Cast Blog: #RHOM

Rice to Riches

Episode 2:'s Associate Editor was a big fan of all the alternative methods of attracting marriage.

Miami is a place full of magic. It is a place where you can get a pheromone-inducing rose petal massage, find love through a rice-throwing ritual, and through the wonders of modern technology discern whether your boyfriend is texting other ladies. So let us dive into this week's episode and see what my sixth Housewives sense tells us is to come.

Karent's looking to get married, and Rodolfo wants to talk about anything other than marriage. Never the best situation to be in, but Karent's got some tricks up her sleeve. And one of those tricks involve a "massage" that consists of getting slathered in honey and having someone strategically place rose petals on your body.

I couldn't help but wonder whether Karent had gotten to the masseuses beforehand to not so subtly mention that it ups your libido and after this "you need to get married." Rodolfo's response is to notice all the roses in the room.

Prediction: Karent's determination and willingness to explore unconventional seduction options leads me to believe she'll eventually get that ring from Rodolfo.Lisa decides it's time to give Lenny's office an extreme Lisa makeover. And by that I mean she wants to put pictures of herself EVERYWHERE, so that any lady looking to get their boobs examined by her husband knows he's off the market. I especially loved the placement of there wedding photo on his desk facing prospective patients.

What Lisa may not have realized is that all these women's do not have perfect breasts. That's why they're coming to Lenny. So how could anyone ever compete with Lisa's cleavage AKA his finest creation?

Prediction: I'm guessing the photos (at least some) have come down, and that Lisa really has nothing to worry about.

So the awkward part about having your sister live with you is clearly unexpected nudity. Romain flashes his "ding dong and his forest" to Marta accidentally and she flees in terror. Understandable, because seeing your siblings significant other naked? Bleh. But now I think we can say definitively that Joanna and Romain may be the hottest couple ever seen on a Housewives show (or probably any show ever).

The thing I don't understand -- how do they not have an active sex life? Look at them!

Prediction: Romain seemed a little too comfortable flashing Marta. I'm thinking we'll be seeing more nudity at some point.Is Adriana going to marry Fredric? It looks iffy. She's not wearing her engagement ring when she checks out yachts with Lisa. Elsa picks up on some hesitant vibes from Adriana, and I'm with Elsa on this one. When you're hoping that yacht remodeling will hold of your marriage, you're probably not that attached to the idea.

This did also lead to some wonderful Elsa wisdom when Adriana said she didn't want to depend on a man: "What you have to do is learn to put your head in the right pillow honey. And the right pillow is the one that is full of money." No scrubs for Elsa!

Prediction: Seems that Fredric's got a long wait ahead of him before Adriana is ready to walk down the aisle.

I love a good Elsa energy ritual. Last week we had her energy box, this week we get to witness her bad energy cleansing ritual. Elsa swings by Marysol's office to rid her of the bad juju from the Smith and Wollensky party (although really I think it's Elsa who needs some good vibes after the fainting incident). So armed with some rice and a perfume spritzer, Elsa throws and sprays the office (staff included) with her cleansing supplies. Single ladies take note -- the key to finding your husband is to have someone (preferably Elsa) throw rice at you.

Prediction: I'm hoping we get some new Elsa energy tip each week.Is Ana texting Rodolfo? Is Rodolfo texting Ana? It seemed that when Adriana brought Karent and Ana together a conclusion would be reached. Nope! Instead we've only added some Valentine's Day Facebook posts to sordid the list. My question is, since Ana already has a boyfriend, who cares? Everyone should just cease and desist on the texting.

Lea however had my favorite response to the whole business -- saying that Romain has been texting her for years.

Prediction: This is not the last we will hear of Textgate.Next week we finally get to go to Romain's nightclub, Mynt! But Adriana's flirtatious ways are going to get her (and Romain) in big trouble with Joanna...
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Hoping to Move Forward with Lea

Marysol shares what she hopes will come out of the reunion.

For me the reunion is a forum to hash things out and engage in verbal mud wrestling and hopefully come out cleansed from the tension and disagreements. I would like to make it clear that I do not hate anyone; I am not a person that likes to live in anger as it only makes you miserable and takes away from the precious moments of our lives. It is no secret that I have spent a couple of years being accused of lying by Lea when we do not see eye to eye on something. It is very frustrating to have issues with someone and always end up at the same place of “her word against mine.”

Unfortunately, my father this year has also had a rapid decline in his health and has spent the better part of the past few months in and out of the hospital. While dad was in the hospital with nothing else to do besides sleep, read, and watch TV he watched every episode of RHOM. He was very upset when he saw Lea saying I was lying when I said she didn’t call, write, or send flowers to mom for 8 weeks. He called me and said to figure out a way to video tape me and put it on that show of yours because I’ve had enough of the lies. My father was by mother’s side every day from the moment she went into the hospital to the day she came home (2 months later). He saw everyone who passed by, saw every flower and card that was sent etc. I truly was uncomfortable videotaping him in a hospital setting, but I was leaving for the reunion and he called relentlessly several times a day insisting I let him speak his mind for the cameras. If you thought Mama Elsa was tough, guess who she learned it from, that’s right, her husband of 52 years, Donald Patton. You never met anyone more ornery, stubborn, or tough, but I wouldn’t trade him for the world.

I have said my peace, which is what I went to the reunion to do. I have moved forward and forgive those who have hurt me and I forgive myself for those I may have hurt. I truly want to move forward to a better place with Lea to the best of our ability. We may never be best friends, but I’d like to think we can at least be in the same room, be cordial, and maybe even share a laugh someday.

It has been a fun season with the ladies and it provided a great distraction from the personal emotional struggles I was going through with my parents’ declining health.  I hope you enjoyed the season, thank you for all of your support and best wishes for my mother as that has been the greatest gift the show has brought us.

Follow me on Twitter @Marysolpatton, Instagram: Marysolpatton, and Facebook: Marysol Patton.


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