Stacie Scott Turner

Stacie defends and explains her comments about gay marriage. 

on Sep 24, 20100

“A-PAUL-ed.”

My usually open-minded, seemingly tolerant friend Paul disappointed me greatly in his post-discussion interview. With a suspicious and troubling tone, he seems to conclude that perhaps he "shouldn't be friends" with me if I don't share his personal values. Huh?? Perhaps he prefers the "Don't ask, don’t tell" model of the military. Now I'm sure Paul hates the discriminatory practice of this policy as much as I do; but ironically, his primetime example of “snap” judgment, and overall vibe of intolerance, enflames but does not educate; something the Councilmember warns us against. That vibe seeks to shut down differences, not understand them. Gay or straight, reactions like his are what some of the most conservative members of Congress and Pentagon brass use to stoke fear and stifle needed change. I believe the opposite: that we must bravely engage each other, openly discuss the hard issues, learn, and then accept and/or tolerate our differences. I pick my friends based on how they treat me, not how much they agree with me. 

It's ironic that while the Housewives are on TV discussing gay rights and equality with our local officials, this week in real time the Senate has just re-squashed efforts to repeal the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" legislation. Essentially, it seems that Congress and the military don't want there to be open, honest dialogue about the rights of ALL soldiers. Gay men and women

who put their lives on the line for their country should not have to defend themselves from their country based on fear and ignorance. Discrimination or lack of equality in ANY area of human rights, and certainly in public service, is just plain WRONG!! 

Cat Fight 

As if in surreal slow motion, I watch as the pot boils over with Cat and Erika. Drama at a kids ice cream social—OMG! Although the time and place was inappropriate, I understood where Erika was coming from. You too have witnessed the brash, impolite, sometimes mean comments that Cat has unleashed. And Erika called it on the carpet.  I was most surprised by Cat's reaction -- crumbling, crying and involving her kids. I expected the "tough girl with the quick tongue" to tell Erika to "kiss her a---" and keep it moving. I know Erika as a good friend -- and a very direct person with a kind spirit. She’d just had enough.  Most of us have had one of those moments when someone took you “there.”  

Lessons learned: 1) If you can dish it -- be prepared to take it and 2) tolerance (once again). While there is no excuse for bad behavior, seek FIRST to understand.  

Bottom line: LOVE yourself; have the COURAGE to show respect and tolerance for ALL.  On this, can we all agree?

 

325 comments
LuvHW
LuvHW

Stacie, What about your own father? He has TWO wives. Why do you think this is OK? You should keep your opinions about gay marriage to yourself or you seen rather hyporcrictical, don't you think?

Ros
Ros

Stacie, during most of the episodes i liked you. However, during the group meeting i was dissappointed in you as a woman. You didnt appear to be a mean girl most of the time but you tried to appear neutral. I think micala has problems yes. But those woman were cruel and you didnt stand up for that cruelty. You stayed safe. I think because of previous housewives shows and you wanted to appear above all the mess. But Stacie they were wrong in how they attacked her. Where is the kindness i expected from you. I could feel her hurt but you my failed girl took a safe side. You could have been more proactive and been my hero. I kept shaking my head with dissappointment. Stay Safe and Cautious Stacy. Dont defend the people who are being jumped on. So dissappointed in you.

k98dean
k98dean

you really cant. Think about this you can't re-raise an adult. we are all responsible for our own actions.

Jason B
Jason B

You take no responsibility for the way you allowed your friend to treat another person in your home? wow...

RS from LA, CA
RS from LA, CA

Stacie & Jason Turner 4ever!

I usually don't like putting my opinion out there, but I can't help myself thinking that one of my favorite reality star might read this. First off, I love your and Jason's wonderful relationship. I could see that you're both still so in love and could do nothing but continue to build each other up, and I love it. Your relationship, value for family, and balance of work life makes me feel like it's possible to be a well rounded professional mother and woman of the 21st.

Secondly, continue to surround yourself with positive people and logically stay away from negative people. Speaking of negative people, with all do respect, your friend Erika might be great to you, but definitely a nay sayer to everyone else. If she's the type to create negative situations around people she barely knows, I can only imagine how she'll treat you after a fight.

