I am a bit depressed as I write this. I made the mistake of watching the “fight” episode again. I feel kind of dirty or perhaps unclean is a better word. Akin to what I assume the morning after a “one night stand” might feel like -- like doing the “walk of shame” with remnants of last night’s makeup and a rumpled sequined gown at 7am. I can only imagine what those who were more directly involved are feeling. No one in this group is entirely without blame, because we all know that action and inaction can be equally egregious.
The devastation that hurricane Sandy left in its wake is a sad reminder of all the things in life that we cannot control. What we are able to control are our own actions and behavior, and yet we do not. What’s worse is that I am finding it difficult to remember the happy and cohesive moments (yes, we’ve had them) because the ugliness seems to permeate most of my memories. As a mother of girls, I like to envision a world where women can foster real relationships without experiencing feelings of jealousy and misplaced anger; a world where mutual respect and support is the rule and not the exception. I think we can all benefit from focusing on that sentiment, myself included.
“Without feelings of respect, what is there to distinguish men from beasts?” -Confucius
I wrote my last blog right after Sunday’s episode on the rush of pure adrenaline and a real desire to put a lot of the nastiness behind me. But I am still saddened by the lack of authentic camaraderie coupled with the desire to either create or perpetuate conflict that we as a group have exhibited. Sadder still are the unresolved issues that exist among many of us today and the knowledge that it is unlikely to change any time soon.