the issue of gay marriage equality. My statement that because "I don't have any member of my family that is gay, so it doesn't really affect me" is probably the worst moment I have had this season -- and if you've been following my blog you know there have been more than a few. At the time, I had not educated myself on this issue and did not understand how it affected me. The right to marriage and equal treatment under the Law was something I took for granted. No More! My daughter Lolly has always been an advocate for LGBT rights, and has done a great job exposing myself and our family to the real human side of the struggle. Homosexuals are valuable participants in our global community and have the right to live their lives free from persecution and ridicule. What is good for them is good for me, and what is good for everyone is good for America! David Catania did an excellent job representing the position of the LGBT community on the issue and I learned a tremendous amount from our meeting with him. 

I understand where Stacie and Jason were coming from on a religious background and standpoint, but I firmly believe in the separation of Church and State and that everyone, regardless of race, creed or sexual orientation, should be able to enjoy basic human rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, which is guaranteed to us as Americans by the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE! Thanks Lolly, and Thanks Bravo Editing Team for blurring the lines there between two of our Nation’s most important documents. Perhaps I will sit down in front of some School House Rock videos and brush up. Thank you Lolly for being brave enough to set an example along with our good friend Paul Wharton. Check out the www.bravotv.com site for the bonus clip about the passing of the Marriage bill and how we all celebrated this historic victory! 

49 comments
JanND
JanND

I disagree, Mary has had the chance to reconsider how She has behaved. She blasts Michaele in every post on here. I feel she is obsessed w/ Michaele, which comes from her own insecurities, she is definitely a follower.

JanND
JanND

I disagree, many people appreciate Michaele, and recognise that Mary, Lynda, Kat and to some degree Stacie are "targeting" Michaele. It is disheartening to say the least observing this "Bullying" that these women are displaying. Think back, what one thing did Michaele say, or do to attack any of these women? Now compare how they repeatedly attack her. I think they are jealous, mean spirited and are certainly behaving in a low class way. Demanding to talk to someone' Dr.!! Get real, they are obsessed w/ jealously!!!

Lisa D.
Lisa D.

I have to admit I, like you, didn't think it affected me because most of my gay friends are single. I can't say I have ever heard them say they would like to be married. On the other hand however, I have to agree with Linda when she made the comment that gay marriage is a human right not just a civil right. Until that moment I didn't truly realize that I really needed to take a hard look at the issue. I can now say, I have educated myself to know that I was living in the stone ages. (That's hard to admit) Marriage is a matter of the heart, health and happiness of every day people like you and me. Just because it may be two ladies or two men doesn't make it any different. It's about finding peace, happiness and love. Something every body is entitled to. So in the end, I guess what I'm saying is like you, Mary I was just not educated on the issue but have learned the errors of my thinking.

God Bless you and your family.

bren
bren

well said!!!

Snowgator
Snowgator

You are so funny and great on the show and your husband is hilarious. When the women start arguing and the camera pans to your husband, the look on his face is priceless! He has a frozen smile on his face and looks like he would rather be anywhere than sitting listening to women fight. In his defense, there aren't too many men who would even participate knowing that was going to happen. Props to both of you for your grace during such circumstances!

StellaDos
StellaDos

It's very mature of you to really "hear" yourself and re-evaluate whether or not you agree with that stance. It takes a strong, responsible person to evolve like that. I'm proud of you Mary, and thank you for showing us a lot of depth over the season.

Pamela Dee
Pamela Dee

You shouldn't regret ANYTHING about how you feel. Don't let the "gay PC" crappola influence YOU. I have no problem with gays, at all. BUT that our way or you are a bigot is an affront to YOUR right to do and say what you wish.

Fab Fan
Fab Fan

Mary, you seem pretty put together and level headed - I believe some of that comes from your husbands influence! On the gay "marriage" issue here's my problem - marriage is a religious joining of two people, a man and woman; civil union is a much more appropriate position for homosexuals as it gives them all the legal rights without the religous influence. What's wrong with that? It is equal rights under the law - just because we don't agree that it should be called the same thing doesn't mean that it is discriminatory.

