Lisa Hochstein

Lisa opens up about her struggles with Lenny's parents.

on Sep 17, 20130

How many of us have issues with our in-laws? I think it’s safe to say most of us do. I can usually charm the pants of anyone (if I want to) but I’m yet to win over Marina, she's a tough one.



I do appreciate Marina teaching me new Russian recipes and showing me where to get Russian food, because Lenny loves it. What I don't like is when people around me who know the English language perfectly well choose to speak Russian or any other language. It makes me feel completely left out of the conversation, and I find it a bit rude. I also don't ever want to hear about Lenny’s ex-girlfriends, especially from my mother-in-law. As far as I'm concerned they are all irrelevant. If he wanted to be with any of them, he would've put a ring on their finger.

78 comments
TIGERGIRL
TIGERGIRL

Lisa I got the impression that your mother in law actually does like you. I mean yes she is not that friendly, but you are very open and honest with you and she should be thrilled her son has someone like you. It is obvilous that you love this man very very much. Just stay as nice as you are to her, it will all work out

cindy1963
cindy1963

Hi Lisa,

  I think your mother-in-law got a bit too dramatic when she said "my son's mission in life is to make his mother miserable." She seems like a handful!! Aren't you glad you guys don't live closer, thank God!! I do feel sorry for you but she only comes around once in a while. Watching you in L.A. was so funny because I never knew that there were so many things that had to be checked before buying a Birkin bag. I guess that's what happens when you don't have money, we are not privy to this type of information. I love California and I don't blame Leah for living in L.A. in the summer because I have been to Miami in all seasons because I have family there and summer is the worst! IT IS SO DAMN HOT AND HUMID!! I will take California anyday because they do have the most beautiful weather, especially San Diego. Anyway, I do wish you much luck with your "baby" situation. Just think positive and relax and you'll see that everything is going to be okay. You and Lenny are going to make great parents. I wish you well and I look forward to seeing how the rest of the season plays out!! God bless. 

threesistersx3
threesistersx3

You mother in law has drawn the line in the sand.  No matter how much you try you will never be the daughter in law she wants for her son.  Just continue to be respectful - it is too bad your mother in law is foolish.  If she wanted her son close she should love his wife. period.

LadyChic
LadyChic

Lisa you are my favorite Your husband Ioves and respects you, same as his parents, your MotherIn Law is a strong Lady but she respects you so keep on with your plans to have your Baby My best wishes for you and your Hubby

Phillygirl2011
Phillygirl2011

I liked how Lenny had your back and basically told his parents off.  That took a lot of courage, especially in front of the cameras. Kudos to Lenny!

crandahl
crandahl

Lisa, I had your mother-in-law....the stress was a killer.  Finally my only weapon was deal with her from a position of love, and never believe any derogatory comment she made.  I feel your pain.

Also you seem a voice of reason and I wondered if every time Adriana speaks to you do you realize it is all complete fiction?  Truly never seen an angry red ant like her absolutely insisting her version of anything is correct.  Your face Lisa shows you don't believe her many times.  We still pray for your baby, I know he will show up. 

marialina1
marialina1

Marina knows that her son loves you and that you love her son! And wait till you have children! No one can resist loving children! And more if they are her grandchildren!

terriwith2arfs
terriwith2arfs

OK - This is really naughty, but Lisa if you read this, you MUST google "Harvey Korman as Mother Marcus" - OMG!  It's your mother in law to a T!  The minute I saw her, that's who popped into my head.  Hilarious!  You're far nicer to those people than I could ever be - good on your husband for defending you.  You are my favorite on the show - it's fun to watch you & you've got a great sense of humor!

rosyposy
rosyposy

When my brother was a newly wed and he had his first quarrels with his bride, she would run to my mom for comfort.  That just endeared her to us, and she and I became sisters forever.  You have to learn to share and confide in your MIL.  If that does not work,  then she really is a rude block of ice and you will just have to be polite and tolerate her.  Another piece of unsolicited advice (lol).......do not whine about having a surrogate.  Do you know how many childless couples would love to be able to afford a surrogate.....or even a good adoption attorney?  If you do not get that, then perhaps motherhood is not for you.  A baby is a treasured gift no matter how it comes to you.

Gezlouise
Gezlouise

You have tried, and maybe now you should step back and make Marina earn your respect, and take the key to your house back. You should set boundaries.

