Stacie Scott Turner

Stacie says Cat's behavior was "rude" and "tasteless," but not racist.

on Aug 16, 20100

I was thrilled to invite the ladies to dinner - to show them the neighborhood I grew up in, introduce them to my extended family, and to have them partake in something that I regard as a core part of my life - Sunday dinner at Aunt Frances', which I have enjoyed since childhood. She opens her home EVERY Sunday to friends, family, and even strangers. All are invited and there are no fancy pretenses - just good down home cooking. So it baffled me as to why Cat had a completely different experience, and once again, used my family's home as yet another forum for her rude and disrespectful behavior. At best, If I boil the Cat-act last week down to "poor taste," with her antics this week, she has officially graduated to tasteless and rude, with a concentration in underexposed. We've all been places where any number of things may be much less than desirable but you "play it off" since there is never a reason to offend a kind host.

I was called "over-sensitive" last week, but come on... after dinner at Aunt Frances', it's not hard to surmise that Cat may be uncomfortable around the "unfamiliar." Or people with bad wine. Or people who disagree with her views... or people too busy to attend her events!! Good manners folks... there is no excuse for mean comments toward people who are opening their home and extending their hospitality, even if "the scene" is different than what you are accustomed to. Lynda, Ebong, Mary and Rich were also first time visitors, but extended themselves and were extremely polite and gracious. Cat's position: "I'm not going to make myself sick being polite" and "this is not my scene"? Wow. Her behavior was particularly offensive because it was directed at my family (neck roll, please!!). You can be rude to me, but DON'T mess with my family. It's that simple. When it comes to those I love, I don't care to analyze your motivation, your hang-ups or your issues - check yourself.

Fans of the show are asking me do I think Cat's a racist. Hold on a second. To me, there is a big difference between racism (ignorance based on perceived racial superiority) and situational discomfort (ignorance based on lack of exposure, but not necessarily superiority). Words of the Week for Cat should include: expansion, acceptance, silence, appreciation and respect. I find myself in situations every day where I am either the only female or the only African American person. This is just my reality-and no big deal. I feel blessed to float seamlessly between many circles, filled with different colors and cultures, and I love it!! And to be a part of the business, social, and political fabric of Washington, D.C. exposure is a must. At the end of the day, it. comes down to appreciating people and respecting
differences... and having good manners!

133 comments
Ville2
Ville2

Don't allow yourself to be uncomfortable because Stacie and her husband choose to discuss issues as it relates to race. Despite the desire to pretend it doesn't matter it still matters. They are entitled to speak from their point of view "it's reality". We should be comfortable hearing different perspectives because they often reflect feelings, lifestyle, and/or past experiences whether it's about "blackness, whiteness, being asian, sexual orientation, a woman etc".

It's easy to judge as we watch reality shows. Make sure your life matches what you say you believe.

lexsocool
lexsocool

And likewise, what if Cat had been related to Bush? Use your brain. Cat didn't bring up politics, Stacie and her friend did. Did you seriously expect Cat to not give her opinion when they asked her point-blank what she thought of President Obama? Why would you expect more out of her than you expected out of them? That seems pretty hypocritical to me.

And on a side note, Cat's husband actually does have a close relationship with former President Bush while Stacie only met Obama ONCE. So if you want to compare this situation to the one that you described above than Cat should truly be the one offended. Thanks for making my point for me. :D

ViewerTerry
ViewerTerry

Stacy why didn.t you take up for your friend Erika. You yourself said that cat is rude at times.

RHWODC Fan
RHWODC Fan

Stacie, I think you are one of the most genuine housewives of all of the franchises. That being said, I'm a bit disappointed that you didn't just talk to Cat about her comments. There's no need to talk to everyone else about her comments and not her. I think she will be very honest with you and would appreciate it. I don't think Cat is a racist, but her direct approach can appear rude. I have to admit I was a bit taken aback by the tone of her comments. I would like to see more one-on-one with you and Cat, getting to know each other. And, I think both of you need to make the effort to do so. But, keep it up -- I think you and your husband are great - my favorites. And best wishes in your search to find your biological father.