Judy from NM
Judy from NM

GROSS!! Don't support what you really don't believe in. Be like Stacy!

ndswilz
ndswilz

Mary the Mama Bear... Not sure why everyone is bashing on you for the 'bandwagon' moments in the final episode. The Salahi's came after your daughter with serious allegations. Any mother would not only have jumped on that bandwagon but grabbed the reigns and started driving! I love your positive attitude, importance of marriage and family, ability to learn and broaden your horizons... and you've got fabulous hair! thanks for sharing your life with us.

yoganut
yoganut

Mary, liked you all along and still do. Won't beat a dead horse but as so many have said, was surprised in the delight you took over watching the Salahis trial. It was in a mean spriit and not at all endearing, we all like you so much..you are so sweet and harmless, it was just surprising to see that side to you. I expected it from Lynda who was barbaric and plesantly surprised in Kat who said almost nothing. I always say when someone is going through a difficult period, try just for a few minutes to put yourself in their shoes. Really you should reflect on that. Michaela is not a bad person, in fact she is kind, sweet and giving. Not a total fan of her husbands but feel she is more a victim of circumstance...cut her a break and take the high road. You will gain many many more fans. Don't feel the need to be too defensive over defeding your views, thats waht makes the world go round. We are all entitled to feel what we feel and stand strong on those beliefs, it is the very presmise on which this country was built. Much luck in the months ahead, hope you will come back for another entertaining season. I know it cannot be easy to have your life all over TV, I know for one I couldnt' do it for a day. But you have brought a nice, kind spirit to the show. Take it easy:)

PinkyRose
PinkyRose

Mary, In the beginning of the show, I got the impression you were the one who was the most level headed and mature. Sure, each of the cast members have their own not so desirable qualities, but this should not be highlighted and made the focus of the show. Towards the end, I watched you get in the wagon of ganging up against the Salahis. Even though this couple is creepy, I think it makes you look bad when you participate in gossiping sessions about them. I think it's better if you say what you feel to their faces. Hanging out with Lynda and is a bad deal because she is a hypocrite. I see you're a good mother, and we all need to lead by example. Don't let your children think it's okay to sit on a couch with other women purposely awaiting the demise of a couple who violated rules. That couch session was such a turn off. Andy Cohen, please reconsider airing a scene like this again in the future. It projects a society that condones bullying. What's worse is that these women are adults. Edit, edit, edit. Good luck Mary! I think you're a great mom and I hope you can move on and heal from what the Salahis did to your daughter.

jeanneX
jeanneX

I appreciate your rethinking of your "doesn't affect me" comment.

I have to say though that I thought the behavior of you and the others in response to Michaele's white house situation was very troubling. Your mocking, TV-watching, and competitive cruelty was nothing I would admire. The couple in question may have problems, I don't know what the truth is, but it would have been nice for some of you to assume the best rather than the worst.

Your comments here about them just add to the offensive in my opinion.

Sally from Arizona
Sally from Arizona

You're from the genetic pool that Arthur Godfrey added his DNA before you were more than a sparkle in your momma's eyes, so there is a charm and a truth to your commentary about Gay Marriage.

Arthur Godfrey was so well loved, but his 'incident' hounded him and eventually caused him to topple from a pedestal.

It is nice to see you open your mind, and apparently your eyes, to the issues of equality.

Addressing social issues in our times is not easy. We have a news cycle of information that is faster than Superman's speeding bullet, and just one blip of comment or a look can become much more than it was intended to be, because once the comment is made, it isn't your motivation or understanding that defines it, it is the media and how others determine your message's appropriateness.

Personally, I am VERY glad you made that comment! Why? Because I think it was honest, and I think it is at the heart of just about everyone who doesn't understand the issue, or is afraid of the issue, or is not educated on the issue. Your comment led to more people looking inside that world, than if you'd merely went with it for political correctness.

I hope the vast numbers of people who don't understand the Gay Marriage issue are now better informed and will understand it isn't about being Gay, it is about being equal under the law. It is about being truly free in our county, which is the most powerful voice of freedom in the world.

So, as much as it is inherent that the gene pool from which you've come from does have some high profile verbal blunders in it long before your toes dipped into that pool, I for one am glad you did come for it, and you did blunder.

It did more to help the cause of equality and freedom that a 100 city protest!

Thanks.

P.S. I know this will never see the light of day, it isn't lovey dovey - huggy kissy enough for the moderators, but I do hope they forward this to you regardless of it's lack of Fake 'Love You!' Bravado for Bravo.

