Cast Blog: #RHOM

Oracles and Avocados

Our recap of greatest moments of the premiere, psychics and Pippen-athletics included.

When the Housewives set sail for South Beach, I was pretty pumped.

Ever since The Real World: Miami, The Birdcage, and my brief stopover in the Miami airport, I've been a fan of the city's flavor.

But what would this batch of 'Wives bring us? A season filled with blazers and v-neck tees? Lots of people doing Robin Williams' "Martha Graham" dance?

But then, there's a premiere episode that included Scottie Pippen doing yoga?! C'mon, how do you not adore that!

There were so many memorable moments to the Miami ladies that I could barely contain myself. It was just a treasure trove of goodness. Let us head straight to Florida and never return. Get me some slacks, call me a snowbird, and never take me back New York. Forget this frozen tundra -- give me Florida!

Let's start with Lea: Lea and I have a lot in common. We love crazy people. Like a moth to insanity's flame, I cannot get enough of the sort of oddball degenerates and wack-a-doos she also seems to adore. To use a Ke$ha-term, I like your steez, Lea. She also throws a mean party, or so she claims. And if that shindig doesn't turn out as she'd hope: "I just get them drunk." Ah, the hostess with the mostest indeed.

But it's not all party times. Each batch of ‘Wives comes with its own adorable set of tots, and this season proves to be no different. You have Adriana's precious son Alex, complete a mop of glorious curls and an awareness of boat-viewing responsibilities. Alexia's sons Peter (who wants to, and should be, a model) and Frankie have lots of questions about grass-fed animals. There's Lea's son Roy Jr. who is perfecting his Mona Lisa (albeit with curiously-sized feet instead of a sideways smile). And of course the entire Pippen brood should be drafted for the Chicago Adora-Bulls (see what we did there).

But this season also gives us something delightful on the older end of the family spectrum, an octogenarian with oracle powers, Elsa.

Elsa has a supernatural pull over my heart. She wants to know what French people are like in bed! She's not a charlatan! She has modern sensibilities! She says things like, "I'm a woman of this century, Marysol. I'm not a Victorian lady."

The Housewives have been trending towards telepathics. In the last year we've had a cluster of clairvoyants appear (the Richards' bring-your-own-mother's-ashes-with-you gal, to Kim Z's baby predicting psychic, to the incomparable Allison DuBois), but leave it to the Miami ladies to put the hot in psychic hotline. Not only will she analyze how you feel about your man-friend, but Cristy even has a seer in the side-pocket. A lovely psychic wearing sunglasses to prevent confusion from the present instructs her about what's ahead.

There’s a lot to cover, obviously, but I want to quickly address my three favorite moments of the episode.

Moment One: Larsa Pippen Packing Heat

As someone who's a pretty mean shot (I did some major damage at Big Buck Hunter this weekend, folks), I love watching people shoot guns (in the safety of a range!). Larsa is no Sarah Palin, even if she is aware that Stop, Drop, and Roll is for fires. Still kudos to you Larsa! You take that target home to show Mr. Pippen. He's going to be as proud of you as you were of his downward dog skills.

Moment Two: The Clurb

Every season needs to have someone who gets a bit bawdy, and I feel Adriana will provide our Lisa Vanderpump levels of horn dog-ness. After cruising on nearly ever gent at the Miami Fashion week (lady knows how to spot a nicely carried crown jewel) and strutting the catwalk, the ladies take it to the nightlife at Casa Tua. Here she's in her prime element, flirting with some gents, culminating in a lovely sandwich dance. (It's like riding a horse, or so they say). Always glorious to begin a season with some good, clean, grindin'.

Moment Three: The Dinner Party

I loved every mandolin-slicing moment. Maybe it's because avocados are my life-force, maybe it's because I was as addicted to Lea on her Blackberry as Leas was to her Blackberry, or maybe it was because I so adored the big reveal of Adriana's past, but I consider this meal a harbinger of things to come. This season's going to be spicy and it's going to be phenomenal. I hope you downloaded your Will Smith singles, and dusted off your blazers (to wear with nothing underneath, obvs). It's Miami time!

Lea's Final Thoughts on the Season

Lea shares he status with each of the girls post-reunion.

It’s a Wrap!

It’s been an interesting season. I've been as honest and authentic as possible. I feel I owe that to myself and to you, our viewing audience. I've defended myself when wrongly accused or misinterpreted and in the process unfortunately, ugly truths have been exposed. I haven't gone out of my way to hurt anyone, but if I have, in the spirit of defending myself or setting the record straight, then so be it. I've had some fun, a few laughs, and experienced a lot of unnecessary stress.

I've showcased as many of my friend’s businesses as I could and got in a few shameless plugs for However, I haven't traded on the show or received any freebies, other than borrowing jewelry a couple of times! LOL! Some have interpreted it as being materialistic, I call it marketing. LOL!

