Introductions, Romance, and Insecurities
Lea Black breaks down this week's episode into three simple categories.
It’s all about introductions, sex, romance... and insecurities
Watching Episode 2, you probably noticed my "red eyes" constantly, especially during the interviews. Well, I cried a lot during that time; I tried to put on a happy face, but there was a tragedy in the making. You will see as it unfolds. Looking back on it 5 months and 21 days later, it still brings tears to my eyes. It was a romance that ended in a tragedy like so many romances do. Enough about that for now. Let's put a smile on our faces and do what all “Housewives” do -- let’s talk about ourselves and “each other” (Housewife Qualification #2). You remember Housewife Qualification #1 -- let’s talk about "me."
So let’s get started !
We got through the non-introduction, introduction: Rodolfo meet Ana, Ana meet Rodolfo. We've survived the introduction of too much introduction -- Marta meet Romain’s private part and the surrounding forest. And then there is the shout-out to Lenny's boob clients’ introduction -- introducing Mrs. Lenny Hochstein, yes ladies, he's married! The evidence: photos and more photos of "wife" on the walls. We even got re-introduced to little miss piggy (Joanna, please -- red alert PETA). Where was Herman? Ooh, maybe he was around somewhere roasting another pig. (But I love him anyway. Every guy’s entitled to one vice…besides, otherwise he's perfect and has a picture-perfect wife, Alexia.)
And pirate ship, meet luxury yacht. I know you're thinking, “We’ve got a long way to go to get from here to there -- big closet, piano, and all.” No worries, you can do it pirate ship! I know just how you feel, I feel it too every time one of the bombshells (that would be the #RHOM bombshells) show up and showcase their picture perfect bodies as I try to zip up my jeans. So we all have a little maintenance to do (and a few little insecurities). So now that we've gotten through the introductions...Let’s follow the “romances.”
Romance number one, the "he said, she said, they said, he texted, she texted, they texted" romance, whew! (That’s a "long distance" relationship between Karent, Rodolfo, and Ana!)
Romance number two -- The soon to be "too close for comfort" pirate ship relationship (Adriana-Frederic, I’ve got a question for you -- have you ever tried living on a boat with three people and a dog? I have trouble doing it in a 14,000 square foot house.)
Next --The five-year, it’s "time to get married" romance (Joanna and Romain). Then there's the non- relationship relationship that we don't talk about relationship. (Mum’s the word.) Followed by the, “I am married and here are the photos to prove it romance!” (Lisa-Lenny). And the ex-husband-no-more, enter-my-serious-boyfriend romance (Ana-Robert -- serious mystery man). And then the “now we know how they really met” romance -- lawyer meet juror (9 months after the trial, no matter what rumors you hear) romance (that's me), and we now know that 18 years later we are still talking romance. Romance talk can be exhausting, and we are just getting started. Some of these romances will be fodder for bloggers for years to come. (And some of what you read about may even be true!)You won't want to miss Episode 3 -- that would be when old relationships meet new relationships… It always comes back to insecurities, sex, and relationships, doesn't it?
And of course we can't overlook the telenovela relationship (background music included), Adrianna and Mama’s heart to heart talk about love and romance. Did anyone else laugh out loud watching the two soap opera stars fanning themselves with those dramatic hand fans while talking more about romance? I started to think that I was watching a romantic comedy, subtitles needed. Oh, the drama of the real life housewives’ romances and non-romance romances. Pay attention, it will all make sense later…
If you feel you need a little romance to be one of the girls, just book a rose petal massage, get those pheromones aroused, but don't kill the euphoric buzz by bringing up marriage. You risk your soul mate (Rodolfo) going to snoring sleep. And they said it wouldn't last.And at last, the “insecurities”
MARYSOL AND MAMA, OR SHOULD I SAY MAMA AND MARYSOL?
Let’s sprinkle some rice and spray some perfume and create prosperity. Wonder if Apple or IBM has thought of that? What's next? Chickens? Prosperity Insecurity (Insecurity #1)
When a guy pretends to be sleeping the moment you bring up marriage even though you're in the nude and holding hands -- hello? Marriage Insecurity (Insecurity #2)
When you're holding on to an ex-romance (sort of) while having a serious man romance blossoming and a text maybe romance? Commitment Insecurity (Insecurity #3)JOANNA
And when you're saying enough is enough of this ongoing romance, commitment please? And the cell phone and the Blackberry are getting all the attention? Lots of guys could be lining up for this bombshell. This is the “Someone Should Be Insecure” Insecurity (Insecurity #4)
And if you're competing with the diplomas that built the house you live in -- Attention Insecurity (Insecurity #5)
When the advice is "rest your pretty head on a pillow of cash" but you've got to wait till the boat that’s being refurbished in mañana-land Miami (and all mañana means in Miami is not today) is finished while you're recovering from a rotten marriage that ended years ago -- That’s the “Never get over the Scorn” Insecurity (Insecurity Exhibit # 6)
Then there's the I am so insecure that I have to write an entire blog about insecurities. That’s the “Pot call the Kettle Black" Insecurity (no pun intended) -- Projection Insecurity (Insecurity #7? You decide!)
WHO DO YOU KNOW?
Now, if you're too insecure to admit you have insecurities, that would be the Insecurity of being Insecure Insecurity (Insecurity #8). Don't expect to see that insecurity; it hides behind rose colored glasses and Spanx.And what have we learned about insecurities? No matter how successful or accomplished or beautiful or in love we may be, all of us are full of insecurities and they are all on full display in Episode 2 of #RHOM.
Spread the love and keep the peace, and whatever you do this next week, "don't deal with stupid."
By the way, many of you asked about the handbag I wore at the premiere, it’s my personal design at www.leablackhandbags.com. And if you watched Watch What Happens Live, callers mentioned my face looked “refreshed.” For all my beauty secrets, go to www.suddenyouth.com. Enjoy!
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