This episode was an emotional roller-coaster beginning with Joanna and Romain's turbulent relationship, Ana's reality of her personal separation that now extends to her professional attachment, my struggles with starting a family, Lea’s heartbreaking loss of her beloved dog, Leroy, and the drama at Alexia’s dinner.
Speaking openly about miscarriages or anything this personal with a friend, let alone millions of onlookers, is a very difficult thing to do. I have kept so much to myself for the past few years, because I did not want to burden or have any one feel sorry for me. I also didn't want to speak about my issues in detail, because I did not feel the need to expose so much of my personal experience. I have opened up parts of my life to the world, but I reserve the right to have some privacy also. Part of the reason I decided to open up and discuss some of what I am going through is because I realized so many women have suffered the same issues. Miscarriages and conceiving is an issue that many women don't discuss, probably for the same emotions and reasons I had: embarrassment, sorrow, hopelessness, frustration, anger, and sadness. I hoped by being open I would at least help other women come to terms with their struggles.
Another reason I discussed it was because I so many people were asking why Lenny and I do not have a family yet after being together for five years, that I quite frankly became tired of avoiding the question. Hopefully now people will understand, and I won’t feel so much pressure. There are many options in today’s world that can help women bring a child into their lives, and believe me, we are trying everything. What a fantastic world we live in today where we have so many options.
I really felt like Karent had become someone I felt comfortable opening up to; she is very soothing, caring, and probably the one I trust and know the most. I feel as though she genuinely cares about me. I was very upset to hear she is feeling the same pressures to start her own family. This moment bonded us. I know that she would be an amazing mother, and it would be terrible if she did not start a family of her own also. I know in my heart that it’s just about timing for both of us, and god will bring us our blessings as soon as he sees fit. I’ve always felt that I am meant to be a mother in this life, and I truly believe everything happens for a reason.