Italianchef
Italianchef

Mary, hope you are coming back next season, it was nice to have someone who tries to stay away from the drama and keep things cool though as someone else pointed out I feel you got sucked into bashing the Salahis with Linda. That wasn't nice, and certainly not something A LADY would do. But knowing you if you were to do it all over again you wouldn't have bashed them as you did, I hope not. Let your actions speak for themselves, we know how you feel..no need to take time in a blog or to bash them in public, it is humiliating to them and makes you look juvenile and petty.

You have a lovely family, a great zest for life and a gentle spirit. You are a good soul..you can see that. Good luck with your move and hope we will see you next go around!

Barbaviolinteacher
Barbaviolinteacher

Love you Mary BUT was disappointed and surprised to see you jump on the meanies bandwagon with Lynda while watching the Salahis get questioned on TV. You normally take the high road and this time you fell right under Lyndas spell and joined her in being very mean about the whole thing. It was not you in your best moment. I know there are excpetions for everyone though and I want to wish you well. Get that lock off your door! Thats no way for any one to live in their own home! Glad Lolly is finding independence...may it work out for all of you! All the best.

Viewer0636
Viewer0636

Hey Mary!

Just wondering - what part of DC did you move to? I live in DC (five blocks from the White House - such a great area), work Downtown and go to Georgetown U. for grad school night classes. Hope you're loving it!

mdw
mdw

Mary, you and Stacy are my favorite women on the show but I am disappointed in you that you let Lynda fight for you. You should have gone to the show and to Stacy's house. Look out. Lynda used to love the Salahis too.

ladyinred
ladyinred

You are really a sweetie and so likable. I hope you have a strong backbone though and know when someone or something is not good for you. Hate to say it but have observed when you are around Lynda, a tiny bit of a mean girl thing comes out and its not pretty. She rubs off on you and case in point is when you were all watching the "takedown of the Salahis" on TV as a group and you and Lynda were the only ones commenting non stop and it was with a definite mean spriit that you both were doing this, her more than you but she kind of dragged you into it with her and it really took away from how we all see you "the nice girl, the one everyone would want to be freinds with". She on the other hand was happy to have someone to do it with her, so just be careful. Be true to yourself, you have opinions and always express them like a lady, please dont get sidetracked by a mean person like Lynda to start thinking its ok to bash people in a public fashion as she often takes to doing. Hope you enjoy the off season and wish you best in health and happiness.

DCGuy72
DCGuy72

#1 Funny moment of the show...

Mary --

You win my #1 Funny Moment of the Finale Episode. When Cat says "I don't think I'd be mute" and you burst out laughing. What makes it even more comical is the visible pause while the comment sinks in and hits you! Hilarious!!!

Loved you this season! Loved that you put your view out there and loved that you acknowledged when what you said/did wasn't always perfect. I don't think people appreciate how hard it must be to watch yourself on TV and say "OOooo... I said that??? Ouch!" You have had the class to own up to it and apologize when it was due or clarify when things might have been misunderstood because it didn't come out as you intended or the context was lost in editing. Not many people have the guts or class to do that.

Congratulations on Season 1 !

Vickers
Vickers

Loved you on the show...hoping to get to chat with you out in DC on Saturday!

karentc
karentc

I can understand you not wanting to go to Stacie's the night the Salahi's were there, but why not go? You had nothing to hide and a few things to confront.

Jud
Jud

I hope you come back for another season, but I know most people won't watch if Michaele is on the show.

gailsc
gailsc

Mary, you are my favorite but I have to tell you that the way your treating the Shalahi's is wrong. I see you as such a nice and beautiful person and I know what Tareq did at the winery was wrong and he said he apologized, so please leave them alone. It's like all the housewives have nothing more to do but put their nose in their business.....I love the Shalahi's.

trixie 123
trixie 123

Mary you seem genuinely nice which is why I don't think your comment about gay marriage not effecting you was out of line. You were merely saying that you don't give it much thought because perhaps you don't know anyone fighting for this right. Don't apologize. It's not something I think about often either so I might answer the same way. It doesn't mean you are against it.

minnmom
minnmom

Mary, You are a class act and very conscientious to address you comment on gay marriage. I agree with you 100% and think it's great when we can be enlightened by our kids. I personally don't think the comment was bad, just naive. My heart so went out to you when the Salahis blind sided you with that horrible accusation of your daughter while in the midst of their dinner party. How arrogant, ignorant and socially inept to bombard a guest in your home with such an egregious (UNTRUE) attack on your child. I don't think I could ever continue any type of acquaintance with them after that, myself. I guess what goes around.... You and your husband are such a cute couple, seem to have a great relationship, and have raised great kids. I also want to say I love your style. You're always perfectly put together and I absolutely LOVE how you appointed your home!!!! (I'm currently redoing my home so I pause the screen so I can study the backround :)