Good luck with your search for your birth parents and keep us updated! God bless you and your family.

cassiViewer
cassiViewer

I really admired Jason's simply stating his belief in that forum. I saw him reach for your hand. You have reached for higher standards than political correctness. As you say, you can love and support another person and respect their beliefs and still stay true to your own.

genereaux
genereaux

Stacie...while I respect your faith and your feelings about gay marriage being unsanctioned by the church, please try to keep your heart open to the issue. As you may know, many churches now are recanting their position on gays and marriage because they recognize it is not Christ-like to discriminate against God's children. Try to remember that part of the reason your birth parents might have had to give you up for adoption in the first place were the societal prejudices that were once against a black man and a white woman being together. With open hearts and education, times have changed these prejudices for the better. In fact, if you were born today, it is likely your birth parents might have had the courage to stay together. Iti is my hope is that society changes its views on gay marriage much the same way to keep God's children feeling safe and protected whomever their parents might be.

sanddie
sanddie

Stacie I understand your point on gay marriage. but they are people too and we as humans has no right to judge but we tend to do that anyway. I like the way you stick to what you believe and that is one of the things i like with you. On the other hand girl you wear the most beautiful dresses on that show if by any hand you think you our wore them send them for me lol.. but you carries yourself very well and your hair and make-up looks stunning.

S
S

I have watched every episode, and I still haven't heard from Stacie what exactly her birth mother is claiming to be the reason that she wants to keep Stacie a secret. My assuption is that it is because she had her outside of the bounds of matrimony, not because of the race of Stacie's birth father. Am I missing something here? Having a child out of wedlock, especially in the late 1960's, was often kept very secretive, for various reasons. I wish Stacie would clarify exactly what her birth mother told her, and not jump to conclusions.

ViewerAnjoux
ViewerAnjoux

Stacie Hi! I'm sorry if my comment is late but I live in Sweden and I have to go through hassle to view the shows. I reacted strongly to you because of your personality. I am a big fan of Real Housewives TV series but I never, until now awarded them with a comment. I think you are absolutely fabulous, style wise and flawless in make up and hair department. I want to make a statement about your attitude to the City you say you "thirve in"! You know how "housewives" make statements during each episodes opening? Well, yours is THE ONLY ONE that is evident through the show. And I am not just saying DC, I mean ALL "real housewives" shows. You are the ONLY one who accutally DELIVERS. Enough said, don't want you to get a bigger head that could fit through your front door! But, I do watch the show because of you!!!!!!!!! Anjoux

carriesweets
carriesweets

Stacie, I say this honestly to you: you are the reason I watch RHODC... I respect you for bringing your search for your birthparents on the show, because like you, I was adopted as well. I wish you the BEST of luck with this, it's a terrible feeling at times, not having a sense of who you are, and I hope you get the peace that you deserve! I cried when you found out more about your birth father, and I'm really anticipating the outcome!!! I mentioned above that I was adopted as well, but the only difference between your story and mine is that I knew my birth parents... but my father passed away when I was a child, and afterwards my mother abandoned me. I was lucky though, at age 8 I was adopted by a loving family, and I truly believe in my HEART, that when I felt like I had NO one, I had God... he was always there, he took care of me. I firmly believe to the core of my being that God brought that family into my life, leading me to be adopted. I've always had a strong faith, and it didn't come from my biological family... something in me just always KNEW God was there. I share the same opinion as you on many things, I was amazed by your blog, you are an intelligent, honest, CARING woman! I have SO much respect for you standing behind your opinion on marriage... it is such a raw subject, it really is. Just because you don't agree with someone's sexuality, doesn't mean you can't LOVE, RESPECT, & UNDERstand them as a person! It's OK to disagree with someone, it's what makes us HUMAN. Stacie, I feel honored to have someone like you in Washington, D.C. You are a fighter and a true woman. If you're having a bad day, I hope you read your new fan's comments... and it makes you feel better! I have to say, I'm also a fan of Lynda's, so I'm happy to see you are becoming closer friends through this journey on the show. In my opinion, both of you ladies are totally REAL and don't put on a show! THAT is why I watch it! Xxo Carrie, KY

Nyree
Nyree

I think that Satcie does value both sides but is trying to respect her mother's request that she stay out of her life. It is not always right but in mixed race backgrounds one side usually doesn't want anything to do with the other. This is the case with Stacie. Her mother gave her up BECAUSE she was BLACK, her mother doesn't want her daughter around her new family BECAUSE she is BLACK and she will not give Stacie any information about her father because she dosen't want her world to come apart. Stacie has a right to know her father and she is trying to exercise that right while trying to respect her birth mother's wish's. It's a fine line and Stacie is doing a great job.