Just sayin
Just sayin

Let's not be rude please! Stacie is not playing the race card. She is one of the classiest women on this show. Don't hate!

leelei1
leelei1

OK Bravo why is it that my comments never appear? I guess it is true that you censor comments and that's not fair. We as viewers have a right to respond positively as well as negatively to what we watch so unless the language is vulgar and full of profanity every comment should be posted. I will not watch any of your shows if my views are continuely ignored. I bet this won't make it on the blog either so next I will try and get thru to Andy's show and see if it's censored then since the show is suppose to be live. Disappointed Viewer Here!!

denise4925
denise4925

I don't get why white people are so uncomfortable with mentioning race, race relations and why do they always use that stupid phrase "the race card", as if it's an ace in the hole that black people use at their convenience. Get over yourselves. Race is a part of American life. Deal with it. We all have cultural differences and backgrounds. But, it's okay for Italians, the French, the Iris or any one else other than black people mention their heritage and what the differences are. It seems some whites still want black people to conform and refrain from making them uncomfortable.

This whole "set up" accusation is ridiculous regarding Stacy's aunt and Cat. If it were a set up, she'd be the only person invited to the dinner. She wasn't the only guest. However, she was the only one who felt uncomfortable and was terribly rude to her hosts. But, I guess that's okay because she was "set up". LOL Again, get over yourselves.

Ms. Georgia Peach
Ms. Georgia Peach

Stacie, You and your family are true class. However, I do wish that the network would have had more than one African American representing D.C.; I mean, it is the chocolate city! That CAT woman needs to leave!! She is rude. America may be too low class for her.

Min
Min

I also felt that Cat being invited to Aunt Frances home was a set up. I agree with Cat I can't stand Tyra or Obama either. But I am very interested in seeing if you continue to set Cat up. I also think Cat is rude with no filter on her comments, but I got that uneasy feeling that the dinner invite was a set up.

dgiripink
dgiripink

You've invited Cat to at least two events and given her chance. I say your job is done, she should now try to engage you and see if she can come up to the challenge.

pumpkin
pumpkin

I would invite people to my aunt's house for dinner. I know plenty of people that recognize their color on a daily basis. That's not playing the race card. It's looking in the mirror. Don't knock Stacie because she aknowledges what she is and you choose to ignore it. That is entirely your problem.

Amyjj11
Amyjj11

The point of the story is that you never know how long people will be on this earth and had I not found him in a timely manner I would have missed so much. I didn't want Stacie to miss out on knowing where she comes from or knowing someone that could possibly be very special. Especially when he isn't given the chance to even know of her. Just an example of timing and that sometimes there are happy endings. You will never know unless you try. I guess I should have written this at the end for those that don't read between the lines. I know those people. I am married to one. I'm not taking offence to this comment. I do know I need to be more direct, so I hope this helps.

finding family
finding family

Stacie you are a true beauty, your taste is impeccable and your family are amazing! I understand your situation with your birth mother not telling the truth. I myself found that my own mother had given up more than a couple of children, leaving me being raised by her which was far far from being a great thing. I wish she would be honest about my other siblings so that I could complete my missing family. Bless you in your search!

NikkiC
NikkiC

Stacie, you are one of the classiest people I have ever had the pleasure of watching on television. I admire your behavior and attitude towards the unpleasantries that we all encounter at times. You have inspired me to be a classier woman. You should write a book on class because you appear to exhibit it very well.

STACIE #1 FAN
STACIE #1 FAN

YOU ARE MY FAVORITE HOUSEWIFE FROM EVERY HOUSEWIFE EVERY MADE..YOU SO REAL AND DONT PRETEND TO BE SOMETHING YOU NOT I LOVE THAT....A FEMALE DOING HER THING IN D.C....YOU GO STACIE...

Callie
Callie

I had the same thought about the reasoning behind Cat being invited to Aunt Francis house for dinner. That was a set-up.

Ambitious
Ambitious

Hi Stacie, continue to be the bright light on the show. I love your intelligence your ability to remain you, with all you have to offer. Yes, we meet people that rub us the wrong way, but that's life and we live it. Our world is a beautiful place, with all kinds of people with all kinds of baggage. We can help lighten the baggage or we can stay away from the baggage. But I have a feeling that you and Cat will come to a common ground. It was something about her that attracted you to her, don't allow a misunderstanding to destroy what you through could be a friendship. Cat has a lot on her plate, especially the demanding job that her husband has. I believe that's why she needed and accepted your Sunday dinner at Aunties'. She was probably trying not to think about the issues she was go through with her husband. Don't get me wrong I'm not say that's an excuse for rudeness, cause it's not. But sometimes when your going through things with your significant other, it can make for bad company with others. Even if it wasn't your intention. Stacie, I appreciate your contributions to the show and hope one day I too can have the same success in your chosen field.

Tracy2052
Tracy2052

Can I just say, your husband is a hoot. The best part of that show was the guys in the basement. I absolutely loved it. I told my husband, "it's always like that, the guys in the basement, laughing it up while the girls do the dishes."