I've listened to people re-invent the past, camouflage the present, and stoop to insults, foul language, and ugliness, all of which make me cringe. I've made closer bonds with some and made new friends along the way. I’ve learned to love and appreciate the work that goes into being on the show. Of course, I don't like what I see from time to time, but I hope I've maintained my integrity and what was important to me.I cracked a few jokes at others expense, made a few sarcastic remarks, and rolled my eyes a few times. I just can't (or won't) stop being myself. LOL! I've loved reading all of your comments and tweets. Even when I disagree, I'm OK with it if you were being intellectually honest. But the few comments which were mean-spirited, based upon uniformed conclusions, bias, or outside influence, I disregarded, ignored, and deleted. I have a low threshold for pettiness and unnecessary maliciousness.

Now, for the girls, in my usual style, let me be as honest as I can be.

Lisa: I feel she and I have a lot in common, and I'm closer to her than the others. I think she has a good heart, but is a little too sensitive. I think she often takes things too personally. She wants to have fun; she has a wonderful spirit and loves a good party. She did get on my nerves while attempting to be “the connector" but I understand the reasons and know her intentions were good. She can always depend on me, and we enjoy a loving and brutally honest relationship.

I'm the next closest to Joanna. I love a lot of things about her. Her love for animals, how much she works , her willingness to speak publically about her very personal problems, endure public scrutiny, and the manner in which she let's things go and moves on are all admirable. She doesn't live or die based upon the opinions of others. I am disappointed with some of the things that she said things during the reunion shows. I know she has suffered for it, regrets it deeply, and wishes she could take it back. But because of some of her choices, I have a reluctance to fully embrace or trust her. She knows exactly how I feel.
Alexia: For three seasons I have defended her, had her back, and given her the benefit of the doubt. Watching her all season, week after week, speak one insult or mean-spirited comment about me, knowing many of them were lies, causes me to wonder if she did it to patronize the hate club, play all sides, or if she has some hidden resentment towards me. Perhaps she did it for air time in an attempt to make herself more relevant? Maybe she just doesn't like me and doesn't want to say it? Whatever reason she got her digs in, it is not justifiable; they were uncalled for and she should regret it and say so.  Whenever the cameras weren’t rolling, she’d tell me how much she loves me and what great friends we are. So even though she threw me under the bus several times, as recently as the reunion, I'm not interested in going tit for tat. I wish her and Herman well, and I have a lot of empathy for her personal issues.

Now to Adriana:  Everyone knows how I feel about her. The one thing she did which showed her real inner self is when she ripped my son’s heart out and stomped on it. She intentionally, out of hatred, kept her son away from my son. To this day, I know that I’ve done nothing but try to help her or defend myself against her lies.  She has expressed her gratitude by stabbing me in the back. Whatever her motivation (I have my own conclusions), nothing will ever put Humpty Dumpty back together again. I can put the past in the past and be amicable towards her, but let me make the following point crystal clear: I will never fully trust her. And I really just don't like who she is. Since the show either she has changed or who she really is showed up. Either way it’s not compatible with who I am and what I want in my life.
Marysol: Again, I've called Elsa many times over the months, and I've continued to do so, whether Marysol chooses to believe it or not.

And to set the record straight, yes Frankie is a friend of mine. He is a comedian and has a You Tube channel of impersonations, he is a Broadway star and an entertainer. He only impersonates people he finds interesting. No, he never knew Elsa was sick and no, I didn't see him make the video, and no, I wasn't in the background. All of which can be proven. But if it was a big secret, he wouldn't have posted it on You Tube.

And by the way, he made the You Tube video months after the show was no longer filming. But of course Marysol brought it up about 5 months later, so she could justify and explain away her behavior of the season.

Overall, it’s been a learning experience. I've been surprised to discover how people will behave and how far they will go for attention, relevance, a storyline, or to make someone look bad. I've always said reality TV brings out the best and worst in people, and I stand by that belief.

My tag line “I live my life like everything matters, because I think it does" is true for me. As easy as it may be for some to just live in denial and brush things aside, I believe everything we do matters, including who we are to ourselves and to others. And who we are produces consequences, both good and bad. I choose to live my life trying to create good consequences and limit negativity.
Not all drama has to be negative. One doesn’t have to criticize others in order to justify their own poor behavior or make themselves feel better about their lives.

So maybe I'm a fit for reality TV or maybe I'm not, that would be up to the viewers. The one thing I am certain of is that my real friends, my family, my son, and my husband understand me and are more important to me than anything and everything else. They know that my charitable work, being true to myself, living like everything matters, giving more than I take, my sense of right and wrong, making a conscious effort to live a life of purpose, setting a good example for my son, and being mindful of future generations are the most important things in my life.

I love nice things and love living the good life, and sharing it, and I've earned every right to do just that. I will never apologize for my lifestyle, but I won't be defined by it either.

Thanks for watching. Life is time, and you took time out for us, and for that I am forever grateful. Whether you enjoyed me on the show or not, know one thing, I put as much into it as I possibly could, and then some. LOL! Thank you POP, our amazing producers and their incredible team, the Bravo Network, and the viewers for the opportunity to cross paths. Did we bond yet? LOL!

Spread the love and keep the peace.

Love, Lea

Please comment below, it would mean a lot to me to hear your final thoughts.


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