ADDICTEDhousewife:)
ADDICTEDhousewife:)

Curious to hear your thoughts on last night's episode. Why not tell us in writing! I liked you and your family a lot on this season's show, and would hope to see you again next season. COME BACK!...especially in your new DC home. Can't wait for the reunion, but I must admit, despite the awful things that went down with the Salahis, all the good TV drama centered around them. I understand they hurt you and your family, and that was plain wrong. Admittedly, the Salahi-way is more than reprehensible. But it all did in fact make for good TV. Thanks bravo!

mominphilly
mominphilly

You are funny and I see a lot of fun to be friends with. Glad your daughter found her way, wishing you the best.

hmmmstory
hmmmstory

Mary I think you need to get a job and tell Lolly to do so also. You have way too much time on your hands. At least use this time to educate yourself.

More glam please
More glam please

I was hoping that the show would focus on the beautiful glam places and all the positive things that go on in our great WDC. Please try not to let others issues overshadow the role I was hoping to have you bring forth. Loved your charity and how does one organize this, your artistic friends and the beautiful family that you created. I have enjoyed your style on the show and would like to know if you have any stores that you get your clothes at and the fun jewelry that you wear. Do you have a stylist? This is suppose to be a "fun" show, please put more of that in your time slot. I have enjoyed seeing your rooms in the the lovely home you created. Show how you put the rooms together. Have enjoyed seeing your elegant style.

Bjan
Bjan

I agree it is a civil right and wish all who wants to be married to be allowed to. I personally have been there, done that, and am happily divorced and like it. I do think Paul saying he could not be someone's friend because they question gay marriage is the wrong attitude to take. We do not want to divide straights and gays. We want to all live in society together as equals. Being around happy gays will help the cause more than being shunned by gays.

Sharon From NY
Sharon From NY

I think that your position on the Marriage Bill was to be admired. It was clear that you love and support your friend, whether gay or straight. But you declined to take a position on the issue until you understood more about the topic. That is something more of us should do. Kudos to admitting lack or knowledeg and to making a point of informing yourself and others.

Viewer  aka tonya
Viewer aka tonya

This is not related to this blog issue but I would like to know where you got your boots you wore to Stacie's house for the icce cream social? Thanks Luv the show.

ipine
ipine

Mary do not beat yourself up over such things I know you live in Washington and you care so much about being social and stuff but girl give yourself a break. Take a country vacation and let loose and just be you and frankly just dont give a hoot. you are too kwell

SBAmanda
SBAmanda

Thank you for clarifying your statement. Everyone has the right to their own opinion and Stacy and her husband have every right to feel the way that they do, as they have done their research on the subject (I don't agree with them, but that's okay. The fact that we can disagree is what makes America the country that it is!). What we need to fear in this country is apathy and your original statement about the issue "not affecting you" is a perfect example of what happens when we become apathetic about serious issues. Bravo for realizing that this is an issue that affects all of us as human beings, educating yourself and taking a stand, one way or the other. I wish more people did the same.

Sally from Illinois
Sally from Illinois

Mary, I feel you were somewhat taken off guard. Don't worry about it. You are a beautiful person with a warmth that radiates through the TV. Lolly will find her way. I went home too when college was not for me at that time. You're a pleasure, and your family, on the show.

Tarek's wife
Tarek's wife

The conversation is never about gay rights! The conversation is always about HUMAN RIGHTS!!! Gay, Black, Straight, White, Whatevah! We are all human...and, that is the ONLY issue! Brava, Mary!

Collene Marie Collins
Collene Marie Collins

Mary you are my favorite house wife of all. I love the fact that you are so honest and never flip out. I also love the fact that you have a great husband who you love. I have been with my husband for 30yrs and married for 24. We are still madly in love and have lost everything we own. We were the victims of a scam and we have never fought over money. Love conquers all has applied to us. We have 2 sons 22 & 20 and dealt with our oldest being deployed 2x. That was the worst thing we have ever gone thru. I look forward to watching you and other women should learn from you how to be a lady.

