Poker Face

OK so I don't have too much to say about Episode 7. I'll try to cover most of the important scenes.

Well, it starts off with the continuing altercation between my Aunt Dina and Danielle. I don't even want to fully comment on this because I could go on forever. Bottom line: I think Danielle is a joke. My Aunt Dina had every right to do/say what she did. My "favorite" part of the fight (besides the fake hair comment, LOL!) was when Danielle said "I'M NOT DISPOSABLE." Well sweetie, that's what happens to garbage. It still makes me sick to my stomach to think that while my Aunt Dina showed up alone, Danielle had not only one but two of her thugs hiding outside! Ugh.

I’m very happy with how my Aunt Dina handled herself. Although I'm sad (as I'm sure all of you are) that my Aunt Dina is leaving this season, I completely understand her decision. She wants to stay away from all of the drama and toxicity that certain people on this show bring. I don't blame her at all.

I love pumpkin picking (and don't forget all the apples and berries too!) They have a fun corn maze and a bunch of cute animals! My favorite time to go is during Octoberfest! YUM! such good food and so much fun! We always have a good time there. We look forward to going every year. The best part about this year was that Derek got to come! He had so much fun with us. He loves my family and they love him. I was so excited and nervous when the boys asked him to come to the card game. I knew that it meant that they were ready to fully accept him. I wish they showed more from that day, we had a lot of fun.

Really quick comment about this scene - how cute is my mom when she was like, "Oooo, pie!" HAHAHA! I love her so much. Oh my gosh I also loved Aunt Dina's imitation, "I'M NOT CRAZY!" I love my family.

Kim G. I don't know what to say really except that I know you have a good heart, you just need to break free from Danielle and all of the negative energy that follows her. It's not cool that you've been so two-faced - it isn't like you. I hope this plays out better for you. I guess we'll see.

DUN DUN DUN. THE CARD GAME. I wasn't THAT terrified for Derek. What people need to understand is that my family has a very, uh, interesting sense of humor, so I just didn't want Derek to take offense to anything they were going to do or say. I thought I prepped him pretty well for it though! Yeah, they hazed him as I expected, but I thought he handled himself well, don't you think?

OK, OK, time to talk about the fight with my mom. first of all, I would just like to say that I didn't even want to film that night. I was sooo sick, you can even tell in my voice. Also, I was PMSing, and I was feeling really gross and just down on myself that day. I love my grandmother. She is a beautiful person inside and out. I took offense when my mother said that, because as I said in my interview, my grandmother is bigger than me. I'M SORRY. I know it was a rude thing to say. However, it is true, and that is how I feel when my mother tells me that. The reason it got me so mad was because right before we filmed that scene I told my mother that I wasn't feeling well and that I felt gross, so I thought she made that comment on purpose. I know, it was stupid of me to think that, but like I said I was PMSing! Sue me! We all say things that we probably shouldn't have said at one point in our lives. (Love you Grandma!) PS: Everyone, she's the one that makes all of those hats I wear, so stop hating on them!

OK, now, secondly, I went downstairs because I always pop into the card games at some point in the night, and I wanted to remove myself from the situation to avoid a bigger fight with my mom. (FAIL.) When my mom came downstairs we started fighting even more. Trust me there was more to our fight than just a comment about a relative. Anyway, I see how immature the whole thing was and yes, I did apologize to my mom afterward. I always apologize after we fight. Like I've said once and I'll say it a million times more, my mom and I love each other very much. We have our rough patches, but we get through them like everyone else. Our fights last a day at most. We act like sisters, so when we get along it's amazing and when we fight, it's awful. I know that's how we shouldn't be and we have both been working on it. People have said to me many times, "Ashley, she's your mother, not one of your friends." I know this. And TRUST ME, I know I can be disrespectful at times, and it's something I've been working on. I love my mama, and she had EVERY RIGHT to throw me out that night. I would have too if that was my daughter. Are you kidding me?

Thirdly, a few people are already asking me, "Why didn't Derek get involved?" and "Why did Derek stay?" Well , Derek knows better not to get directly involved in situations like that. He has respect for my parents so he knows to stay out of it. We normally discuss everything later when things have calmed down. He always gives me really good advice about how to handle situations better. He is a psychology major, so he's like my own personal little therapist. I just need to learn to take his advice more often. Also, I told Derek to stay and that I would see him after the card game. He knew it was a better choice to stay there, and I'm glad he did. I didn't want to ruin his first card game with my family even more than I already had. I think he actually gained some more respect from my family for staying. He's a good boy :)

I would like to talk more about Danielle, but I am simply tired of it. She's manipulative, and just down right horrible. I know her well enough to say those things about her, trust me. I know that she will stop at nothing to get what she wants, so there is no point in trying to fight it anymore. All I can so is wish that hopefully she'll get hers one day for all that she has done to my family, others and myself. hopefully people will eventually see her for who she really is. Until then, I'm tired of making it my mission to prove it to everyone. I'm exhausted from putting so much time and energy into trying to show other people her true colors. Anyway, I am finally going to take all of your advice, and I am going to stop talking about her. I will address her only when I feel I have to in my blogs on here, but other than that I won't say anything else, and when this season ends, I won't say anything at all about her ever again. Bye Danielle!! ;) Karma will be a bigger bitch to you than I ever could be.

I hate that I ever allowed myself get caught up in all of Danielle's drama. I have so many better things going on in my life right now. (Keep in mind it's been almost four months since we've last filmed.) You learn and grow with each choice you make, you know? I've been attempting to work on improving myself, including my relationship with my family (my mom especially), I have my boyfriend Derek still, my amazing friends, my puppies, school, my new job, I have my eye on an internship that I want eventually, working on possibly getting my own apartment soon, etc. So, I'm going to do me for a little while. I'm going to focus all of my energy on something more positive, rather than negative (her). Who knows, maybe I'll start raising money for some charities that I love. Anyway, thank you all for staying by my side, even through the bullshit! HA! You guys are the best! Thanks for watching! :) I appreciate each and every one of you!

PS - For all those passionate haters out there that feel the need to go out of their way to write me, thanks for thinking of me so much! Love me or hate me, it's still an obsession!

xoxo,
Ashley