I know a lot of people disagree with your position, but I respect you, not only for taking it, but for the WAY you did it. Paul's attitude was inappropriate. You and your husband were respectful and seemed open to dialogue and differing views. Paul's reaction did nothing the progress the conversation.

i get so tired of hearing my pastor says orits in the bible...The constitution plainly says right to happyness...come on people get with the times Stop judging...the bible says judge not but everyone does it on a daily basis.... Its time to grow up and be adults...the same thing went on when the african americans fought for equality....so lets be equal

Being a person of color and also a gay male, I do respect everyone's opinion. Stacie has a right to her opinion and so does her husband. I was raised in a Roman Catholic family and I was always taught as a catholic to let people live and be happy. The only person that I have to answer to is my God. And unfortunately, that's the only opinion I truly care about. I will not let anyone tell me that I can not marry or love who I want.

Stacie, You are my favorite housewife. You are intelligent,compassionate and a wonderful role model for all women.

I love the Turner family. They seem to be grounded and so real. Stacie is a strong woman and I admire her so much.

I totally agree with you, about your veiws. The Bible surely said in Genesis 2-21-24 Abam and his wife Eve. Just because we may, are may not have Gay friends, does not mean that we have to agree with Gay marriages.

Stacie you are THE epitome of what a woman, wife, friend, homie, and mom should be. I admire you and you are a brave lady.

Seriously? Erika was so out of line. It would be one thing if it wasn't an event with your kids but she unnecessarily attacked Cat for no reason. She was hostile and mean. You as a hostess should have nipped it instead of letting Cat leave CRYING!! Especially in front of her children. Erika has the negative energy. Cat owns what she says. What's Erika's excuse?

We are all entitled to are beliefs and opinions, so don't feel the need to justify yours. Despite what some people would like to believe, marriage is not solely a religious institution, but civil institution ,a system of rules to handle the granting of property rights. As a civil institution, it has existed since ancient Roman and Greek times. Most marriages in the world were, until very recently, Arranged Marriages, for this purpose - business arrangements that were economic liaisons for growing family wealth, rather than love or even procreation. While the "holiness" of marriage was recognized in Christianity early on (in Eph. 23-32, for instance), the actual marriage as a ceremony and a sacrament within the church did not take place until the 12th century. This is why I have no problem with a law to allow Gay marriages, as it is more of a civil law to protect the partners in their property and personal rights ( such as visiting in the hospital while ill, or even being able to bury the one you love, and Gays can have that denied )

I truly enjoy you and your husband on the show . Hope you will continue being REAL and out spoken.

I am a big fan of you and your husbands BUT I was very dissappointed that you didn't do a better job of refereeing the situation between Cat and Erica. As the hostess, you should have risen to the occasion and stopped the whole the confrontation before it got so far. I thought Erica was way out of line and she just wouldn't let it go. We got it, she thinks Cat is crass and doesn't like her style. We don't need her to reinforce it EVERY time she's on camera. Is that the only reason she's on camera? Just curious.....

Stacie, I like you...but your logic is unreasoned. You defend your position against marriage by saying that your family will be supportive of whomever your sister-in-law chooses to marry. But the point of a law is not to consider how it will affect you, but rather how it will affect the greater community that we are all a part of. Not everyone has a supportive family, not every law or policy is written to grant rights to partners as married people. Do you realize that wills can be legally contested sot that estranged family members can collect what was intended for a gay spouse?

This is one of the reasons I like you.

Stacie: I'm shocked and saddened that you do not understand two loving adults wanting to be married and have all the rights you have. There was a time when you would never have been allowed to marry a white man. Was that discrimination? Of course it was. And yet you can discriminate against gay marriage today and not see the parallel? As for your religion: "He's Got the WHOLE world in his hands." Remember that.

As a Christian I find I've had to hold my tongue in so many situations. Thanks for pointing out that tolerance has to go both ways. Just a little FYI, it would be re-quash, re-squash. Definition of QUASH: to supress or extinguish summarily and completely.

Thank you Stacie and Jason, Many want to disregard God's Word to and live their lives on their own terms. However, just like life, God has laws and rules He expect us to abide by. Just because you choose not to live by them does not mean they don't exist. We all have free will, but how we choose to live does not change what God expects from us. My daughter whom I love unconditionally is gay; God loves her unconditionally also, but that does not change His Word. I really like the way you took your stand without being jugemental or "preachy".