Just MI
Just MI

Love Love you stay who you are. You look to be a great Mom and wife..........

nj housewife
nj housewife

hi mary..i dont thin you meant anything about gay marriage not affecting you was taken out of context..i really liked you at the beginning and didn't want to be disappointed as teh season went on (like some previous houswives from the other shows!!!) and i am not..it seems you are a really genuine person with a blessed life...enjoy all it has to offer you! xo

ADDICTEDhousewife:)
ADDICTEDhousewife:)

Glad you're educated and out of your BUBBLE!! It was disappointing to hear you say that gay marriage does not affect you, I AGREE with you that it was your worst moment on the show. It was particularly disturbing because Paul Wharton, your friend and a gay man, brought you and introduced you to David Cataina. Thankfully Paul woke you up, because it was baffling to see how much you must live in a bubble as so many of the scenes you shoot are with gay men, whom you refer to as "dear friends". All our friends affect our lives....otherwise they should not be categorized as a friend.

NC HW Fan
NC HW Fan

Mary, I think your a fabulous! I was so happy to hear that you were somewhat mortified when you saw that clip. The look Paul Warton gave you said it all! Priceless! I am in a happy loving heterosexual marriage, but I have many Gay friends. I have had friends who were denied simple things like visiting a sick loved one in ICU just because they weren't "immediate family." That's when I decided that this issue is ridiculous, and as you said, our government was founded on the separation of church and state. LGBT couples who are in long term loving relationships deserve all the protections under the law as married couples have. Everyone deserves to marry the man or woman of their dreams, period. (Goodness knows, it isn't like us heterosexuals have done such a brilliant job honoring the institution of Marriage, that we have any right to claim the sole rights to it)

Kansas Wife
Kansas Wife

Good for both you and Lolly! If only more people would take the time to educate themselves.

Shauna Stockton
Shauna Stockton

Thank you Mary. Knowledge is power and now you have it. Dicrimination on any level is wrong and Lolly rose to the occassion and fed you some much needed knowledge. You are definately on the top 5 housewives list in my book! btw Great hair girl

ndkline
ndkline

It's worse being gay, because all races, creeds, and genders discriminate and judge us. It's not limited to the color of one's skin - it is universal. I don't want special rights. I just want equal rights. I don't care if it's "gay marriage" - I just want the same legal and civil rights to have my partner at my bedside while in the hospital, or any other number of "rights" that heterosexuals enjoy by default. I don't have a "lifestyle" that is any different than any other American. I work, get paid, provide for my family, and try to be as loving and caring of a human as possible. How does gay marriage threaten anyone? Will you sleep better at night knowing that I was denied being at my partner's bedside in the hospital because my state doesn't recognize my relationship as legal?

Mary's blog was spot on. I commend her for apologizing. She did what most people NEVER do. She made a statment and then questioned her own beliefs. Good for her. I'll never understand why people fail to question their beliefs.

Anthony Sanchez
Anthony Sanchez

Love you too Mary, I guess I kind of want to respond to jello1900's comments. I'm not sure all that you are trying to say because of the poor grammar. One thing that really ticks me off and always shows someones ignorance is when they state that being gay is someones "sexual preference". Gay people do not choose to be gay. Why is this so hard to understand? I suppose some of it may come from straight people experimenting like jello1900 probably did but a real gay person is born gay and there is nothing that can change that fact. So think before making your offensive and ignorant statements. By the way this "equal rights stuff" is also how people state equal rights to somehow trivialize it. So to jello1900, so sorry that you get bothered with peoples (human) rights and stuff.

Chicago Viewer
Chicago Viewer

Mary, I love you, your innocence and your ability to understand and educate yourself about such issues as gay marriage rights.... Go girl it is a big world out there.

mallory j
mallory j

Um, actually "they gays" reject people who think that their personal prejudice should be reflected in law. And considering the fact that marriage is well-recognized as a civil right under the Constitution, this is very much about equal rights.

jello1900
jello1900

Love you Mary,

I am so tired of everyone apologizing for their statements abt gay rights. You say what you mean and mean what you say. We have a right to disagree without being violents. However, the gays what to reject you when you don't see things their way. Blacks sitting at the back of the bus is the the same as someone marrying the same sex. Blacks were judged by skin color not sexual preference. Get off this equal rights stuff because it is not the same as what blacks had to endure.