JuliefromTexas
JuliefromTexas

Marina is a tough customer! I would continue to be kind, but like you already do, don't take crap from her. If she can't love you at least she will respect you? XO

Realityjunkie2013
Realityjunkie2013

You are my favorite cast member. You are the nicest, most genuine person on that cast.

BethanyM25
BethanyM25

I know first hand what it feels like to be in a group of multilingual people who choose to speak the language you don't understand, when they all know English.  It made me feel left out, purposefully.  I asserted myself, and I think it's great that you do too.  My husband was passive, so hat's off to Lenny! Good job for speaking up for your wife...As far as the housewives group, you are far too nice to be around Adriana's lies, gossip and horrendous embarrassing actions. I hope we get to see you steer away from her before this season ends.  Good luck with your surrogate :-) 

Dr.Di
Dr.Di

You are too funny. In-law issues are never easy.  May I suggest, in the future, not sharing with your MIL that you find her "annoying." Info best kept to yourself.  As long as Lenny is in your corner and has the intestinal fortitude to stand up to his parents, you are OK.  

WCW
WCW

Lisa is fortunate to have a husband who will stand up for her because many men would never stand up to their mothers! Unfortunately, Lenny's mother does not now or will ever (even if they have a baby) like Lisa. So Lisa has a choice - she can either be too nice and stay unflappable or she can fret and fume. I wonder if Lisa met Lenny's parents before they got married?

kharmagirl
kharmagirl

Lisa, just be yourself.  Even if you were to learn to speak Russian, cook Russian food, become Jewish etc., it would never be good enough.  The fact that she disrespects her son's wife in front of others and in her son's home says a lot about her.   Your husband reprimanding his Mother tells me that he knows very well how his Mother can be and doesn't stand for it.  She's the type of woman you have to confront, otherwise, she'll create problems within your marriage, and I'm sure your husband doesn't want that.    

pamelatp
pamelatp

No you do not need to learn Russian, they live in the USA they need to speak English, some times they do this just to upset some one and to me this is very rude, I know my MOM does it, she's greek . So you just go ahead and live your life they way you want to.  She knows that this upsets you, she's playing a game. 

hannah79
hannah79

FYI she breaks into Russian because she thinks in Russian.  But generally overall her heart and your heart are in the right place.

bicoastalhousewife
bicoastalhousewife

Lisa, I felt bad when Marina went out of her way to say hi to the butcher guy, then mention that he had a niece that was in Playboy that Lenny dated etc. That was a bit of a dig. 

 

As someone whose parents are from another country, it is hard for them to speak in English. I have to keep saying, "in English Mom!"  I used to think it was just toward my husband but they adore our daughter, their granddaughter, and they just keep reverting back to their native tongue without meaning any malice. Be patient with them. They may resent you. You need to be the compassionate one.

 

Keep standing up to the Cuban Barbies, or rather, Barbarians! Barbies because they are so plastic, Barbarians because they have no manners! And watch out for that lunatic, Angriana with the Hasidic looking sideburns. She is really cray cray!

mag42
mag42

Lisa, I see how bad the situation is.  Try and return her calls.  Ask her to how you more about her traditions and cooking.  In other words, play it up Big.  You can do it.  Ask how things were in the old country.  It may be killing you to do it but try.   I did and in the end winning their respect.  

 

TJ13
TJ13

You don't seem to be busy in your life, maybe you could learn Russian, take classes, impress Lenny and Marina. Knowledge will not hurt you. 

embrace_reality_TV
embrace_reality_TV

Kudos to Lenny for defending you with his parents!  It is refreshing to see someone who stood up for their life companion rather than to cave in to family pressure.  Mother-in-laws are not easy within the same culture, so with the added element of the Russian culture and language barrier, it is even more challenging.

 

As a first-generation immigrant, I understand that the MIL does not meant to be rude when she speaks Russian, it is just easier for her.  However, I second the suggestion to learn Russian so you will know what the MIL is saying--and it will really impress her that you put in the effort.

