The Newest Housewives Cocktail – Ep 3
Lisa's signature drink, the chambull, is sure to be the next big thing.
No Elsa this week? I feel I've been robbed. Luckily there were enough boob talk and beer tears to fill the void. So let us look back on this week's episode and see if my Housewives sense is still tingling.
Does being hot lower sex drive? Evidently. While supermodel Joanna practically forces herself on Romain, he decides it's critical to answer emails about lighting. Good god, man, let the club be dark for a little longer! As Joanna points out, a lot of men would kill to be in his position...
The jilted Joanna scampers off in a huff only to find Marta, who tells her she might move in with Lisa. Not a great morning for Miss Krupa. But honestly, wouldn't she want a break from having her sister around all the time? Maybe that's the reason you're having less ex, because your sister is sitting right outside your bedroom door waiting for you all the time.
Prediction: Romain better show Joanna some sexy times soon, since Joanna's starting to use the other-men-want-me card. Also Marta's totally going to over stay her welcome at Boob Manor AKA Lisa's house.
Rodolfo, Rodolfo, Rodolfo... Maybe not the best move to affirm your relationship and then talk about starting a harem. Especially when your girlfriend is also presumably your dentist.
Prediction: Karent's totally going to "accidentally" go light on the novocaine during Rodolfo's next dentist visit.
Over at Downton Hochstein Abbey, Lisa explains that Daysy's really paid more to be her friend than her housekeeper. And while this sounds odd, it somehow comes across sweet. And who wouldn't be friends with the person who supplies them with unasked for vodka Redbulls?
Prediction: More Redbull in Lisa's future...Similarly over at Chez Black, we learn that Lea also has a housekeeper, who doesn't often keep house. According to Lea, Freda lives a pretty fabulous life where she does what she wants. She even has her own safe! What more could you want?
Besides the driver, assistants, and of course the safe, Freda has also managed to score some swimming lessons from Lea Black herself. (The music they played as Freda finally crossed the pool was epically amazing by the way.) I think what we've learned here is that working for the Blacks comes with a comprehensive plan of benefits.
Prediction: Freda will be swimming like a fish in no time.Enter Elaine Lancaster. She's a tall, blond, beautiful, and one of Miami's most well known drag queens. She's also one of Lea's good friends. However, as we learn at Lea's gala meeting, Elaine is plenty pissed at Marysol for not letting her walk the red carpet. Oh snap. Never deny a queen entry to a red carpet, especially when she's BFF with the host.
Side Note: Lea has a fountain in her living room? What?
Prediction: Clearly Elaine knows how to hold a grudge, so Marysol better watch out.
As Ana prepares for the big event at Mynt, there's just a lot of ass talk. There's talk about Preparation H and how it can be used for your eyes because there's no ass in it. There's also a question from Ana's daughter as to whether her dad's girlfriend has an anus and if they do it in the butt. I suppose the family that overshares together, stays together.
Prediction: There's more inappropriate conversations to come. I think that's a given at this point.
Lisa's sushi pre-party was pretty great. Let's run down some of the most memorable moments:
- Lisa tells recovering alcoholic Daysy to take a shot with them. Oops!
- Joanna and Marta fight about Romain
- Lenny reveals he skipped college and went straight to med school
- Lisa introduces us to her signature drink, the chambull -- Redbull and champagne. (This should be the official drink of the Housewives.)
- Lisa questions Adriana when she says Elsa looks good for her age.
Hold up. No smack talk about Elsa! It of course wasn't meant in a mean way, but be kind to Miami's favorite mama!
Prediction: Raging hangovers. Sushi before a big night of drinking is never a good idea. It's basically the surefire way to a terrible morning. Not that I know from experience or anything...We finally end up at Mynt, where three dramas all taking place simultaneously.
But before that we learn that Joanna once got in trouble at Mynt for throwing tampons. Huh? Also watching Lea and Elaine try and find the entrance was probably one of the highlights of the episode.
Back to the drama. First off we have the Marysol/Elaine situation. When confronted about the red carpet incident, Marysol thinks Elaine must be confusing it with a different event. It sounds like there's a lot more to this story that we don't know (and a lot of bad blood brewing between Lea and Marysol).
Prediction: This seems like a slow boil argument, and I think the temperature just got turned up...
Next, Adriana went into flirt mode with Romain. Not the best idea when his fiancee is there (and pretty vodka soaked at this point). Was it too far? Was it all in good fun? Who can say. Luckily they were both kind of saved by drama three...Joanna returns in full on breakdown mode. It seemed as if everyone was confused as to whether she was mad at Romain (for the Adriana flirting?) or something else altogether. After a some tears and shouting we learn that it's because Marta's DJ ex is at the club. Ohhh!
So Joanna let's out a stream of tears (she's got one of those lilty crying voices) and Romain just packs it in and goes home. Probably not how he expected to spend his big night.
And then Marta, who earlier bemoaned the fact that Joanna doesn't defend her, blows up at Joanna for, well, defending her. Yes, she was mad about her causing a big scene, but still, it's quite a tangled web between these three.
Prediction: Marta's got to move out or Romain and Joanna may need to reevaluate their relationship. Something's going to give here.Next week prepare for what will probably be one of the more memorable fights of the season -- Adriana and Karent's tweet battle.