Love Me or Hate Me

Teresa's house is beautiful - I think everyone would agree with that! You gotta hand it to her - the girl's got taste!

CJ's birthday party was a ton of work for Jacqueline and I know she wanted it to be perfect for her little boy. I wanted to make sure she did not have to worry about any conflict between family and friends (me). I wanted to get any negativity out of the way right out of the gate (literally) and I was only hoping for a resolution. Period.

I get nervous when I approach people that clearly hate me, but I did this for the right reasons and sometimes my nervousness comes across as too much and people judge me harshly for that, but the ones who judge me haven't taken the time to really get to know me.

My heart is always open to new friendships and love. I never knew being one of an open heart and putting myself out there could be misunderstood and twisted in this way. I now know why people always tell me to trust no one and warn me not to reveal anything about myself, however, I feel it's better to be open and get hurt than it is shut myself off from new people and new experiences. More simply put, "Better to have loved and love than to have never loved at all." I think to stop learning is to stop living. Maybe that is why I am always in the line of fire...I am still learning from life. There are no mistakes, only experiences.

My ex and I are definitely in a bad way. I hope one day he will see me as the mother of his children and the woman he was once happy with, rather than the person who filed for divorce because he had caused me so much pain. Our problems were never financial. We always lived in the moment did whatever we wanted when we wanted and spared no expense in doing so. I shopped every day for my kids, my husband, and myself. I realize now that shopping was a substitution for my pain of being neglected by my husband and it helped to fill the void in my marriage. I did learn that as much as I love to shop and have beautiful things and access to everything at my fingertips, it does not define who I am.

It was hard to watch how much pain Jacqueline was in trying to get pregnant and failing in carrying the baby full term. Even though I was there for her to hold her and share her tears, it still brings up memories of the pain and trouble I went through trying to conceive Jillian. It took me 3 and a half years to conceive. But there are no mistakes in life. I now have my beautiful girls and they are my life I thank God every day for giving me the family I have always wanted and been missing in my life. I guess most people grow up with families. I grew up alone and created my family when I had my beautiful daughters. All of this definitely helped me to empathize with Jacqueline and I am so happy she came to me and was open about it and felt comfortable to share her tears fears and joys!

Just to be clear on my relationship with Steve: It was not ever going to be my "forever."

I am surprised and hurt to hear how the women feel about me. I know I push buttons and I openly admit that, but it's not done in a cruel way, it's done in a defensive and nervous way. It is almost done out of fear. It's hard to live like that knowing people not only hate you, but start rumors and dig things up to hurt you even more. I wish I could understand at times, however I think some things are better left alone.

I do say you either love me or hate me.
Guess its no secret how they feel.
Danielle