You do not have to defend or explain yourself..I AGREE.if it is ok to say GAy MArriage is right then IT IS ALSO OKAY TO SAY ITS NOT OKAY--I don't understand why its not okay for people who are against it to say they are not! It pisses me off to think that because I believe marriage is between a man and a woman, I cant even say so b/c I will be ridiculed for it..so its not right And I APPRECIATE you for standing on your beliefs

Great comments Stacy. I totally understand where you are coming regarding the definition of marriage. It's not so much that I believe that is the only definition but that I have struggled as a straight person trying to understand the plight of my fellow gay citizens based on what I have been taught. Anyway, you seem to have been very understanding regarding Paul and he should be equally understanding of you.

Your friend Erika is rude! She is not one of the housewives so why is she even on the show? I will forever turn off the show whenever you all choose to have her on again. Cat is who she is, and the British are a bit more straight forward than you might be used to. After reading her blog, you need to tell your friend to leave her alone because Cat obviously has her own issues to deal with. As for your views on marriage, stay strong in your convictions. It takes a strong person to voice an opinion that might be contrary to what others might think.

Stacie,

Such an eloquently written response to a VERY controversial topic and situation! I wholeheartedly agree with EVERYTHING that you said... It is a difficult responsibility to have to be both a strong and consistent role model for your children AND a reality tv personality... I feel your pain!

As I watched this episode, I found it ironic that Erika called out Cat for "being mean" and "negative," when you, Stacie, were actually the one that originated the comments about how Mary seemed to baby her daughter, Lolly. Cat just seemed to be rolling with what you stated first. Erika didn't seem to have a problem with your comments. And you were the hostess for the evening! Hmmm...Odd.

Stacie remember god hates the sin not the sinner! Judge not!

I am really disappointed in you Stacie. I was raised in the AME church and my grandfather was an AME minister. I think that your definition of marriage is faulty. God is love and that is the ultimate truth. However, despite the AME stand on gay marriage which will hopefully change one day, gay marriages are dealing with rights under the constitution and not under your personal faith based beliefs. To stop marriage in your personal church is very different than stopping marriage in the court houses of the United States. You are such a brilliant woman and I hope that you will take the time to really explore this issue further.

Stacie, I am a man of color who is also gay.. At one point in time we as afro- americans didnt have equal rights as whites. we were based soley on our skin color and treated very badly. I am very aware that you were raised with these beliefs, but sweetie, that still does not make it right. Two consenting adults should have the right to love and marry who ever they choose know matter what color or sex. The housewives of DC have no problem breaking bread, and going to get their hair done but gay men, but and you seem to be fine with that.. whose business is it other than those two people that love one another to decide that it's wrong they get married. think about it

You and Jason seem so authentic and I can relate to you, and yes...the word Marriage is "one man and one woman." Please thank Jason for speaking up! I agree a gay union should have equal rights, just call their union by some other name than marriage, please. Don't change, we love you!

hi stacie, just want to say i love love and so admirer you and yr family.yr kids are so adorable and ya husband sure is fine,lol i wish you the best.you are truely my favorite on this show. i sure wish i was there when yr auntie made dinner everything looked great! and expecially that cobbler omg! i coulda ate cats helping lol anyway i wish you the best in finding yr dad it breaks my heart 4 you realy. i know what that feels like, i too was a foster child after grands died and was tossed around.i was treated badly.but god gave me the strengh to move on.and i did, i have a horor story but plan to write a book so that i may help others 1 day so thk you so much 4 yr charity.also i want to say that erica was right! i totally agree with her.somone had to say something . sorry thats my opinion.no one has to like it,but she down right rude.and needed to be checked,at least erica tryed to apolize and she didnt except it.so be it.so that tells me she just repugnant & rude,i also like erica to me she calls it as she see it, nothing wrong wit that.also please stay away fr micheala she and husband lie alot,doesnt take a rocket scentist to see that!also iam upset at what she did to paul at his b-day that was so uncool po thang gos to show ya how full of it they are.not looking 4 ward to them next season laughing anyway peace & blessings

First of all, What is Marriage? When people marry, they tend to do so for reasons of love and commitment. But marriage is also a legal status, which comes with rights and responsibilities. Marriage establishes a legal kinship between you and your spouse. It is a relationship that is recognized across cultures, countries and religions.