Stacie, I'm white, my husband is middle eastern, you are a terrific, TERRIFIC example of how people should relate interracially. Is that a word? I live on the eastern shore and would love to hang out with you. You seem cool and not at all quick to jump to "racist". I love it. Can we be friends? lol.

So far, you seem the most level headed and reasonable, with Mary a close second. I look forward to seeing what happens. It's a shame that things seem to have gone so downhill with Michael (sp?). It looked like a promising friendship.

Anyway, from a DC commuter, this show is not as vapid and consumer driven as the other housewife shows and I hope you do well. I look forward to more.

reallyn
reallyn

was that story REALLY necessary? Hope you feel better....Geeze.

Sue H
Sue H

You are a credit to women everywhere my friend. Your grace comes naturally and could easily be contagious. You are wise beyond your years. Best wishes to you and stay true to who you are.

Jasminegirlchloe
Jasminegirlchloe

Girl you are my fave and every time i watch you I feel like you are warm and truly nice person. Please stay away from Drama .

Carrolli
Carrolli

Love my doc......Well said! The entire point was to set up Cat. Who invites a group of people to their aunts house for dinner? Give me a break! It is all about the drama. Other tidbits for the dinner episode....the basement discussion re "SIZE." Why was that necessary? We get it Stacie, both you and the hubbie are black!

Soo...we have episode 3, and yes, we have yet another mention of skin color, by Stacie and hubbie.....was it necessary to point out that those two showy loons were white? Get over yourselves. As is usually the case, it is only your friends and you who mention the color of a person's skin. You are the only one pointing out that you are different, none of the other cast members have even mentioned your "blackness." If anyone did....wow, these boards would be torn up with angry people. Sooo, enough with the race card. If you want to have people see past skin color, than get rid of the chip on your shoulder, and stop pointing it out.

Ly
Ly

Why are certain members of this show so concerned with race? I just cannot understand. We live in the United States of America people!!! We are Americans!! We live in a melting pot filled with many different cultures, colors, preferences, etc. It should not be about the color of an individual's skin, rather about the individual as a person. Enough is enough!! There will always be ignorant people in the world, why fuel the fire? The ridicilous comments need to stop!! Is it fair to say that the people who stress that they are the victims of racism and constantly accusing others of racism- are in fact racist? Grow up!! Ignore those who need to be ignored and live life!!

Peach Cougar
Peach Cougar

Ditto. We're on what episode three and again race is the only topic for these two....not so impressed as having bad manners is not the same as being racsist.

Amanipeach
Amanipeach

Stacie,

I love this show and you! You seem gentle and accepting of the people around you. I hope we continue to see your welcoming spirit. I only wish you didn't have to deal with the alleged racism card. I have not heard you state that Cat is racist. In fact, you wrote that we should not judge your initial response to Cat. I have held my judgement of Cat in check because of your statements. I think this whole "Cat is racisit" is a rush to judgement. I think that she just is going through a tough time finding her place among the housewives. Lots of people have a difficult time when meeting new people.

People think of race everyday when making judgements about the people they encounter. I just hope we don't see the ugly side of race relations. I haven't tuned into the to see what I see every day at work.

Bravo to you and Bravo!

Amanipeach

JSC
JSC

Can you all read? Stacie DID NOT say Cat was a racist! Try getting the facts straight before making comments.

AmyT3
AmyT3

Thanks, Carrolli. Couldn't have said it better myself! Stacie and her friend are so absorbed in racial matters, they are the only terms in which they can think. It's disgusting. I would love the show so much more if Stacie wasn't there to keep throwing in the racist card every episode.

lovemydoc
lovemydoc

I am a proud, black woman and I can't stand Tyra Banks and hope to vote out Obama the next time 'round. I have considered the thought that you may have "set up" Cat at Aunt Frances' house. It did make for great, dramatic tv. I'm glad you don't consider Cat a racist. My concern was that the producers of the show may be using you as their "token black" and told you to play the "race" card throughout. You have to admit....it does add to the drama.

AmyT3
AmyT3

I couldn't agree with you more! I can't stand the constent talk with the "black thing." Stacie and her husband are the ones who have mentioned race more than anyone. I was sickened when he made a comment about the Salahis being "white at a hiphop concert." What a double standard!You are black. We get it. Let's move on.