Free Renee Dumas
Free Renee Dumas

Everything that I wanted to say, prayed to say, and had the desire to say to and about you was so eliquently put by Landry. There's nothing else to add. You are an awesome woman of color. I'm so glad that you are one of the faces for us as a Virtuous Woman of Color! Be blessed.

LD
LD

Stacie you are a great example for African American women in society. I am glad you stand for what you beleive in and your teaching your children the same...God bless you!

AA AZ
AA AZ

Stacie, You are lucky to have married Jason. Jason's little brother is FINE!!

Yalemom
Yalemom

Think you are great, by far the smartest, most credible, kindest and softest spoken. Love your personality....and think you and your husband are darling! Don't get bothered by everyones judgements on you about the whole gay marriage thing..it is YOUR business and no one elses. Re your friend Erica I personally thought it was long overdue for someone to let Kat know that her behavior is time and time again out of line. I applaud her for having the guts to stand up to her, it seemed like literally she just couldn't take another minute of her antics, can't blame her, it was at times stomach turning to watch, though hopefully now that her personal woes are behind her, we might see a kinder side to Kat. I have a feeling though the two will patch things up and hopefully become friends/civil to one another. Thanks for keeping the show real and bringing some intelligence to the show!

HL LOVEY
HL LOVEY

LOVE YOU STACY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AGREE WITH THE GAY MARRIAGE SHOULD NOT BE CALLED A MARRIAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DON'T LET THEM CHANGE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jazmine2010
Jazmine2010

Thanks for being REAL. I do not support gay marriage and I will never endorse it. I think everyone is entitled to their own opinion and in my opinion its SO WRONG! But I hope you find your Nigerian roots! I am Sudanese and being African is SOOOO cool and visiting our roots is even cooler. Even though I was born and raised in the States I feel like Sudan is my home - MY PEOPLE you know I hope you visit Nigeria often :-)

cynthiasasha
cynthiasasha

Stacie,

You are my favorite housewife, period. Your life is not filled with uneccessary drama. I especially like your blogs. It's like reading a good book before I go to bed. I understand your views and I do agree. It's not like I'm a bigot. I have my beliefs. I respect others beliefs and I wish they would respect yours too. Thank God we were all made different because if we were all the made the same we would not have the pleasure of learning to love one another in spite of our differences.

llany
llany

err...she obviously was interested in ANY side of her family. She tried to reach out to her birth mother, who would not give her any more information about her family. Furthermore, its obvious that contacting her birth mother's family would cause some drama that the birth mother would not appreciate, hence why she has to be tiptoeing around contacting her half brother. have u watched earlier episodes?

BadMammerJammer
BadMammerJammer

Gays have rights. No one is taking away their rights. Marriage, among other things is for the procreation of children. Two men cannot procreate. Two women cannot reproduce without a man. Case closed.

sabratini
sabratini

Love the family video in Paris!!!!!!!!!! I can so relate to You & Jason & so glad that you 2 are apart of the show. As a Social Worker in the Adoption Field, I wish you the very best in locating your birth family. You are a very unique individual & your birth history have some similarities to President Obama....hence Caucasian Woman having a baby by an African Man.

lregan
lregan

I am white and when blacks had to sit at the back of the bus or drink out of a different dirinking fountain it had nothing to do with me, had no effect on my life what so ever. I went to an all white school never ever even talk to a black person when I was a child. But as a young adult just because equal rights for blacks had no effect on me I never felt the treatment of black people was right. So I stood up for equal rights even though for me it didn't matter I had all the rights I needed. Now that the gays are asking for equal rights once again it makes no difference in my life, but I will stand up for equal rights for all man kind. Because my God would want me to love and help all man kind.

ViewerABC
ViewerABC

Tell Erika she should move to Atlanta. She'd be perfect for that housewives series!