 

Good luck with this!  The best part is that you have Lenny on your side and it will get easier over the years!

ambs2013
ambs2013

I like you Lisa but I didnt like the way your husband went off on his mom he was very disrespectful and rude to her.  No matter what she did or said to other people he couldve used a little more tact in the way he came at her I was very disappointed in the way he acted.

bravo-tv-viewer
bravo-tv-viewer

Lisa,

 

I just wanted to let you know that my parents are from another country, and my mother also has a tendency to speak her native language in front of  others and not even realize she's doing it. She isn't speaking poorly of others in the room, it's just sometimes she can better express herself in her native language than English. I cannot tell you how many times I have to guess what she's trying to say in English because she's 76 and tends to forget words, which frustrates her to no end. However, seeing the kind of woman your mother-in-law is...I'm sure she's giving digs on occasions. Your husband defends you, right to their face and I am sure behind your back. If Marina and her husband want to continue to bash you, then they run the risk of losing their relationship with their son. Good luck. :)

 

mrsdonut
mrsdonut

Watching you with your mother-in-law makes me grateful for my mine. I love her like my own mother. I guess I'm one of the lucky few. Just be patient with her while she visits and be thankful she doesn't live in town! ;-)

CarlaB
CarlaB

I like you but wish you would work to find some positives in your life. You always seem unhappy about things...both big (although some  are justified) and little. Look at life from the positive side..the whining gets annoying. Maybe you'd be happier working 8 hours a day, doing all the cooking, cleaning, caring for the family, and managing finances and paying the bills on an average person's salary!! 

sunshinesandnme
sunshinesandnme

Lisa..I married a man from France..He & his parents speak English..but when they visit they often speak in French before English & I agree it is very rude. I at first felt they I wasn't included and it is hurtful. After years of anguish it was explained to me that their native language was easier to communicate it. Once I accepted that they were not being personally rude to me and left the room when their conversation left me out it almost stopped. When Russian is being used for conversation, get up and leave the house. Believe me it will stop! 

michelle.lucas.3150
michelle.lucas.3150

I'm sure your husband is a wonderful son to his parents, but I felt his pain when he expressed his feelings to his parents, especially about how rude they are to the hired employees. I'm glad he not only stood up for you but for them as well. 

piperbeau
piperbeau

your mother in law may be a little pretentious but you were still very snarky with her...

Oahustacey
Oahustacey

Lisa, you are my favorite one on the show.  I see that you are showing true grace to your mother-in-law as well as to the girls who are feuding.

KeyRat22
KeyRat22

Oh my Lisa is truly an idiot. I feel sorry for her mother in law who may like a daighter in law with a brain but the key is what's his name wants a plastic wife not a real one. The one comment I must make is as to Lisa telling another woman to marry someone older and I quote "when you marry someone older then ou are always younger so they will never leave you for someone younger" now in the dictionary next to IDIOT is that very comment. Hey Lisa genius they leave you for someone YOUNGER than you because as they get older SO DO YOU. Wow there is not enough plastic surgery on earth to fix stupid.

LanaDW
LanaDW

Lisa, the main thing is that Lenny is on your side. I am Russian myself and our culture is very strong when it comes to 4 things: movies, music, food and celebration events. Keep him happy and he will be there for you. As for Marina, she is a typical Russian Jewish mother-in-law. She will never be completely happy. She just does not know how. Her life experiences affected her way too much but it is what it is. So long as you try to reach out to her and not badmouth her, Lenny will appreciate it. Do your fair share and don't let her negativism get to you.

Good luck with everything!

tspoon410
tspoon410

I'd secretly get yourself tutored to learn Russian, and don't let her know right away.  Let her know when she's talking crap in front of your face - call her on it.  I feel like if your in-law's speak another language, even if they know English, you should make an effort to learn their native language.  I have a lot of friend's whose parent's came from "the motherland", and while their parents know English, their birth language is what they feel more comfortable speaking.  I just think it would show them (and Lenny!) that you're really making an effort to connect with his roots.

 

I feel for you on the in-law's......and kudos to Lenny for sticking up for you!  That doesn't happen often....usually, my husband just acts oblivious to the tension until I say something LOL  Keep trying, eventually you'll get here.....

Dreid123
Dreid123

@Phillygirl2011 Disrespecting your parents isn't right at all. Lenny could have taken a different approach. Like the bible says honor thy mother and father. I'm sorry, he was wrong on so many levels.

threesistersx3
threesistersx3

 @marialina1 Not really - she will drive her nuts with telling her what type of Mother to be.