Aero
Aero

Stacie! Love you on the show. You're obviously smart, sophisticated, and accomplished and you don't need a billboard, bullhorn, or excessive bling to announce it to the world. What a class act! Good thing for this blog so you can "spell it out" for some people; however, I get you. I know that feeling of being the only black woman in a group of white women in DC. Know the feeling of having to grin and bear it while they proclaim we're all "soul sisters" after one too many cocktails (eye roll)... Hang in there, you're doing great. I don't want to say you're setting a great example for other young black couples in DC (that's too heavy a load to bear) but I will say that you and your family are a "wonderful reflection" of what so many of us do and deal with and rise above -- a wonderful reflection of how we live and love -- and it's nice to see someone that I (and a lot of people I know) can relate to on television! Finally! (Any chance you can mentor the RHOAtlanta?) LOL! All best to you!

NY Gal
NY Gal

Stacie

I totally agree with your assessment of Cat. She's not a racist, just rude. I would imagine this is how she acts in all similar situations regardless of skin color or ethnicity. I personally would not want to hang around with her as I'm pretty sure she would get on my nerves constantly and who needs that? Just because you're on a show together doesn't mean you have to be friends with someone. Good luck this season.

lilulou
lilulou

Well there is another view point than those who look for "black thing" at every turn. For three shows Stacie you have made sure your "black" thing is heard, you are the finger that blames. It has almost ruined the show. I know many who have already said they are not going to watch that trash week to week. It is that first impressions. Cat did not show rudeness in any form. It is the way you treat yourself Stacie, so this is the way you see it, your view. It is like the little hole in the fence, yet when you climb up higher (your own consciousness) you see a whole different world, a clear view. Be happy...

TiffanyLee
TiffanyLee

Stacie, I think you are great. But I have to agree with some of the other commenters. You cannot insinuate that someone is racist simply because they are uncomfortable in a setting where the people happen to be a different race. I am black and I understand that you may feel that someone can possibly have these views because they are so prevalent in American society, but in Cat's case I don't think she is racist. She is rude, lost, misunderstood and crass, but racist, no. Also, she has the right to NOT like President Obama, just like you have the right to not like President Bush. I love our President but this is a country where we are free to have opinions. Cat has to learn to open up herself more and you have to learn to be more accepting of other opinions and behaviors.

Viewer from NY
Viewer from NY

Ugh I agree. I really hope you don't take the bait and make every scene you are in about race. Why can't we have a black character on a show that isnt obsessed with race? Taking offense at the Diana Ross comment? Calm down!! So annoying. Oh and I am black too. So don't try to call me RACIST!

Debbie L
Debbie L

You, Mary and Lynda are the best in the show. Beware of your new friendship with the Salahi's. Remember what our parents always said to us..."guilty by assocoiation".

yoshiyori
yoshiyori

I do not think CAT is racist. It is more of a personality clash. They are both married women however, Stacie is more the mommy type than CAT is. I could not see Stacie and CAT hanging out as friends solely based on their personalities. Stacie reminds me of that friend that when you're around them you have to pretend to be someone else because they come off as being goody-too-shoe I am an African born woman who has spent a lot of time in England and from my experience, I'd say their personalities doesn't mesh. I do like Stacie though! CAT not so much.....she is plain rude

Redbird
Redbird

England is not predominantly white. In addition, this fact is not a recent phenomenon. People from all over the globe, including the Third World have been immigrating to Englad for over a hundred years. Many of Britain's early people of color were of South Asian descent and came from its 'crown jewel", India. Then post-World War II during the break-up of the Empire many more people came from Britain's former colonies in the Caribbean, Asia, and the Africa. I would venture to say that Cat's discomfort and lack of experience with African Americans is a reflection of her social class. She might behave the same way had she been plopped in an outdoor cookout of all whites in Appalachia.

ANGELINE
ANGELINE

excuse me madam LIAR!but,she could not get her sentence about Bush out,because Cat kept interupting her.A friend of mine came to my home and I took her to visit another friend,we were having a conversation when she started bad mouthing our former President (Liberia).(not even 30 minutes after we got there)I have never been so embarrass in my life,because,we were at his(the pres.)daughter's house.Shut up!When you meet people for the first time.Try your very best NOT to show every bad thing about you @ once.ie,if you talk too much,slow it down,if you are a gossiper,try not to jump into conversations,you do not know whom knows who.Listen!by that you will know more about the people around you .Cat is rude,do not excuse bad behaviour.PS.OBAMA IS PRESIDENT!DEAL WITH IT.What if Stacie were related to Tara or Obama?Do not go into some one's home and start bad mouthing people.This was her first visit there for heaven's SAKE!

Bellasmom007
Bellasmom007

Don't ever worry about finding your birth dad. Your birth mom may be hiding a horrible situation that if you found out will upset you very much. It could have been a very bad thing that happened to your birth mom. so don't push it. If you were meant to find out who your dad is, you will in time. But give the woman a break and don't hate her for not wanting to come forward with that info. Just build on what you have. You did have a better life and that is because she gave you up! Remember that!