LadyJoJo
LadyJoJo

True dat! Very well said indeed.

smnth
smnth

Stacie,

Can I just say that I have enjoyed watching you try to find your family on the show but wanted to say one thing on that topic. I am not sure if this is just how it is being portrayed on the show, but it appears as though you are only interested in finding out about about your Nigerian side of the family and don't seem to care much about your Caucasian side of the family. As a caucasian woman, I just hope you value both sides of your family equally and not only the side that you relate to more. On the episode that you emailed your "mother's son" on facebook, you referred to him as your step brother and I just want to clarify that he is your HALF brother, and is BLOOD related to you. Just a thought.... You may want to value any of the family you find and not just your father's side. I am not speaking without experience. My sister had a son with an African man and so one of my favorite people in the world (my nephew) is mixed and we hope to one day introduce him to both cultures and not only the caucasian ones.

ViewerGA
ViewerGA

As far as Kat is concerned, that is very typical of English people. Northern Europeans have a dry, sarcastic humor. While it might seem rude to Americans, that type of interaction is very common. I know; I'm married to one. Your group shouldn't take her behavior personally.

I can't believe your birth mother would deny you that information. It is so selfish of her, whatever her reasons may be. Good luck to you.

really?
really?

It's America...Stacy has a right to her own opinion! Right or wrong in your eye's it's her beliefs.

Always stay true to yourself even if the majority doesn't rule it to be the most popular opinion! That's what makes the us all the grand USA!

LAndry
LAndry

I love the way you carry yourself. YOu are a true lady, and I appreciaye that. You and your husband show the world what its supposed to be like. I am proud to FINALLY have a Black woman on one of these shows that isnt fighting, rolling thier neck or flashing cash around, or constantly fighting or causing confusion. Thank you for being a lady, and representing "US" in a positive manor. YOu are taking us on a journey of your life, what reality tv is supposed to be. NOt giving us something to laugh at or make fun of, like all the other "Husewife" shows do.

Frankie H.
Frankie H.

Hi Stacie,

I'm not here to knock you for your opinions. I believe people, when more informed, change their views. It's so cool that you are aware of your Nigerian roots. Have you explored the food, culture and music of Nigeria? I highly recommend listening to the Hausa music, it's so beautiful and melodic.

Frankie :)

rhwatcher
rhwatcher

Hey,Stacy! I don't find Erica at fault at all,especially "when she said as it was". Isn't that how Cat was defining herself that she says as it is. Everyone one has some kind of trouble or other in life, that doesn't give people to be rude to others.Cat's marital problem does not give her act rudely towards others.Being British is another lame excuse for it. I don't believe one can blame her own country for her personal flaw! She is just a drama queen that's all.I think Erica went to make amend but Cat refused just to create drama. And oh,I hope you find your father and may he be the exact dad you wish him to be.

PFRED
PFRED

Very well said!!!

Lia19
Lia19

I am hating all the hate messages you are receiving, Stacie. Just know that there are fans out here loving you for exactly who you are.

ViewerShellie
ViewerShellie

I am so glad you spoke up and stood your ground regarding gay marriage. Our world has become so desensitized from God's word that we as a community accept what is not God's word. People can get angry, say being gay is OK and its not a sin but being a Christian sometimes means going against the norm of society. I am grateful to see a classy Christian lady standing up for God and religion.

lady g
lady g

What is up with your friend Erika?

MbW
MbW

They are TOM FORD sunglasses : )

viewer22
viewer22

Stacie, I think you are such an intelligent and strong woman. You speak with thought and compassion. I agree with you 100% on your stance on gay marriage. I do not feel it is something our country should be embracing. As an educator, I see the children from these type of relationships and there are many negative consequences on the children. They suffer as a result which, is not taking their human rights into account. I look forward to the remainder of the season!

Callie
Callie

I agree it was time the time or the place and I would not have allowed that in my home after inviting folks over to enjoy themselves. You are sweet but cunning as well. I can not imagine what being adopted is like however as a human being who believes in God (you own testimony) you gave no consideration of bringing your half-brother into a situation he has NOTHING to do with. Is that really fair to him?

Bakams
Bakams

Hi Stacie, I am proud of you and your husband for taking your stand on the Word od God,marriage is between a man and a woman. All the best in your search for your father,he would be proud to have such an intelligent and graceful lady like you as a daughter. Bakams

spring tx
spring tx

finally someone called it like it was.

lawmominAZ
lawmominAZ

Stacy except for what I believe to be the very immature and mean way you decided to call your friendship with Micaheala quits, I really you. You are very sweet, so soft spoken, kind hearted and sensible. You remind me sooo much of my best friend who is my world. I respect you and love the obviously loving and deep relationship you have with your husband.