What is a Civil Union? Civil Unions and Domestic Partnerships exist in only a handful of places like New Jersey and Washington and Oregon.

Vermont was the first state to create civil unions in 2000 to provide legal protections to gays and lesbians in relationships in that state because gay marriage was not an option. The protections did not extend beyond the border of Vermont and no federal protections are included with a Civil Union. Civil Unions offer some of the same rights and responsibilities as marriage, but only on a state level.

What about Domestic partnership? Some states and municipalities have domestic partnership registries, but no domestic partnership law is the same. Some, like Oregon's domestic partnership law comes with many rights and responsibilities. Others offer very few benefits to the couple. What are some of the differences between Civil Unions and Gay Marriage?

Recognition in other states: Even though each state has its own laws around marriage, if someone is married in one state and moves to another, their marriage is legally recognized. For example, Oregon marriage law applies to people 17 and over. In Washington state, the couple must be 18 to wed. However, Washington will recognize the marriage of two 17 year olds from Oregon who move there. This is not the case with Civil Unions and Domestic Partnerships. If someone has a Domestic Partnership, that union is not recognized by some states and not others. Some states have even ruled that they do not have to recognize civil unions performed in other states, because their states have no such legal category. As gay marriages become legal in other states, this status may change. Civil Unions are not recognized by the federal government, so couples would not be able to file joint-tax returns or be eligible for tax breaks or protections the government affords to married couples.

Benefits:

The General Accounting Office in 1997 released a list of 1,049 benefits and protections available to heterosexual married couples. These benefits range from federal benefits, such as survivor benefits through Social Security, sick leave to care for ailing partner, tax breaks, veterans benefits and insurance breaks. They also include things like family discounts, obtaining family insurance through your employer, visiting your spouse in the hospital and making medical decisions if your partner is unable to. Civil Unions protect some of these rights, but not all of them.

But can’t a lawyer set all this up for gay and lesbian couples?

No. A lawyer can set up some things like durable power of attorney, wills and medical power of attorney. There are several problems with this, however.

1. It costs thousands of dollars in legal fees. A simple marriage license, which usually costs under $100 would cover all the same rights and benefits.

2. Any of these can be challenged in court. As a matter of fact, more wills are challenged than not. In the case of wills, legal spouses always have more legal power than any other family member.

3. Marriage laws are universal. If someone’s husband or wife is injured in an accident, all you need to do is show up and say you’re his or her spouse. You will not be questioned. If you show up at the hospital with your legal paperwork, the employees may not know what to do with you. If you simply say, "He's my husband," you will immediately be taken to your spouse's side. Creating Civil Unions creates a separate and unequal status for some of America’s citizens. The Massachusetts Supreme Judicial court ruled that creating a separate class for gay and lesbian citizens is not permissible and that is why they have voted that only marriage equals marriage. The precedent was set with Brown v. The Board of Education regarding segregation in public education. Ironically, Massachusetts marriage law went into effect on the 50th anniversary of Brown v. Board of Education.

The United States Constitution guarantees equality for all. As you can see, marriage and civil unions are not the same. Creating equal access to marriage is the only fair way to ensure equality for gay and straight couples alike.

Stacie it is refreshing to see a couple not be afraid of speaking about marriage as a man and a woman. Scripture truely speaks on the issue to hate the sin not the sinner this is how my husband and I view this subject. Like you I have gay folk in the family and we love them as we love all the family with no differences. Great job to you and your hubbie keep it goin.