FYI A relative of mine was adopted at about 16 months old. This was during the 60's. Her bm went to a party with a few friends in high school. A couple of the boys knew they were going to vietnam as they had already were drafted. So everyone partied.

This one boy who the bm had dated a bit and really liked got her drunk and gave her some sort of drug. Next thing she knew this guy and a couple of his friends had taken her and another girl into a bedroom. They took all their clothes off and started touching her.

Well the guy was the only guy that penetrated her, for a lack of words. All she remembers is that her friend was there and there were other couples doing things. Then when he was finished he helped her get dressed and they went back into the party and an hour later she went into another room and they did it again (she was so out of it and she could barely talk at this point). The guy took her and her friend back to her house and both girls stumbled inside.

Then a couple of days later this guy asked her out. She said no and he said she watched a movie and was dreaming. Well one thing led to another and she did it with him again. He gave her this sob story how he was going away and yada yada yada and for the next couple of weeks they were very busy. Unknown to her, he was engaged to another girl in school, he gave her a very good line of dog poop!

He goes into the military. She was upset, he knows he used her. She finds out she was preggers. She didn't tell anyone and went on to college where she dropped out, moved in with a friend and had the baby. She struggled. The bm found out that the father came home, contacted him and got a paternity test and the baby was his. For a couple of months things were fine, then he beat her up and left.

Her own mother said to give the baby up for adoption so that she can go back to school and get her life back. Which she did. To a family friend so that she would always know where her child was, and watch as she grew up.

Years later the truth came out. And for 10 years the birth mother never ever would say who the father was. Finally she decided to tell the truth. The birth father was now married, had a family and a business and some respect within the community. And thats why she didn't say anything.

But just the thought of knowing how the birth mother was treated and things that were done to her was very upsetting. Knowing that you are achild of rape is a horrible thing.

So before you get upset with your birth mom, give her a break, and things come out with time.

Bobbymouse
Bobbymouse

I can see newdcresident hasn't a clue about the make-up of the very varied culture of Great Britian. There is a huge Muslim, East Indian and African population! Don't you read?

Amyjj11
Amyjj11

Stacie, You are my favorite! I wanted to write to say that when I found my birth mother when I was 21 she let me know that my birth father did not know I existed. (Actually, neither did her current husband...she kept me a secret from both) It took a while for her to tell her current husband about me and that is a great story itself...he is a fantastic Grandfather to my children and I am blessed to have them both in my life. She is a fantastic grandma as well. Anyway, it took her even longer to tell me about my birth father. I really wanted to find him and boy was that AMAZING! The actual story of the moment he found out is incredible but to long for this little post. I was welcomed with open arms and I am leaving so many wonderful details out about that. I would love to tell you all about it if you have the time to email me. Every moment with him was magic. He had the ability to turn every day things into something spectacular. I had 16 wonderful years with him and then he died of cancer at only 58. I am grateful that my birth mother was able to finally allow me to find him. It was very hard for her. Maybe she could speak to your birth mother or I could email you more of my story and maybe it will help her see what a great thing it could be? I wish you luck and happiness. Amy

glorius2u
glorius2u

If you feel that Cat is rude you should talk to her woman to woman, and also since you are a DC native extend an olive branch. Invite her to lunch (just the two of you) and explain how you feel and let her know how it works in "your city". Explain the proper etiquette when around people of color and what is offense or comes off as racist. Let her know you are there for her if she has any questions or how to act or respond. It never hurts to try and we all learn something new everyday (hopefully). Love you and glad you were able to enjoy Paris. Good luck finding your birth family.

glorius2u
glorius2u

As a country the USA will never get passed racism sadly that is America. I understand you get tired of hearing about it but let's keep it real and know it will always be there. Keep hoping it will change and I will also.

Ciao

socalsue
socalsue

Most Brits say it like it is. Kinda like our New Yorkers. Cat is not politically correct,because she doesn't have to be. That's why I like her! I was so disappointed when the Bush bashing started. I was hoping this show wasn't going to be black or white and or what party you belong to.. It's looking like that so far. I agree with you,boshell. lighten up Stacie -no pun intended and get that huge chip off your shoulder.

Catherine from NJ
Catherine from NJ

Stacie- Forget Cat. I enjoyed watching you and your family-particularly your Godmother-Aunt Francine. She seemed so loving so sweet. I got so hungry watching you guys that the next day I started a search for a restaurant serving southern food in my area. Do you have any recommendations for the NJ/NY area?