I dont' criticize you for not coming down on Erica,she had every right to address Kat (think many were glad someone finally did) though I am not sure i agree with her timing or place..it was overdue. You were right to not take sides, they are both your friends and I think Erica is a beautiful and strong lady who just got tired of seeing how Kat treated everyone so poorly. Kudos to her for standing up to her, though I do recently feel bad for Kat having learned of her marital woes. Hope they will patch things up, something tells me they will in due time.

Take care and stay real! (Also dont be so hard on Micaheala, to me she has tried hard to be a good friend to you)

AA AZ
AA AZ

Stacie, I think that it is awesome thare sharing your journey with all of the viewers. I also think it is awesome that you introduced the viewers to Beat Asslant a.k.a. Handsome pants!

kyle bryant
kyle bryant

Stacie i would like to commend u on being a black woman on a real housewife show besides Atlanta. i have serious qualms about you and your husbands statements about gay marriage in the last episode. it is hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that you have chosen to be affiliated with a television station that reaches out to a predominately gay audience while still having the views that you have. everyone has the right to an opinion but i find it extremely insulting when you put yourself on television saying the things that you have while at the same time associating with Andy Cohen and Bravo. being a black gay man myself, i find it very disheartening when my fellow African Americans discriminate me even more than society itself does. to me it sounded like you and your husband hold your relationship higher than any relationship that i will ever have, whether i choose to marry or not . Good luck to you at the reunion Stacie.

Courtney Holley
Courtney Holley

Stacie, You are very classy; my favorite housewife EVER! You and Ericka are like oil and water. Please let her go as a friend.

Thank you for showing a real African American Women... not like RHOA

solentuno
solentuno

Stacie Be happy that you have adoptive parents who love you.I too tried to look for mine only to find out that they regarded me as a shameful secret never to be revealed.Yes look for your dad in Nigeria but let the relationship with your mother go.Dont creat feeling where they dont exit.You dont know her reasons for letting you go.What will it benefit you to destroy her family?Please be happy with who you are and rest assured that your story is a teaching moment for others who have been rejected but still have enough confidence to let go.Please check out ( Let it go by TD Jakes)

suzymagnolia
suzymagnolia

Separate but equal? Hello 20th century. Hell, hello 19th century for that matter!

Julie T
Julie T

Stacie- On the episode where you were going to 'stomp grapes' I loved the sunglasses you were wearing. Could you tell us what brand they are or where you got them??

Vee Lu
Vee Lu

Stacie My heart truly goes out to you and I hope that you find your birth father soon. What an important part of the puzzle to be missing because your mother is being selfish and controlling. You've stated that you don't want or need anything from him or her so the mere fact that she's trying to protect herself and her family is disgusting when a beautiful young woman is simply wanting to know her dad and develop a relationship. I hope that she watches every single episode and it causes her to rethink her decision and help in your quest to find your dad. You eloquently stated your position on gay marriage and it's on point. You are entitled to your opinon and kudos for having the courage to stand on your beliefs.

Marriage Equality for all
Marriage Equality for all

Okay...in the entire history of marriage has it ALWAYS been between 1 man and 1 woman? In the time of Jesus men could have more than 1 wife and they were considered property...seems like the "institution" has been redefined more than once.

busiestmommyinCA
busiestmommyinCA

I am torn about you, at first you and Mary were the only two I actually liked, realy liked the relationship you have with your husband and respect your intelligence, integrity and common sense. BUT in recent weeks the way you have you turned on your "friend" michaela,was a real turn off. She has been such a good and true friend to you and with the way you turned on her both on screen and on your blog was very surprising for your character. I don't know what you would have done that. So if you really decided that you didnt' want to be friend with her, there was very much a lady like way to do that, and to do it the way you did was by far the most hurtful way you could. I hope you have apologized to her behind the scenes because I personally feel that you really owe her one. I do however totally agree with your friend Erica, she had every right to say what she did, becuase she was spot on. She said what i know everyone has always thought. Kat has been a rude meanie and really needs to be told its unacceptable. Kat surely has been goign through a rough time and I feel her pain BUT there is no excuse for outright rudeness and outright hurtful words. So I understand personally where it was coming from, maybe the timing was wrong, but I do totally understand where she came from and if she had her own blog I would so tell her that, so hope you will pass it on and there are lots and lots of people I know that feel the same. Anyway, best of luck.....thanks for being one of the "normal ones" and keeping it real!