Stacy, I respectfully offer that you were not clear in your dealings with the Cat situation at your home. You sat there, as a hostess, and allowed Erica (why is she on the show so much?) to berate her from the door, long before Cat said anything at all to anyone. Erica began with the mean girl comments immediately, unprovoked. Cat hadn't said one word. Not one. She showed Erica where she fell on the way into your home, and Erica said her first mean girl comment to her. She said oh, so you are mean and klutzy? She started it, not Cat. You allowed Erica to berate Cat in front of the other women, in a loud voice, with the kids in the other room. I do not believe this is typical hostess behavior, or are things done differently in DC? Then, when Cat has enough, and is ready to walk out, crying, with her kids in tow, you ask her to reconsider. Why should she? Are you harboring some negative feelings toward her because she left your aunt's house in an unrefined way? Do people in DC not ever let bygones by bygones? Learn from past behaviors? Deal directly with each other? The next scene, we have you, Mary and Erica (is she a cast member or what?) at dinner, and you are blathering how you would have told Erica off if you had been Cat. Whaaat? Talking out of both sides of your face, it seems to all of us. Cat has been brash. One has to consider that we are all different, she is from a country where people are much more frank (haven't you been yet), and she is trying to change a tad. At present, her marriage was clearly going down the toilet, she had no long term friends, and all she had were you all as her castmembers to be friends with (you all would not have chosen each other. Bravo chose you).Even if she were intolerable, you are the one who invited her, and as the hostess, it is incumbent upon you to make sure your guests feel comfortable at your home. Period.

As for the gay marriage issue, we are all entitled to our own beliefs. BUT --- you are unknown to your dad because your mom doesn't want to upset her own apple cart and let her family know he is black. Not just black, but African, which is more horrifying to those who are ignorant. Seperate but equal bit you in the butt, didn't it? Wouldn't you rather know that you would be treated fairly by a family that is your birthright, and have the blackness in you not be the only part that anyone sees? You are a total woman who happens to be black, but her family will only see you one way. Black. Illegitimate. And so you are denied a father because of the comfort of those same ignorant people. But now you are conflicted about someone else who is facing a life without the total happiness and complete package of being legally married to a spouse, just as you are denied a father that you should know. Both situations are caused by prejudice, societal pressure, and ignorance. When gays marry, people see the gay, and not the people. What in the world is the difference?

And if you get a chance, please address why Erica is in every episode, if you know.

Maybe it's me.

Stacie, Stacie, Stacie. Even though I think you are truly one of the best Housewives on these shows and I value your opinion, tonight I am disappointed in you. There was a time in our history where discrimination against African Americans was common practice. I thought for sure you would have jumped at the chance to defend or help another minority in this country which is being discriminated upon. Obviously you need to educate yourself on what things are like for Gay people and compare stories to the fight other minorities have had to deal with in our countries past.

Comparing yesterday to today there were many fights and battles won and lost For African American's to get were we are today. I was hoping, Since you have a "clearer than most" understanding of the definition of the word discrimination and the abuse people cause because "they are different." We just want the government to recognize us and allow us to have the same rights as you. There's a big difference between Civil Unions and Marriage. Basically fewer/limited rights. The battle is still going on today just with a different minority, Gay People.

The Declaration of Independence did not open with, "All men are created equal" with the exception of Gay People. Also, the great Dr. Martin Luther King did not say, "I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: 'We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal with the exception of Gay People.'

We are as human as you. When you realize being gay isn't a choice and listen to your heart instead of your preacher maybe you will come around to realize we actually have the capability to love someone, even if it is "different" in other people eyes. It never felt different to me and I hope one day you can understand that.

I respect your views on gay marriage though I disagree wholeheartedly. You are entitled to your beliefs, and it seems to those of us wanting true equality that your stance means you truly do not want equality for all. That is why some are going to be so hard on you. My question is this: If you truly want equality for all, then why oppose the issue? Would it not be possible to say you believe marriage is between a man and a woman, but you do not feel it is your place to judge or deny anyone equal rights? I mean, I oppose the practice of many abortions but consider myself PRO-CHOICE. Except for instances of rape or incest, I do not think abortions should be done, but I am in no position to tell anyone what they can do with their own body. Everyone should make their own choice.