Nothing she does will be good enough.

sunshinesandnme
sunshinesandnme

 @mag42 My mother-in-law who is French likes to take over my kitchen when she visits. She shops daily for food and thinks everything must be fresh..That's okay with me but when she says my potatoes are old it's an insult..they also speak french all the time but it's easier for them to think in French..we don't have the same exclamations and I understand but she has never compared me to any other female that her son dated. I remedied the conversation of French by removing myself from the house when these conversations started..this upset my husband and after a few times when the in-laws spoke their native tongue he asked them not to..or he would reply back in English. They enjoyed visiting us because of our relaxing home in Florida..and the many trips we took them on!! They wanted future invitations soo my trick worked!! 

Mimilicious
Mimilicious

 @TJ13 How would Russian help her. Thats laughable. There are many things she can learn and causes she can devote herself to; but you don't have to be your mother in law's b**ch to be a better person

bpster
bpster

 @ambs2013 I found that very admirable. He looked like he had, had enough and his parents needed a good talking to. This wasn't just about Lisa but it involved a whole staff. I would never allow my parent to come to MY home and be disrespectful to ANYONE. 

sckusnetz
sckusnetz

 @KeyRat22 Just because she married an older wealthy man does not make her an idiot. Sure, she may make comments that don't make sense at that moment but I can only imagine how many things you or I may say if there was a camera rolling in our lives. Settle down, it is only a show for entertainment purposes not for education.

BMBarbie
BMBarbie

 @KeyRat22 I would advise that you first learn how to use proper grammar before calling other people "idiots" without brains, Rat.

grandislandmom
grandislandmom

 @KeyRat22

 Your comment is a bit harsh. She certainly doesn't appear that stupid to me, living in that huge mansion, with her fancy shoes, and nice clothes.....

merin99
merin99

 @KeyRat22 calling someone stupid repeatedly only calls in question your own intelligence and reveals a need to be critical of others.  We all have moments when we aren't as articulate and wise as normal.  In the vein of having more compassion, my advice to Lisa would be to forgive Lenny's mother's foibles.  Let her speak Russian, speak of old girlfriends, make little complaints.  It is hard to let go of your baby and see him devoted to another woman.  She wants to be involved and important.  I am glad you see the beauty in the life she built and the son she raised. 

BravoPrincess
BravoPrincess

 @tspoon410 love your comment lol about the tension a lot of us have the same with family Lord help us.

Dreid123
Dreid123

@tspoon410 great idea! She should do something to keep busy

Mimilicious
Mimilicious

 @Dreid123  @Phillygirl2011 I don't even know if they are christians so this might not be relevant. I don't think he was disrespectful, he did not scream at them, did not use profanity or insults. He was passionately stating his problems with his mom, which I believe he has the right to do. Parents cannot treat their adult kids this way

tspoon410
tspoon410

 @sunshinesandnme

 I would imagine its as difficult as a Russian learning English......I'm not saying she has to be fluent, but making an effort to least learn how to speak it would show she's got respect for their culture.  Pick up a Rosetta Stone......learn the basics, and how to say "I can't speak Russian very well, but I'm trying my hardest".  They will appreciate the effort she's making. 

 

I can assure you now, they're NOT going to stop speaking Russian in front of her - its habit for them.  If she wants to feel engaged, she's going to need to learn some basic Russian.  That's just my two cents.....

Dreid123
Dreid123

@sunshinesandnme @tspoon410 I don't care how hard it is. At least she's doing something. I can't take her whining 24/7

Mimilicious
Mimilicious

 @jbey  @sunshinesandnme  @Dreid123  @tspoon410 My mom and dad speak different languages and neither made the effort to learn the other's language as we all speak English. If you have a good relationship with people it is not offensive when they speak another language in your presence. I have learnt to be more considerate; hence I no longer speak foreign languages in front of people who I have a rocky relationship with

 

jbey
jbey

 @sunshinesandnme @Dreid123 @tspoon410 I agree tspoon410. My husband is Arab and I have made an effort to learn some of his language during our relationship. Now I can join in a little when he is speaking Arabic and even when I dont join in - certain words they say give me an idea as to what the conversation is about. He does try to speak English with family and friends when I am around, but I think they revert to their native tongue because it is 2nd nature