Why should your religion dictate the laws of this country? In the Mormon Church they don't believe in drinking coffee. Should we prohibit it?? Keep your religious beliefs out of the law books. Live the way you think is moral, but no one needs your morals imposed on everyone else. May I remind you that it was just in 1967 that Virginia's law against interracial marriage was overturned (Loving v. VA). How awful that it was ever prohibited! This is no different-- two consenting adults should be able to marry who they want! Maybe you should remember that your biological parents would have been facing the same discrimination in the same state you claimed to love around the time you were born! A marriage between two consenting adults does not harm you, the same way a marriage between a black woman and white man should not have been anyones business in 1967. And you have a sister in law who is a lesbian? Shame on you for not wanting her to have the same rights as you. You say Paul was not being open to your views-- do you think that black people in the 60s should have been friends with the white people spraying them with hoses in South? No one should be friends with someone who discriminates against them. Your stance is discrimination. Plain and simple.- Signed a straight Christian who knows Christianity is about love, not hate.

Stacy, Perhaps your birth mother is trying to protect you. Perhaps the situation of your conception was less than loving. Perhaps she is trying to protect you from someone who could cause you physical or emotional abuse. As a mother yourself, you know you always do your best for your children. None of us is a perfect mother. We do the best we can with what we have physically, emotionally, spiritually at the time. I am sure she loved you as she felt your kicks inside her. I am sure she cried many nights before and after your birth wishing it could be different but wanting you to have the best, even if that meant tearing her own heart in two to do it.

Regardless of the differences in opinion between Cat and Erika, as a hostess, you should have done something. It wasn't the right place.

Secondly, Erika has been a bit oversensitive. Cat may be outspoken, but Erika was downright rude and did attack her. What also surprised me was the lack of empathy on Erika's part on how her words affected Cat. I'm guessing that was an apology at the door before Cat was leaving but it didn't come off that way.

I thought Erika was rude. It was not the time or place.She was a guest too, right? Was Erika holding onto something from a previous meeting. You never know what a person is going through and we all need to watch what we say. Not a Erika fan.

Stacie, while I commend and respect your willingness to be open to discussion on the very polarizing topic of gay marriage, I think you are missing a significant point. Separation of Church and State. So while your religious views may leave you feeling conflicted, I don't understand how that factors into your views on whether our government should legalize gay civil marriages. Your church does not have to conduct gay ceremonies, heck they can even not recognize them and that is your right under freedom of religion. But in turn, your religious views should not have a voice in whether or not a significant percentage of our population is denied a civil right. As an AA woman, I would think you would be particularly sensitive to this fact as religion was once used to deny rights to blacks and inter-racial marriages. Again, I appreciate your openness about your concerns but urge you to separate church and state when it comes to making a decision on civil laws. That way you do not have to compromise your religious beliefs nor your belief that all humans should be granted equal rights.

Signed, one of your neighbors in 16th St Heights DC

Stacie, while I commend and respect your willingness to be open to discussion on the very polarizing topic of gay marriage, I think you are missing a significant point. Separation of Church and State. So while your religious views may leave you feeling conflicted, I don't understand how that factors into your views on whether our government should legalize gay civil marriages. Your church does not have to conduct gay ceremonies, heck they can even not recognize them and that is your right under freedom of religion. But in turn, your religious views should not have a voice in whether or not a significant percentage of our population is denied a civil right. As an AA woman, I would think you would be particularly sensitive to this fact as religion was once used to deny rights to blacks and inter-racial marriages. Again, I appreciate your openness about your concerns but urge you to separate church and state when it comes to making a decision on civil laws. That way you do not have to compromise your religious beliefs nor your belief that all humans should be granted equal rights.

Signed, one of your neighbors in 16th St Heights DC

Hi Stacie, I agree that if we don't say the difficult things we don't really communicate and we aren't having a real dialogue so this lesbian is fine with an open minded dialogue. I think part of the issue you may not be understanding is marriage in the US has two componants, religious and civil and heteorsexuals have both kinds of weddings as well, those performed by a minister or priest and make a pledge to god and some marry at city hall and it is the signing of legal document. That legal document gives you rights to parenthood, property, decision making and has economic benefits. As a person who does believe in human rights this legal arrangement should be available to all. Now which churches want to perform marriages will vary, I happen to think there is lots of room in christianity for support of gay marriage, its a matter of interpretation, but I think that has more personal and emotional arguments that are hard to change people's opinions about.

Stacie, I think you are a very nice women, but your friend Erika reminds me of Kim G. of the Real Housewives of New Jersey. She is rude, a troublemaker, and just wanting to get some film time. It may be a good idea if you let her in on the secret, SHE IS NOT A REAL HOUSEWIFE OF DC! She is really making you look bad.

OMG Miss Stacie, I just love you. You're so dang cool! Why can't we all be like you! xoxoxoxo

Stacie,

As a gay man, I appreciate your honestly. I know you struggle with your religious beliefs and homosexuality, but I hope you will also remember that the Christian faith and Bible's teachings don't always line up with what we, as a society accept. Slavery and arranged marriage are both endorsed in the Bible, yet we understand now that those are not acceptable. I believe, and I hope you are now convinced, that marriage does NOT have to only be limited to a man and a woman. And marriage should be defined as two people who are dedicated and love each other completely. It's a simple as that. Any thing limiting people like your sister-in-law is separate, but certainly not equal.

Stacie, I admire you and your husband for standing up for your values and beliefs about marriage. It was stupid when Lynda said "I'm religious too but that has nothing to do with marriage! Lynda must read a DIFFERENT BIBLE.

Staci, I also believe that marriage is between a "MAN and a WOMAN" and it is in the bible and if God wanted to be different, HE would not have created Eve. So people look it up and stop deceiving yourself.

You were teasing Mary about Lolly and Cat jumped on the bandwagon. Although she expresses herself differently and sometimes inappropriately, she wasn't saying anything that you weren't, ie, that Mary is a pushover with her kids. Ericka's comment was out of context because she was responding to Cat, not to what Cat was saying in the conversation--that's why Ericka's comments were inappropriate and why you, as a hostess, should have diffused it.

Btw, I hope we see more regarding your birth-parent search. I am in the same boat and am stymied beyond belief. I wish there was a formula or a procedure. It is disheartening, at least for me. Thanks and best wishes.

Hi Stacy!

I understand why you had to remain neutral, but I am for TEAM ERICA! The CAT can dish it out just like an outspoken Brit....but she can't take it. How can someone be so brash, but then be so sensitive when the tables are turned?

Thank you for such a great blog. Well thought out, as always. However, I am disappointed that you think it was okay for Erika to call Cat out on the carpet with her kids within earshot. Shame.On.You.

You are blinded by your friendship with Erika. She showed herself to be a very unkind, mean and ugly person on tonight's episode. Erika should have stopped when she saw Kat was upset but instead she kept pounding on Kat. She seemed bent on destroying the woman.

Did Erika want to be on the show and didn't get chosen or something? She is jealous of Kat and isn't hiding it very well.

Well said. It seems at this point Cat has more going on in her life than she has led us to believe.

Erika was completely out of line. She started picking on Cat the minute she walked into the kitchen. That she wanted to pick a fight with her with the kids present is ridiculous. I cannot believe you defend that kind of behavior in a friend, in your home, in front of your children. Why is it such a big deal that Cat said earlier that she didn't like Tyra Banks? Is it a requirement to like Tyra Banks? JEEZ!

I appreciate reading these comments because I was, frankly, appalled by what you and your husband said about gay marriage.

It's sad that many African-American churches and religious leaders are among the most vocal opponents of gay marriage. From an historical perspective, the American legal system systematically denied basic civil rights (freedom, citizenship, owning property, marriage, education) to African Americans for hundreds of years. The white Christian establishment often cited biblical sources to justify the institution of slavery. In other words, it was preordained by God - as interpreted from Sacred Scriptures - that blacks should be regarded as sub-human and exploited as pieces of private property.

When the abolitionist movement arose, many Christians attacked the campaign to end slavery because they sincerely believed it was against the will of God. Generations after Emancipation, many Southern states continue to believe that interracial marriage was a criminal offense, a felony deserving of the harshest legal penalties.

Flash forward to this current debate. Once again, religious leaders are using the Bible and "Christian values" to deny basic human rights to millions of Americans. I suppose it's predictable that this would include the Catholic bishops and religious groups such as the Mormons.

But I can't understand why some black Christian leaders (including your pastor) appear to have forgotten their own history. When one group of Americans are denied their rights, everyone's freedom and liberty are threatened.

Its really funny to me that you are back tracking from you and your husbands statements that where made on the show. lol I can only hope that you have now realized that EVERYONE deserves the same human rights!